Chapter 1: Eddie's Story

A mostly true story of my trip to the Redneck Riviera in the 1980s. All the parts that are bullshit are good too.

Eddie’s Story

It was early June 1980-something, and I was a typical 80’s kid caught up in Star Wars and Ghost Busters. I had yet to hit my growth spurt, so I was still a munchkin even though I had puberty. I would wake up with an erection, and if the wind blew hard enough, I’d have one. There were days I didn’t dress out for phys-ed simply because I knew my pecker would be poking up because we were co-ed. You have no idea how provocative “Shirts and skins” sounds like a way to tell which team is that when you are playing flag football with girls. None of the girls ever took the boys on the offer to play shirtless, but just the very idea could give me wood. I was painfully shy, so I never made the offer, but I would have been happy to see the girls boobs! I wasn’t sure why I wanted to see tits at the time, but I knew I was inquisitive at what girl boobies actually looked like. Most of the girls my age had flat chests, but that didn’t matter to me at all. It was just the idea of being able to see what I shouldn’t be able to see!

I didn’t mind missing physical education because I was scrawny and I would instead be playing my old Mattel Football handheld game. I memorized the patterns, and I could beat it over and over but I never tired of making the same basic moves over and over. I was the kind of kid who could play with a Pac-Man watch than I would be running after a Football on a hot day.

When Summer finally came, I was told that my older Brother Stefan would be going away to Yachting Camp in Rhode Island. It sounded prestigious and fancy, and it also meant that unlike every year my Family would not be doing a Summer Vacation together.

My parents told me I’d be spending the Summer down in Florida with my Aunt Samantha “Sam” as she liked to be called and my cousins. My Dad tried to make it sound like it would be fun to go to the beach, but I knew it was a sad consolation prize for not getting to go to the fancy camp my older Brother got to enjoy. I even asked to stay home. I’d just be happy to sit there with the Atari 2600 and play all afternoon but both of my parents worked, and they didn’t trust me home all day by myself.

After driving for many hours with my family past all the fun tourist traps like “South of the Border” and begging them to change their mind, we finally reached hot, muggy Summer. I asked if I would be going to Disneyworld and they told me that I’d have “Something even better” because I’d be staying at the beach. We were headed just south of Daytona Beach to a place they called the “Redneck Riviera.”

I was too wet behind the ears to even know what a redneck was much less where the Riviera was. It looked like a bunch of old dumping buildings, marinas along a single highway called A1A to me.

My Parents dropped me off with my Mom’s sister. My Mom and Dad didn’t stay long to visit, and they didn’t pack much so I assumed I’d be here for a week. They really didn’t tell me much except “Mind your Aunt” and that they loved me and would see me soon.

My Aunt Samantha lived only a few blocks from the beach in a Duplex. I think there was nothing but swamp and mosquitos in any direction 5 miles west of the beach anyway.

Aunt Sam looked a lot like Samantha the Witch on the TV Show bewitched. She was buxom and had torpedo shaped boobs or at least that is what it looked like to me in the swimsuit she was wearing.

“Now Eddie,” my mom said, “I want you to have fun and mind my sister. I’m sure you’ll have a ball playing with your cousins. We’ll be back as soon as we can but Eddie please just try to have fun and loosen up some?”

I wanted to know if this was just for two weeks or if they expected me to stay the entire Summer. I got the distinct impression my parents were planning a vacation WITHOUT kids because they talked to my Aunt and joked about getting some alone time. I wasn’t worldly enough to know that couples needed alone time. They were my entire world, and I obeyed them without question. I got in trouble for forgetting to clean up my room or talking back now and then, but I was generally a pretty well-behaved kid at this point in my life. I didn’t know anything except what I saw on TV and school to know what I could DO to get in trouble anyway.

My Aunt had three kids of her own and lived on her own. She was a divorcee which even in the 1980s was seen as something a little shameful. She had a rather stern appearance due to her upturned nose and yet I felt a slightly warm, welcoming nature about her. She seemed to have a perpetual smirk on her face most of the time.

