Chapter 19

“Of course I’d fuck him,” said Lavi loudly.

I still had the door handle in my hand as I heard that coming from the living room of the hotel accommodations but I decided to quietly close the door and pause to listen more.

“He’s ancient!” Replied Melissa.

“But awesome, and you’re one to talk about age. Besides he was probably around Robert’s age when he did Dr. Who.”

Dr. Who?

“Yeah, but way older now,” said Melissa.

“I’d still fuck him,” clearly with a defensive tone.

“You’d give him a heart attack.”

“Well, he could tie me up with that scarf so he controls the speed.”

Melissa started laughing, “You skank.”

I was smirking as I walked in. “So, you’d fuck Tom Baker?”

Melissa and Lavi were in the living room area and watching one of the Dr. Who episodes with Romana but I didn’t recognize it. They were on opposite ends of the couch, their feet intertwined, and full drinks at hand. They lifted their legs and I got in the middle which immediately meant I was playing host to four feet with battling toes.

“Sure,” Lavi said, “everyone has a celebrity list, right?”

“I always called them hall passes,” I said.

“Who would you fuck if you could fuck anyone?” Asked Melissa.

“You two,” I said.

Both of them rolled their eyes. “That’s sweet,” said Lavi, “but seriously.”

“Well, I’ve seen plenty of women who are attractive. Emma Stone comes to mind. When I was a kid it had to be Pamela Hensley.”

“Who,” Melissa asked?

“Search for ‘Princess Ardala Buck Rogers’” I said.

Melissa had her phone out instantly. A second later she passed it to Lavi.

“Not my type,” said Lavi, “but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.” She passed the phone back.

“Prepubescent you had good taste,” said Melissa, grinning. “Any others?”

“Carolina Munro,” not waiting for the question I supplied, “search for ‘Golden Voyage of Sinbad’.”

Melissa wolf-whistled a second later and passed the phone to Lavi again. As Lavi looked Melissa said, “You know I think I’m detecting a pattern with these harem girl outfits.”

I shrugged. “What can I say, young me was heavily influenced by reading a not at all child-appropriate old paperback of the translated Arabian Nights my mom bought for me from a used book store. What about you though?”

“What about me, what?” Melissa asked.

“Who would you want a hall pass for?”

She blushed. “Natalie Portman or Freeman Agyeman.”

“Martha Jones from Dr. Who?”

“Yeah.”

“Any men?” I pressed.

“Um.” She was fidgeting.

“I know,” singsonged Lavi.

Melissa shot her a glare that could have wilted a flowering plant.

“Out with it,” I said. “Things that make you tick you should be able to share with your husband.”

“You didn’t tell me any current celebrities you’d fuck,” She retorted.

“I don’t know if I’d really fuck any celebrity,” I said. “Sure there are some I find hot and I can give a much longer list of those, Kate Upton, Scarlett Johanson, Natalie Dormer...”

I was interrupted by Lavi, “Oh god, she made me wet as Moriarty on Elementary.” I could only nod in absolute agreement. Melissa nodded more gently but in agreement as well.

“But,” I continued, “I could meet them and have zero chemistry so who really knows. Sexiness is personality as well as appearance. Sure Natalie Dormer as Moriarty was stunning but would she be as herself? I don’t know.”

Melissa steeled herself, “That’s fair. So ... Edward Norton.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Lavi giggled. “He’s not saying you can actually fuck him but you’ve put women straight in his path for the last two days on our honeymoon. He felt one up. What do you think he’s going to say?”

“That is so different,” Melissa said.

Lavi turned to me to reply instead of to Melissa, “She’s wanted that dick since she saw The Illusionist.” Suddenly an ice cube flew past me and got Lavi right on her face.

“Bitch!” Melissa roared.

Lavi stuck her tongue out at Melissa. Melissa pouted but I rubbed her foot. “It is fine. I told you before, I would think it odd to be the only man you looked at. It doesn’t mean I’d be fine with you actually sleeping with him.” She seemed mollified by that.

“So, Lavi, you liked giving Melissa grief, who would you want a hall pass for?”

“Oh, I’ll just go with your list Robert, you seem to have good taste, maybe add a few like Margot Robbie, Jennifer Lawrence, Britney Spears...”

Melissa, “You can’t stand her music!”

Lavi grinned, “Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t fit between my thighs.”

