Chapter 62: Wise Teachers

March 27, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio

"I told Mom I'd make you dinner tonight," I said to Liz when I arrived home. "How does penne pasta with arrabbiata sauce and a salad grab you?"

"That sounds good! I could invite Mindy and Maggie?"

"It's up to you," I replied flatly. "I have enough ingredients, and there's plenty of penne in the cabinet."

"Is something bugging you?"

"Not bugging me, per se, just making me think. I had a long talk with Tasha, and the last thing she said was very, very interesting. She said she's not sure about the future because the world is not what she thought it was. And I think there's a lot of truth in that."

"So what does that mean?"

"That she's discovering some of the same things I have — that we've had a very sheltered view of the world from here in Harding County."

"Duh, Mikey!" Liz laughed. "Why do you think I want to get out of Hicksville, USA! Same as Dale!"

"And I have the opposite view. All that stuff makes me even more determined to come back here. I'm not saying I'm going to deny it exists, and learning about it is going to help me be a better doctor, but I like the calm, peaceful environment where very little changes."

"You are very, very weird! Don't you want an exciting life?"

"No. I want a fulfilling life; one that makes me happy and allows me to achieve my goals and be who I want to be."

"Do you know how boring that sounds?"

"To you, I'm sure it does. To me, that sounds like a life I want to live. You know what's important to me."

"Sex?" Liz teased.

"Work and family!" I said, laughing.

"So, is it OK if I invite them?"

I shrugged, "If you want. Just let me know so I know how much to make."

"Let me call them. Did you see Janey?"

"Yes, but she left immediately after the service because Tasha stood next to me again."

"Chasing off the competition!" Liz laughed. "Are you back in business with Tasha?"

I shook my head, "We're friends. She has a lot of thinking to do."

"I guess you and Janey are through?"

"I had planned to call Janey today, but I'm not sure if I should do that."

"Why?"

"The way she behaved last night and today makes me think I made a mistake about how mature she is. It's like, well, do you really want to hear this?"

Liz nodded, "Sure, Mikey. We can talk about anything."

"Including what Mindy said?"

"OK, anything but THAT and about what Mom and Dad do!"

I chuckled, "Anyway, I think Janey felt sex was a way to keep me interested until she was ready to talk about a relationship. When I tried to talk to her about it, she pushed back. Then, when I tried to explain last night about Tasha standing next to me, Janey became upset. I guess seeing Tasha next to me again today made it worse.

"But that makes NO sense because I told Janey I wanted to talk to HER about a relationship, and that was despite Tasha always standing next to me in church! It's funny because Tasha is younger and has way less experience with the world but is in some ways more mature than Janey. Tasha realized she'd made a mistake, came to me, apologized, and is looking for some kind of solution. Janey is, in effect, throwing a temper tantrum."

"But neither of them are Jocelyn, are they?"

"Believe it or not, the correct way to say that is that neither of them is Clarissa."

"Your lesbian friend?"

"You know how you think you met your soulmate, and he was married, had a kid, and was eleven years older? Mine is my age and lesbian. You at least have a real chance to be with yours."

"Wow! I don't even know what to say."

"What's there to say? I can share literally anything with Clarissa. And she with me. Can I be a bit gross?"

Liz made a face, "I suppose."

"I bought Clarissa pads when she needed them. And gave her advice about cunnilingus."

Liz broke up laughing, "Oh God, Mikey, you're precious! Can't you just say eating pussy!"

"No!"

"If some guy bought pads for me, I'd know for sure he was the one to marry!" Liz laughed. "I can't imagine ANY guy doing that for me!"

"She's perfect in every single detail except one," I sighed. "We've planned our life together. The problem is, if you will, I have the wrong anatomy."

"I guess I don't know enough about her, or about being a lesbian, to say anything about it. Do you love her?"

I nodded, "With my whole heart. And she loves me, too."

"I'm guessing sex with her would be OK for you but problematic for her."

"I believe I would enjoy it, yes," I deadpanned.

Liz laughed, "Boys are pretty easy to figure out! If you're breathing and willing, they're happy!"

"That's not true by ANY stretch of the imagination. I've turned down some pretty crazy opportunities."

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think part of that is that you're afraid."

I shrugged, "If that's why I don't do some of the dumber things I might do, I'm not sure it's a bad thing. Can I ask you something VERY personal?"

"Sure."

"Did you actually enjoy the sex you had with those guys who were giving you drugs?"

"No. But at that point, I wasn't exactly thinking straight or respecting myself. Whatever happened in the past, Paul Reynolds is the only man I intend to sleep with for the rest of my life."

"So, how do you feel?"

"About those guys? I don't, really. It was just letting them get off. I didn't really care. I got what I wanted, and they got what they wanted. An even trade, if you will."

"That just seems, well, strange, I guess."