I had not seen my cousins in many years since we all had a Thanksgiving together, so I barely remembered them.

Her daughter Blair was about my age, but she had developed boobs and was a full head taller than me. Girls generally sprout up a little earlier I was told when I met her, and I was intimidated for the first time. They were getting ready to go to the beach. She was wearing one of those French cut one piece bathing suits that show off the hips. I had seen a bathing suit like that in a Huey Lewis Video “If this ain’t it” but never in real life. My eyes bugged out, and I think Blair noticed and grinned at me as I stood bashfully behind my mom and refused to even shake her hand.

My other two cousins were named Buddy and Lewis. They both had red curly hair and were a few years younger than me. Buddy and Lewis were inseparable and like two puppy dogs always playing and roughhousing with one another. They had absolutely no interest in video games, Star Wars or anything I enjoyed. I remember they both seemed to like the TV show “Dukes of Hazard” and wanted to pretend they were Bo and Luke but other than that I couldn’t see how we had one thing to talk about.

Buddy and Lewis shared a room with each other, and I was expected to bunk with them since Blair and Sam had their own rooms.

As soon as my parents left, I asked if they had an Atari 2600 and my Aunt said she had something better “The beach!”

I groaned, but I remembered my mother telling me to try to have fun and since my Aunt didn’t seem to be giving me any choice I quickly changed into my swimsuit. It was hardly a cool swimsuit. I had it for a few summers, and I had never used it even though we owned a swimming pool where I lived. I knew how to swim of course, but it just wasn’t something I did. I burned very quickly in the sun because like my cousins I had red hair and pale skin.

Blair had other plans, but my Aunt drove us to a nearby public beach. It was a very short drive to a beautiful sandy beach. My Aunt Sam said it was mostly deserted because it was a Monday; however obviously with Summer vacation, there would be a few people there.

I had NEVER seen a real beach before. I was a little afraid to get all sandy at first, but Buddy and Lewis hit the sand barefooted like twin Tasmanian devils and jumped into the water. I was envious at how carefree they were about splashing around and playing. I really just didn’t know how and I was kind of a stick in the mud.

My Aunt Sam was patient with me. “Don’t make me call your Mother,” she joked and brushed my hair with her hands like I was one of her own kids. “You were told to have fun, and you’ll enjoy yourself whether you like it or not.”

I didn’t initially realize she was joking when she said that. I thought she meant I had better pretend to have fun. I am glad I was too naïve to get the joke because I took her literally and thought she expected me to pretend to have fun or I’d get in trouble. I ran off screaming “Buckaroo Banzaiiiiii” and hit the water hard. I played my little butt off that afternoon, and I am thankful I misunderstood her joke because I might not have if I didn’t.

It was a lot of fun. Aunt Sam sat on the beach and called us over to put sunscreen lotion on us one at a time. I didn’t want to go when it was my turn, but she told me to get over there before I burned my ‘tush off.’

I can’t say that I can remember a time before this that a woman touched my body where I felt like this. I had been to the Doctor, but they were always men. I once brushed up my elbow against Lisa Heine’s sweater and ALMOST touched her boob with it when I was in 8th grade and had a boner that wouldn’t go away. I couldn’t even stand up when I was called up to the chalkboard in class.

This was like that only much more intense. Sam rubbed my shoulders, my tummy, my bony chest, my legs, my neck – all over except around my shorts.

I didn’t know a lot about sexuality, but I knew I shouldn’t be getting an erection from this. I was though, and I couldn’t help but be embarrassed she knew.

My Aunt noticed I was aroused and her perpetual grinning smirk deepened knowingly, but she didn’t say anything other than “You are a growing boy, it won’t be long before you can put this lotion on yourself,” as she continued to apply the lotion vigorously all over my body.

Aunt Sam could have spoken an alien language to me. I was not paying attention. I was actually mortified though. I knew she could tell I had an erection and while she acted like it was not a big deal I wanted desperately to go back in the water. I would have even if I didn’t have a hard on but the fact I couldn’t prevent the swelling hard only increased my humiliation ten-fold.

