Chapter 1: Beginnings

Marilyn Grant wanted a college education. After all, she wanted to spend the rest of her life as a teacher. She also wanted the college experience. Her mom, who had been a Zeta Gamma Tau at Dickinson, still kept those connections. Marilyn wanted a similar experience; she wanted to come out of it with similar connections.

So, in August of ‘74 when Marilyn arrived at her dorm on the U of I campus, she didn’t spend much time trying to make her room into a home. With any luck, it wouldn’t be home for long. She moved in, partially unpacked, and went to registration. She saw that getting to registration early would be advantageous in later years, but the courses she wanted to take now had so many sections that the precaution was totally unnecessary. She signed up for English 101 -- required prerequisite for most of what she wanted to take later, American History -- required for any teaching credentials, Psychology 101 -- prerequisite for Developmental Psychology which -- in turn -- would be prerequisite for many education courses, and Geology 101 -- which would take care of her natural-science distribution requirement. The schedule for rush week and a map showing the campus and all Greek houses were the last things she picked up.

She bought the books for the courses and some notebooks and brought them back to her room. Then she set out to explore the campus. The Zeta Gamma Tau house was one of the smaller ones on sorority row, but it looked neatly maintained. Since nothing ever guaranteed getting into your choice of sorority, she checked out the others, as well. On the way back to her temporary dorm, she located the buildings in which she’d have class. By dinner time, she was tired out.

Classes went decently. Several of the professors started right out, which is something high-school teachers hadn’t done on the first day of class, but Marilyn had been warned about that. One side of college was going okay -- now for the other.

Before rush began, however, she got a call in the dorm.

“Marilyn Grant speaking.”

“Marilyn, this is Andy Trainor. I used to be in your MYF in Evanston. Nashville is playing in the Danielson theater this week. I wondered if you’d want to go with me?”

“Why Andy! Of course, I remember you. I’d be pleased.” They settled on Wednesday evening. He picked her up at seven. The movie was fine, the entire evening was fine. He treated her to a sundae afterwards and walked her home. He kissed her at the door to her dorm.

“Oh, Marilyn,” he said as though the kiss had been special. He straightened up and watched her until she’d gone through the door.

He took her to another movie. On their way back, she warned him that rush was about to start.

The first evening of rush, everyone who wanted to join the sorority system was ushered into each of the houses in clumps. She was polite in the other houses, and -- actually -- interested in them for back-ups. For Zeta Gamma Tau, she put out her best effort.

“Hi. I’m Sarah Jane.”

“I’m Marilyn. Nice house you have here.”

“I’m glad you like it. Zeta is one of the oldest sororities in the nation.”

“I know. My mother was a Zeta in Pennsylvania.”

“That’s just great. Do you know what you’re planning to major in?”

“English. I’d like to teach it in high school.”

“That sounds wonderful. One of my sisters is an education major. You should talk to Pamela.”

Pamela told her what to expect in the education department, although she was in primary education. Marilyn told her about her mother, as well.

By the end of the evening, the pattern was so predictable that she started varying her description of her plans between English and teaching to get, at least, a variation in the girls she talked to next.

“And what does your father do?” One Kappa Kappa Gamma active asked her.

“He works for the Illinois Central Railroad.”

“That must keep him moving around.” Hardly. What did the girl think he was, a brakeman?

“Not particularly. I’ll tell you a secret. These days, when railroad executives do travel on business, they usually travel by airplane.” She didn’t go back to that house.

She went back to three sororities the next night, Zeta, Phi Mu, and Alpha Delta Pi. After all, she shouldn’t pin all her hopes on Zeta. The other two had larger houses and many more members.

For the last night, when the sororities and the rushees had narrowed down their choices, she still visited the three houses. Zeta, however, seemed really interested in her. She found that she had bids from all three, but her choice of Zeta was obvious.

She moved into Zeta as a pledge on the weekend. There were 12 girls in her pledge class. There were 40 actives, and all but Georgiana and Sharon lived in the house. She set about putting all their names with their faces. Actually, there was a lot to learn. Since the history of the founding was public information, Mom had already taught her that. This gave her a step up on the other pledges. Still, since the actives quizzed all the pledges over and over until they all got it right, knowing things first was no great advantage. She took to helping some of the slower-to-learn pledges on the history in self-defense. The professors would never dare demand 100% recall, but these details were important.

