Chapter 11

I was a bit late for our Tuesday 7:00 p.m. sit down at the Hard Hat. I had intended to be late. I wanted her to see me limping and my left arm hanging not quite useless straight down. Okay, so I was looking for an edge, So, sue me. This was war. I didn’t want to be here, but I was certain that I was never going to get the lot of them to leave my ass alone unless I got her to not want to be here either.

She actually stood up for me as I approached the table. I thought that odd. It was the man who was supposed to stand for the lady in situations like this, but she was standing, being the man. As I sat, so did she.

“I’ve already ordered for us, if that’s all right,” she said. I shrugged. Like I said, she was being the man, the gentleman.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said. I’d no more than said what I said than the drinks arrived: JD doubles, no ice. It’s what she and I used to have together in the old days. I snickered, but didn’t comment.

“I’ve forgotten damn little from our time together,” she said. “You can believe that or not.” She was for sure not playing the weak woman tonight. Her tone was more than indicative of that. And, I was glad of that. This was the big meet up. This was for all the marbles. One of us was going to be coming out ahead at the end of this gambit. Then she did the undoable.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, my tone not real friendly.

“Herbert told me of your conditions, Jack. If this meeting is going to be just you putting me down...” she started.

I picked up my drink, downed it. I looked her in the eyes. “Thanks for the drink,” I said. I stood up from my seat, smiled, waved and started walking out.

“Jack!” she literally screamed. I heard her heels clicking after me. She caught up with me and forced me to stop. Well, I was crippled.

“Look, I’m sorry. It’s just...” I stared at her. “Please,” she said. motioning for us to go back to our table.

I stared coldly into her eyes. I turned and began walking slowly back to my seat.

“Jack, I’m afraid of you. That’s why...” she said. “Please forgive my words. I don’t know what I was thinking. You can put me down or do or say anything you want. I owe you that,” she said.

“Shut up, Stephanie. I don’t want to hear any of that ‘I owe you’ crap. I only agreed to this meeting to clear up a whole bunch of actually meaningful stuff. If you’re willing to do that, then we can talk. Otherwise, I’m the fuck outta here,” I said, “make up your goddamn mind!”

“Okay, yes, we’ll clear things up. Whatever we need to do we’ll do,” she said.

“I need a refill. You wanted this meeting so you’re paying,” I said. She didn’t argue; well, she was being the man. She did signal Gale, the waitress, and Gale did come and took the order to tend to our needs.

We stared at each other and waited for the drinks.

Drinks refilled. We sipped them for some moments still without saying anything.

“So, how do we start?” she said. Her tone was a lot more accommodating than it had been.

“You have questions, I have questions. If it’s agreeable with you. I’d like you to go first,” I said. She nodded.

“Okay,” she said. “My number one question is why don’t you want to be around me or the family? I know what you’ve told others and me, but frankly, I just can’t believe that that’s your reason.”

“Believe it, being around you is a tease and serious hurt in my heart. I needed you, and still do, and I can never have you again, so being around you is too hard for me to deal with. Talk about can’t believe, I can’t believe you don’t get that. It’s been that way since junior high school, well for me it has,” I said. She looked down.

“But, Jack, there are other women out there. Me leaving you hurt you, I know that, but it was not and is not the end of the world for you. Jack that is just a flat fact. Really!” she said.

“That’s how you see things is it? That day in that cheap ass motel. I knew for a flat fact that you’d be getting murder-one that meant the death penalty or at best life behind bars. I could not let that happen to you, not to the love of my life. Which is what I thought you were. Which was clearly not the case for you. I was expendable as far as you were concerned; well, as I found out after spending those first four years behind bars.

“So, I lied my ass off. I told you I’d likely get manslaughter, that it’d likely be ten years. I lied to get you to let me do what I had to do. But the fact was that I knew then I was going to get murder-two. I knew one of the assholes and it was my gun. I was doomed. But that was okay by me because losing you would be the end of the world for me.

“But I also knew, thought I knew, that we were soulmates. But, again, as I found out those four years later that was just a one-way street a pipe dream. You will never know how bad that news was for me. I’m still doing my best to deal with your betrayal. So, yes, being around you, being friends with you is all but impossible on any level. And it was and is the end of the world for me!” I said.

She looked away, but decided to change the subject, somewhat. “You and Allison?” she said.

“I’m surprised you have the balls to ask me that question. Still, four days go she let me have her. We fucked three times that night, well sort of. It was my first pussy since the last time you and I did it. Well, I was desperate, and it turned out that I wasn’t a complete loser in spite of my injuries and lack of practice after so long a time, or what you obviously think,” I said. “Will it go anywhere? I don’t know for sure, and neither does she. We do have a date for Friday evening. I’ve still got some money even though I’m not working at the moment. So, I can afford to take her out.”

“You don’t know?” she said.

“Know what?” I said.

“Herb’s been paying your salary ever since the accident. You know ever since you saved me and my son, Herb’s and my son,” she said. “And it’s little enough.”

I did not know. Now I had a problem. They owed me, yes, but I did not want his money. I’d need to be talking to the man.

“No, I did not know. He has to stop that. He paid my hospital bills, I’ll take that, but not the other,” I said. “Tell him that. I’m serious.” She nodded.

