Chapter 2: Mik and Jos

June 6, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio

"Jos," I sighed. "It's not that simple."

"Isn't it?"

"Come on! You know that would end things between Melody and me!"

"I believe Melody has been good for you, but is she THE ONE? Wait! Don't answer. If she was, you wouldn't be dating Tasha and Katy, and you wouldn't still be carrying a torch for Angie."

"Angie is just a friend," I protested.

Jocelyn smiled, "I'll take that wager anytime you want to make it. You can answer my first question now."

I sighed, "I have no idea. Isn't that the point of dating?"

"Yes, of course. But do you think she'll let us be as close as we've been? And if not, can she actually be THE ONE?"

"Hang on! Didn't you tell me that you couldn't come between my future wife and me?"

"That's true, but being a close friend doesn't mean coming between the two of you."

"You have me totally confused, Jos. What is it you want?"

"To be Mik and Jos. I know I can't be your wife because of the accident. I know you aren't looking for a 'brood mare' or anything of the sort, but having your own children has always been important to you. I knew that, and it's why I had such difficulty in telling you about the hysterectomy."

"And being 'Mik and Jos' means sleeping together? For how long? Our whole lives?"

"No, of course not. But you aren't exclusive with Melody, and she basically forced you to stop sleeping with me. Why?"

"She sees you as a threat."

"And she'll always see me as a threat."

"Are you jealous?" I asked.

"Not the way you mean," Jocelyn sighed. "But you have all new friends..."

"And you're afraid you're an afterthought?"

"I suppose that's the best way to put it," Jocelyn sighed.

In a sense, she was right. It was the very issue I'd talked about with my mom the day I'd arrived home from Taft. I'd put it in terms of time, but it really was about my true priorities. I hadn't really given enough thought to anything other than my primary goal. Melody had pushed me to do that, as had others, but really, in the end, I simply hadn't given them the thought I should have.

Worse, I'd assumed that Jocelyn and I would always be the way we had been and that it would just happen without serious effort because it had always happened without serious effort. It just 'was'. Now, it was going to be work — hard work.

"May I be totally honest?" I asked.

"If not with me, then with whom?"

"True," I replied with a slight smile. "I was struggling with how to, if you'll excuse the phrase, fit you into my new life."

"I suspected as much. Your study group, it's led by a girl?"

"Yes, her name is Clarissa, but don't worry; she's no competition. Well, not for you. She is for me."

"Huh?"

"Privately, and please don't repeat this, she confessed to me she's lesbian."

Jocelyn laughed, "I get it. Competition for you, not for me. Or perhaps..."

I grinned, "Nice smirk, but I don't think that's your cup of tea!"

"It's not!"

"Though it might solve one problem!" I teased.

"Forget it!"

"Jos, it seems as if you're telling me to break up with Melody."

"No, I'm asking you if you REALLY think she's the one. In your heart?"

I sighed deeply, "Not if she's going to push us apart."

"It's going to take a very special kind of girl to accept our relationship, even after we both marry."

"And a special guy?" I asked.

"Yes."

"There's always Dale..." I smirked.

"No chance. And it's not like with you and me. I was never, ever attracted to Dale. And his view of women..."

"Has changed now that he finally got what he's been trying to get since we were fourteen. I talked to him a couple of weeks ago and he's really calmed down. He's focused on his studies, and he has a steady girlfriend. He also quit drinking."

"So he's grown up a bit; that's good. You have, too."

"I have a long way to go," I sighed. "What do I do about Melody?"

"You have to decide, Mik. Nobody can decide that for you. You have to decide if she's worth the changes and compromises that have to be made in any relationship and if those compromises are ones you can not only make but be happy with."

"Happy with?"

"If you make a compromise which makes you unhappy, you'll live to regret it. Didn't you tell me Melody is asking you to make significant concessions about church?"

"I don't think I said 'significant'," I said, trying to remember the conversation. "But with Katy, there is some of that, too."

"But not with Tasha. Or Angie."

"You keep coming back to Angie, and I've seen NO signs there."

Jocelyn smiled, "We'll see. So? About what we want?"

"I wouldn't feel right about it."

"Because of Melody. But you aren't exclusive with her."

"No, I'm not. But I did tell her we'd resolved things."

"Then, as I said, it's your move, Mik."

It was my move, and I truly hadn't anticipated Jocelyn giving me what amounted to an ultimatum. Actually, that wasn't true. It was Melody who had given the ultimatum, in effect, and I'd done what she'd wanted. Had I done the right thing? What WAS the right thing? What was my relationship with Jocelyn SUPPOSED to be? She wanted us to be lovers, at least for a time. Was that right? Was it somehow giving her false hope for the future, despite her clear statements that she didn't plan for nor expect that?

Fortunately, Jocelyn let the matter drop, and after a couple of hours, I let Liz know it was time to head to Rutherford to have dinner at A&W. We said 'goodbye' to Emmy, who had to head home, and then Jocelyn, Liz, Mindy, and I got into my Mustang for the drive to Rutherford.

