Chapter 1

The world was white. Just white. I was laying on my back surrounded by white. I tried to turn my head but it wouldn’t move. I tried lifting my arm, maybe wiping my eyes would allow me to see more. Nope, it wouldn’t move. Being surrounded by white was like being in a cocoon. It was very fatiguing. Everything turned dark.

The next time I opened my eyes, at least I think I opened them, I was still in the white cocoon. I couldn’t see my body, I couldn’t move, I could only see white. Very fatiguing.

Again I opened my eyes. Maybe it would be more accurate to say my eyes opened of their own accord since I don’t remember opening them of my own volition. The cocoon was still surrounding me with its whiteness. I couldn’t move any part of me. I assumed I had a full body connected to my eyes, I think I was supposed to have one but I couldn’t see anything beyond the whiteness. Very fatiguing.

Another passage of time, I assumed time still moved on despite the whiteness of the cocoon. Still no sounds, no movement, just white. But, what’s this? A different kind of whiteness. More like a yellow. A bright yellow. A small circle of yellowish piercing through my cocoon. Very fatiguing.

The next time I was conscious of my environment, the white had faded a small amount. I don’t think I could explain the difference but I realized there was a slight tinge of yellow to the whiteness. Excitedly, I tried to lift my arm again. Nothing. No effort rewarded me with anything different. Very fatiguing.

This time was different. The whiteness was devolving. I could see a variety of colours through the whiteness. Just hints of them really. The whiteness still ruled my consciousness. Was I conscious? Was this what was supposed to be? Very fatiguing.

We have progress. Directly in front of my eyes was the bright yellow light shining through the whiteness. It was eventually replace with a full spectrum of colours but only in the circle surrounded by the cocoon of whiteness. Very fatiguing.

Now, this was different. I was straining my eyes to see beyond the whiteness. To rediscover the colours from the different time. No joy. Just a circle of darkness within the cocoon. Very fatiguing.

What! The colours were back. They were pushing back the cocoon. There were now more colours than whiteness. I tried to move myself again. To wriggle my toes, lift my arms, anything. I still didn’t even know if I had anything to move but, by now, I knew I was supposed to have arms and legs and all the connecting body parts. Time seemed to have some validity for me now as it seemed like I was examining the colours for a longer period of time. Maybe. Very fatiguing.

Oh my gawd, the colours were back! The center of the colours was a bright yellow. It was hurting me. The whiteness had been pushed back until it was only in the fringes of my eyesight. The yellow disappeared. The colours filled in the hole where the yellow had been. Those colours were moving, shifting, changing even. Very, very fatiguing.

Things were entirely different this time around. The whiteness was gone. Disappeared just the way it first appeared. Once it was there and then it wasn’t. I tried to look around the new cocoon of lights. I couldn’t see anything any clearer except that the colours were still shifting, still moving in a rhythmic sort of way. There seemed to be a definite pattern to the movement. I gave myself a big thumbs up. At least I think I did. Now, I realized it when the darkness overcame me. Fatiguing.

Yes! I woke up! This was a huge improvement. I recognized the darkness as sleep and knew it was a necessary function of the body. The body? I knew I was supposed to have arms and legs and everything in between. Even feet and hands. I tried to look around me but could only see opaque, snake like things coming towards me. I’m not sure how but I recognized they were tubes. That recognition allowed me to jump to the conclusion I was in a hospital. Extremely fatiguing. I went back to sleep.

Again, I woke up but understanding now that I was refreshed from my sleep. My eyes saw that the whiteness was completely gone and that the colours had taken shape. I think they were people but they were indistinct as yet. I could still see the tubes though. I couldn’t move my body parts despite trying very hard. I was certain at this time that I was in a hospital room but the why of it escaped me. I allowed my eyes to shut.

“Mommy, I told you his eyes opened,” said the eighteen year old girl to her mother.

“You’re right, they definitely opened,” replied her mother. “I think I even saw some twitching in his arms and legs.”

“Mommy, is he coming back to us?”

