Chapter 54

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?”

“Sitting,” I said. It had been a week since I’d gotten back from my trip. The result had been a string of meetings with lawyers. I was now in the community hall and meeting place of the homeowner’s association while my neighbor Fred Benson, president of the HOA, yelled a question at me. Melissa and Lavi flanked me in fold out metal chairs, each crossing their legs. Lavi had gone for white pants and a grey fleece top that covered her arms but not midriff. Her faith in the buttons that held her cleavage in was impressive. Melissa wore a black tank top and black jeans.

Anyway, as I said, Fred was yelling at me. “I mean,” he said, leaning forward on the podium. “What do you think you’re doing at this meeting?!”

I was still sitting in the metal fold up chair. “The HOA is meeting to take a vote and I’m a member.”

“YOU ARE”

A man in a charcoal suit stood from the table facing the audience and coughed into his hand. He walked over and spoke quietly to Fred. Things were violently whispered. I recognized him as the HOA lawyer. I suspect he was reminding Fred that this was a public meeting.

“Don’t worry,” I yelled. “I’ll abstain from voting on that item since there is a conflict of interest.”

Melissa’s mother, Linda, sat immediately in front of us. “I will be voting though.”

Fred scowled. It suited him. A woman turned to look at us. Her face reminded me of a barracuda. “I just can’t believe some people.”

Melissa stared at her down. “Mr. Fearn not here? Is he still going by street corners seeing if any girls need rides to parties? I hear they’re going to name a crosswalk after him for all he sits with his engine idling in front of them.”

She turned around in a huff. Lavi gave Melissa a fist bump. Shortly after that the boring stuff started. Fred avoided looking at me so much I could have had semaphore flags and he wouldn’t have seen me. I voted once on a matter about painting curbs just to annoy him.

Finally we arrived at the matter that brought me to my first HOA meeting ever. Linda had warned me that a typical meeting had about forty people and they tended to agree on everything. There were closer to 200 people crammed in this time with people standing when they ran out of seats. I wasn’t sure the building was even fire coded for this many people. Fred took his time shuffling papers on the podium before beginning.

“Our final business on the agenda is Mr. Carlo’s lawsuit against the HOA. Our attorney has prepared a document on the matter.” As he switched places at the podium with the attorney, volunteers began distributing a sheet of paper to each person. They tried to skip us but Lavi deftly grabbed several and gave one each to Melissa and I.

As the sheets got distributed the attorney spoke up. “I’d like everyone to take a careful look at the cost analysis of this suit. I have provided a current billing of my hours along with potential payouts. If we settle right now Mr. Carlo is asking for three things. One, this year’s fees he has paid, to be paid back to him. Two, acknowledge that he has never been a member of the HOA and the HOA will refrain from attempting to claim his property’s membership regardless of future circumstance while he or any of his beneficiaries own the property.”

Fred felt a need to speak up, “It should be noted that living where he does, Mr. Carlo’s property would continue to gain many of the benefits of the membership of our homeowners association if we did this.”

The attorney continued, “That is true. Finally, he is requesting his lawyer’s fees and court costs which are to date substantial but not unreasonable.”

Fred, “However, if we win the case we can request our fees paid.” The lawyer’s eyes flickered toward Fred as if wanting to snap at him but he focused on the crowd.

The attorney, “In exchange he will drop the lawsuit against the HOA including the joint lawsuit for harassment.”

A middle aged man towards the front raised his hand. “Excuse me, I hadn’t heard about”

Fred cut him off. “We will recognize speakers later, Mr. Hamms.”

The attorney continued. “You will notice a group of columns entitled ‘Potential Risks.’ This includes an estimate of ongoing attorney fees from Mr. Carlo.” He looked at me and I nodded in response. It looked fair to me. “Also, the estimate from the forensics company.” It was the same number I had. “Also, he will sue for the entire past ten years of his HOA dues, listed in column F, as well as his ongoing fees, column G. Low and high range potential punitive penalties from the court for the harassment suit which the HOA is named in are in columns H and I.” I saw several eyes bug out. Juries have a lot of leeway in assigning those kinds of judgements.

“Now,” Fred raised his voice, “that is only if we lose the case and the worst case isn’t likely.”