I tried several times to make my erection go away. I wasn’t sure if I could do it through force of will, but I focused on not looking at my Aunt’s boobs and thinking about my situation. It only made me think harder about my situation and my Aunt’s cleavage displayed before me as she bent down and focused her attention on slathering me with coconut scented cream.

I realized it wasn’t going back to the safety of the cold Atlantic Ocean where I could wade in lap deep and wait for my hard-on to subside.

Aunt Sam took my enthusiasm to get to the water only as the eagerness of a child to go play with his friends. In truth, I couldn’t understand my cousins Buddy and Lewis. They played games that didn’t have any rules or points or goals. They liked to play keep-away or tag but my cousins liked to play the game at the same time, and the rules were always fluid and didn’t make sense to me.

Buddy and Lewis couldn’t seem to understand why I didn’t just embrace the chaotic free-for-all they were having any more then I could grasp that they didn’t start with any rules and were just having random fun. At that age, I thought every game had to have defined rules.

I was however eventually allowed into the water, and my Aunt even went in the water too we all had a great time once I got over my initial shyness. The erection went down, and everything was fine.

Aunt Sam brought a beach ball with her and passed it to me back and forth when she realized I needed a little more structure to my games. I could understand you pass it to me and I pass it to you back and forth. She indulged me and played for about 15 minutes of just passing it back and forth in the water.

I could not process “The BALL!! LET’S PLAY!” and one moment you are throwing it to the person, the next at the person and the next trying to keep it away and after that, you are splashing and forgetting the ball entirely.

It was all over too soon that first day. I could hear my Aunt shouting for us to get out as it was time to go home.

When we had gathered around my Aunt, she took Buddy and Lewis by the hand and led us down the sandy beach a ways past a Wendy’s until we reached a showerhead mounted on a pole. “Time to rinse off that sticky salt water,” she said. She was right about that. I had sand drying all over my body, and as the water evaporated, I could smell the salt water, and I felt very slimy and sticky.

My Aunt abruptly did something I wasn’t quite prepared for. She bent over in front of me to adjust Lewis’s swimsuit. She had on a two piece bikini the kind where the bottom ties on the side and the top in the back. I could see the outline of the crack of her voluptuous butt. The water on her suit made the suit to cling to her body and even though it was a blue striped material I could basically see what to me was a grown woman’s ass. I could see the flesh on the sides of her hips, and I could see the outline of a butt crack.

Instant Boner.

My cousins were oblivious and why would they notice? They were used to being at the beach, and this was their mom. They were also close to me in age, but they didn’t seem to have any interest in goals, and I doubted they were in puberty.

Lewis was the youngest of my cousins. My Aunt had bent over to not just adjust his swimsuit but to untie the elastic and then whip them off. Lewis stepped right out of the suit. We were right out on the beach in the open. Lewis had no qualms and had obviously done this many times because he walked right under the shower valve and his mother turned it on for him.

“Ooooh! It’s Cold!” Lewis laughed and splashed his Brother and me with the shower water playfully until his mom let go of the valve. I tried not to even look at Lewis’s wiener but he didn’t have any pubes at all, and I couldn’t stop looking. I knew I shouldn’t, but my curiosity got the best of me. Lewis didn’t seem to care or notice at all.

Sam tossed her son a towel and told him to dry off.

“Buddy, your next,” she said. I expected Buddy just to step under the shower in his swim trunks. He was closer to my age and even though the beach was nearly deserted. We weren’t far from a Wendy’s parking lot.

Instead, I was again surprised as Buddy nonchalantly dropped his suit and stood naked under the showerhead waiting for his mom to turn on the water. I became nervous for Buddy and began looking around to see if anyone might see him. If I spotted anyone, I could possibly warn him to cover his nuts. Only a few people were strolling about the beach - wading in the sand and such. There were plenty of cars baking in the sun at Wendy’s, but no one was standing nearby.