"I know you aren't making a moral issue, but seriously, Mikey; what do you and Mindy get out of it? Mutual pleasure? How is that different? It's the same basic trade, isn't it?"

"«Говно» (gavno)," I breathed. ("shit")

"You know what? Let me ACTUALLY go call my friends. We can finish this before they get here."

I nodded, deep in thought over what she'd just said to me. WAS there a difference between what I was doing with Kristin and what I was certainly contemplating doing with Mindy and what Liz had done? I could insist that there was something different about trading her body for drugs and trading my body for mutual pleasure, but I wasn't sure, in the final analysis, if that would hold up to even my miserable ability to evaluate my own actions.

Liz had put me right back where I'd basically been since my trip to Cincinnati with Jocelyn — struggling with the idea of what amounted to 'casual' sex. I'd been with enough different girls that a casual observer would suggest I was simply engaging in silly mental gymnastics, and I'd have a heck of a time arguing against that notion because, in the end, I DID willingly engage in what amounted to 'casual' sex.

My problem was, once I'd tasted the 'fruit of the forbidden tree' as it were, I kept being drawn back to it. I was weak, and I knew it. Neither of the other options — marriage and celibacy — were reasonable given who I had become and where I was at that stage of my life. Actually, though, that wasn't quite true. If there was some way for Clarissa and me to be together, I'd probably ask her, and she'd probably say yes. But that was a pipe dream.

"They both said 'yes'," Liz announced when she came back into the kitchen.

"OK."

"I didn't mean to upset you before."

"You didn't, really. It was just my usual concerns."

"Church really messed up your head on that, Mike! Just do what you want and be happy!"

"It's not quite that easy," I replied. "Is it OK to say something tough?"

"I guess so."

"You did that. What happened to Paul's wife and son? Do you think THEY were happy?"

"No," she murmured, looking down at the floor.

"It wasn't about condemning you or upsetting you; I just felt that was the best way to make the point that just doing what makes you happy can cause all kinds of trouble. And not just for other people, but for you, too. There have to be SOME limits, and I guess that's where I'm struggling. Honestly, there are times when I think I should just ask Tasha to marry me and be done with it."

"Is that what you WANT? Or is that the easy way out of what you think is an impossible situation?"

"I didn't say I was going to do it! I just said there were times when I thought about doing that."

"Don't let what happened with Janey make you do something really dumb."

"It won't. I'm actually more disappointed than anything."

"I think if you aren't upset with what happened with Janey, then that should tell you everything you need to know."

"But it's at least partly my fault," I said.

"Or," Liz asked with a smile, "did you do it on purpose?"

I couldn't help but laugh, "Since when did YOU start talking like Mom?"

"I told you we had some good talks. I don't agree with her on everything the way you do, but she's not as bad as I thought she was."

"Will wonders never cease?"

"Oh, stop! I was serious. I wonder if you pushed Janey because you were at a point where you were truly serious about her and wanted to see how serious she was. A test, maybe. And she flunked. Kind of like you with Katy, if I understand what happened correctly."

"That I failed the test?"

"Maybe. If you think about it, she was going to change her life for you and asked you to commit to her so she was sure she was doing the right thing. You said her dad wanted her to go to school in California, right?"

"Yes. And I guess it does make sense. Dating is supposed to be about figuring out if the person is right for you. And that's where the problems with Tasha arise — that's not how her family sees it. We didn't talk about it, but I take it Sasha is still under house arrest?"

"If you mean does her mom drive her to school every day and pick her up and not let her out of her or Deacon Vasily's sight for two seconds except when she's in school, yes. It's so dumb. Just because she made out with Jake Baxter!"

"Made out with?"

"Larisa thinks Jake is lying. Her friend Violet went out with Jake once, and Jake claims to have done it with her when Violet says she didn't even give him a 'good night' kiss because he tried to put his hand on her boobs during the movie. And Larisa says she's sure Violet isn't lying. According to Tommy, Valerie's boyfriend, Jake claims to have done it with every girl he's ever gone out with. That would be like dozens of girls."

"I hope what Larisa thinks is actually true, but I don't think Deacon Vasily would believe it, short of some sort of actual proof, and I don't know how you prove something you didn't do! I'm not sure he believed what Tasha said about us."

"What do you think will happen?"

"I have no idea. I honestly think the severe lockdown is counter-productive. I'm not saying give her free rein, but the notion that she's under observation every waking moment and not allowed out of the house except for church or school just screams 'wrong' to me. It's more or less what I told Mom when you were under lock and key."

"I wonder if we could get Jake to admit the truth," Liz said thoughtfully.

"How would you do that?"

"Girls are WAY smarter than boys, so I'm sure we can think of something!"

"Just don't get into trouble."

"As I said, WAY smarter!" she laughed.

