Chapter 2

“Robert Smith, come on up here and join me on the stage,” Ms. Perkins said. She called his name twice. “I was told Robert was here today. Are you hiding Robert? Don’t be nervous,” the naked redhead said reassuringly over the microphone.

She was talking about “Naked Rob” one of my Brother’s best friends. He was chubby and always smiling and know

n for never being shy about taking his clothes off. No one ever called him “Robert Smith” though. Even teachers knew him as “Naked Rob.”

It took a few minutes for even Naked Rob to realize he was being called up. Barry tried to make him sit down and go in Rob’s place, but ultimately Rob wrestled free and ran up on stage peeling off his clothes as he jogged up. There were cat-calls from girls, whistles and delighted cheering from the students watching him make his glory-jog at being selected. I was just thankful it wasn’t me.

Naked Rob pumped his fists in the air as he jogged like Rocky up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum to the sound of the JTP humming “Gonna Fly Now!”

“You didn’t have to get naked yet. The program doesn’t start until Monday,” she smiled at the enthusiastic young man. His dick wasn’t hard. His dick hung like a tiny little peanut sitting on a hairy lily pad of curly pubes.

“I think you were a perfect choice for the program, and I am excited to see more of you,” she said as she clapped her hands and asked everyone to clap their hands for him.

Rob left his signature Philly’s ball cap on and had it turned around backward as he always did, but he was otherwise naked as he preened for the excited students. He was in his element being nude, and Rob loved the attention. He was known for streaking on a dare, and now he wouldn’t need a dare! He could run through the halls of William Penn Academy and let everything hang out! It was a dream come true for him.

Ms. Perkins hushed everyone so that she could announce the girl that would be chosen to join him in the pilot program. This decision was what every other boy and I was waiting on the edge of their seats with bated breath to hear.

“Erin Goldberg?” She said. “Erin Goldberg? Who was that? I knew of another Adam Goldberg at school. I wondered if he had a sister before I realized that Ms. Perkins had mispronounced my sister’s name.

I saw Erica stand up reluctantly while her friends cheered her on. She shook her head no, but her best friend Lainey prodded her forward and booted her out of their row.

My Brother’s best friend Geoff was probably the most excited. He had a crush on Erica for years, and it was an open secret because the only person who didn’t know it was Erica herself. She ignored him completely every time he tried to flirt with her awkwardly.

I wasn’t sure what to think. On the one hand, I was anxious for some payback for some of the awful things my sister had done to me. She had probably spread the initial rumors about my being caught jerking off at home, and there were about a thousand other pranks I didn’t have time to mention. I would have preferred it be a hot girl that wasn’t related to me, and by the look on Erica’s face, she would have too.

She ambled up to the stage in a humiliating walk of shame as students laughed and cheered. Erica was popular, but that meant many girls were her rivals, and they were eager to see her have to strip. Students started chanting “Strip, Strip, Strip!” as my sister neared the stage.

Ms. Perkins calmed everyone down and welcomed Erica to the stage. She reminded us that we would have an assembly on Monday morning before the program actually began.

“I didn’t agree with this. You have to get parent’s permission anyway,” Erica appeared to be in denial that she was the one chosen.

“Is your father,” Ms. Perkins pulled out a permission slip. I don’t know where she pulled it out from since she was completely naked, but she read the signature “Murray Goldberg?”

Erica looked into the audience, and even though I was seated all the way in the back it was as if she looked straight into the pit of my soul and telepathically shouted “Laugh now you little twerp! I will get even with you!!” and then shot mental daggers at me from across the room. I was terrified but satisfied at least that Erica would hate being in the program.

Ms. Perkins suggested that Rob and my sister go home and spend the weekend naked around “Friends and family” to get comfortable with their bodies in front of strangers. “Get used to seeing yourself naked! There are no rules this weekend. There are no expectations. Just have fun!”

My sister looked like she wanted to peel the skin off of Ms. Perkin’s face, and she was mortified.

