side 1: cí

April 8, 2058

I was working in the garden in what could only be described as a perfect mountain spring day. My old muscles were feeling quite limber and my joints took to the squatting and bending with less complaining than usual. Not that I listened to them, but physiology rarely listened to me either, so we carried on in steady coexistence, as always.

She’d been standing there watching me for a while, but I didn’t notice her until I finished the row and turned to work the next one.

“Hey,” I greeted, giving my sister a warm smile.

The look she returned to me was unusual, though. I’d not seen that expression on her face in some time. Two or three years ... Since just before moving back here from Ireland...

For a moment, my heart sped up slightly. ‘Alana? Shannon? Are they okay?’

‘They’re fine.’

I sighed and set down the spade. ‘Who then?’

“Walk with me,” Lara said quietly. She reached her arm out as I approached and hooked it into my offered elbow. As soon as she was steady, she let her wooden walking cane go. It fell to the earth with a dull thud. I started to stoop to get at it, but Lara pulled my arm to stop me.

“I don’t need it.”

With a long breath, we began to stroll in the direction of the forest, soon ascending a gentle slope through the thick trees. This was another surprise; we’d not visited the pool in a while. In fact, the last time had been just after returning from Inishowen.

Scenes from Éire swirled in my mind, and I relished them for a while. A lot of memories were made in the almost three decades we’d spent there, living with Muireann and Tommy by the North Atlantic. Ostensibly, it was an opportunity to leave the family house to Alana and Shannon to raise their families in their own way, much as our parents had done the same with Heather, Lara, and me, so long ago when our two daughters had first joined us in this world.

But it was not solely for the benefit of our children that we left to cross the sea back then. It was primarily so that Lara and I could be with those two beautiful souls, during the time between tides. Spent from years of touring and recording, the twins found that it was time to settle down. Muireann became my partner in photography and more, even as Tommy never stopped playing his guitar and writing songs, now that his loving muse was in his life full time again. It was a period of great camaraderie and friendship, as well as devotion and love to those who were with us and those who were not.

In time, though, the twins departed this sphere; first Tommy some five years ago, and then his ever-loyal sister, some three years after that ... Full lives they’d lived, and they rose while we yet did not...

So, Lara and I slowly ambled on, through the woods and its springtime perfection.

If not Shannon and Alana, who then?

It wasn’t our kids’ namesakes that caused the expression in Lara’s eyes either. I’d just spoken with Shannon ‘senior’ that morning. She and Colin were quite well, enjoying a healthy and wealthy retirement on Florida’s western coast. Over the years they’d become fast friends with Julie and her husband, about as perfect a match as could ever be. And Alana Carter was no longer with us; Jonah’s hard-partied liver had caught up with him about a decade ago, and Alana followed him soon after. Of course, our parents and those of their generation had been laid to rest long ago now.

Indeed, my heart had been very occupied of late. But such was the life of an old man: an acceleration of people dear to me, leaving, one by one. It was slower when I was younger, and yet, it was the same.

So who, then?

But I knew I was resisting the truth. This idle speculation was a game that my mind was playing, putting up little masks that my thoughts could hide behind as they avoided the light. Because, I knew.

As the waterfall sang to us and we started the final rise, I caught sight of some dark green canvas. Lara held onto me as I helped her make the climb, an effort for her.

At last we crested to stand on the banks of the Roe and its upper pool, where a tent was set up on a freshly leveled plateau.

“I was wondering why Shannon and Alana were all dirty when they came in for dinner yesterday,” I murmured.

“I asked them to set this up.”

“Lara...”

She turned and looked at me. “I’ve held on as long as I can. But eventually, the time comes ... To let go.”

Now that my brief game with the masks was done, I fought off the approaching waves, ever crashing in. I pulled my sister close to me, pressing against her.