Melissa threw her hands up in frustration. “You’re impossible.” Lavi wiggled her butt in response and traced a fingertip along the inside of her thigh. Melissa rolled her eyes but I noticed she also looked back to watch it slide up. I was watching too.

“So...” Lavi said. “How did the meeting go?”

“Huh?” It took me a split second. Lavi could be very distracting. “Pretty well. We reviewed the project and talked about the technical aspects of some others. They got some very high level free consulting from me, which they’ll probably compare with their own people’s notes just to see what I said differently. The final statement was that they wanted to, how did they put it, ‘explore opportunities to find partnerships that leverage our unique skills’.”

“That sounds good,” Melissa said.

“I think so. Tony seemed pleased and he knows how those people think better than I do.”

“Hmmm...” Melissa sat up and moved to my lap and started unbuttoning my shirt. “Well, I reserved a beach umbrella and chairs at 4 o’clock. So ... do you know what time it is?”.

“A little after three?”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” said Melissa, “but I know it’s finally time for love Mr. Carlo.”

I ran my hands under her shirt and up her back. “I think that sounds absolutely lovely Mrs. Carlo.”

She wiggled her butt on me, “I like the sound of that.” She jumped up and grabbed Lavi’s hand. “You too, Mrs. Carlo, I want to eat you.” Lavi’s eyes lit up. She clearly liked that idea.

They started walking hand in hand into the bedroom as I followed. “You could have gotten started without me, you know.” I took the jacket off and walked over to the closet to hang it up as the girls started taking their shirts off.

“We had planned to, but we ran an errand after you went to the meeting. We’d just made drinks and sat down when you got back,” offered Lavi.

“Errand?” I turned around to see Lavi laid back on the bed, her legs straight up in the air working her shorts off.

“Oh, that’s a surprise for later,” said Lavi. She got the shorts and panties off in a single motion and lay back, large breasts sliding toward her sides. She had the firmness of youth but gravity would not be denied when they were that big. At the same time, Melissa was stepping out of her own shorts. As soon as she was naked she put her earlier declaration to action and was between Lavi’s thighs licking at her sex. I took my time putting up my suit and watched as Melissa spread Lavi’s lips and made love to her with tongue and mouth. Lavi just lay back and purred with delight.

I walked by Melissa and with a swat made her left butt cheek bounce. She wiggled her butt at me but I crawled up on the bed next to Lavi and lifted one of her breasts that was lying flat and lifted it up to my mouth. I suckled on her nipple like a baby except for occasional licks and she brought an arm around me and held me to her. I felt her fingernails on my back, like tiny spikes where she gripped me.

After a while, I removed my mouth and shifted up to be near her ear and with a whisper started talking to Lavi, “Do you like that?” She moaned affirmatively. “You like that blonde-haired cheerleader eating your snatch?”

“God yes,” she replied.

“What’s Hebrew for a slut?”

“Sha ... r ... lila.” She barely finished the word because she was gasping.

“I’m not sure I got that. Sharlila?” I teased her nipple with my fingertips. She nodded. “You know, I noticed that all the girls you added for your list were blonde-haired blue-eyed, classic shiksas.”

“Uh-huh.” It was kind of a grunt but it was affirmative.

I kept whispering, pulling hard on her nipple, “I wonder how you’d look with a tramp stamp, something like sharlila for shiksas.”

She replied by leaning over and kissing me, violently attacking my mouth with hers. When she disengaged for air she was coherent again and eyes blazing. One hand had reached over and was stroking me, making my cock jump with each motion. Her other hand pulled my head forward so that now her lips were to my ear and it was her turn to whisper. “You better get down there and fuck our wife. And if you want to brand me the only ones I’ll be a slut for both you and her. The rest can get one their knees for the chance to eat my pussy.”

I pulled back and stroked her cheek. “That’s my lioness.” I moved behind Melissa who was still busy enjoying Lavi’s taste and with pleasure ran my thumb through her folds. She was already moist and I added to it by spitting on my thumb and gently working it in. She wasn’t fully aroused yet busy as she was focusing on Lavi but I felt her vagina loosen to invite me in. That was all the invitation I needed to line my cock up and pressed in. Once I was a few inches in I moved my hands to her hips and slowly began the luxurious in and out motion.

Melissa broke from her administrations to Lavi long enough to whimper, “That’s it, give it to me.”

