Chapter 33

“Let’s get this show on the road,” I said.

Naomi pointed to the bed. “Hospital rules, you sit until the wheelchair gets here.” She said it firmly but kindly. I had come to think of Naomi as my nurse in the last week. She was a thick woman, late-20s with a slight Creole accent, and had described herself as mulatto, which I thought was a pejorative but she said it with pride. She and Melissa had hit it off. I found out that Naomi had been responsible for the second bed in the room. And it had been she that had routinely come in and checked on my vitals. It was the only time I normally saw a nurse as Melissa and Lavi took care of all the little help I had needed. After her admonishment, I remained seated on the edge of the bed. It felt good to be out of the hospital gown even if it was just sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt Lavi picked up for me.

“This is silly, I know hospitals have liability issues but I can walk fine.”

“Actually,” Naomi said, “it’s up to the attending physician and Dr. Laghari is requiring it.” I groaned internally. I had a feeling this was his little way of getting back at me. Maybe I should have kept my tongue a little less snarky with him.

“Be good Robert. You know you don’t have to check out so soon.” My Mom said this from the seating by the window where she was sitting with Lavi. I was able to pay more attention to Mom than I could a week ago. She looked healthy and happy, which filled me with warmth. Lavi and my mom had bonded over drawing and painting. Lavi was currently showing my Mom the art on her Instagram. Mom had gone home for most of the week but came back today to see me before I left.

“Not going over this again mom, I am headed home,” I said.

“Stubborn as a mule with rocks for brains,” she replied.

“I just need to rest now and I can do that better at home.” Melissa said nothing but was putting the last of our odds and ends into bags. She smiled at me indicating her agreement.

“You will need regular checkups and care,” Mom countered.

“Believe it or not, I live in a real city mom. I’ve already got a specialist I’ll see weekly that my regular doc referred me to.” I’d had enough of this from Dr. Laghari. Really, you’d think a man who moved halfway around the world to become a doctor would realize that other physicians existed outside his immediate experience.

“And,” Melissa added, “he will have plenty of help around the house.”

“What about regular checking of the bandages, did you think about that?” I love my mother but she clearly believes that I survive by sheer luck when she’s not around.

Lavi, “I got that covered.”

“How? You?” Mom looked at Lavi in surprise.

Lavi laughed, “No, but I have someone who, well, they’re not a nurse but they are a certified CMR.”

“CMR?” My Mom asked.

“Certified Medical Response,” Lavi supplied. “Think of it as junior EMT.”

“Is this someone you know?”

Melissa picked up the conversation, “One of our friends. She plans on being a doctor but her dad made her do the EMR stuff.” Mom rotated her head towards Melissa and I was reminded that she wasn’t used to how Lavi and Melissa would pick up for each other in a conversation. “He said if she couldn’t hack EMR training she might as well give up on being a doctor. She took it as a challenge.”

“Can we really trust this, dear?” I needed a stronger word than skeptical for Mom’s expression.

Lavi, “Last year one of us broke her leg on a trip. Ji was pretty amazing. She’s not a nurse but just for checking bandages and things like that she’ll be fine and Robert knows her so it won’t be a stranger in the house.”

“And,” Melissa added, “Lavi and I will make sure he gets to any appointments. We’ve looked at our schedules. There aren’t many times one of us won’t be in the house.”

“And,” Lavi, “for those few times my Mom lives a very short drive away and can pop over.”

“Are you sure she’s okay with that?” Mom was very concerned.

Lavi shrugged. “They’re old friends. From college.”

Mom’s face froze. “Uh, were they...”

“LOL, no, just friends.” Lavi actually said ‘lol.’ She clearly spent too much time texting. “He was her editor.”

Finally, an orderly, or whatever they call them, showed up with a wheelchair. I transferred myself into it as quickly as I could. Lavi set the fruit basket that Laurence Montgomery had sent me (along with a very nice note) into my lap. I’d gotten a lot of well wishes but that one had surprised me. My boss Tony took it as a good sign and had insisted I only do half days until I felt better. I had tons of sick time built up so it wasn’t a problem.

Mom, “All right. I swear your father was just as bad. You’d butt heads with a stop sign.”

“You know,” Melissa said, “I was reading that satyrs were originally represented as having horse legs rather than goat ones. Horse legs, mule legs, kinda the same, he could just be a satyr, half mule.”