The doorbell rang, and Liz scampered to the front door to let her friends into the house. Unsurprisingly, Mindy greeted me with a tight hug and a sexy French kiss, which conveyed her intentions quite clearly. I was amused when Maggie hugged me and gave me a quick peck on the lips, which made me wonder what was going on in her mind.

"What's the plan for the afternoon?" Maggie asked.

"I vote 'Spin the Bottle'," Mindy said with a smirk.

"Ewwww!!!!" Liz and I both responded.

"I think that's a bad idea all around," Maggie added.

"Strip poker?" Mindy suggested.

"NO!" the three of us replied in earnest.

I actually wouldn't have minded playing with Mindy and Maggie, but the last thing I wanted to do was be naked in front of my sister, and I was sure she felt the same way. And I couldn't imagine Maggie playing after what Liz had told me about her.

"I am NOT going to play ANY of those games with my sister!" I declared firmly. "Period!"

"I'm not playing those games with ANYONE!" Maggie agreed, equally firmly.

"You guys are just no fun!" Mindy laughed.

"Let's put on some music and play pool, Hearts, Rook, or Uno," Liz suggested.

Everyone agreed we'd play Uno so I got my boombox from my room, put in an REO Speedwagon tape, and we sat down at the kitchen table to play. We ended up playing four rounds of Uno, then played Hearts until it was time for me to make dinner. Maggie offered to help, and I accepted.

"What can I do?" she asked.

"I've only made this once, and it was with a friend who had done it before. Let me check the recipe."

I took out the recipe card that I'd copied from one at Katy's house and quickly read through it.

"We need to mince garlic, chop the fresh basil, and peel and dice the tomatoes," I said.

"I know how to do the tomatoes," Maggie said. "There's a cool trick my mom taught me. You boil water and dip the tomatoes in it for about 25 seconds, then put them in ice water. If you cut an 'X' in the skin before you start, it just peels right off."

"Then you're elected to peel the tomatoes!" I grinned.

I got her a pot and a bowl, and while she set about dealing with the tomatoes, I got my mom's good chef's knife, minced the garlic, and chopped the fresh basil. Maggie's 'cool trick' worked, and soon we had the tomatoes, garlic, basil, and other spices in a skillet. I added the other ingredients and then set the sauce to simmer. I put the pasta in a pot of boiling water and set the timer.

"That was fun," Maggie said. "Liz told me you're going to be ordained, but something less than a pastor?"

"We don't do things the way you do," I said. "It's a bit more complicated. Right now, I'm a reader, and in May, I'll be a subdeacon. Basically, my job will be to assist the Bishop or priest during the services."

"So, like Catholic priests? Not allowed to marry?"

"It's technically true our priests aren't allowed to marry, but we ordain married men."

"So, like you're going to be a priest?"

"No, I'm going to be a doctor!"

Maggie laughed, "I know. But our pastors mostly have regular jobs. Only the senior pastor is full-time."

"It's possible for an Orthodox priest to work, but it's not the preferred situation. Priests in small churches often work but stop once the congregation is of sufficient size to properly support them. That said, I have no interest in being a priest."

"But you guys are like the Catholics, just without the Pope."

"It might look like that to an outsider, but it's very different."

"Liz invited me, but I'm not sure I can go to a church where they worship Mary."

"Me either," I grinned.

"What?"

"Do you REALLY want to debate theology?" I asked. "This isn't a short conversation."

"I guess not, no."

"Come to the service with Liz if you want. I can't imagine that spending a few hours in church on Saturday morning is going to hurt you in any way."

"It could get me in trouble with our elders, though."

"Seriously? I mean, I could see if you participated, but just being there? I wouldn't get in trouble for going to your church. I just couldn't help conduct the service, which makes sense if you think about it. We don't believe the same stuff."

"Our pastors say you aren't really Christian."

"I'd say your pastors are violating one of Jesus' most important commandments — to not judge others without first examining yourself thoroughly. How do they know who is and who is not a Christian? And how can they be sure THEY are Christians?"

"Through reading the Scriptures, of course!"

"And living them?"

"They're godly men!" Maggie protested.

"Who declare who is and who isn't a Christian? How do they know? Can they see my heart?"

"Idols? Mary? Praying to dead people?"

"All inaccurate. I can explain it all, but it would take a long time. I'm willing to spend the time explaining everything, but you have to be willing to actually listen."

"What do you mean?"

"If you aren't open to what I say, I'm wasting my breath. I'm not saying you'll agree with me when all is said and done, but if your mind is made up that I'm some sort of idol-worshiping pagan, then it really isn't worth it. All it will do is annoy both of us."

"Would you listen to what the Scriptures have to say?" she asked.

I nodded with a smile, "Absolutely. In fact, I'll wager anything you care to wager that we use more Scripture in any one of our services than you use in a month. And I know them very well, too. Tell you what, I'll give you a challenge. You have a book that lists all the words in the Bible, right?"