I smacked her cheek. “Oh, you’ll get it. But I’m going to take my time.”

Melissa whimpered at me and Lavi reached down to play with her now neglected pussy. Melissa took the hint and put her tongue back to work. Despite our frequent passion, Melissa was still ridiculously tight and often had me ready to seed her like far too quickly for my liking so after a few minutes I paused to let myself calm down and took the opportunity to start to finger that delicious looking asshole.

She paused with Lavi again, “That’s it, finger my asshole you bastard, you want to fuck that ass?”

“I do, but not right now.” Leaving my pinky in there I started thrusting again. We continued for a while, Lavi seemed to be lost in being eaten though she occasionally opened her eyes and looked at me and smiled. Every couple of minutes Melissa would have a tiny orgasm and I would pull my finger out to wet it and push it back in, stimulating her ass as I fucked her again. After another five minutes or so I knew I wouldn’t last long so I tried to hold it back as best I could and started speeding up, slamming into Melissa as hard as I could. Each time she got pushed up and her face smooshed into Lavi’s crotch, which she didn’t seem to mind at all.

“That’s it,” Lavi said, “cum in the little slut while she eats me.” I replied by doing my favorite job in the world and fucked Melissa until it was painful to hold back further and then she came, came screaming right into Lavi’s pussy which must have been a novel sensation since Lavi started laughing. Melissa thrashed her right, slapping the bed like a drum as she came. She lay limply for a moment before Lavi poked her.

“Come here,” Lavi said. Melissa obeyed and scooted up the bed. Lavi scooted her hair out of her face and kissed her. “You’re so beautiful.”

While they traded little lip kisses I noticed Lavi was still playing with her clit and Melissa was massaging her own lips occasionally taking a stray trace of our combined juices and coating her lips with them. I was still hard as steel and crawled between Lavi’s still open legs and while they were kissing pushed in. I fucked her gently while Melissa reached down and took over for Lavi’s hand and within minutes we had her arching her back in a long silent orgasm. To my surprise, I came again or at least had the sensation of it though I doubt I had anything to shoot into her.

We all lay there recovering, I was lying between Lavi’s legs, my head on her stomach while Melissa lay still beside her.

I think I fell asleep for a few minutes but awoke to Lavi’s soft voice floating through my consciousness. “You know what we forgot to try out?”

Melissa’s voice, however, was sharp and woke me the rest of the way up. “Oh yeah, Little Robby. I’d totally forgotten.”

“Huh?” I managed.

“Well... “ started Melissa.

Lavi continued, “We took your card and went to a local toy shop. I had ordered that dildo for Melissa that was about your size and I decided I wanted a Little Robby of my own.”

“And,” Melissa picked back up now running her hand through my hair, “we might have picked up a few other memory makers too.”

“Such as?”

“Those are surprises.” They said together and then giggled as a pair. With a sigh, I got up to pee. It was nearly four so we rinsed off and headed to the beach. We had a good two hours to enjoy it. This time our beach attendant was a girl, not a boy. She gave both the girls an eye and me this time after Lavi and Melissa both gave me deep kisses to establish I was not a parent. This time I decided to start off with a swim and they resumed their tanning regimen.

The beach girl was cute and I saw Melissa gently flirt with her a few times but the girl didn’t respond so she dropped it. So, there were actual women immune to her flirtations. That was good to know. A few guys dropped by but they seemed to take the hint much better than the ones yesterday. After a few hours of sun and surf, we went back in to get ready for dinner.

We came in from the beach and sat around cooling down for a little bit. Lavi turned the television to a music channel and a mix of 80s and 70s pop hits filled the room at a high volume. We all rehydrated and took showers. I climbed in first and Lavi joined me in the shower. I enjoyed rubbing against her and she enjoyed teasing me in response. I got out while Lavi was still washing her hair and Melissa took my place. Apparently the hotel did a better job with its hot water heater in the middle of the day. I was reading the news and email when Lavi got out. I knew from experience that Melissa would take a while washing her hair. Soon Lavi was clad in a matching black bra and panties and was fiddling around at the sink with something.

I looked over at her. “A preview?”

She grinned back but didn’t respond, walked over, leaned over to kiss me, and let her heavy breasts hang in front of me, gave them a shake, and wandered back. I noticed that I never did see what she had in her hands.