"Thanks for letting us come with you, Mikey," Liz said.

"Keep calling me 'Mikey', and I might change my mind!" I said lightly.

"Well I think it's cute!" Mindy declared.

"Miiinnnnddddyyyy!" Liz whined. "Stop!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jocelyn roll hers. She was thinking exactly the same thing I was — Mindy was flirting and that annoyed Liz to no end. And despite Liz's belief to the contrary, nothing was going to happen between Mindy and me.

"Want some cheese to go with that whine?" I teased.

In the rearview mirror, I saw Liz cross her arms and glare at me. She kept the evil 'death stare' until we reached the A&W. Her face softened a bit, but I could tell she was still annoyed. We went inside, placed our orders, and when our food was ready, took it outside to one of the picnic benches to eat. When we finished, we tossed our trash in the nearby garbage can and got back into my car to drive back to West Monroe.

I dropped Mindy at her house, then took Jocelyn home, and finally, headed back to my house, where I went up to my room and put on The Game by Queen and lay on my bed to think about everything Jocelyn had said. I owed Melody a call per our agreement to speak once a week on Sundays, but I didn't want to call her until I thought more about what Jocelyn said. In the end, I called but avoided the topic as there was no point in creating problems where none might exist. I kept the conversation on what we'd been doing and what we planned to do.

June 10, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio

"Mike," Mr. Orlov said, "John is sick, so I need you to mix paint and make keys today. Amelia will run the register."

"Will do," I said.

"Otherwise, just work the floor as you normally would."

"OK."

My morning was almost completely occupied with mixing paint and making keys. I didn't do those normally, but I had been trained. I was slower than John would have been, but fortunately, all the customers were patient while I followed the carefully written instructions for mixing paint and carefully moved the mechanism of the key machine, which passed the key along a guide, allowing a duplicate to be cut.

"How difficult is it to make keys?" Amelia asked at lunch.

"It's not tough; you just have to be careful in ensuring the key you're copying and the blank are properly situated in the vise and then carefully move the mechanism. John taught me how to do it in less than two hours. The only problem is if you're not accurate in putting the key and blank into the machine. Well, assuming we have the blanks, which we do for all the common keys."

"Can you make those old-fashioned keys?"

I shook my head, "We don't have any blanks and our machine can't cut them. We send people to Cincinnati or Columbus if they need those. I don't think I've seen one in the three years I've worked here. John only told me about them so I'd know what to do if someone showed up with one."

"Do you know how to pick a lock?"

I laughed, "I'm no criminal, and I'm not a locksmith. And no, I don't know how to hot-wire a car!"

"So what good are you?" Amelia teased.

"If you're planning a multi-state crime spree like Bonnie and Clyde, I'm not your guy!"

"Bummer!" she laughed. "So, what do you do for fun?"

"Not much, really. I'm so busy studying and going to class that I don't have much time for excitement. You?"

"Same, really. If I want to get into a top graduate program like Stanford or University of Chicago, I have to get straight A's."

"I know about Stanford, but the University of Chicago?"

"You don't know much about the Manhattan Project, do you?"

"Not really. I mean, I know they built the atomic bombs that were dropped on Japan and exploded the first one in New Mexico."

"Scientists at the University of Chicago built the first working 'atomic pile', the precursor to a proper nuclear reactor. It was built under the stands of the old football stadium. And the University is on the South Side of Chicago."

"No way! Under the football stadium? In the city?"

"They eventually decided that was a bad idea and moved it to the Argonne Forest outside Chicago, which is where Argonne National Laboratory is now."

"I think 'bad idea' is an understatement."

"True, though given that the war was going on, certain safety precautions were, well, fudged. They ran the reactor up to a couple of hundred watts once, which could have powered a light bulb if it was configured to create electricity, which it wasn't. They decided that continuing the experiments there was too dangerous to everyone around, so they never ran it up that high again. At that point, they decided to move it out of the City of Chicago to reduce the risks to the public."

"That's just crazy. Building something like that in the city limits? Wow! So is that what you're going to work on?"

"No. 'High-energy' physics studies sub-atomic particles, usually using a particle accelerator. There are two main ones in the US — the SLAC at Stanford and the Tevatron at Fermilab outside Chicago."

"Is that the place you mentioned before?"

"They're about twenty miles apart, I think — Argonne National Laboratory and Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory. Anyway, I don't think I can really explain what it's all about during a short lunch period; or a long one, for that matter. If you go to the library at Taft, you can find The Feynman Lectures on Physics, which are probably the single best introduction to college-level physics. The third book is the one you want, but read the other two first because it builds on stuff in the first two."

"I'm not sure I have time for something like that," I said. "My understanding of science at that level is pretty much limited to what I learned in High School plus watching Cosmos. I'm going to need to spend a ton of time learning medicine, and for the most part, physics isn't all that important."

"I suppose that makes sense. I'm not likely to pick up a medical textbook and read it for fun."

"And on that note, I think we need to get back to work!"

"We do. Talk to you at lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure," I agreed.