“Yes, baby, I think he is. Let’s see what the doctor thinks the next time he is in.”

It was different this time. My eyes didn’t open on their own. Something forced them open and the bright light blinded me with its intensity. Things were certainly changing. My thoughts seemed less random, more concerted. I didn’t like the light, it hurt my eyes.

“Get the fucking light out of my eyes!” I thought to myself.

The light disappeared as did my consciousness. I knew I was going back to sleep and smiled.

The doctor stood on one side of the young man while a nurse stood on the other. At the foot of the bed was his concerned mother. She was excited.

“Did you see that, Doctor? He smiled!”

The nurse was nodding her agreement with the excited mother’s statement. The doctor had a perplexed look on his face.

“I did see the smile. It was right after I moved my light away from his eyes. I didn’t get a good look behind his eyes but I didn’t want to keep shining the light at him. But he did smile,” summarized the doctor.

“He’s going to be alright then. My son is coming back to us!” the mother exclaimed.

“Don’t get to excited yet, Mrs. Ramsay. We’re seeing progress but we still aren’t sure how deep a level of coma he is in. Or was in. All we can do at this point is watch and see,” said the doctor.

“Waiting is so hard,” said my mother.

Things were changing for the better. When I opened my eyes this time, I remembered hearing the two voices talking and what they said. I knew one voice was a doctor and he was responsible for the bright light in my eyes. Didn’t the bastard know that hurt?

My eyes shifted and I saw the contours of the space surrounding me. I already knew I was in a hospital and this had to be a hospital room. I tried to look down at my body, I knew I had one now, but couldn’t see past the tubes in my mouth.

I needed to have a leak. I could feel a lot of pressure coming from my bladder. It was approaching being unbearable. Trying to move my hand to my groin was extremely difficult. Recognizing something, no, someone was holding my hand in place, I became angry.

“Let go of my hand right now,” I thought to myself. Once again I tried to move my hand to the dick as soon as I recognized it was no longer restrained. With no success, I tried to move my other hand. It moved but not far enough. I really needed to pee. I shut my eyes.

Again, I heard voices. One was the doctor and there were two female voices as well. Nurses, I supposed.

One female voice was telling the doctor I spoke to her. I told her to let go of my hand. I knew I had thought that but I don’t think I said anything.

“Mrs. Ramsay,” began the doctor, “he could not have possibly spoken to you. The respirator tube is preventing him from talking...”

“Then take the fucking respirator tube out, chump!”

The doctor continued speaking. “But, I could pull the tube and see if he can breathe on his own at this point.”

The mother smiled, as big a smile as she could.

“Great idea, chump, get a move on.”

“Becky,” the doctor said to the nurse, “Get ready to pull the tube. I’m going to wash up and be right back.”

“Hurry it up! Chump.”

Not soon enough, he was back. Wearing a surgical gown, a mask over his mouth, and gloves on his hands, he began to work on the removal. I could feel the jostling of the tube.

“He needs to cough as I pull this out,” said the doctor to the room.

You can bet I coughed. The doctor removed the tube. I could feel it slithering up my throat and finally it was gone. The doctor stepped back from the bed and the mother stepped forward past the nurse.

“Doctor, he’s not breathing!” she exclaimed.

Breathing? I was supposed to breathe? I didn’t realize I was even holding my breath. Who ever thought about breathing? So. Breathing I did. I expelled what air I had left in my lungs after the forced coughing fit and sucked in a huge breath of air. The mother’s hand tightened on mine as I started another coughing fit.

Being polite, I wanted to cover my mouth while coughing. Both my hands were restrained, one by the nurse checking my pulse and the other woman holding and squeezing my hand. The coughing continued.

“Will you two let the fuck go of my hands?” I thought with a surge of annoyance.

Suddenly, the hands were gone. I lifted one to cover my mouth while I tried to sit up in order to get the coughing under control. I couldn’t move my torso as yet but I needed to stop coughing. I took as deep a breath of air as I could and held it.