My mother was chipper at this description. “Huh, that makes sense to me. He’s certainly stubborn enough to have mule legs.”

I couldn’t see her face, but I knew Melissa was very satisfied with herself for that one. At least she was having fun. I wouldn’t say it to them but getting her out of here was part of why I insisted on leaving. Melissa needed to get back to something like regular life and the hospital was toxic to her emotional state. I’d tried to suggest she head home and that hadn’t gone well so I hadn’t brought it back up. So, clearly, I needed to get out of here.

And she had something hanging over her head. After her outburst earlier in the week Melissa had shut up. No prodding had succeeded in getting more details out of her about her plan to screw over Richardson. The only thing she said was that she needed to talk to Blake and Blackman first. I had asked Lavi privately and she said she was mystified too.

Naomi pushed me out of the hospital while Lavi jogged ahead and brought the SUV around. Mom gave me a careful hug before I got into the backseat. Melissa added herself next to me and Lavi placed a restocked cooler next to Melissa. Naomi waved goodbye and even came around to give me a quick peck on the cheek. I might have blushed a little. Then Lavi got in the driver’s seat and we were on the road.

“Dancing on the hood in the middle of the woods On an old Mustang, where we sang Songs with all our childhood friends And it went like this...”

Lavi and Melissa were singing along to a pop song as I watched Melissa. She was a lot nicer to look at than I-10 West, after all. Lavi had braided Melissa’s hair this morning and the long braid was draped over her shoulder, which she played with as she sang. The golden braid stood out against the black t-shirt. I didn’t realize I was staring until she looked at me and smiled. She had put on some jeans shorts and a Metallica t-shirt. One of the few times Lavi had managed to extract Melissa from the hospital room had been when Naomi had promised to stay with me the entire time they were gone, apparently staying after her shift to make it possible. The girls hit a thrift shop, which had netted them a small pile of 80s metal t-shirts that were too big for them and Melissa decided they were awesome.

Melissa noticed me looking at her. “Lavi,” she yelled in her little girl seat, “your husband is perving on me!”

“Tattletale,” I said.

Lavi replied from the front, “Good, that means he is feeling better.”

“Yeah,” Melissa said in her normal voice, “he looked like he wanted to motorboat Naomi yesterday when she had to reach over him to that monitor.”

“I was merely making sure she didn’t accidentally make inappropriate contact which would make her feel uncomfortable,” I offered.

She smirked. “And that required trying to see through her scrubs?”

“I was being vigilant and noble.”

“Well, nobility should be recognized,” Melissa said as she shifted in her seat. “Can we raise your arm up so it’s not in the way?”

“Why?” I asked.

“I need to check on mine,” she said with the air of a proper lady.

“Yours?”

“It’s mine. You agreed.”

For half a second I was concerned about my ability to function but as soon as I thought about Melissa’s head in my lap I felt the blood flow start. Obviously, a part of me had missed the girls.

“Yeah, I can move my shoulder a bit, just don’t bump it,” I said as I lifted by leaning away. Melissa slithered under my arm and I let it rest on her back. “Just let me know when you have to move.”

“Will do,” she said as she pulled the loose sweat pants down and released me, half-hard already.

“Hey baby,” she said. Since it came with a hand gently rubbing my balls Melissa talking to my dick was just fine with me. “I know,” she continued, “the nurse should have taken care of you too. That was a bad Naomi, ignoring you. You wanted to lie between those big dark breasts and titty-fuck her you say. I’m sorry, I’ll take care of you though.” With that, she planted a kiss on the crown and I felt myself grow immediately. She giggled. “You liked that. Good boy. You missed me? I missed you too.” With that she left a trail of kisses down my length until she was kissing my balls and gently took one at a time into her mouth and tickled them with her tongue. I groaned in appreciation.

Lavi clearly wondered what she couldn’t see from the front seat because she asked, “Are you giving him head?”

“Not quite yet, but I will be,” Melissa replied. Lavi snorted in response.

Melissa licked me. It wasn’t uncommon for Melissa to lick my shaft but here it wasn’t just part of a lead-up, she flattened her tongue against my length and languidly licked up from my base to my crown and then took the crown in her mouth and swirled her tongue around it. Then she did it again from a different starting point and repeated over and over until she had been everywhere her angle allowed and her saliva was staining the sweat pants bunched under my balls.