June 11, 1982, West Monroe, Ohio

When I arrived home after karate on Friday afternoon, I found a note from Liz stating that Becky had called. I dialed the number on the note, and she answered on the second ring.

"Would it be OK if I visited the 25th through the 28th?" she asked after we greeted each other.

"I think that would be OK. There's nothing on the family calendar. My mom is OK with you staying with us. You can have my room, and I'll use the sofa bed in the basement."

"You don't have to do that. I could take the sofa bed. Or..."

I wasn't really surprised by the implied offer, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea, either. I decided to try a gentle deflection.

"I thought you were dating," I replied.

"I'm not steady, and you said you weren't, either."

"That's true; but Melody and I are fairly serious. Does not sleeping in the same bed change your plans?"

"No," she said. "I want to see you and your family."

"I'll let my mom know you'll be here on the 25th. I assume you're driving?"

"Yes. My grandmother helped me buy a car — a blue 1977 Chevy Impala coupe. I'd arrive sometime late on Friday afternoon and go home on Monday morning if that's OK."

"I don't see any problems with that. It's probably a good idea that you call when you're leaving so we know when to expect you."

"OK. I'll talk to you before then, OK?"

"Sure."

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up and went upstairs to shower and dress for my dinner date with Jocelyn. I still hadn't come to any firm conclusions, and Jocelyn had been patient, but I could tell her patience was wearing thin. I understood her concerns, and I felt she had a reasonable fear that Melody would force the issue further because I was sure that Melody actually did see Jocelyn as a threat. And I certainly understood why, given how close Jocelyn and I were. The question I had to answer was whether or not I believed Melody could handle that closeness.

I finished dressing, wrote a note for Mom letting her know I was out with Jocelyn, and then walked out to my Mustang for the short drive to the Mills' house, where Jocelyn was waiting. I held the door open for her then quickly went around, got in myself, and we were quickly on our way to a Chinese restaurant in Rutherford.

"Jos, are you asking to start sleeping together again because you think it'll lead to us eventually getting married?"

"I wondered when you would ask that question directly, and the answer is 'no'. That's a compromise you can't make and still be happy."

"Then it's just sex?" I asked.

"No. It can never be 'just sex' between us."

"You need a boyfriend, Jos."

"Sure, but I figure the options are better at McKinley than here in West Monroe or Rutherford. There wasn't anyone we graduated with I was interested in, and then I was basically out of commission for six months. I'll be in McKinley most of the year for the next four years."

"And that will be someone who will allow us our close relationship?"

"I think it has to be."

"Which is why you're making the point about Melody," I said. "But I wonder if getting to know her would help."

"Possibly. You don't want to break up with her, do you?"

"I certainly don't want to break my word to her, which means you and I can't even consider sleeping together unless I do. Do you WANT me to break up with her?"

"I don't think that's a fair question," Jocelyn sighed. "Or maybe it's better to say I can't give you a fair answer. My answer would be selfish."

"We've always told each other the truth, Jos. Just say what you want."

She shook her head sadly, "Not always."

"That's in the past; forgiven and forgotten."

"You can't forget something like that!"

"But you can set it aside and not dwell on it; move past it. I suppose that's what I mean by 'forgotten'. We can't let it separate us!"

"The truth?"

"The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth," I said with a smile.

"Take me to dinner, then we'll go back to my house and fuck like bunny rabbits until dawn."

"And Melody?"

"I'm not giving you an ultimatum, Mik, just telling you like it is. If you want us to be 'Mik and Jos', you have to break up with Melody. She'll never allow it."

"Well, shit," I sighed.

"Did you just swear?" Jocelyn gasped. "In English? I don't think I've ever heard you do that. Ever!"

"There's a first time for everything, and I'd say this situation calls for it. What about my word to Melody?"

"What exactly did you tell her?"

"I don't want to play semantic games," I sighed. "I told her we'd resolved things and weren't 'playing house'."

"Did you promise not to sleep with me?"

"Somehow, I think 'sleeping' is the LAST thing on your mind!"

Jocelyn laughed, "Very true! I'm thinking about ... well, do you want to hear it?"

I chuckled, "If not from you, then from whom?"

She smirked, "I want to suck that big dick of yours until you fill my mouth with hot, sticky cum, then I want you to lick my pussy until I cum, hard, then I want you to shove your big dick in my tight pussy and fuck me until I scream and you blast me full of cum! Then we sixty-nine until you can go again. Rinse and repeat!"

"Interesting," I said evenly.

"Interesting?!" Jocelyn shrieked. "Interesting?! I'll show YOU interesting! I'll tie you to my bed and whip your butt until it's red!"

I laughed, "I meant 'interesting' from the standpoint of I thought you'd want to make love, not..."

"Say the God-damned word, Mik!" she growled.

"Fuck."

"I do want to make love. After. Right now, I just need you to fuck me unconscious!"

"Somebody is horny," I teased.

"You have NO idea!"

"Should I be afraid?" I asked.

"Of whom? Of little ol' me?" she said with a fake pout and a whiney voice.