Chapter 56: A Serious Complication

March 8, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio

"You don't look happy, Mike," Mom said when I greeted her after arriving home.

"Tasha and I had a serious disagreement."

"Uh-oh. Because of her dad?"

I shook my head, "No, it's way more complicated. We can talk after dinner if that's OK."

"Sure. Your sister and her friends are up in her room."

"The tradition I started?" I grinned.

"Exactly. You had Jocelyn and Dale at every birthday celebration from the time you were in second grade. And before that, Jocelyn starting in kindergarten. Have you heard from her?"

"No, and I don't really expect to. I have to honor what she asked me to do. Maybe, somehow, I can talk to her over the Summer, and we can find a way to start putting things right."

"That would be nice. Dinner is in about ten minutes. Go say 'Hi' to your sister and get washed up."

I left the kitchen, but instead of going upstairs, I went downstairs to say 'hello' to my dad, then went upstairs and stuck my head in the door to Liz's room.

"Mikey!" she squealed, jumping up and hurrying towards me.

"Happy birthday, Lizard Breath!" I grinned.

"«Мудак» (mudak)!" she said, quietly enough so Mom didn't hear but fiercely enough to make a point. ("asshole")

"Wow!" I laughed. "I got YOU to swear in Russian!"

"Calling me Lizard Breath on my birthday is pretty low, even for you!"

I held out my arms, and after sticking out her tongue at me, she accepted the hug.

"Happy birthday, Liz," I said quietly.

"Thanks, Mike!"

"Can anyone get a hug?" Mindy asked with a silly smile.

"Sure," I grinned.

We exchanged a nice hug, and after she checked to make sure the coast was clear, she gave me a soft kiss as well. I hugged her tight, and she stepped away. Maggie got up and came over and winked, and I hugged her as well, though she only gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Dinner in two minutes!" Mom called up the stairs.

I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, then went back downstairs. The girls came down about a minute later, and everyone sat down at the dining room table. We had Liz's favorite meal — battered chicken strips and large, thick-cut fries, with a healthy dose of country gravy on the side. Dessert was chocolate cake with fudge icing and vanilla ice cream.

"Is this where I make the joke about Devil's Food cake?" Mindy teased.

"It IS for my sister," I grinned.

"Do you HAVE to tease your sister on her birthday?" Mom sighed.

I smirked, winked at Liz, and declared, "YES!"

"Forget it, Mom! When he came upstairs, he said, 'Happy birthday, Lizard Breath'!"

"Guilty as charged!" I said with a grin.

"I not quite sure who's more devilish," Mom laughed.

"Hey, I like Angel food cake!" I protested.

"Now THERE'S a laugh!" Liz teased. "You do remember what the bishop said about subdeacons, right? That they're just glorified altar boys!"

"But hey, I'll be glorified, so I have that much going for me, which is nice!"

"I think total consciousness on your deathbed is a better deal!" Maggie laughed, getting my Caddyshack reference.

"You two are talking in code," my dad said. "Almost as bad as when Mike and his mom speak Russian!"

"He was quoting Caddyshack, Mr. Loucks," Maggie said. "He just modified the line a bit. I knew what he was referring to, which is why I said what I said."

"Wasn't that movie rated 'R'?" Dad asked. "And you must have been about thirteen."

"Yes," Maggie said. "Karl took me to see it. He had permission from my dad. It was hilarious, and it really wasn't that bad. A couple of scenes with topless girls and some bad language, plus a few dirty jokes."

"But thirteen?"

This wasn't going anyplace good, and I wanted to deflect my dad's fit of pique away from Liz's friends.

"Dad," I said. "Dale and I snuck in to see Animal House when we were fifteen. I don't think it scarred us for life!"

"I wouldn't be so sure," he said, giving Mom a hard look.

"Let's have Liz open her presents," Mom said, trying to redirect the conversation.

That changed the temperature in the room upwards, and Liz happily opened her gifts. When she finished, she asked if I'd spend some time with her and her friends playing pool.

"Sure. I need to talk to Mom at some point."

"Mindy and Maggie have to leave at 9:00pm," Liz said. "It's a school night."

"That's fine, Mike. You came home for Liz, so spend time with her. Your dad and I will do the dishes."

"Thanks," I said.

The three girls and I headed to the basement and played pool, switching partners between games. Mostly, whoever was on my team won, though Maggie was a pretty good pool player. After six games, we put the ping-pong table on top of the pool table and played ping-pong until it was time for the girls to leave.

"When will you be home again?" Mindy asked before we climbed the stairs.

"Spring Break," I said. "That's a bit less than three weeks away."

"Cool!" she gushed and gave me a soft kiss. "Maybe we could do something?"

"We'll talk when I get home," I said.

She winked and started up the steps. I wasn't surprised when Maggie offered a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then followed Mindy up the stairs. Liz and I followed the two girls to the front hall, where they put on their jackets. Liz, Mindy, and Maggie exchanged quick hugs, and then the two girls walked out to Mindy's car.