She looked at me, jerking on my soaked cock, “You like that baby, you like a sloppy lick-job?”

I didn’t even look. My eyes were closed, my head leaned back. I just guided her head back down in response and she giggled and began again. She had to push herself up a bit but then took my entire length in one smooth movement and buried her nose in my thigh. I didn’t have to see her to know she was smirking at the deep throat. I felt my hips buck a little out of instinct and her head shifted up in a jerk.

“Sorry,” I said.

She lifted up and giggled. “Eager are we?”

“Fuck yes.”

Melissa switched to her little girl voice, “You want to cum in my mouth, mister? Put your big throbbing peter in and go woosh.”

I laughed and throbbed. There was something about a beautiful girl calling you big and saying ‘woosh’ that was both sexy and ridiculous.

“Yes, I do.”

She switched to sultry, “Then do it.” She attacked my cock and this time she didn’t play around, she suckled eagerly and moved up and down simulating the friction of thrusting. I thought I might last a few minutes but Melissa wasn’t having that and played dirty, massaging my balls while making a desperate sound in the back of her throat that drove me crazy and I was soon cuming in her mouth. She made exaggerated sounds swallowing it and purred happily in my lap as she laid her head down.

“Going to help me pull my pants back up?” I asked.

“Nope,” she said as she snuggled against my deflating penis. She seemed so comfortable I decided there wasn’t a point in disturbing her. I was glad the sweat pants were loose though. In a few minutes, she was gently snoring. Sleep sounded good and soon I faded out too.

I woke up and the road looked exactly the same. I wasn’t falling asleep with the frequency I had a week ago, but I was still tiring very quickly. I looked into the front seat. Lavi was staring ahead and listening to a book.

“What are you listening to?”

She hit pause and replied, “Rise and Kill First.”

“Sounds dramatic.”

“It’s about the history of Mossad’s targeted assassination program. I finished the last book Zayde recommended and now he said I should read this one. I know I should read-read but I like listening.”

“Knowledge is knowledge, I think it’s perfectly legit to read by listening. So, what do you think?”

“Well, I’m kind of surprised. I mean, the book is brutal.”

“You’re surprised by that?”

“No, no, but Zayde ... you’d have to meet him. He’s pro-Israel in the way that I can’t ever be. I mean, I love Israel but I’m American too. When he moved to Israel he stopped being an American.”

“Gave up his citizenship?” I stroked Melissa’s hair.

“Ha! No, I meant like in his soul. But the book, well, I kind of expected it to be all about how perfect everything is but it’s not. And some of the stories, I mean, these people needed to die but the cost sometimes was just horrible.”

“And you’re surprised that he’d recommend something that pointed out the ugly side?”

“Pretty much. It makes me realize that I feel so close to them but how well do I really know Zayde and Bubbeh? I grew up almost next door to them but I was a kid when we left. I never talked about stuff like this with them. I sometimes miss Tel Aviv.”

“That’s where you lived?”

“Sort of, it’s a big city. We lived in the north in Rammat Aviv. Zayde moved in there when it was a brand new neighborhood when he immigrated. I wish I knew him better.”

“It’s never too late,” I said. Melissa’s ears were cute. I couldn’t see Lavi’s face but realized I knew what her ears looked like from behind too. I had never realized ears could be cute.

“And I’m trying to, but it’s not like being there with them,” Lavi said.

“You miss them?”

“Yeah. Don’t you have family you miss?”

“Not really. I never knew any of my dad’s family well. Apparently, he burned his bridges with them well before I was born so contact was minimal and mom never had a lot of family.”

“But your mom?”

I shrugged with one shoulder, a new trick I was learning, and pointless since she couldn’t see it. “I love my mom and I like seeing her but I don’t miss her when I don’t.”

“Robert?”

“Yeah?”

“For someone with so much love in you you are incredibly non-sentimental.” I resisted the urge to half-shrug again.

“My ex observed that too except I think she called it being a callous dog fucker.”

“Were you?” There was mirth in Lavi’s voice.

“I told her if I was a dog fucker it was only because she couldn’t stop being a bitch for one moment of her life.”

That earned peals of laughter from Lavi and I snickered and I felt movement in my lap. Groggily Melissa asked, “What’s so funny?”

