Chapter 15

Sarah arrived not long after her message. She only lived down the road. It looked like she’d run.

“Oh my god, it’s on all the channels” she said breathlessly. “Have you seen it?”

‘It’ turned out to be Tiff’s parents giving a press conference. I recognised the venue as a local church hall.

“Really, we just want her to come home,” Tiff’s mum was pleading tearfully, “All is forgiven. Tiffany, if you’re watching, you can come back to the fold.” Tiff’s dad was holding his wife’s hand firmly and staring down at the table top in front of him.

“That is so ... not them! That’s just a fucking act” Tiff spat bitterly.

“Why would they do such a thing!?” Charlie wailed.

“Money,” Sarah scrunched up her face like she was chewing a lemon.

“Yeah, I was offered twenty thousand for my story yesterday,” mum said absently. We all swiveled to stare at her. “What?” she challenged us defensively, “It’s not like I sold out!”

“For twenty grand, perhaps you should. Get money up front and only say nice things?” I mused. Was I the only one not really caring? Sarah and Charlie gave me withering glares and I shut up.

I woke up the middle spoon in the Sam-wich. Tiff had cried herself to sleep in my arms, smothered as she liked to be. Extra-smothered because of the narrowness of my single bed, completely unsuitable for three. Behind me, pressed back to the wall, Charlie and her massive mammaries took up more than half the bed all on their own.

Tiff and Charlie both stirred and rushed off, green faced, to the bathroom. I didn’t blame them. How were we going to face the day? My nerves were in tatters, too. I felt the bile rising and tried to push it back down as I staggered off to queue for the bathroom.

Sarah was in our kitchen making bacon breakfast sandwiches. Flo squealed when she saw a tired, haunted Tiff hanging in the doorway, and Tiff cheered up and got a nice welcoming hug. Sarah’s husband, Jack, gave me a curt nod. He would doubtless ask me what it was like to have two girlfriends, but at least he was tactically astute enough to wait until all the women were out of earshot.

Charlie looked remarkably fresh. She always did, even when waking up from an awkward night in a cramped bed designed for one. It was impossible to mess up her hair or have bags under her eyes. She smiled her winning good-morning smile and Jack gave me a discrete thumbs-up. It was the first time he’d seen my girlfriends in the flesh. I felt proud; I knew I’d done well.

Flo hurried off to school with Jack escorting on his way to work, and Charlie, Tiff and I slipped down into the vacated chairs. Sarah plonked full plates down in front of us and went to take one off to my mum, who was still in bed.

“It’s not like that” Sarah giggled as she saw Tiff following her with the corner of her eye. “We’ve never ‘practiced’ or anything”. Sarah’s cheeks went very red.

Charlie glanced at her phone and then tilted the screen so Tiff could read it, too. Tiff hummed and nodded and shrugged. I wondered what they were plotting.

“So, war council,” the headmistress sighed grimly as she sat down at the head of the table. Ms Duncan didn’t look much happier.

“What’s going on?” Tiff asked, looking equally concerned.

“Wait, please, Tiffany dear. We’re not all here yet,” the headmistress apologised.

A short while later - after the secretary, Silvia I think she was called, had brought in some coffees and hard, cheap biscuits - the policeman arrived. Charlie and Tiff recognised him and stood to shake his hand. It took me a while, with my face blindness, to realise he was one of those who’d taken Tiff out of class back when she’d first run away from home.

“Hi, so you’re celebrities now,” he grinned, lightening the mood. “You know, one of the perks of being a celebrity is having a designated police contact person. Because I handled the missing persons report, Tiff, I’ve been assigned to you going forward. Are you comfortable with that?”

It seemed a genuine question. He was concerned. If we’d been unhappy, we could probably have got him changed for someone else.

“Really, that’s fine,” Tiff smiled wanly. She turned to the headmistress. “Are we all here, now?”

“Yes, so I shall begin. Tiffany, Charlotte, Samuel,” she looked around at each of us in turn as she said our proper names. They sounded so strange and foreign. “Ms Duncan informs me you three are dropping out of school?”

The policeman was studying us carefully. Was that illegal? So I asked. “Is that illegal?”

The policeman grimaced. “It’s complicated.” He waved at the headmistress, “Perhaps you’re more qualified to answer?”