“We’ll get dressed in the bathroom,” she yelled to me before I heard the bathroom door shut again.

These girls were going to kill me and I was going to die happy. I caught up on everything that looked interesting and went into the bedroom. Lavi put out my dinner wear for me. Everything was laid out on the bed in little piles, even socks, and shoes. I was trying to decide if this was more them telling me what to do or being wifely. I decided to go with the second. Sometimes you just have to choose to be happy with things. Imagining them in French maid outfits while doing it helped too. So, with a smile, I started to get dressed.

I was tying my shoes when they came out. Lavi came out first. She had said she would turn heads but keep it classy and she had. It was a classic little black dress with straps that went over her shoulders and the length went to her knees. It was form-fitting but not skin tight and showed her hourglass figure off. The top exposed a healthy portion of her cleavage and I couldn’t help but wonder if she spilled anything if the entire restaurant would ask to help clean it up. Her hair tumbled in curly ringlets down her shoulders. On each ear were her fire opal earrings and her two wedding rings featured on her hand. She carried a small black clutch and stood on three-inch heels that made her legs look nice. A couple of decorative black and red bracelets on her right hand offset the whole thing. Forget turning heads, she might cause some men, and women, to walk into walls.

Unfortunately fear kept me from fully enjoying it. I knew I was in trouble. It had not escaped my notice that usually Melissa came out first in something more traditional to let me get the one-two punch with Lavi having the dramatic follow-up. Now Lavi was the warm-up. Melissa came out and it was just goddamn unfair what it did to me. It felt like someone had just lobotomized me as I took the sight in. Like Lavi, she wore heels, but hers were five inches high, which brought her to a statuesque height. The dress was red and if Lavi’s was form-fitting this was a second skin. Melissa had a combination of muscle and softness that was a woman at her prime and this dress not only showed it but challenged you to pay attention. It was a dark, vibrant red and went down to her ankles but was cut high on the left to mid-thigh, exposing that leg in a red stocking as she walked.

Where the cut stopped a floral pattern of semi-transparent black lace in a rose pattern started and meandered up to her hip, across her stomach, and to her breasts. Once at her bust it created a wide V shape that covered her cleavage and flowed up to become the straps that went over her shoulders. The lace wouldn’t have been so dramatic if it hadn’t been nearly transparent inviting you to try to stare through the lace. Her straight blonde hair hung around her head like a crown. She turned around and the lace connected with her shoulder blades and then went down to create a large oval, leaving her back exposed from her neck to the small of her back just above her ass. I flashed back to Thursday morning when she said ‘Remember, you asked for this.’ So, I had.

“Um ... want to stay here?” I asked.

“Nope,” giggled Lavi. “You have to show us off.” Lavi was obviously enjoying my shock and she drank Melissa in with her eyes as deeply as I was.

That was when my phone played a piece of piano music. I ignored that. My phone rang again. “Want to get that?” Melissa asked while she cocked her hips and put one hand on her left hip while holding her clutch. Oh, yeah, she had a purse too. That had slipped my mind while my brain had shut off.

“Uh, sure.” With a sigh of resignation, I grabbed the phone and looked at the messages. “Tony wants to get drinks before dinner. He just mentioned to his wife that I’m going with two girls and warned her we’re polygamous. Apparently he thinks it’s best to rip the band-aid off before we have dinner with the guy from the oil company.”

“I take it she doesn’t approve?” asked Lavi.

“I guess. His exact phrasing was ‘she is fit to be tied so keep shields up’,” I replied.

Melissa looked at Lavi, “Good practice?”

“Yep,” was the reply.

We went down and caught a cab. I decided to not drive so I could have a few drinks. The taxi brought us to the restaurant quickly and I checked in, saying we were with the Montgomery party but would be in the bar with others until dinner started. As we moved doors were sprung open by men. A doorman at the main entrance of the restaurant was nearly bowled over by a middle-aged fellow who I think wanted nothing more in the world than some acknowledgment from the goddess that was Lavi. Another stared at Melissa as if he was memorizing her and appeared unaware of the glares the woman with him was giving him. Once we walked into the bar the girls flanked me. There wasn’t room to walk three abreast, so they stood immediately behind me, their arms interlaced and clearly both with me.