“Robert burned Jordyn with a ‘y’ like yard trash,” Lavi giggled.

Melissa mumbled, “I need to pee.” I moved my arm but Melissa didn’t move. Instead, she snuggled vigorously into my lap more which earned a little greeting from her little possession. “When we get somewhere.” She then pulled out her phone and began looking at a map with pins on it. “Lavi, 21a. The racetrack.”

“Gotcha,” came the reply.

“Does the eagle have the football?” I asked.

“What,” they both asked simultaneously.

“21a? A racetrack? Sounds like code.”

Lavi, “Exit 21a, and RaceTrac the gas station chain, not a racetrack. Mellie looked up places with family restrooms along the way.”

“Uh, why?”

“Because,” came a groggy voice from my lap, “you are still gimpy my love.”

I furrowed my brow. “I thought gimp was an offensive term.”

“Only for the disabled, not non-rutting satyrs.”

For some reason I was annoyed. “I’ll show you rutting.”

“Promises, promises,” came Lavi’s teasing from the front seat.

I rolled my eyes and yawned. I looked out the window and saw an exit sign. We still had a ways to go.

It was an odd sensation. My arm was usable but my shoulder wasn’t. I successfully used the bathroom with Lavi’s help. A woman at the counter gave us grief as we had started to enter together but Lavi had threatened to show everyone my “frankenstein” shoulder if they needed proof I needed help. Out of sheer petulance, I had started pulling my shirt up with my one good hand and they abruptly said it was fine. They had retreated with the wisdom of the underpaid employees of a stop and rob that they were. That had been a few minutes ago. I, now with an empty bladder, was perusing the junk food that normally I would never look at.

A dozen thoughts flashed through my head. Would Lavi or Melissa like something I picked? Would we share? When the kids came would they inherit my tastes? What would cooking for kids be like? Should I teach them about junk food as well as good food?

Melissa came around and looked at what I had in my hand. “Pepperoni combos?”

“Do you know how long it’s been since I had junk food like this?”

She put a hand on her hip, “Please, I’ve seen how you eat. You are not the poster boy for healthy living.”

“True, but I’m talking about corporate created, completely artificially flavored junk food.”

“Uh,” she thought, “never actually.”

“Exactly.” I went over to the drink coolers and got a Cherry Coke. Melissa followed and got a zero-calorie energy drink.

She eyed my choices. “Your point?”

“Three days ago was ten years. It hadn’t really hit me until right now.”

“Ten years from what?”

“Since I changed the locks on Jordyn. I don’t like talking about her usually. But there in the car, with Lavi, it was funny. We’d been planning to go away for Memorial Day together, but she had another of her meltdowns.”

Melissa looked stricken. “Oh.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I’m beginning to think I should just skip doing anything for Memorial Day in the future.”

She smiled thinly. “Deal.”

Lavi approached carrying a huge fountain drink.

“Hey, you guys ready,” she asked. She stopped as she saw Melissa’s face. “What’s going on?”

Melissa took Lavi’s hand and squeezed it but instead of responding looked at me. “So, the food?”

“I’m not really the therapy type. I think cooking was an alternative to an early mid-life crisis.”

“And now?” She looked concerned. I smiled.

“Screw mid-life, my life is just starting.”

Lavi, “Are we seriously having, like, an emotional moment in a gas station convenience store?”

“Nope. I’m simply having a moment of clarity.” I said.

Melissa got on her toes and kissed me lightly on my lips. “Still,” she said, “I’m sorry all this happened.”

“Don’t be,” I said, “I’m actually... “ I looked at Lavi. “You know, I’m actually quite happy.” I leaned over and kissed Lavi’s lips. It was true, I was tired, I hurt, but my life was good and if there had been chaos that was because it was worth fighting for.

Lavi grinned, “So ... gas station hot dogs?”

I gave her a good dramatic glare. “Lavi, I’m moving on, I don’t hate myself.”

Both girls giggled and we made our way to pay. We got back in the car but Melissa took over driving. Lavi did not take over Melissa’s position in my lap but put her hand on my thigh and with one hand operated her phone while Melissa chose music for the drive. The hand didn’t leave my thigh but an occasional fingertip stretched out making me pulse. She would shoot me a grin letting me know what she was doing was intentional.

