Chapter 12: All for One and One for All!

August 20, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"Mike Loucks," I said to the young woman at the desk in the brand-new Rickenbacker dorm.

She flipped through the manila envelopes and pulled out the one with my name on it.

"Your room key, a sticker for your ID to update it for this year, a new student handbook, and your parking sticker," she said.

"Parking sticker?"

"The lots are all numbered now, and you can only park in the lot you're assigned to. Yours should be next to this dorm."

"What about guests?"

"There's a guest parking lot on the far side of campus. No stickers are required for that lot."

"If you know, why did they do this?"

"With the new dorm and an additional 800 students this year, the administration was concerned about parking."

"OK. Are there any other new rules?"

"They added a section on parking rules into the student handbook. There is also a new section about sexual assault you should read."

"Thanks," I replied, then turned to my dad, "Let's go check the room before we get a cart to move everything."

He nodded, and we walked over to the elevator. When the doors opened, we got in, and I pressed '8', the top floor, where I was in room 803-A. We rode up, exited the elevator, and turned to the left, quickly coming to room 803. I unlocked the door and pushed it open. The common room was somewhat bigger than the one in the previous dorm, and had two couches, instead of one, and a table with two chairs.

"Nice," Dad said.

I nodded, "I agree. And the window air conditioner is a nice plus."

I unlocked the door to the room marked 'A' and saw that it, too, was bigger than my previous room.

"This is nice as well," my dad said. "Not like our dorms when your mom and I were in school! We both had roommates, and we had a single sleeping area, which was about it; no couches or anything! Shall we get your stuff?"

"Yes!"

It took nearly an hour to move everything from the cars and arrange my room. Dad helped me set up the stereo and put my albums on the free-standing shelves I'd purchased, as I'd had to keep some of the albums on stacks the previous semester. Once we were finished, I went back downstairs with my dad, shook hands, and after he had driven away, I put the parking sticker on my car and headed back into the dorm.

"Hey, White Boy!" I heard a deep voice call out.

"Clark!" I called back, walking over to him.

We shook hands warmly.

"How was your Summer? Full of babes, booze, and blunts?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, right! It was pretty much work, karate, and hanging out with friends. Nothing crazy."

Clark laughed, "Mine wasn't either, unfortunately. I spent the Summer working on construction. I met some good guys, including one who's at Ohio State studying criminal justice. He's a nice white guy like you. He seems to know every diner in the Cincinnati area! He has a smoking hot white girl he's engaged to."

"I could give you Emmy's number," I grinned.

"I do NOT have a death wish! But she's a sweet little thing! And you know what they say?"

"Once you go black, you never go back?" I grinned.

"It's true! Help me and my mom move my shit?"

"Sure!"

While we were moving his things, we ran into Jason, Pete, and Marie. I greeted all of them warmly, and as more of our friends arrived, we all shifted to helping them move their things in, and by mid-afternoon, the entire gang was back together. Melody had said 'hello' but had given me the cold shoulder the entire time, including when I helped carry a box to her room. She eventually disappeared into her room without a word to anyone, as far as I was aware.

"What happened between you and your main squeeze?" Clark asked when Melody disappeared.

"We had a difference of opinion," I said.

"So you DID have some babes over the Summer!" he laughed.

"Yes, but that's not the real problem. But forget that! We have a new semester to worry about."

"And an entire Freshman class to divide between us!" he grinned.

"I think we should leave some for Carter, Larry, Pete, and Jason, don't you?"

"I suppose it would be pretty low not to share with my bros! What are you doing tonight?"

"I have a date with Katy," I said.

"So you're still seeing her? And you and Angie?"

"Nothing changed with either of them."

"Hey, where's your best friend? Wasn't she supposed to be here?"

"Going to Purdue," I sighed. "And it's a long story."

"All bullshit aside, if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

"Thanks."

When we finished moving everyone in, we all went to buy our books, and after the general grousing about the cost of the textbooks, we carried our purchases back to the dorm. Melody hadn't been with us, so I decided to take the bull by the horns and go talk to her. I walked down the hallway to her room, happy that in this dorm, there were no restrictions about when and where we could be. The girls' bathroom had a locking door, which their room keys opened, but otherwise, we were free to mingle, and there were no rules about 'overnight' guests who were also living in the dorm.

I knocked on the door to 817 and waited. Melody's roommate opened the door.

"I'd like to see Melody," I said. "I'm Mike."

"One sec," she said.

She knocked on the 'B' door of room 817, and I saw Melody open it. She saw me and came to the door.

"I'd hoped you would talk to me," I said.

"I believe you made it clear we have nothing to talk about when you didn't call me back. Where's Jocelyn?"

"Not here. She's going to Purdue."

"You broke up with her?"

"She wasn't my girlfriend; you were. What was going on between Jocelyn and me was all about our relationship since kindergarten. It's hard to explain."

"And she's not going to be here?"

"No. Not this year and probably never."

"Your decision or hers?"

I frowned, "A decision I made led to her decision."

Melody smiled, "You told her you wouldn't sleep with her."

"It's WAY more complex than that. Can we have the rest of this conversation in private?"