I spotted Tony, a shortish man with Filliponio heritage at the bar with what I guessed was his wife. Tony was short but fit, and I knew he did a fair bit of running. I’d never met his wife before but she fit his description of her. She was dyed blonde and I’d have to guess about my age, about Tony’s height, maybe 5’6” and looked like she dieted and did the gym until she forgot that a bit of body fat could actually be healthy. I walked up.

“Robert!” Tony grabbed my hand in a firm handshake. He looked to Melissa and Lavi and missed just a single beat as he absorbed their appearance, “These must be your ladies!” He turned to them in turn, “Melissa and Lavi, right?”

“Yep,” Melissa said and returned his warm simile.

“I don’t speak any Russian though,” said Lavi giggling.

Tony looked confused but then laughed. “He told you about that eh?”

“I did,” I said. “They thought it was very funny.”

“My wife, Phillipa,” said Tony, stepping back and putting his arm around the woman.

I extended my hand, “Robert, Lavi, Melissa,” I said pointing to each as Phillipa shook my hand.

Melissa said, “A pleasure” as she reached out her hand but Phillipa pretended to not see it. Lavi didn’t bother trying.

“Glad to meet you all. Drinks?” Phillipa didn’t actually look at any of us as she said it.

Tony, ever the spokesman, called over the bartender. “Another gin and tonic for me. Robert?”

“Rum and coke.”

Tony turned to Lavi, “You?”

Phillipa coughed. “Perhaps we should make sure the girls are old enough to drink dear.”

“A mango mule will be fine,” said Lavi.

“Shirley ginger,” added Melissa.

“Great!” He passed on the order and we all moved from the bar itself to a nearby table. “So,” Tony picked back up, “this should be a piece of piss. You did great this afternoon Robert, they have a few hold outs but since Montgomery is their point man I’m guessing they’ve decided it’s really in his hands now. The good news is I know him. Results matter to him.”

I shrugged. “All I can do is my best at any given time. I can’t promise results.”

“And I don’t expect it but just be a little less about statistics and a bit more confidence about results, got me?”

“All right, all right, I’ll try to be more ... positive and less, ‘here’s the number spread’.”

“Thanks, that’s all we need!”

A waiter now came over with our drinks. “We have two mocktails here...”

Phillipa decided to assist. “The ... virgin ... drinks go there.” She pointed at Melissa and Lavi.

Lavi smiled sweetly and Lavi reached out to take them, “Thank you! I know a mango mule has a ton of calories but I’ll burn them off after dinner, I’m sure.”

The waiter was a young man and blushed while he asked who got what else and passed the drinks out. Phillipa did not look amused. She turned to her husband. “Tony, I didn’t know you paid enough for mistresses, do you think you should pick one up?”

Lavi was sitting next to me so I squeezed her knee under the table as she started to say something to stop her. Unfortunately, Melissa was on Lavi’s other side and I couldn’t get to her.

“Oh, you know what they say, a good woman or two can help relieve all kinds of life’s burdens from a man.” Melissa took a sip and after a single beat of silence added. “Maybe he should consider starting with one.” She stared Phillipa in the eyes. Well, that didn’t take long I thought.

“So... “ Tony interjected. “What are you girls studying?”

“Oh, we haven’t started classes yet. Our senior year starts next week,” offered Melissa.

“Senior ... as in college...” Tony suddenly realized he had walked off the deck of the ship. Melissa did not throw him a life raft.

“High school. We’re seniors in high school, both cheerleaders.” Melissa said sweetly. What color there had been in Phillipa’s face bled out.

“So, girls, how old are you?” She asked the question as if she wasn’t grinding her teeth, though it sounded a bit like she was.

“Eighteen,” they answered together.

Phillipa took a big sip from her drink and motioned to a waiter as if to indicate another margarita. Fortunately, the zero-tolerance attitude Melissa and Lavi had taken resulted in minimal bloodshed as Phillipa retreated a bit. She joined us with occasional comments as the five of us discussed what we had done so far in Miami and what we might get up to tomorrow. If Phillipa’s part of the conversation was terse at least she was trying to not be a complete wet blanket and even with her obvious disdain she smiled at Tony occasionally and squeezed his hand, clearly not angry with him.