The pledge period wasn’t all work, though. The entire house was guest at a dance at a fraternity. Her first dance was with Joe, one of the Gamma pledges. This had been arranged beforehand, possibly on consideration of height. Joe was the shortest pledge in his fraternity, although he still had at least six inches on her 4’ 11”. When they’d seen her, however, the Gamma upperclassmen were happy enough to dance with her. She had to refuse three invitations in order to sit out two of the dances to rest her legs. They served punch, and it tasted strong. She left her glass on the table half-full and didn’t go for another.

Joe walked her home, no great distance. He obviously knew the territory, because he stopped her in a small patch of trees three houses down from Zeta. Fine, she was happy to give good-night kisses, even if walking her home was no great service. When Joe kissed her, though, his hand grasped her tit. It wasn’t brushing, or even holding the way Colin sometimes had. He grabbed it and squeezed. She shook herself free and walked towards the house. After a second, Joe caught up with her.

“Look,” he said.

“Fine. Look all you want. Don’t feel.”

“But I only...”

“Walk me back.” And he did, giving her more kiss than she thought he deserved on the porch. Still angry, she kept her mouth closed. That got part of her face licked as he tried to force his tongue in. She went to Marguerite, who was in charge of all pledge activities.

“Look, the Gamma pledge who walked me home groped me.”

“What did you expect? Is that the first time a boy has touched you?”

“It’s the first time one has grabbed my tit on a first date.” Had it even been a date?

“Well, you’re in college now.” That was hardly comforting to hear. Sure, the actives were supposed to push the pledges. She accepted that. But she could have used a little sympathy, if not a complaint to somebody at Gamma house.

Now, she thought after she went back to her room, it would have been different if Andy had held her tit -- not that he had, he’d been a perfect gentleman, maybe a trifle old-fashioned -- but just as an example. Andy was a friend whom she knew -- a guy who had selected her and invited her. Joe hadn’t known who she was. He’d clearly thought he was entitled to a feel of any girl he walked back to the house.

Well, she had padded bras -- something she considered an occasional necessity for an A-cup. The next time she went to a frat house, she’d wear a padded bra. If they thought they’d cop a feel, let them feel a little foam.

The party at Delta house went about the same way. Her escort stopped at the same patch of trees. He was much gentler, though. And for that gentleness, and to compensate for not getting anything with his touch, she opened her mouth on the porch. When their house held a party, she was assigned to an Alpha pledge. She danced the first and last dances with him and was expected to see him off from the porch. In the light, he kissed her but didn’t grope her.

In the midst of this social non-whirl, she got a call from Andy.

“How did you find my new number?”

“I haff my sorrssess.” He had a horrible fake-German accent. “Notably, I have the number of the campus student register. The question is getting repetitive, and I hope I’m not boring you, but would you like to go to a movie Wednesday?”

“I don’t know what pledges are allowed. Let me check.” Which was a little weird. If Mom had tried to stop her from going to a movie with a boy the year before, she would have thrown a tantrum that would raise the dead.

Marguerite, the pledge chair, said that it was all right for a pledge to date, but Wednesday was a problem. She and Andy agreed on Tuesday. Marguerite knocked on her door a few minutes after she’d hung up the phone.

“What are you going to wear?” She hadn’t decided yet, but it was an easy decision.

“Jeans and this top.” She pulled the top out of her closet.

“No. Zates don’t wear jeans on a date.” (The three Greek letters were often condensed into one syllable in speaking of members.) She shrugged and brought out a dress.

“It’s only a movie, after all, and he’ll wear khakis or jeans.” For some reason, Andy had worn khakis on their two previous dates. The dress got Marguerite’s approval.