For my part my thoughts jumped around. I thought about mac and cheese. I loved mac and cheese with bacon or andouille sausage but I should try it with chorizo. Would the kids like it? Pork sausage would be a delicate issue to navigate with a big part of the family. Gradually my thoughts had evolved from cooking for myself to cooking for family and that definition included future children. I could feel the tightness on my skin. All thirty-one stitches were on my shoulder pulling up into grotesque edges where the skin was woven together. Stitches always sounded so precise but it turned out there was only so much that could be done with a jagged rip. What had this trip been? It started with me wondering how my Mom would see us as a trio and by the time she had shown up something had clicked into place for me and I just hadn’t cared. Sometimes something big has to make you take stock and really feel in your gut what you already knew.

A few hours later I was holding my phone with one hand, reading. I didn’t care for it but at least it was easy to swipe pages with my thumb. I suddenly realized that Lavi’s hand was in my pants and rubbing me. Lavi had worn a bright pink dress today and was squirming in her seat as she played with me with one hand and held her phone with her other. I looked over. Lavi was watching a video clip of a tiny thing of a girl in pigtails having her ass played with by an older woman.

“Worked up?” I asked.

“Ji sent me this,” Lavi said.

“Why?”

“She’s been asking me more questions. Like, this one has a strap-on anal scene, and she was asking me if lesbians really did that stuff or it was just a porn thing.”

I snorted. “When I was a kid I would have said it was just a porn thing but I think life is imitating porn these days. What did you tell her?”

“I told her Mellie and I had one and could give her a demonstration.” Lavi looked at me mischievously. “Sent me a devil face back and said maybe.” Lavi put the phone down and started crawling over me. I got the hint and lifted my ass up so she could push my sweat pants down. Soon she had her pink panties pulled to the side and I was entering her. She wasn’t completely wet yet but a few strokes with my tip in her as she lifted up and down took care of that and soon she was sinking all the way down.

“Oh, fuck, I missed you in me, Robert,” she moaned.

From the front seat, “Are you two seriously fucking?! I just blew him!”

Lavi, “Don’t blame me for your lack of ambition. It’s rutting time!”

Melissa grumbled back, “Oh you’re going to get it later, woman.”

“Promises, promises,” Lavi threw back in a sing-song.

With my more mobile arm, I grabbed Lavi’s right ass cheek and squeezed it. My hand explored until my fingertip found the rosebud of her asshole and I got just a little in.

“Oh, that’s it, fuck my asshole too.” I couldn’t get a lot of penetration back there but I did my best to oblige. Lavi leaned down so that her forehead laid against mine. She gently chanted in a whisper, “fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.” I tilted my head up to kiss her and she squeezed her thighs together. I came nearly at once and emptied inside her. I think it was the fastest I’d ever had her cum with me.

She let out a long sigh. “I needed that.”

“Ji got you worked up that much?”

“Not just her, I started thinking about all three of us with her and then you and I wanted to feel you in me. It’s been too damn long. I haven’t even touched myself much less someone else. I really did need that.” She beamed like she had just gotten up from a long restful nap.

“My pleasure,” I said.

“I’ll bet,” she giggled. You should have been more industrious

Melissa, “Damn. Now I need something.”

Lavi giggled. “Anything I can help with?”

“I can think of several. How about we start with you eating me until I forget how to talk?”

Lavi, “Oh my, yes. I can’t wait. It’s been way too long since I’ve tasted you.”

“Too long?” I asked.

“Well over a week,” said Lavi.

“You mean you didn’t sneak off or anything?”

Melissa, “Kind of hard to be in a sexy mood when a third of you is hurting so badly.”

“Sorry,” I said.

Lavi smacked me on my good arm. She pulled it but it still stung. Then she kissed me and it was sweet and lovely. “Now, how do I get up,” she asked.

“I have no idea,” I admitted. Awkward contortions followed but soon Lavi was free. She sat back on the seat, her dress still hiked up and panties askew. I wasn’t used to using my new phone with just the left hand but I managed to take a picture. She was cute.

I had fallen asleep again and found myself waking up as the car decelerated. Melissa was pulling into the parking lot of a rest area.

“I need to stretch my legs,” she said. We walked around a bit and the girls swapped out again. They never discussed it, it just happened. With Melissa in the backseat again she passed out store-bought sandwiches from a cooler. I had forgotten that chicken salad could be completely tasteless but at least it filled me up.