The headmistress didn’t look like she thought she was. “Yes, very complicated,” she concurred.

Seeing that he wasn’t going to get someone else to take over, the policeman proceeded. “I talked it over with my sergeant before I came over this morning. As best we can tell, you must be at school, or in an apprenticeship, or volunteering twenty hours a week community service, until you are eighteen.”

“But, we have our own company,” Charlie said meekly.

“I’m afraid having full time jobs or your own company or just being rich celebrities isn’t on the list,” he shrugged apologetically. “It’s like you three have to get an apprenticeship in a garage or do community service. It’s really silly, but that’s the law for you”

“And what happens if we don’t?” there was an inquiring edge to Tiff’s voice now. She was searching for a way to redefine the problem.

“Ah, we aren’t completely sure. There are some sanctions we can take, for example - withhold benefits from your parents.”

Tiff smirked and we all caught it. Was Tiff going to try and maximize payback on her parents? Then Tiff looked downcast. “That’s not fair on Charlie or Sam’s parents.”

“You could just, eh, look the other way?” Ms Duncan whispered nervously, joining in at last.

“I mean, we know people who just work down the hotel and things,” Charlie trailed off.

“Yes, ignoring you would have de-facto happened, I imagine,” the policeman conceded, “except that Tiffany’s parents have reported her truant and The Sun was on the blower to the superintendent this morning, chasing it up.”

Everyone sank in their seats. “War council indeed,” Tiff muttered darkly. Charlie reached into her bag to get her laptop to await Tiff’s instructions.

“What’s wrong?” Jim smiled, “I thought you’d be pleased!”

“No, really, Jim, we are!” Charlie put her hand out reassuringly and patted his cardiganed arm. “We are.”

Jim had basically arranged the full BigMarket Corporate roll-out of BigSaver! Everyone was falling over themselves to get all thirty franchises online before spring next year! It was understandable that he was perplexed at the subdued reception he’d received.

“They get twenty-five percent of the joint venture,” he smiled excitedly. “Six percent was a big incentive to me.”

“Five percent,” Charlie smirked.

“I learned negotiation from you,” he retorted playfully.

“And I learned it from the best,” Charlie grinned and pointed surreptitiously towards Tiff who was lost in thought and wasn’t paying us any attention. Everyone laughed.

“Jim, dear, I’m afraid there’s been some developments while you were traveling,” Ms Duncan spoke, “Haven’t you seen Tiff’s parents on the telly?”

Jim just nodded “Yeah, sales at BigSaver are through the roof! You just can’t buy that kind of publicity! Everyone knows about BigSaver now,” He beamed contentedly.

“I’m afraid they’ve reported our threesome to the police,” Ms Duncan continued.

“What, that’s not illegal, surely? What they want to do in the privacy of their own bedroom should be their business.” Jim puffed his chest out. “Everyone’s just jealous, surely?”

“Not that kind of crime, Jim,” Ms Duncan smiled at the misunderstanding, “Apparently, our three have been truant and the police are now involved.”

Jim looked scared now, the situation dawning. “Can they be locked up?”

“No, not together, anyway,” it was Ms Duncan’s turn to smirk. “It’s not anywhere near that serious. But, do BigMarket offer apprenticeships?”

“Apprenticeships aren’t really a thing,” Jim waved his hand away dismissively, “It’s just some government initiative that went nowhere.”

“Then we’re screwed,” I said quietly. “Perhaps we just have to go back to sixth-form?”

“No, sod community service too. Sod the fucking community. We’re fighting it, on principle,” Tiff interjected. Perhaps she had been listening to us after all? Everyone turned to face her, waiting for instructions. “Jim, didn’t you have some contracts for us to sign?”

And so we turned back to the BigMarket Corporate deal again, and went through their offer carefully.

Tiff shuffled through the pile of printouts that Charlie had given her. I watched them from the hotel bed. Tonight, we were in a hotel right up in the north of England. Tomorrow, we’d be going up to see our solicitor, Mr McDonnell in Dumfries. Just routine, Charlie had said. Derek, our tame taxi driver with the NDA, had a room just down the corridor. At least nobody had said anything about the three of us sharing a room. Of course, who would dare? We were infamous.

“I like that kitchen,” Tiff mused, and flicked back to a previous printout she’d already looked at. “But that’s a killer view. Is that west? Where does the sun set?”