They went to another movie theater, Oak Street. She realized that Andy had chosen it because it was closer to the Zeta house. He sat with his arm across the back of her seat and his hand on her shoulder. After the last couple of dances, having her shoulder held felt a little strange, but quite pleasant. On the way back, they approached the clump of trees where she had engaged in those struggles. She decided that a third date with a friend -- a boy who had supported her when she needed support for MYF activities -- justified a long period of kissing and making out so long as he was gentle -- nothing justified squeezing -- and stayed above the waist. The decision was totally wasted. Andy continued on past the trees as if he hadn’t seen them. He walked her nearly to the door.

“Marilyn,” he said when she was on the porch. She turned to see him standing two steps lower. That brought their faces to the same level. He kissed her, this time holding both shoulders. Somehow, her mouth opened, and their tongues met. It felt better than it had even with Colin. This went on for the longest time, but she wasn’t about to end it.

“Oh, Marilyn,” he said when he broke the kiss. He watched her in the door, and she turned to see him adjust his pants before he walked back. Well, it was nice to know that he’d responded to her, too.

She went back to her room, and the girls asked about her date. She described the movie, but that wasn’t what they wanted to know.

“He’s a guy I used to know in Evanston -- a really nice guy.”

“What fraternity?” asked Peggy.

“I really don’t know. I don’t even know whether he pledged at all.” And that was sailing close to the edge of truth. Andy listened to what she could tell him of her experience; details, of course, were secret. If he’d pledged, he would have known much of it and shared what he could from his own experience. Instead, all that he said about himself -- and that was less than boys usually talked about themselves -- was on his courses.

“Weird,” said Grace, as if she couldn’t imagine any boy not joining a fraternity. But there were all those huge dorms. They had to hold some guys. She got ready for bed. The room held two bunks, one of them a triple-decker. Since only four of them lived there, the top level of the triple decker -- with springs but no mattress -- was one more storage space. Marilyn’s taking the middle level of that bunk had pleased her roommates. She didn’t need much space to sleep, after all.

All the Zates were officially her sisters. Peggy, Grace, and Lisa were sisters in a special sense. They all talked about what they had expected of sorority life, what the surprises were, and what they hoped would end after Hell Week.

Andy kept his hand on her shoulder during the next movie, afterwards she guided him into the clump of trees while they were walking home.

“Oh, Marilyn,” he said before he kissed her. That kiss was long and wet. When he straightened up, he lifted her!

“Andy!” He kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck so she wouldn’t fall. The kiss was lovely, the most exciting one she had ever had. When it ended, she found that her legs were wrapped around his waist and his hands were supporting her seat. They had another kiss almost as long as the previous one, but the position was starting to be hard to maintain.

“Maybe you better put me down now.” So, he let her slip down slowly, kissing the top of her head while he did. He turned from her briefly to tug at his pants. Then they walked back to the house hand in hand. Again, he stood on a lower step to kiss her good night. This kiss was short and almost formal.

She agreed to another movie, but the entire pledge class was sent on a scavenger hunt that Tuesday night. Iris told her the next morning that Andy had come by and been told where she was. “He said he understood.”

That evening, he called.

“I’m sorry,” she told him. “I couldn’t.” It was hell to tell a boy that you had something more important to do than go on a date with him. But Zeta was important to her.

“I’m sorry, too, but I understand. Your sister explained that they sprang the scavenger hunt on you. She said it would be cheating if I helped.” Well, it certainly would be. If they wanted boys to help, they’d tell them to get the boys. On the other hand, they were capable of thinking up anything.

“Look, I wouldn’t have been able to call you yesterday. They hardly gave us time to change our clothes. But, if I want to call you, what’s your number?” He gave it, and the name of the dorm. “You didn’t pledge?” If he had applied and been turned down, that was the wrong question. But, somehow, she couldn’t imagine anyone turning Andy down.

“That’s your thing. You didn’t take Calculus, either.” Which was, she figured he was saying, his thing. “Anyway, subject to some other surprise, could you come to a movie next Tuesday?” She could and did.

They walked home from that movie hand in hand. It seemed natural, somehow. When they got to the bunch of trees, he stopped and looked at her. She could barely see in the dim light that his eyebrows were raised. She turned into the trees, and he followed.