"Can I have a few minutes?" Liz asked.

"As many as you need," I said. "But I do need to talk to Mom."

"OK if I come to see you later?"

"Sure."

"Go have your talk with Mom and try to avoid Dad. He looked upset."

"I didn't want him bothering Maggie about something that was, in effect, a non-issue. I'm not sure what happened, but Dad has become even more prudish."

"I happened," Liz said. "And then he discovered you aren't the angel he thought you were."

"If he thought I was an angel, he was sorely mistaken."

Liz laughed, "Right! My brother, the 'goody-two-shoes' who didn't have sex until the Summer after he graduated, never did drugs, and who never got in any real trouble? You WERE an angel. Then you became a real person, Mikey. I like the new Mike. I couldn't stand the old one. Dad prefers the old Mike. He's wrong."

"I love you, Liz! Come see me later."

We hugged, and I went to find Mom. Dad was reading in the living room, so we went down to the basement with a pot of tea to talk.

"Where's the listening post?" I ask with a wry smile.

"Our bedroom. I think we're safe!"

"Good."

"Why do you bait your dad like that?"

"He was picking on Maggie for no good reason! It's up to her parents to decide what's appropriate for her and what isn't."

"And you and Dale sneaking in to see Animal House? Did you let YOUR parents make that decision for you?"

"No," I said firmly. "BUT, Maggie made the point that her dad had approved. She didn't sneak in. I felt Dad was going to go off on one of his rants. If he's going to do that, it can be at me, not Liz or one of her friends."

"You've become very protective of your little sister."

"We discovered we love each other and ought to behave like we're siblings, not like we're 'siblings'!"

"So the cats and dogs are done? And now it's all lovey-dovey?"

I chuckled, "I wouldn't go QUITE that far. You heard what she said about how I greeted her!"

"Yes, but now she laughs about it instead of getting upset. I'm very happy, Mike. And I'm happy you encouraged her to start talking to me. There's a bit of a thaw in the cold war, which is good."

"And it's way better than the 'hot' war that was going on before. Just listen to her, Mom. She has to be her own person. You need to let her do that, just as you've done that with me. And keep Dad at bay."

"I got an earful about your comment."

"Whatever," I said, shaking my head. "I thought I was making progress with him, but I'm not. And I'll bet you anything you care to wager that your reaction to what I'm going to tell you is very different from Dad's."

"You shared something with him you didn't share with me? That's not like you."

"I had my reasons. What he knows is what I'm going to tell you now. I'll explain why he knows, too. In fact, that's the place to start. Do you remember me asking you about marrying a friend?"

"Sure."

"And you and Dad put your heads together and decided it was my friend Clarissa I was talking about."

"Yes, but then suddenly he changed his mind on that."

"Because he pressed me on it hard. In order to stop the stupid speculation and gossip behind my back, I told him something you don't know about Clarissa — she's a lesbian. I can tell you now because she came out publicly. I was the only one she told before then."

"That does put a different spin on it," Mom said.

I smiled, "This is me, so you know it's NEVER that simple. But anyway, Clarissa started dating a girl named Glenda at Taft, at my urging."

"And how do you reconcile that with your faith, Reader Michael?"

"And therein lies the reason I wanted to talk to you. YOU ask that question simply to make sure I've thought it through. That's not how Dad meant it when he asked it. And it's certainly not what Tasha meant tonight when SHE asked it."

"Now I know why you looked unhappy when you came in. You did a good job of hiding it after that."

"I wasn't going to ruin Liz's birthday by being a Gloomy Gus," I said.

"I'm curious, how DO you handle the apparent contradiction?"

"To put it in Clarissa's earthy terms, and I hope you'll forgive me for quoting her, but she said that I believe I have to get my shit together before I can tell someone else to get THEIR shit together. Or, in Biblical terms, to remove the log from my own eye before I try to remove the splinter from someone else's eye."

Mom nodded, "That sounds just like you."

"I would hope so!" I exclaimed. "If not, I'm in no position to accept ordination from the bishop! My job, as Saint Seraphim instructs, is to save myself so that the world around me may be saved. Honestly, telling Clarissa, or Robby and Lee, that they're vile sinners and that they're going to Hell would drive them away instead of having them come to church! I'll leave the stupid 'fire and brimstone' «дерьмо» (dermo) to the Calvinist preacher who haunts the campus on Saturdays!" ("crap")

"Those two male friends of yours who came to church when you were tonsured are gay?"

"Yes. But the key words in what you just said are that they came to church! If the Church is the hospital for sinners, then where else do they belong?"

Mom nodded, "One thing I could always count on with you, Mike, is that you actually paid attention to the lessons and did your best to live them."

"Last I checked, that was what we're supposed to do! It's not a social club! Well, not the way those words are usually meant."

"I'm guessing Tasha didn't react well to you having gay and lesbian friends."