One voice yelled out. “The small number still ain’t that small.”

Several people began asking questions at once and Fred raised his hands. “All right, all right, settle down, the board will now recognize speakers.” He pointed and named out several people who had started to speak. I raised my hand. He ignored it.

“Excuse me.” I spoke loudly. “I’d like to speak too.”

Fred looked at me levely. “The board does not recognize Mr. Carlo. The board allows speakers purely at its own discretion.”

So it began. For the next half hour I listened to a dozen variations on the same few questions and Fred tried to reassure everyone. Everything was explained in detail including how the HOA contracts only existed because the firefighters had managed to bring them out in water logged filing cabinets. Usually when all the contracts are gone you have to dissolve and reform but, inconveniently, the judge back then had ruled that the contracts technically still existed even if they would be hard to read. It was rubbish but the current judge had upheld it. I forgot the Latin but it was basically double jeopardy. The issue had already been ruled on and I couldn’t fight it just because I, or even the judge, didn’t like it.

Fred’s voice droned on. I was ignoring him at this point because I knew he wouldn’t give up so I wasn’t holding out hope that this meeting would change anything. I was resigned to fighting it out in court but the judge had already put a stay on my having to vacate the house so I could fight it at leisure. A voice drew my attention though. It was the old lady who lived next to me who gave me the car. I felt bad because I could never remember her name, something Melissa chided me for.

“So, I’ve been hearing a lot of questions about why and such stuff but it all seems to dance around one critical point.”

Someone in front of her said, “What do you care, you’re moving.”

“You’re talking fool again, Stella. I’m movin’ but I gotta sell too. This is a lot of money and if the HOA dissolves that affects my house’s value. So, yeah, I care. Now, I’ve paid off my house here. How many of you would end up upside down if your property value goes down?” A strained quiet settled over the room. This just got real for people. She looked at the skinny fellow on the board. “You, Paul, if we had to pay this big number what would that do to us.”

He didn’t look thrilled to be asked to speak. “Uh, it would bankrupt us. There is no way we could pay it.”

“Now, now,” Fred said, “We have plenty of time, it will take years for this to go through court. We can do fundraisers and, if we had to, raise dues and that would just be in case...” He said more but after ‘raise dues’ the mood shifted.

My neighbor waved her hand. “Hush!” Fred looked like he wanted to say more but she gave him a withering look. “You like to talk about your rules of order Fred but as I follow it I still have the floor and I read over our rules and they say we can give our time to someone else so I’d like to hear from Mr. Carlo now and I will cede my time to him if he can answer one question: how likely are you to win this case?”

I nodded and stood. I looked around the room making eye contact with as many as possible. “My chances of losing this case are zero. My property was never a part of the HOA and no prior owner ever joined. I have testimony, I have paperwork, I have everything and no contract will be found. Heck, even if it was in there they tell me a bit will probably be unsavable which legally is just as good - no contract. I’d gamble on those odds if I had to but I don’t have to. It doesn’t exist.” I scanned the room. “You want to drag out the case, you’ll just be increasing what you have to pay your lawyer and mine plus whatever the jury gives me. It’s that simple.” I looked to the lawyer.

He nodded agreement. He said, “I have advised the board to accept the offer.”

Fred exploded, “HOLD ON, that is board business and we didn’t vote to share it! And this vote is purely informational! Only the board vote is binding.” He looked smug.

A middle aged woman yelled from the sidelines, “Since you’re named in this harassment suit, you shouldn’t even have a vote in this! It is a conflict of interest.”

Fred was turning red. “I was acting as the president of the board!”

“That remains to be seen.” That voice was Linda’s. “In court. If you were acting on personal interest using your office that is a problem.” Ice couldn’t have melted on her tongue. God, she was a glorious bitch, at least when it wasn’t pointed at me.

Fred was trying to get people to be quiet but a dozen conversations broke out. It was a woman I later learned was named Harriet that got everyone’s attention. She was Asian with a French accent. “So, let me make sure I understand this, if the document people or whatever they are, go through all these papers they will set aside and scan everything that is readable, right?”

I replied, “Yes.”

“And if mine isn’t in there I don’t have to pay dues anymore?”

