Chapter 190

“If it weren’t for music, I would think that love is mortal.”
—Mark Helprin, A Soldier of the Great War

JOAN HAD TO head back home Sunday afternoon. Then Cindy left. Brittany was staying one more night and Sophie had moved fully to the farm, as had Beca. Rachel had more work to do while we were in school on Monday, so she wouldn’t leave until Tuesday.

We were all pretty relaxed Sunday evening. I dragged Donna up to my bedroom—like I had to force her—and kept her occupied well into the night. We usually made love in her bed and I think just the idea of going to my room instead flipped a switch in her head and she was all over me when the door closed.

“We don’t have time for just the two of us often enough,” she sighed as I continued to lick her. “I love sharing and I love all our girlfriends, but I treasure individual time with each one, including you.”

“I agree, lover. So often, one on one time is dictated by circumstances instead of by our choices. With the number of concerts Rachel is booking Cindy and me, that might be even harder in the future,” I said.

“We just need to make sure we are all proactive in our loving and make time for this,” she said. “Now, Jacob. Come here and make love to me.” I moved up her beautiful body and she caught hold of my cock as soon as she could reach it and guided it to her hot wet center. “Push into me and let me feel you fill me. Fill me. Fill me. Let me feel you fill me,” she sang.

“Are you writing beat poetry?” I laughed. We moved together, enjoying sliding in and out as we kissed and fondled.

“I have an inspiration in me. I love you, Jacob.”

“Yes,” I hissed. “I will always love you.” We were too focused on each other and making love to continue our conversation. Sometimes, making love to Donna was a long conversation simply punctuated with orgasms. This night, we were focused on each other’s pleasure and conversation came in phrases rather than paragraphs.

“You know ... Whether we have extended service or volunteer or just do our terms and get out, when it’s legal for us to do it, I want your child, Jacob. I’ll be thirty this year. I think I will be ready when you are past the two-year limit.” There it was. The second time in a week that one of my lovers mentioned wanting a baby. I felt the additional fluids lubricate her pussy as the idea took hold and my cock seemed to swell as I began pumping my semen into her—a test run for our child-making future.

School proceeded as school does. Having recognized my disquiet for the future focus it was, I absorbed what I could from classes. Mr. LeBlanc had recognized that Cindy and I were under pressure to perform more frequently and waived having us solo for the spring concert. All we would need to do is learn our music and blend with our fellow musicians. Yeah. That’s all.

Monday evening, Rachel didn’t get back until after dinner. She was exhausted, having driven to South Bend, Lafayette, and Kokomo to make her presentations. In the morning, she had an appointment back at Mad Anthony with Principal Rice before she’d leave for the airport. I warmed her dinner and sat with her, given a small amount of privacy with the love of my life. After she’d eaten and we cleaned up the dishes, I took her to the shower and washed her tenderly before giving her a long luxurious massage. She interrupted the massage to pull me to her so we could make love. But once she had me in her, she just wanted to lie together, connected at our cores, as she talked to me.

“Do I have your attention, Jacob?”

“All of it, my love.”

“There’s something I need to tell you and I want you focused on me. I’m torn, but I don’t think you should tell the others about this. It’s your decision, of course.”

“Tell them about our making love?”

“No. You asked for greater transparency from the OCS, not getting blindsided. I had to do a good bit of convincing before I got them to agree to let me tell you this. It is considered top secret.”

“My God, Rachel. What kind of thing does the OCS want from me that would be considered top secret?” I started to slow down but Rachel refused to go on until we were back in our gentle rhythm.

“It’s the venue for your intimate spring concert,” she whispered.

“Is that all? It doesn’t make a difference. We’ll just show up, do our thing, and leave.”

“It’s the White House.”

I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. I know my lungs ached from holding my breath as I looked into her eyes. Rachel didn’t let me stop loving her, insisting I keep moving my hips and sliding in and out of her as my breathing returned and my heart restarted.

“The White House?”

“It’s top secret because anything could happen between now and then to upset the plans,” she said. “There will be a recognition of the members of the review commission and our pod. No fancy medallions or anything. Just the president’s thanks for helping to get the reform movement underway. But, like I said, anything could happen between now and the first of April. The entire gig could be canceled.”

“I could put my foot in my mouth and insult her,” I said.

“We all know you won’t do that intentionally,” Rachel laughed. “But do you see why I think you should hold this in confidence? I’ve watched Cindy change and grow since she started playing with you but I’m not sure she could handle this information. And it would be so easy for word to leak out. Advance publicity could make it politically impossible to hold the event. It could affect everything we—you—do.”

“Yeah. That makes it really difficult. You know how uncomfortable I am withholding information from my lovers.”

“You’ve kept the old man a secret,” she whispered. “Keep moving, Jacob. Please show me you still love me. I’ve made it very clear to Will, Jo, and Simon that I won’t be a party to withholding information about your performances and our expectations from you. They’re still adapting to that.”

“I agree it would or could be damaging, not only to the president, but to us. Who knew the reform would become such a contentious issue?”

“Love me, Jacob. Press harder into me. Look into my eyes and love me.”

I did as Rachel asked, filing away the information she’d given me to consider at a later time. I was filled with my love for Rachel and she was filled with me. As we gazed at each other, we sped our moves together and reached our peak as we poured love out to each other through our eyes and our touch.

I always hated it when Cindy had to leave. Joan leaving was always sad because Beca just deflated when she left. But having Rachel return to DC left a hole in my heart I didn’t know how to handle. My sudden moodiness Tuesday night was a great cover for my concern over our next live stream concert. Live from the White House? We could double our patrons for that! If...

That was the big problem. If we even breathed a word about this to the public, the president could cancel it with no notice. I had to agree with Rachel. I needed to keep this to myself. In fact, I needed to not even let anyone know that I knew. This was going to be difficult.

I retired early and picked up my guitar. It seemed I was always practicing with an instructor, in a practice room, with Cindy, with the orchestra. I couldn’t remember the last time I just picked up my old friend and played for myself. I sat on my bed, just picking miscellaneous notes, exercising my fingers and running scales. I felt the bed shift as Beca crawled up beside me. It was like the old days when I was doing Sunday morning concerts. Beca knew the best position and curled up just behind my right arm where she could lean against me. I kept playing and got lost in the music. My precious little Beca did what she always did in this position and went to sleep.

I played for a long time. It was like running. Sometimes I just lost track of time and distance and kept going.

And I cried a little.

I know that sounds sappy and weak and like a pussy. Fuck you. A year ago, I’d played with my little sister curled up beside me. I’d never do that again.

I put my guitar aside and slid beneath the sheets with Beca. She rolled to me and cradled my head against her breasts. So nice.

“I miss her, too,” she whispered. “You played for her tonight. For her and for all of us. We love you.”