She clung to me. “I don’t want to leave you, my love,” she whispered. “But just like Heather, it’s not our choice when. Only how, if we’re lucky. And are we ever lucky that I do get the choice ... I’ve said goodbye to the girls ... Whatever time I have left will be here, by our beloved Roe, with my best friend right beside me. Everything I need, I have right now.”

The side of her neck became more and more wet as I squeezed my eyes shut. Overwhelmed, I felt us stagger around for a bit, until I finally found our footing again.

“I always thought we might go together,” I managed.

“And you know what we say about expectations. Only one expectation is guaranteed ... That we will be together again some day.”

I took a long breath, yet another cycle. ‘The tide always rises again.’

‘Yes, my love ... And we will wait for you there, when it comes for you... ‘

‘I long for it ... I’ve missed her so much, and now I will miss you even more... ‘

“You’re still strong,” she said, “and you still bring so much joy to Shannon and Alana, and all the grandkids and great-grandkids ... Little Brian is turning out to be quite the photographer, thanks to you.”

“He is,” I agreed, my voice thin. “We were going to go camping at the Esopus in a few weeks.”

“And you still will go.”

‘Do you remember, the Esopus?’

‘I would never forget ... One of many beginnings... ‘

“I will go, if I can.”

“You can ... The present moment is always ready for you.”

‘I know ... But it has always included you, Lara... ‘

‘And it still does. I am here, with you, right now. Every last moment until I go, they’re all yours ... And even all the ones after that... ‘

“I love you, sis ... Forever ... My best friend...”

I put aside all thoughts of the future as we allowed ourselves to relive the past through the present. We did nothing but take every instant with each other. In this way, time slowed, and three days she stayed, with me...

Now she’d grown too weak to open her eyes, let alone move.

“I have ... something ... for you,” she whispered.

“What is it?” I managed, my throat painfully tight.

“In that box ... there.”

I looked into the corner of the tent and spied the wooden container. Something that belonged to our mothers, I seemed to recall. I pulled it toward me. I slowly lifted the hinged lid. On seeing what was inside, my breath caught.

“I’ve kept it ... all these years,” she said, opening her eyes to look at me.

“Oh, Lara...”

“Now, it’s time ... to go back...” she whispered. “To where it started.”

‘I will take you there, Lara ... Somehow... ‘

“Goodbye for now ... my love,” she murmured, her voice blending perfectly into the eternal song of the sweet cascade.

“Lara...”

I set the box aside and pressed myself against her. We shared a long look and then her eyes closed.

Breathe...

She did. Once.

The Roe continued to sing, and a breeze swept through the glen, rippling the freshly grown canopy. For two of the leaves, their time came too early and they gently drifted down to land softly on the top of the tent. The others, though, they clung to the branches of life, where they would remain for at least another day. But in time, they too would fall. All of them...

And the air and the water and the mountain, seemingly so indifferent to us in the tent as they continued their endless labor unfazed ... They understood perfectly well what was happening.

Lara’s wishes had been clear. Alana and Shannon had made the arrangements during the time that the two of us had been isolated by the Roe. The first days after I emerged from the tent passed by in a blur during which I depended entirely on my two children. Then another few days of solitude followed...

Now I had to take my sister on one last journey. Maybe Lara had felt some sense of peace knowing that her ashes would soon be in the arms of her other love. But I felt that this was mostly for my benefit, in the end. Another gift, from her to me.

Shannon wrapped her arms around me from behind. “How are you holding up?”

“As well as I can. But I guess that’s true of anything. I wish I had you and your sister’s fortitude.”

“I guess you gave us all of yours,” Alana said, supporting her tease with a warm smile.

We did name her well, because she’s become so much like Heather ... And yet she’s Lara’s and Tommy’s child ... Then again, I was always closest to Melissa, and Lara to Sarah ... Some cycles never stop.

Shannon squeezed my hands with pure affection. We named them both well...

“And I’m glad for that,” I said quietly.