I gestured with my eyes to the HOA’s lawyer and she looked at him. He fidgeted slightly but said, “If there is no contract then that is true. Now presumably you have a copy of the contract yourself.”

“But,” she looked thoughtful, “let’s say I didn’t.”

“Well, then, in that theoretical circumstance - you can’t enforce a contract if it doesn’t exist to reference it.”

“Thank you.”

A voice I didn’t know, a man’s, asked, “Mr. Carlo. What did you say that rate was? For recovery?”

“They told me 30-60% will be recoverable.” I didn’t look at the man asking the question. I stared at Fred. The HOA membership could drop by as much as 70%.

One man near the front looked up to the board and with a strained voice asked, “Has this been evaluated by the board?”

Fred looked to the lawyer. The lawyer said, “That estimate was also shared with me by the recovery company and they are absolutely professional. I have advised the board of this in full.”

Linda stood. “I’m looking to sell my house too and these matters materially affect us in every way possible. I’m wondering if I should speak with an attorney about suing the HOA.”

“I can recommend someone,” I said.

I tried not to smirk. Lavi looked as happy as I was and her leg was bouncing. Melissa was missing. I wanted to find her but my attention was drawn to the conversation again.

Linda spoke up again. “Since the board had this information and as a board of a non-profit with members, and the mission includes looking after our property values, I’m thinking we have serious issues here to address.”

The skinny man, the treasurer, stood suddenly and yelled at Fred, “GODDAMMIT! I TOLD YOU WE HAD TO TELL EVERYONE! I quit.” And with that he walked off the stage and stood against the wall among the audience while rubbing his temple.

Linda, “I move to vote on no-confidence of the board immediately.”

Fred was livid. “You need at least 20% of the HOA to call the vote and 70% to pass it.”

At the board table a man and woman were whispering. She stood, looked around and scurried out of the room. “Uh, no she doesn’t Fred,” the man said standing. “We resign too. That’s most of the board gone. With the board vacated by all but one the bylaws call for immediate re-elections with a temporary board called until new regular elections can be called.”

Chatter about bylaws started up and since I had a moment I looked for Melissa. I found her at the back with her phone held up, recording everything. Bless her, I was going to want to watch this again later. I got comfortable.

The three of us walked home in high spirits. As we approached home I didn’t say anything but thought about the last few months. We had been through a lot of shit and all we had won was the right to live our lives, or at least would once everything was over but I was confidant it would be. Maybe that wouldn’t seem like much to some but as I felt their hands in mine I thought it was a hell of a lot. We turned the corner into our cul-de-sac and a blue car half in front of my house and half Fred’s turned on it’s lights and slowly left. I tried to look inside it as it passed but the inside of the car was too dark. I had seen a blue car too many times recently. I thought about asking the girls but they were completely absorbed with each other and chatted about upcoming competitions. Lavi was going to do her first chess tournament and Melissa we were headed out Thursday for the first dance competition.

I was probably being paranoid so I kept my mouth shut. Once we got in the house Lavi stretched, said “I’m tired” and removed her top throwing it on the couch. Melissa did the same.

They approached the stairs. Two bras were draped over the railing as they kept walking. They turned the corner and I couldn’t see them anymore. “Did you two plan this?”

“Uh huh,” their simultaneous reply came.

I started up the stairs taking two at a time.

I woke to light through the bedroom window. I slept late and it was Sunday again. I tried not to think about a week ago. I shook my head and focused, pushing Jordyn out of my thoughts. I still hadn’t treated her well in the end.

I stretched in bed and tried to focus on today. I needed to get the outside patio heater out of storage since it was turning chilly. And this year I might need a second one given I had a lot more people around. I reached for my phone and felt ... paper. It was the shape of my phone. I looked at it and for reasons I could not fathom, my phone was wrapped up in a sheet of notebook paper.

I got up and found the bedroom door shut with another piece of paper on it that said “look at your phone.” It was Melissa’s handwriting. Every day with two wives is an adventure. I pulled the paper off the phone to read it.

“Good morning love. Zahra came over last night and is in the guest bedroom. Headed to church, love, M.”

Mellie had been going to this Christain / Buddhist thing. I didn’t get it but it made her happy. We had a house guest so I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt rather than leaving it at boxers and went to find Lavi. I had discovered a love for the convenience of sweatpants while recuperating. Music came from the kitchen and I found the television over the sink playing a music video with a group of girls dancing and singing “I got the feels for you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”.