All three people in the room moved closer to me since they thought I had stopped breathing again. I let the air in my lungs escape replacing it with much smaller gulps of air. I could feel myself still trying to cough but I fought the urge. Soon enough, I had myself under control and began to breathe normally. Hurray for me!

Letting my hand fall to my chest, I tried to clear my throat but it was too dry.

“I need a Pepsi, please,” still thinking to myself.

The mother told the doctor I wanted a Pepsi. The nurse nodded in agreement. The doctor stood there, unmoving, with a puzzled look on his face.

“Pepsi, chump!” I was growing to dislike this guy a lot.

“He can’t have Pepsi yet. It would be too hard on his system. It won’t be able to handle the carbonation yet.”

“Becky,” he continued, “let’s give him some ice chips and after awhile, if he has no adverse affects, you can give him small sips of water.”

The mother, I assumed she was my mother, and the nurse began to move about following the doctor’s orders.

“You can fuck off now, chump.” Definitely annoyed by even his mere presence in the room. He left. I tried to turn my head and was successful. I could see the two women quite clearly.

The nurse, dressed in white, was a young woman about my age I guessed. Hmmph. I knew I was twenty. The woman was kind of attractive looking, having a good figure. She, Becky, looked like she had a cheery disposition.

The mother, my mother, was older. I knew she had me when she was only fifteen and my sister a year later. Both, my sister and I had the same biological father. He was a high school football star with a great record. In his senior year of high school, he was recruited by a top 10 college and given a scholarship. He didn’t bother to even say goodbye to his woman or his kids. Fortunately, he blew out his knee in his first scrimmage. He lost his free ride without ever playing a game. He disappeared into obscurity, never to be seen by us in the future.

It was still amazing to me that I knew all this stuff and was remembering it.

“Don’t worry about that deadbeat father of mine, Mom.”

Mom chuckled. Becky looked at her with a question on her face. Mom replied to the unspoken question.

“For some reason, I was just thinking about Ricky’s father. I don’t know why. He’s long gone from our lives.”

I tried to speak but all I could muster was a rasping croak. “Like I said, Mom, don’t even think about the prick. You’ve been a great mother to Melissa and me.”

I only thought that since I still couldn’t speak but Mom seemed to understand it. In response, she squeezed my hand and wiped her eyes with the other. She smiled at me so I squeezed back,

“Becky,” exclaimed Mom, he squeezed my hand! He squeezed my hand! He’s going to get better!” She was so pleased with my effort that I squeezed her hand again.

The ice chips melting in my mouth were a godsend. But the more the melted ice trickled down my throat, the more I wanted a drink. I tried to tell my Mom that. I was better with that speech thing this time. Although still raspy, we could all make out the word “water”.

“Becky, do you think we can try giving him some water now?”

“We can try,” the nurse replied. “Just teeny sips though until we see how he reacts.

“Good girls,” I thought to myself and saw smiles brighten their faces.

Mom held my head up while Becky poured an extremely small amount of water into my mouth. Oh, heavenly elixir! I tried to get out the word “more” but was unsuccessful. I nodded my chin hoping Becky would understand. She did. Small sip after sip.

I don’t know who was more surprised, me or them, when I sat up. It certainly wasn’t easy but I found the energy to accomplish the task. Sitting up so suddenly, I had to fight off the waves of dizziness that were doing their best to knock me back down. I hung on to the bed rails in order to keep myself upright. I was liking this movement thing.

Mom was doing her best to hold me up as well. While Becky was frantically pushing the call button and yelling for help, I checked out my mom.

She was a very petite woman. Maybe just over five feet tall and weighing, perhaps, a hundred and ten pounds. Muriel, my Mom, had long dark hair that fell to her shoulders in waves. A very pretty face with a cute little nose and warm, plush, and inviting lips. Sort of a Cupid’s bow to them. Allowing my gaze to wander further, I saw that my Mom had a nice rack. I knew her breasts were a 34C. Apparently she was quite top heavy, I chuckled to myself.