“He’ll argue with you, but I will tell him,” she said. My turn to nod. “And, just so you’ll know, I never thought you a sexual loser, never.”

“So, you say. Now, my turn to ask questions?” I said.

“I’ve got one more,” she said.

“Okay,” I said.

“Any chance that you would rejoin the family and you know kinda see where it might lead, where I hope it will lead?” she said.

“Don’t know. That might be a matter of how you answer my questions,” I said. She nodded.

“Okay, let me have it,” she said.

“Did you ever love me? I mean before everything all went to hell?” I said.

“Yes,” she said, “and that is the truth.”

“Do you love him” I said

“Yes, he’s a wonderful man,” she said. I nodded. I had to agree with her. Her new man was a great guy, well, but he really wasn’t all that new actually.

“Do you think he would’ve done for you what I did? I don’t mean the accident. I mean spend seventeen years in maximum security state prison for second degree murder?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“That’s your idea of telling the truth?” I said.

“Okay, no. No other man would do what you did. None I ever met for sure,” she said. and now she began to cry.

“I guess that pretty much proves which one of us loves you the most doesn’t it,” I said. Suddenly her head snapped up.

“Jack, I...”

“My condo is warm. You wanna spend a little time with me there, just a little, for old time’s sake,” I said. She smiled.

“I would say yes. I owe you that and a whole lot more. But you wouldn’t let me. You’re too good a man. I know it, and you know it, and you know I know it. Way too good a man to help me cheat on my husband. I’m a cheater, no question about that. But that’s me and so is he, but you? Don’t make me laugh,” she said. She had me there, and I did want her. But help her cheat on her husband, Herbert Halstead, never!

“Jack, I hope that someday you can find it in your heart not to hate me. That’s the main thing that I want and need in life,” she said. “I really need that.”

“Well, Stephanie, today is your lucky day then,” I said.

“Huh?” she said.

“One: I’m inclined to join ‘your’ family.

“And two: I assure you I don’t hate you,” I said.

“You don’t? I mean you really and truly don’t hate me?” she said.

“Stephanie I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I do not hate you. To hate someone, you have to respect them. I do not respect you. You are a cheater, a liar, and a family destroyer. I can get along with you and with the family. I mean if you still want me to. But respect you? Damn little chance that that’ll ever happen. I actually feel sorry for you, Stephanie. You value all the wrong things,” I said. She looked down and the tears were running free.

“At least you’re joining the family. That’ll give me a chance, however little that is, to prove to you that I can be trusted,” she said. “And, Jack, we are soulmates. Our souls are joined forever. Yes, I’m married to Herb, that wonderful man, and I am faithful to him as I should be, and should have been to you. But there is not a single shred of doubt that you are in my heart too. How could you fucking not be, sir! Oh, and in case you have the slightest doubt in your mind, both Herb and me want you in the life of our son. We need you to be there in his life, and that’s need, not just wish or want. I especially need him to be like you. I need you to set the example for how to be a man, a real man, sir.”

“Well, hope springs eternal,” I said.

“So, you had your sit down with her,” said Allison. I smiled.

“Yes, and you did come up. I think she might be a little jealous of you,” I said.

“The rich super good-looking mother of two? Like that’s likely,” she said.

“Hmm, you weren’t there. You didn’t see her face when I told her about the other night, about you and me, and how we got on. I may have exaggerated a bit, but what the hey,” I said.

“I think we should go to bed and see if we can recreate some of the things we did so recently,” she said, “exaggerated or not. The other night was pretty good regardless.” And she laughed.

I grabbed her by her sleeve and didn’t quite drag her into the bedroom. We would be talking later, but now was another matter entirely. Oh yeah!

“No, he’s not going to accept any money. He is grateful for and will accept you picking up the tab at the hospital. But pay for work he didn’t or doesn’t do? Not a chance,” said Stephanie.

“Jesus, and he clearly won’t be able to handle the pressure of the job he was doing, I mean before the accident,” said Herbert. “And he was the best we had at it too. He picked it up in a hurry. But now...”

“Herb, the man is a genius. There must be something he can do. Something maybe not as physically or mentally pressurized and challenging, but still important,” she said.

“Yes, well, I’m open to suggestions,” he said.

“He’s handicapped right?” she said.

“Obviously,” he said.

“Well, how about you get him to start something, tied to the company, where he can help other handicapped people. I mean something new. Oh, and just make sure he doesn’t know it was my idea if he goes for something like that,” she said.

“You know, you might just have something there. We hand out a ton of money to charities every year. We can give him the job of streamlining the programs we’ve already got, and maybe focusing on particular kinds of handicaps. Yes, there just might be something we can do along those lines. I’ll have to think about it, but yes, maybe,” he said.

The woman across from him smirked then smiled. “Well, I’m not just a pretty face,” she said.

“Hmm,” he said.

After my second night with my nurse and, well, lover, Allison Hill; I’d made the call—to the man. And, now I was standing out on his patio talking with him.

My ex had greeted me, and then taken his cue to let us talk in private. I think she was a little miffed about not being in the mix, but she knew, for sure knew, that being around her was not something she wanted to push, not yet if ever.