Lavi was at the table, her shoulders going up and down as she sang along. She was in her silk robe I had bought her for her birthday and her sketchpad was in use. An anatomy book was open using one of my cookbook holders. She smiled at me and I leaned over to kiss her. She opened her lips. She tasted of coffee and cream. My tongue barely touched her tongue and we pulled back, our lips sucking at each other’s for a split second. Her hand caressed my hip and reached around to squeeze my ass.

“Hands,” I asked, looking down at the sketchpad.

She grinned. “Yeah, stupid hard to get just right. Biscuits in the oven.”

I grunted, having exhausted my pre-caffeine language skills. A discarded can for pre-made biscuit dough was in the trash and an unwashed pan used to cook eggs on the sink. I washed the pan. Lavi would have done it later but I hated dirty dishes sitting around. My next priority was coffee. Just the smell was helping my brain wake up. I added a lot of cream, feeling indulgent, and then a splash of vanilla extract. Finally I opened the oven and took out two buttered biscuits with a slice of egg between them.

“Fruit?” I asked.

“Sure,” came Lavi’s reply as she made small soft strokes with the pencil. I cut up half a cantaloupe into big slices and was at the table next to her in just a few minutes. As I sat I felt a foot work its way into my lap. I reached down to rub it absentmindedly as I ate and looked at the news on my phone. Eventually neurons started firing in significant numbers.

“What was up with the paper around my phone?”

Lavi didn’t look up from her sketching but rubbed her toes against my crotch. I stiffened slightly and she was pleased. She still liked teasing me and I hoped she always would. “Melissa said that if we didn’t make sure you knew that you’d end up walking in on Zahra in a shower or something.”

I switched to Instagram and started looking at the food people I followed. “I think even through a shower door I would know the difference between Zhara’s shape and either of you.”

“Still, you know Mellie.”

“Yeah.” I was still scrolling. This woman in Alaska had a deer and had butchered it and was grilling big strips of meat. I showed it to Lavi.

She shrugged. “Deer is kosher.”

“I was thinking of the grilling part.”

“Want to grill out today?”

“Maybe, I have an idea to setup in the front yard and cook burgers for the neighborhood as another fuck you to Fred.”

She didn’t look up. “A, it is chilly and B, they are the same people who voted to kick us out.”

“True. By the way, why is Zhara?”

Lavi grabbed a big rubber eraser. “I was wondering why you didn’t ask that earlier.”

“I figured if it was really bad stuff Mellie wouldn’t have gone to church.”

“I don’t know the details, just that Zahra asked for a favor and that her dad didn’t want to wake you up so he sent you an email.”

I checked my email and sure enough there it was.

“Robert, please forgive this informal communication but I do it only trusting that you will grant absolution for my abruptness. I have an unexpected family matter to attend to and must take an international flight immediately with my wife. I can not pull Zahra out of school and would normally ask a male relative to manage her affairs in my absence but my son is still too young himself so I ask you as her ammu and my brother for you and your wives to care for her as if she was your own.”

This barely sounded like Yussef but I noticed that among the CCs were several emails I did not recognize as well as Zahra’s. I had a feeling I was not the main audience for this.

“Where is the Z-girl?” Lavi used her toes to stroke my dick as I massaged her foot. It was nice and comfortable.

“Right here,” Zahara said. She came in, her hair in an elaborate towel and in washed out jeans and a black t-shirt. At first I thought it was a shirt of the old parental advisory stickers on CDs but it was purple and instead said, ‘Warning: May Suddenly Talk About Anime.’ She grinned. “I’d say eyes are up here but you’re used to Lavi and Mellie. In comparison I don’t have anything to stare at.”

I felt myself turn a little pink. “I was reading your shirt. And you are very worth staring at.”

“Awww.” She headed to get a cup and make her own coffee. “Did you read Pops’ email?”

“Yeah, who was that for? I mean you’re always welcome here of course.”

“He figured. It was for the brown Stepford mom. Me staying with you would be a big no-no but saying you’re my uncle”

Lavi interrupted, “Uncle?”