"You might say that," I sighed. "You also might say that I felt I was being given an ultimatum. Choose her and give up my friends, or keep my friends and lose her. She actually got a theology lesson. People outside the church get love and acceptance. Jesus saved his harshest words for self-righteous religious leaders and holier-than-thou hypocrites. And what did they accuse him of? Eating with sinners. Well, if I'm going to be condemned, it better be for acting like Jesus, not like a Pharisee!

"But it's more complicated with Tasha, and I'm sure you know why. Homosexuality has always been a bugaboo for Russians, whether they were governed by tsars or commissars. It's a view of sin that's almost Roman Catholic or Protestant in nature, not Orthodox. Fornication, in any form, is a sin. I'm guilty of it. You're guilty of it. Liz is guilty of it. And I could go on. But ANY sex outside of marriage is forbidden. Desire isn't necessarily a sin; acting on it is.

"Yes, there are instances where desire is a sin, in and of itself, such as lusting after a woman. But that's not talking about momentary lust, as in noticing that a girl is smoking hot, but in considered, ongoing lust, which inevitably leads to temptation, and temptation often leads to action. I only say that to show you I do know the difference.

"So, all of that said, how in the world can I condemn my friends without being a hypocrite? I can't. And if Jesus had one thing that was his hot button, it was hypocrisy. You know, the bit about tithing dill and mint and cumin and ignoring love? I listened. And that's how I treat my friends. If they ARE going to be saved, it's because I love them, not because I condemn them!"

"I think you have your first homily mostly written," Mom said with a smile. "One I think many people need to hear. But they don't want to hear it."

I nodded, "Because it requires an actual admission of sin, not just reciting Psalm 50! 'My sin is ever before me'. Or, as the priest says, just before he receives the Eucharist, 'I believe, O Lord, and I confess that thou art truly the Christ, the Son of the living God, who didst come into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.'"

"So what are you going to do?"

"What can I do? My faith HAS to come first and inform my behavior, or it isn't worth anything. Yes, I put my goal of being a doctor before all else, but you know it's informed by my faith. And that's why I discussed my training with the bishop. To do what I need to do as a doctor in the ER, to learn the things I HAVE to learn to care for patients, means I have to be out of the Eucharist for at least a year. This is NOT something I do lightly!"

"I wondered how you would ultimately handle that issue."

"The procedure used for resolving a miscarriage with complications is similar to that used for elective abortions, so guess how it's taught? I could forgo that, but then what? A woman comes into the ER, and I have to tell her that Jesus insists she die because He told me not to get the training? Do you know how evil and cruel that sounds? Not to mention the insanity of claiming that God spoke directly to me!"

"Do you think God speaks to the bishop?"

"You won't trap me that easily, Rahil Mikhailovna!" I said, playfully using my mom's given name. "God speaks to the Church, through the voices of the bishops, together with their flock. Thus, we teach and do what has been taught and done, always and everywhere. The bishops WITNESS to the faith of their flock; they do not proclaim new doctrine. Santa Claus slapped Arius because Arius was making stuff up and claiming it had always been taught. It hadn't!"

Mom laughed, "I love how you like to refer to Saint Nicholas of Myra as 'Santa Claus'."

"Hey, if YOUR church isn't cool enough to have Santa Claus punching heretics, that's not MY problem!"

"I suppose I should put a hold on the wedding invitations, then."

"All kidding aside, you knew that was never a sure thing. The ball is truly in her court now. It makes me unhappy, obviously, but in the end, I can't accept restrictions on who I befriend, how I witness my faith, and to whom I witness. Obviously, there are some limits because, as clergy, I need to act in public with propriety, but that in no way says I can't have Clarissa as a close, platonic friend for life. Or that I can't be friends with Robby and Lee."

"I'll go back to a question which was asked before — what about Becky?"

"Unless you plan to announce it in the church bulletin, what happens between Becky and me is between Becky and me, and my confessor."

Mom nodded, "Indeed it is. Will you see Tasha at Spring Break?"

"At church, obviously. Beyond that, as I said, the ball has to be in her court. I'm not going to stop being who I am with regard to my witness. I can't. And I can't be a «мудак» (mudak) to people who are in need of salvation! My goal is to love them, period. To do anything else would be to betray the Gospel." ("asshole")

"Would you like to hear my opinion?"

"I wouldn't be talking to you if I didn't."

"On the whole, I agree with you. Where I might differ slightly is how you responded to Tasha. You might be better off leading gently to the correct conclusion rather than beating her over the head with it. She has a thousand years of Russian morality to overcome. You like to think you're Russian, but she IS Russian. Yes, I know you talk about being an American, but you pretty much always revert to type. And that's OK, Mike. Think about Tasha's situation and adapt your teaching to where she is, not where you want her to be."

"Good advice, of course."

"When are you leaving?"

"From here? About 5:45am. I'm having breakfast with the Rileys before I head back to McKinley. My first class isn't until 10:00am."

"You and Janey seem to be getting serious."

I shrugged, "We'll see. Call it a work in progress."

"I'd say the odds she was facing shifted dramatically in her favor about four hours ago."

"Perhaps. But I'm going to take your advice."

"Good."