The very idea of being naked out in public was utterly alien to me. It was the 1980s though, and I’ve come to learn that it was not uncommon even now for younger kids to shower off naked. However, at the time I was mortified and confused by this casual nudity.

My Brother and I enjoyed separate rooms, and I wore my shorts under my pants to school to avoid changing in the dressing room.

Buddy’s mom turned on the water and Buddy began calmly rinsing off like this was absolutely not a big deal. He did have sprouts of red curly pubes. I was uncomfortable looking at his unclothed body and averted my eyes.

It didn’t seem right to just stare anyway and in the 1980s even looking at another guy would be considered “gay” which was considered socially unacceptable by my classmates. We had a lot to learn about acceptance back then.

I felt sorry for Buddy having to stand there and just show off his wee-willy-winky like that and his lily-white butt. He was tan all over except for where he wore shorts, but like most gingers, it wasn’t a good tan it was more of a splotchy red. I couldn’t process that he didn’t care if anyone saw him. I was feeling sympathy humiliation for him. I didn’t know what the term Ginger was, but it was something I would be introduced to that Summer since my Mom’s line of the family were all basically Irish-descent and had red hair.

When his Mom let go of the valve she grabbed the towel from Lewis and threw it to Buddy. Lewis stood there naked and smiling. Lewis didn’t cup his dick and frantically begin looking for a rock to crawl under. He didn’t even try to put his shorts back on.

Buddy stepped away from the pole and began to dry off with the same towel that his little Brother used.

“Eddie, your turn,” said Aunt Sam sweetly. I was feeling really sticky now and rinsing off seemed like a good idea. It did not occur to me at all that she would expect me to get naked too. I was a little older than them and had a full set of pubic hair.

So I reached over to turn on the valve to get under the water to wash off and no sooner than it hit me I felt my hand being pushed away by my Aunt. The water stopped immediately, and the fresh cold water left goosebumps on my body.

“Eddie. You can’t rinse off that way. Take off those trunks first. Otherwise, you’ll just stay sticky and sandy in those nasty trunks you are wearing.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! Surely, she couldn’t apply the same standard to me. I was obviously older and more mature. I could accept she considered my cousins to be young enough that it didn’t matter if they stripped naked in public, but this indignity was clearly too much.

“Are you kidding?” I asked her. Perhaps my Aunt didn’t realize I was older and more mature.

“You have some audacity to ask me if I am kidding when I tell you to do something. That isn’t something I generally do with children.” My Aunt stared at me with a puzzled look.

“I am sorry Aunt Sam, It is just I can’t take off my clothes in front of everyone out here!” I said.

“Why not?” she asked simply. I was at a loss for words. Obviously, it had been fine for my cousins, but the entire idea of being naked in public seemed absolutely bonkers to me.

“Well, just because.” Was all I could think of to say. It just went against everything I had ever believed.

My Aunt just shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Oh for heaven’s sake, stop acting silly and get those trunks off. If I miss my soap operas because of you, there will be hell to pay. I need to find out what is going on with Luke and Laura,” she put her hands on her hips and stood there impatiently in front of me.

I had no idea who Luke and Laura were, but they would have to wait as far as I was concerned. I wasn’t going to strip off my outfit.

Aunt Sam grabbed hold of my arm as if to pull me closer, but I instinctively pulled away. “Eddie!” she said sternly. “What do you think you are playing at. We have to go now. Get a move on young man.” I just stood there. We were at an impasse.

My Aunt then just turned away and started walking toward her car without saying a word. I figured I had won and that we would all leave just as soon as I rinsed off - IN MY SUIT.

It was then that I noticed that my cousins were just standing with funny looks on their faces. Their eyes were big as if they couldn’t believe what I had done. I had turned around and was facing them and was about to say something to them about being able to put their swim trunks back on now that I had defeated their crazy Aunt and shown her who was boss!

Before I knew what hit me, I felt a painful stinging on the back of my legs “HEY!” I screamed as I turned around to see my Aunt standing there with a wide black leather strap. She was calmly slapping it against the open palm of her hand staring directly into my eyes with purpose.