Zahra had her coffee ready since she drank her’s black. “Ammu, technically like my dad’s brother but here it is more like, I guess, friend of the family, so close you are family. At least that’s how I think of it.”

Lavi raised an eyebrow, “You don’t know?”

Zahra shrugged. “I’ve lived here more than there.” Lavi nodded understanding and I was sure she did. She had told me how disorienting moving to the United States had been.

“Still,” I said, “you don’t really need a guardian do you?”

“No, not really but that is the culture thing, right? Pops doesn’t want to upset his first wife by looking improper. My half brother is younger than I am but it would probably fall to him.”

“And that’s a problem? You once said he was creepy?”

“Understatement of the century,” Zahra said, “that boy watches way too much step-family porn and is way too interested in being the man in charge. If I had to stay alone with him I was going to lock my door and sleep with a knife.”

I wanted to chuckle but she wasn’t smiling. “Well, you are welcome here. Do you know how long they’ll be gone?”

“No idea. They didn’t even tell me what was going on, which means it’s probably something embarrassing and FW,” I later learned this meant First Wife, “was mad as hell so I’m guessing her golden boy is in the shit.”

“You don’t seem torn up,” Lavi said.

Zahra shrugged again, “He’s a half brother but also mostly a stranger.”

“Well, we will treat you as an honored guest,” I said.

“No you don’t,” Zahra raised a hand, “you are family, heck closer than most of mine. So I don’t want to cause you any grief. I can help out around here, just let me know what you need. Just live your normal life like I wasn’t here.”

Lavi laughed, “Well you are and I’m not going to give Robert a blow job at the table with you here.”

Zahra gave her side eye. “LIke you’d care.”

Lavi closed her sketchbook and took up her own coffee. “Oh, I care. Mellie would kill me.”

“That’s because Mellie is the adult among you three.”

“What about me?” I said. I felt a bit stung.

“Nah, you’re like my dad.” I decided to not follow that line of thought and returned to my phone.

Lavi filled the silence. “So, let’s return to the blowjob scenario.” Zahra snorted into her coffee and gave Lavi a dirty look as she got a paper towel and cleaned some coffee off her shirt. “I can’t ignore that you are a guest. I mean if I went to blow Robert, you’d leave. If I’m running you out of a room I’m a bad host.”

“The point is,” Zahra said, “is that it’s your house.”

“And you’re a guest. I mean, do you know what my rabbi would think of that?”

“What, with giving your husband a blowjob?”

Lavi made a dismissive gesture. “No, he’s sex positive, “ she paused, “I mean he really doesn’t talk about poly houses but I think he’d be cool with it.”

Zahra looked thoughtful. “I get where you’re going. Hosting is a big deal in my dad’s culture too. Fine, so, let’s get all on the same legal pad here: you do what you want and I just will be like, it’s all cool. I won’t leave unless I would have anyway.”

I looked up. “On the same legal pad?”

Zahra nodded. “Pages, lined.” I only partially followed that but nodded. The Zahran language was still a bit of a mystery to me.

Lavi smiled. “You’re on.”

Zahra cocked a hip. “You’re on? This isn’t a dare ho, I’m being polite.”

“So you’re saying you can’t take it? Fact, I pull out his dick right now and you’d be embarrassed.”

“You do your thing and I’ll do mine, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Fine,” Lavi retorted.

“Double fine.”

During this I was reading about how to grow your own mushrooms on logs. I felt Lavi’s foot leave my lap and suddenly she was behind my chair, pulled me back from the table and knelt in front of me. I smacked her hand when she reached for my sweat pants and she smacked mine back.

“Lavi...” I tried to sound authoritative.

“Robert...”. She mirrored my tone.

“This is inappropriate.”

Zahra chewed on a piece of fruit. “It’s cool. I’m not going to dial Pops or anything. I really want to be like a ghost, someone you don’t have to think about being here.”

This whole time Lavi had been rubbing me through my pants. Fuck it. Everyone here was an adult. I lifted my ass enough to push pants down and pulled my dick out from my boxers. Lavi pulled on the sweats and helped. I spread my legs and she immediately sucked one of my balls into her mouth and moaned around it. I glanced at Zahra who was facing her phone but I saw her eyes dart away from us. Lavi fisted my shaft and looked at it. Her hand moved slowly up and down and she spit on it. She pulled her top down to get one tit out and slapped my dick against it.