Eventually, I left to check the status of our table and found it was ready. I came back to find everyone behaving themselves. We got up to go to the table and ran into Laurence Montgomery, just arriving himself with his wife. I had only met Laurence today but knew from Tony that he was in his mid-50s, from the northeast of the US, and had a couple of degrees in business and geology from good schools. What I discovered today in the meeting was that he was a bit round, bald, black, and had the most insightful questions of anyone in the meeting, at least of my work. That made sense as he was the head of their division that located mining sites and if we worked together he and our company would have to have a comfortable working relationship.

He greeted us, learned everyone’s name, and introduced his wife, Annaliese, a stately black woman, average height with strong features. She seemed genuinely glad to meet us. She lost that composure for a moment but recovered it quickly when she met Lavi and Melissa. We all got seated. I was between my wives and held out the chair for Melissa while Lavi waited and then did the same for her.

“I don’t know about anyone else but I’ve had a lot of seafood and Cuban pork the last few days. A good steak sounds excellent,” I said.

“I like that plan,” Laurence said. “They buy from a farm up in the panhandle and fly the meat in fresh every day, butcher it on site. And if you’re up for it they have some wonderful selections for after-dinner drinks.”

“I don’t drink it frequently but I do like scotch,” I said.

“We have a plan then!” Laurence was clearly excited to play host and eager to please. It was charming in a silly way and I found myself liking him. This was when the waiter arrived to pass us menus. It was nice to have something to pretend to look at instead of people.

“Are we all going to have steaks?” Laurence asked. All of us nodded except Phillipa who was undecided. Laurence decided that was enough to get the waiter to supply at least one bottle of a nice red vino. He added appetizers to the order and we settled in to wait.

Tony, ever the people person, turned to Laurence’s wife, “Annaliese, do you work with Laurence?”

She laughed, “Oh no, I’m a high school teacher.”

Phillipa smirked, “Oh what a coincidence, Robert’s girls here are still in high school.”

Annaliese looked around. “Excuse me?” Clearly she was hoping she hadn’t heard correctly.

Melissa was red but it was Lavi who put her water down and said, “Let’s get past this. Mellie and I are eighteen, high school seniors and she is the love of my life. We have been inseparable since we were in 8th grade. She fell in love with Robert and after a while, I saw why and fell for him too. We’re making it work. There is nothing sordid in our relationship.”

Silence hung over the table a minute.

Laurence broke the silence. “Well, I tried balancing two girlfriends in college and I couldn’t do it...”

“You should have let them date each other too, it would have given you days off,” Melissa said, completely deadpan. That took a second to sink in and then Tony and Laurence started laughing. A bit of a smile touched Annaliese’s eyes.

“Hmmm” Annaliese looked thoughtful, “what do your parents think? Do they know?”

Melissa answered first, “I only have my mom. She is accepting it but no, she’s not happy. Fortunately, I am. I am thankful for her though. She makes me question what I’m doing so I’m more sure than ever it’s the right thing.”

Lavi, “I found out after meeting Robert that my mom knew him from college. She said he was the most supportive man she ever met of her being a writer before my dad. She’s happy for me.”

She snapped her head towards Lavi a bit. “Lavi,” Annaliese said, “that’s a pretty name. This is probably a coincidence but your mom is a writer? A writer I recommend to my students quite a bit has mentioned a daughter named Lavi in a couple of her introductions.”

Lavi perked up. “Sylvia Newton? Yeah, that’s mom, it’s a pen name, well the Newton part.”

“Really? That’s amazing. So ... you must know my next question.”

“If it’s about mom’s writing I can think of a few she gets a lot.”

“A second Gates book?”

Lavi grinned, “Let’s just say the outline is nearly done. Once she has that she doesn’t necessarily stick to it but she’ll be off and running. But I don’t know where it is in her priorities, she’s been doing a ton of YA workshops for writers called the Red Pen and I know she’s been really wanting to do more.”

“Uh...” I had to interject, “excuse me, Lavi?”

“Yes, love?”

“Sylvia does workshops called the Ren Pen?”

“Yeah, with young writers learning discipline and learning to take a critical eye to their own work.”

I grinned. “Oh, I’m so going to give her crap about that...”

Lavi snorted a short laugh, “Why?”

“When I used to edit her stories I used a red ballpoint pen. She hated that thing so much. She once said she wanted to ... uh, do something biologically unpleasant to me with it. She swore, up and down, that she would never make anyone deal with her using a red pen on their papers.”