Ms. Perkins remained naked that day and set up in the Principal’s office. A lot of boys made up reasons to visit the office that day, including me. Ms. Perkins came out and smiled at us. “Have a good long look,” she said as she raised her arms above her head. Her tits jutted straight out like torpedos. I had never been that close to a naked woman before. In fact, until today, I had never seen one in real life except for the time my mom stepped out of the shower naked and accidentally dropped her towel.

She let us have a long look, but I ran because I was embarrassed and nervous. She should have been the one embarrassed and nervous, but she stood there proudly displaying her body like Venus on a clamshell in a museum.

I am a brainy nerd, so I am in a few advanced classes for underclassman. I share them with my sister. Erica wouldn’t even look at me for the rest of the day. She wouldn’t look at anybody. She kept her head down with a look of sorrow and shame while everyone asked her how she felt about the program. Erica looked mortified, and she would angrily insist that she wasn’t doing it.

“You can just imagine it happening in your mind, bookworm!” She told a friend of mine who was excited for her to participate.

“Okay!” he smiled and skipped away to his desk.

Later that day, when we got home from school, my sister went on the warpath and started shouting at my father.

“What? So you have to show your tush at school! is that going to kill you? A free ride to college! Free tuition! It’s perfectly safe. They assured me there is no hanky panky allowed,” my father told her as he looked up from his recliner. My father was comfortably lounging in his underwear as he always did after work and watching Bob Ross.

“Dad, this is crazy! I am not doing this!” she demanded.

Barry and I were standing off to the side, giggling and laughing. Barry was just as excited as I was to see Erica cut down to size.

My mom came rushing out of the kitchen when she heard the heated discussion.

“I was just deturding some shrimp. Did I hear my precious baby upset?” she said. My mom was a very proud homemaker, and we loved shrimp.

“You know what he wants me to do?” Erica turned on the waterworks and cried on her mother’s shoulder.

My mom embraced her and enjoyed the hug for a long time. My mom craved our affection and wanted us to come to her for all our problems. She was super controlling and the ultimate Yenta mother. Once my mother milked Erica’s fake tears for as long as she could and enjoyed the mother-daughter time, she agreed with my father.

“Erica, it isn’t a big deal! The NIS program is going to be in every High School in Pennsylvania!” she said.

“That’s fine, but why should I participate?” Erica stopped crying immediately. The waterworks had just been for show to get sympathy and get my mom on her side.

While they argued I brought my VCR camera into the room and started narrating like the director of a documentary. “This is the point when the family was arguing. They were unsure which direction this new program would take them,” I said.

Erica stopped berating my parents and told me to stop taking joy in her situation. My older sister had laughed the loudest when I had been branded a constant masturbator that it seemed hypocritical but explained I wasn’t doing that at all. I totally was, but I said I was filming a documentary for when she is ultimately famous.

That piqued her interest. My sister fancied herself a musician superstar one day, and any chance at fame could get her intrigued.

“When you are a famous musician, they need footage of the early days for your retrospective rockumentary!” I sold the idea that this was just the start of a multi-part series of “Before” footage to be shown when Erica was rich and famous.

She almost bought it too, but then Barry jumped out and started rapping.

“I am Big Tasty! And I am here to say! When you see my dong! You can’t go Wrong! I am Big! I am Tasty!” as he danced around and fired his fingers in the air like six gun pistols. He was completely naked and spun his dick like a helicopter. My Brother’s pubic hair was a dark and curly afro like the hair on his head.

“Barry!!” My father buried his head in his newspaper. It wasn’t the first time my Brother showed off being naked, but he hadn’t done so since he entered puberty. He danced around the room imitating Tom Cruise in Risky Business. “Take those old record off the shelf...” he sang into a pantomime microphone.

“Barry put those old records back ON the shelf and put your pants on please!” my mom complained about my Brother’s Naked antics with her hands on her hips. She had mom goggles and thought we did no wrong, so she wasn’t furious. She told Barry he could be a professional dancer.

“See!” my sister Erica used my mother telling Barry to put back on clothes as another reason to reject the program. “You don’t want Barry roaming around the house naked! But you want me to do it?”

“What? no, don’t be silly!” My mom waved her hand dismissively like that was out of the question. “You will be naked at school, Booper! Not here!”