“You like that baby?” She asked.

I tried to growl out a response but instead laughed saying, “That is a stupid fucking question.”

She laughed too, “Good. I’m enjoying it too.” She then went down and deep throated me.

Zhara apparently forgot that she was a ghost, “Why do women ask that? I mean, your Johnson in her throat and she’s giving head, of course it feels good, right?”

“Yeah, but affirmation is still good,” I said. “It’s like telling someone you love them. Just because they’ve heard it before doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear it again.”

Lavi lifted off my dick and licked at my head with spit dribbling out of her mouth. She stroked my dick again and looked at Zahra. “I like giving him pleasure and I like to be appreciated.”

“And you are, you are,” I said as I ran my fingers through her hair and pulled her back to her task.

She giggled. “Tell me you need me baby.”

“It was June when you came / The first time to me / And my first look in your eyes / Was like my first look at the burning sea.”

She went back down, this time with something to prove. I like to think that Sara Teasdale would appreciate the motivation for my minor alterations. “Jesus Fucking Christ!” From the corner of my eye I saw Zahra tense at the blasphemy. I tried to smile, “Trust me it’s a compliment.” She just shook her head but smiled. I suspected that was going on a list of things she would never tell her family about.

It only took a few moments and I emptied myself into Lavi’s mouth. She looked at me and fisted my still hard dick. “Stay hard baby, I’ve got round two ready for you.”

I felt at peace with the world. Zahra stood and headed to the door saying, “I gotta dry my hair.” She walked out more slowly than she had to. Lavi stood and took my hand, pulling me to the garden where we often screwed on Sunday mornings.

“It’s getting chilly out there.”

“Silly man, I got the heater out of the shed and got fresh propane tanks while you were still asleep.”

“I was thinking I should get a second one.”

“Definitely.”

I grinned back at her and let her lead the way. “What do I know of love’s lonely and austere offices?”

She shook her wide hips at me and I liked how her curly hair vibrated. “You’re about to find out, poetry boy.”

By noon I was making donuts when Melissa got home. More accurately I was letting them cool while I made caramel for the topping. She greeted me by hugging me from behind as I was watching the pot.

“How’s it going?”

“A little too dark.”

“The caramel? Looks fine to me.”

“There is a thin line between caramel and toffee.”

“Well, it looks delish. Need help with lunch still?”

“I had plans to make skirt steak but then Ji showed up.”

“Huh?”

“Apparently her sis and mom are fighting. Her dad declared it a,” I plundered my memory, “changzheng.”

“What’s that?”

“From how she talked about it, it was code to get out. He went golfing and dropped her off here. Anyway, she’s making her mushroom and potato garlic pizza in the brick oven.”

“Fuckin rad, I’m down.”

“Yeah, I figured my plans could wait.”

Melissa took a spoon and stole a tiny bit of the still forming caramel. Licking the spoon appreciatively.

She leaned against the counter and eyed me suggestively. “So did Lavi wear you out this morning?”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Actually the caramel wasn’t thickening too much. I think I had it.

“Good. I want you,” Mellie said.

“Horny?”

“Very.”

I looked over. “Your top looks a little tight.”

She giggled. “Yeah, I’m bloating a bit.”

“Well, Lavi and I had a good time,” Mellie smiled at that, “but even if she had tired me out in that way I’d take care of you.”

She pouted. “I know,” it came out in a whine, “but at this time of month, having you cum in me feels so good.” She was a little flushed. She laughed. “I’m pitiful, I sound like some bimbo bitch in heat.”

I turned off the range. One day I would make caramel effortlessly. I pulled her to me and drew her into a kiss. After our lips broke apart I said, “You sound adorable but you need food in your stomach first.”

Her eyes twinkled, “Yes sir.”

I slapped her on the butt. “Get pizza and I’ll be out with dessert in a few”

“Hmmm I promise to be good if you do that again.”

“Smack your butt?”

“Uh huh.” She suddenly undid the buttons on her jeans and pushed them down. “Like that though.” She was still standing so that her face was next to mine. I looked over her shoulder and Lavi, Ji and Zahra were all watching.