Tea was ready, so we took a seat on the couch. I looked at my daughters, feeling somewhat overwhelmed with gratitude that they were here with me. They were my keel, and going forward would be ever more so. As Lara had said, there would always be something for me to do. The pair of them were co-directors of the Quiet Mile Foundation now, and they were kind enough to let me play a role in it as well, even though Lara and I had stepped down from the board when we’d moved to Ireland after Heather left us.

But these were all such worldly thoughts, far too big for me these days. I was very happy for the significant and far-reaching impact that the Foundation was having in moderating these crazy times ... But all of that was beyond me now. I’d let go long ago, and far more useful people like my own kids, and even theirs, now took the reins and drove the future. I was being left behind again, and this time it was of my own choosing.

And so, I returned to my present situation, specifically the surprising and somewhat frightening issue I was facing.

“Have either of you ever seen a manila envelope around the house?” I asked.

“I’ve seen tons,” Alana deadpanned.

“Stop it,” I chided. “This is serious. It would have been something obviously special. And inside of a plastic bag.”

“When did you last see it?”

“When we moved back, I guess. We always kept it in the file folders with our documents. But now it’s gone.”

“What was it?” Shannon asked.

“Something I always wished I’d never have to open. But it is what it is, now. Then again, if I can’t find it, maybe my wish will come true after all.”

“Is it something Mom gave you in Maine?” Alana asked, realizing.

I sighed. “Good guess.”

She issued a small laugh. “You’re very funny, Dad.”

“How so?”

“You’ve really forgotten who you’re dealing with?”

“Dealing with?”

“Of course it’s not going to be with the files, or wherever you think it should be.”

I sat up, studying my daughters. “Wait a minute. Did you two do something with it?”

Shannon shook her head with honest innocence.

Alana simply grinned. “No, I’ve never even heard of this thing. I swear! But you’re talking about Mom, here. You should know better.”

“But Heather can’t possibly—”

Abruptly, I stood up, realizing that I was always the idiot. And that Lara was always right, so of course she would’ve—

But where, then?

I started for the bedroom, but immediately a familiar, calm voice spoke to me.

‘Where you first knew mortal sea... ‘

I froze in midstride, astounded... She never gives me hints!

But even as I thought this, realization dawned on me quickly. That voice had spent its entire life giving me hints ... It had always been me that was too foolish to listen to them.

I turned and walked steadily out the back door and through the yard, my insides afire. Yeah, ever the fool...

Hung from high hands, the old swing swayed gently in the occasional breezes. I took a seat on the slab of wood and pushed back as far as I could. Then I let the cycles begin. As I flew through the air with impossible grace, I reached underneath the seat and dislodged the bag that was affixed there. I studied the prize, noting that the envelope had been ripped open and then taped shut.

For when it’s the right time...

“Indeed, Lara,” I murmured, wondering if the situation had been reversed if I’d have been as sharp as my sister had been.

But the situation isn’t reversed...

I peeled open the flap and pulled out a smaller envelope. This one was perfectly sealed. I read the printing on it:

For our love ... Until we meet again.

My hands shook a little as I opened this inner package, a message from so long ago. Inside was a note written in Heather’s hand, which was clipped to a pair of even smaller envelopes. One had my name on it, the other Lara’s. The third note was as minimal as the first two had been.

Open yours, destroy the other one.

I felt my insides surge. The same as always: in one hand, creation, in the other, destruction. True to the very end, my love...

I remained there until the swing slowed, which was perhaps a long time. But time didn’t concern me anymore. Everything hence forward was inevitable. The last expectation would be fulfilled, and that’s all that mattered.

Once back in the house, I gave the envelopes and note to Alana. “Can you take care of this for me? I’m going to go for a walk, and then I’ll need a car.”

Alana held the note up in front of her glasses. I heard a very faint sound, the peak syllables of a voice that spoke to her in her earpiece. It was not quite Heather’s voice, but one that sounded rather similar, I knew.