"Sure. Come in."

I went into the room, and she led me into her sleeping area and shut the door. She turned on a radio and tuned it to a 'Top 40' station.

"I'm not sleeping with ANYONE right now."

"Let me guess," she sighed. "Some priest told you to stop."

I shook my head, "No. Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with this. It was my decision, based on everything that has happened, and it's not a permanent thing. I need to get my head screwed on straight, and that means not having that kind of relationship with anyone."

"And you think I'll accept that kind of situation?"

I shrugged, "It's a decision I've made."

"You know my opinion on that."

"I do."

"Then I guess there isn't anything left to talk about, is there?"

"I suppose not. I was hoping we could still be friends. If not, it's going to be really uncomfortable with the gang."

"You can have them in the divorce," Melody replied flatly.

"It doesn't have to be that way!" I protested.

"It'll be easier if we just do it my way."

"I disagree. I wish you'd reconsider."

"Come to bed."

"Back to that?" I asked, shaking my head.

"We had this conversation, and I'm not going to rehash it," Melody declared firmly. "Go hang out with your friends."

"Where's the strong, intelligent woman who helped me work through my problems last semester?"

"Not interested in babysitting you!"

I realized I wasn't going to make any progress with Melody, and I still didn't understand why she was behaving so differently. I thought back to my break-ups in the past, but really, only the one with April had been serious enough to call a breakup. Jocelyn was a whole different thing, and I couldn't compare ANYTHING to that.

As I thought about it, I saw some parallels to the two situations, and what I saw scared me. Not because of Melody but because of Jocelyn. When Nancy and I had split up, we managed to stay friends, though it had been a bit rocky after the first break up. I'd heard tales of horrible breakups in High School, but neither Jocelyn nor Dale had one, so I really had no experience. But, if April and Melody were typical, that didn't bode well for me and Jocelyn.

In the end, I decided that Melody was right — there really was nothing more to say. I turned and left and realized I needed to chat with Angie. I hadn't had time to talk to her while we were all moving nor when we'd gone to buy books. I walked two doors down to 813 and knocked. Angie opened the door.

"You look like someone killed your puppy," she said. "Want to come in?"

"How about we take a walk? I need to go to the Quick Mart to stock my fridge. I'll buy you a Coke!"

Angie laughed softly, "You don't need to bribe me to spend time with you!"

"Thanks."

We walked to the elevator and rode down the lobby, then walked towards the Quick Mart, which was now four blocks further away.

"What's bugging you? Jocelyn?"

"Among other things. The last twenty-four hours have been pretty bad. Melody just told me she doesn't want to be friends; last night I had perhaps the worst date of my life; and Jocelyn told me that she'll talk to me, but not too often."

"What happened last night?"

"I went out with Janey, whom you met when you visited, and she read me off for being too focused on my medical training. Well, that and not wanting to have sex."

"On a first date?"

"You know we hung out a bit before that date, so it was only technically a first date. And if you remember, I worked with Amelia, her older sister, at the hardware store; that's how we got to be friends. We teased and joked a lot, the three of us, and I guess Janey got the wrong idea."

"But you got into an argument about you being a doctor?"

"That and about sex. Melody gave me grief about that, too."

"You talked to her?"

"I tried to, but she told me she wasn't interested in, as she put it, 'babysitting' me. That was after she made it clear she felt sex was a required part of a relationship. I'm confused as hell. I thought deciding to be chaste, at least for the time being, was a good thing. Instead, it upset Jocelyn, Melody, and Janey. I'm not quite sure what lesson I'm supposed to learn."

"Sex is complicated," Angie said.

"No kidding," I sighed. "My mom told me that. And so did my dad. It's just confusing that I spent all of High School trying to find someone to do it with, and now that I've done it, I'm thinking I might have made a mistake."

"Doing it? Or stopping?"

"Is that a serious question?"

"Actually, yes. I could see you meaning it either way. Or maybe both."

"Then you understand my confusion."

"In a way, yes."

We arrived at the Quick Mart and walked inside. I saw Paula working at the register.

"Hi, Paula!" I said.

"Hi, Mike! Welcome back."

"Thanks. How's your daughter?"

"Growing like a weed! How are you doing?"

"I'm doing OK. Is Nancy working today?"

"Yes. She's on break. She should be out in a few minutes."

"OK. I'll get what I need."

Angie and I picked up the soft drinks, snacks, and a few other things I wanted for my room. The last thing we picked up were two ice-cold Cokes from the fridge. Nancy was there when we brought everything back to the counter.

"Hi, Mike!"

"Hi! How are you doing?"

"Good. You?"

"OK," I replied. "Ready for Monday?"

"Yes! Mom and I were hoping you'd come to dinner one night in the next few weeks."

"I'd like that," I said.

She rang up my purchase and put everything into brown paper grocery bags. After paying, Angie and I took the bags and headed back towards the dorm.

"That one seems to have worked out OK," Angie said when we were about a block away.

"Only because we both managed to acknowledge our mistakes."

"Do you think she wants to get back together?"