He lifted her again, and she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He held her up by her seat while they shared the sweetest kiss. When his tongue retreated from her mouth, hers chased it. When she’d explored his mouth, she brought her head back. They stared into each other’s eyes for minutes in the dark. Then he set her down.

Before she could be disappointed, he turned her around. He wasn’t forceful, but his pressure on her shoulders was enough to tell her what he wanted her to do. He held her shoulders while kissing the top of her head. Then, quite slowly, his hands stroked down her front. He stopped when he was cupping her tits.

“Oh, Marilyn.” She didn’t say anything, but she moved back against him. She could feel his hardness pressing into her back. They remained like that for a while. Then he moved back, bent over, and kissed the top of her head and the top of each ear. She shivered. He turned her and lifted her for another kiss. They walked back to the house very slowly.

Even there, his last kiss was wet and seemed to go on and on. Finally, she heard another couple came down the walk. Andy stepped back and down one more stair. She looked and saw Elsmere, an active, with a boy she didn’t know. Andy moved aside and watched as she went in the house. When Elsmere followed, the boy came in with her.

Elsmere and the boy were cuddling in a large -- although meant for one occupant -- armchair in the “front parlor” before she went upstairs to her room.

Andy’s next invitation was to an all-university dance. She happily accepted. The actives were unlikely to schedule anything to conflict with a dance. They would be too busy getting ready for it. Indeed, she found that they expected the pledges to attend.

“And,” Marguerite said, “we’ll arrange dates for the pledges with Pi Kappa Phi guys.”

“You don’t need to arrange a date for me,” she told Marguerite after the meeting. “I’d already accepted an invitation before I heard your announcement.” That seemed an obvious comment -- she hadn’t had time to get an invitation between the announcement and the discussion. On the other hand, she didn’t want Marguerite thinking she’d acted to thwart her.

“But you can’t. I’ve already heard from two Pi actives who want to be your date.”

“Well, I can’t go with both, now can I? So, one of them is certain to be disappointed, anyway. But I’ve accepted an invitation. Does a Zate renege on an acceptance because she has a better offer?” The answer to that was clear. Actual Zates might; the ideal Zeta Gamma Tau woman would never do anything so chintzy.

“What fraternity does he belong to?”

“He didn’t pledge any.”

When Andy showed up, they were the only couple walking to the dance from the house. Fraternity actives drove cars, sometimes loaded with three couples, to the dance. She danced the first two dances with Andy. Then she alternated dances with him and with others, who seemed to be half actives and half pledges. The only request she turned down flat was from Joe, the guy who had mauled her tit. She danced the last dance with Andy, and then they walked slowly back.

They paused in the trees for a long time while a parade of cars drove by outside. Finally, he walked her home. Even on the sidewalk she could hear voices of both sexes coming from the house.

“Would you like to come in?” After all, this was her home. The other women were her sisters, not her parents.

“I’d be delighted.” He was probably less delighted when he saw the front parlor. She certainly was. Couples were making out all over the furniture. She didn’t see anything she hadn’t experienced, and only a few couples were doing more than the two of them had just done. But they’d sought a little privacy. He would be able to see at least three tits just by looking, and she was sure that he was looking. Luckily, all the seats seemed taken. She took his hand again and led him to the stairs.

“Let’s say good night here,” she said. He watched her climb up one stair. This time, between the height of the stairs and her heels, her head was even with his. That kiss was long and passionate. He gripped the back of her neck and held her while his tongue explored her mouth. She held herself up by his shoulder and the banister while enjoying all the sensations from the kiss.

“Antisocial,” said a voice from behind him. She looked up to see Kathleen, a senior. They both moved aside to give her more room, though the stairs were wide enough without that.

“Goodbye,” he said. He walked out the door. She went up to her room. She was asleep before any of her roommates came up.

“You know, Marilyn,” Kathleen said at breakfast, “men aren’t allowed above the first floor.”

“Well, he wasn’t. He didn’t set one foot on the steps. We just like it better if I’m standing a little higher than he is.”

“What happened?” asked Willa.

“Johnny was too drunk for fun. I sent him home early. I caught Marilyn saying good night to her date on the stairs up to the second floor.”