Meanwhile, Melissa was going over her calendar and the schedule with me. I dutifully nodded my head and followed along on my phone. Physical therapy twice a week, once with Melissa in the morning when she had a free block and once in the afternoon with Lavi since she won’t be cheerleading. My first doctor’s appointment was tomorrow and would be once a week for at least for a few weeks, then might scale back depending on how I was doing.

“So, Sylvia is taking me to the doctor’s appointments once a week?”

“Most of them probably,” Melissa said, “Lavi and I are both in scheduled blocks then but tomorrow Ji is.”

“Huh?”

Melissa repeated herself, “Ji is.”

“Really?” I probably sounded stupid but it didn’t make much sense to me. “I get her checking my bandages while she can visit with you two but this is something else.”

Lavi chimed in from the front seat. “She volunteered, said it would be good to hear if the doctor had any special instructions. She’s even ditching school for it tomorrow.”

Melissa looked thoughtful. “She was awfully eager to help out.”

Lavi, “Do you think, you know?”

Melissa took a second before she replied. “Maybe, sort of.”

I cleared my throat. “Translation for those not sharing the mental link here?”

Lavi giggled and then said, “I was wondering if Ji was trying to get closer to you.”

“Other than some help cooking I haven’t seen that. She seems more interested in maybe exploring something with you two.”

“And,” Melissa said, “that was what I was getting at. Maybe it’s an indirect being nice to us thing. Maybe not.” Her face was carefully neutral but I knew that look so I made a motion for her to say more. “I...” Melissa sighed and put the phone down. “Same old, same old, a bunch of stupid mixed up feelings.”

“Well, nothing is going to happen.”

She gave me the side-eye and then turned to face me all the way. She looked me in the eyes. “Are you saying that if she offered to sit on your lap and shove your hard cock into her tight Asian pussy you’d turn that down?”

“Uhh...”

Melissa pointed at me, “There, I saw it, in your eyes, that ‘fuck yeah’ look you get!”

“Now, that’s not fair, it’s you saying it.”

“So, what? Her actually doing it would be even worse.” Melissa seemed confident in her point.

She was pissing me off so I might have raised my voice a little. “No, because the mental image of you upset afterward would kill it instantly you daft woman!”

Melissa deflated. “You’d think of me even then?”

“I always think of you, you aggravating woman, you and Lavi both!” I think I growled a bit then.

“Oh,” she just said stupidly. She seemed to be trying to figure out what to say when her phone dinged. She retrieved it from the floor of the SUV and looked at the caller ID.

“Blackman,” she said and answered it. “Hello. Today? Sure. We will be back by 5. No, I can’t. My husband, you met him at the office, got injured. I don’t think I should leave. Sure, you can come by, I’ll text you the address.” She hung up, fiddled with typing something out, and hit send.

“She’s coming over?” I asked.

“Yep. I left her voice mail asking if she’d talk to me about something but it was sensitive. I guess she’s following up. I hope I’m right that she won’t rat me out.”

Lavi, “Does this mean you’re going to finally tell us what is going on?” Lavi couldn’t see Melissa directly but I could see her giving Melissa the eye in the rearview mirror.

“Later, maybe.” Melissa was exasperated.

“Later?! I love you babe but I’m ready to strangle you.” Lavi looked like she might pull over to do it too.

Melissa, “It’s just ... there is a good chance she’s just going to laugh at me and it’ll all come to nothing so I just don’t want to say something for it all to turn out to be nothing.”

“All right,” I interjected. “But tonight, no talking to this Blake guy or anything like that first. I want details tonight after you talk to Blackman.”

“Fine, tonight, after I talk to her but only if she says yes. Otherwise, there’s no point.”

“Fine,” I said. Lavi echoed ‘fine’ but sounded less than happy about it.

“Can you at least tell me why you think she might help you?” Lavi asked.

“Well, how much do you know about her Lavi?”

Lavi shrugged from the driver’s seat. “She works in the office. She’s been there like forever, right?”

Melissa made that tapping with her finger tic she does when someone doesn’t pay attention to the people around them the way Melissa feels they should. “Yes, and no, she has been there fifty years but not in the office. Didn’t you ever notice that she subs for a bunch of math classes?”