"I don't know, and that's just about the furthest thing from my mind right now."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"I have a date with Katy, but I'll be back in time for evening prayers."

When we arrived back at the dorm, Angie helped me put everything away, and then I went to take a shower. After the shower, I dressed and headed down to my car for the drive to Circleville. Katy and I had a nice evening together, and when I returned to McKinley, Angie and I did our evening prayers before I walked her to her room and received the usual 'good night' kiss on the cheek.

August 21, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"Do you have some time to talk after we finish eating lunch?"

"Sure," Clarissa said. "Is there a problem?"

"Later, OK?"

She nodded, and when we finished lunch, she and I headed back to my room. I'd already let Angie know I was going to talk to Clarissa, so she headed off with Jeannette and Marie while the guys went to toss a football.

"What's up?"

"I'm getting grief about being too focused on my medical training."

"I think that's pretty common for kids who are driven to be doctors. I've heard that a lot, but my situation is sort of unique."

"Unique? Why?"

"It was mostly wanting to be a doctor, but having that reputation and dressing the way I do kept the guys from hitting on me."

"Sorry, I didn't even think about that."

She smiled, "I'm 'just Clarissa' to you, and that is NOT a bad thing! I came out to you because I was sure you would understand. Despite being as stupidly driven and focused as I am, deep down, you're a sensitive guy. YOU hide that the way I hid the fact I prefer girls."

"Stupidly driven?" I asked.

"Isn't it? Look at everything we have to give up to do this. The rest of the world thinks it's stupid. Well, at least until they're in the ER or in surgery and NEED people who have gone through the wringer. Then it's not so stupid to them. Our lives are going to suck, at least until we're Senior Residents. And it's going to suck for anyone involved with us. You know that part."

"I do," I sighed. "So then what?"

"You want emergency medicine, right?"

"Yes."

"I've done a lot of research and discovered you'll most likely Match your first or second choice, assuming you ace the MCAT. There aren't enough people crazy enough to go into emergency medicine, so most people list it as their third or fourth option, as a backup."

"Gee, thanks!" I grinned.

"From what I've read, it takes a special kind of person to do that successfully as a career. You have to be able to turn off your emotions. And you'll lose a lot of patients."

"And you?"

"Internal medicine, I think. It's another specialty with fewer first choices. It's a fallback for people who want cardiology or surgery. I decided that's a better option for me than surgery."

"I'm missing your point."

"We're not competing with each other! So we team up. You totally understand the situation, and so do I. We're already going to study together; why not be close friends?"

A light bulb went on in my head.

"Did you plan this? Is that why you came out to me?"

She smiled, "Yes. A very close family friend is a doctor in Chicago. He's a cardiologist, and he's been giving me advice. He's the one who suggested I approach you about the study group and then, over the Summer, about becoming friends."

"Does anyone else here know?"

She shook her head, "No. Besides you, the only person besides that doctor in Chicago who knows is my gynecologist. When we had the talk about birth control and VD, I explained how I felt. Fortunately, she was cool about it. A lot of people aren't."

"A lot of people are too uptight," I replied. "So you never dated a girl or anything?"

She shook her head again, "No. Do you know how risky it would have been to do that in High School? And my parents would have lost it. Did YOU know anyone in High School who was gay?"

"No. But then again, I wasn't exactly clued into the social scene in High School. There were rumors, but I never put any stock in them. And you?"

"I withdrew from everyone. When I was a Freshman, I went to one of the dances, you know, got the cute dress, fixed my hair, all that stuff. I loved dancing with the girls and hated dancing with the boys. And at fourteen, you could still get away with dancing with the girls without anyone saying anything."

"Guys could NEVER do that."

Clarissa smiled, "Very true. Anyway, I got hit on a lot after that dance, so I started dressing in baggy shirts and pants and not fixing my hair. It cut down on the attention, and then I was always studying, and after giving that excuse a few times, the guys all gave up. I was 'Clarissa the Nerd', and that was just fine with me."

"So why not find someone here at school?"

"Southern Ohio isn't exactly a hotbed of the gay rights movement!"

"No, from what I read, it's more like Northern Georgia than it is New York or California. Heck, I know someone whose dad was in the Klan."

"That's rural southern Ohio for you — rednecks and racists. You seem to have escaped."

"I think it might have a lot to do with being Russian Orthodox. Orthodox bishops marched with Doctor Martin Luther King during the 60s, and their teachings have permeated the church. But you haven't found anyone?"

"It's not easy, Mike. All I could do was guess and take a chance. And the results could be horrible. I seriously considered going to school in the Bay Area in California because there are places to go to meet people."

"That stinks, really."

"There's another problem, and that is that if the word got out, I could be refused entry into medical school or not Match."

"That's a load of crap!"

"Of course it is, but the doctor in Chicago said that given the way the Match works, it's nearly impossible to know you're being discriminated against. He's black, by the way, and didn't get his first choice in the Match, most likely because of that. You know how it works — I list my choices, and the hospital lists theirs, and neither side has to say why they made the choices they did. The only defense is a very long list of choices and trying my best to ensure at least one hospital doesn't know about it."