Chapter 7

I was certain there would be times coming that would challenge my resolve to get along with the man, well, and really all of them on any significant scale. But I guess we’d be seeing. Ex-cons had almost no torque when it came to influence or family relationships.

At any rate, I’d arrived at Denny’s kinda early: the agreed upon meeting place. I wanted to get it, the meeting, if it did occur, over with. Well, that’s what I was telling myself.

But, if that was indeed my most fervent wish, I was destined to not get my most fervent wish. She was striding toward me, purposefully striding for me. Talk about a full court press. Oh yeah, I was definitely going to get one; I could feel it, sense it.

She stopped when she got to the table: one I’d staked out near the window and toward the back; I really didn’t want an audience. I motioned for her to sit down.

“You’re being foolish. We need to be, if not physically with each other, at least around each other,” she said. Her words were logical, but she was missing the point.

“That would be true if I didn’t still love you, and yes I do mean in that way,” I said. “Oh, and hello.” She snickered.

“Sorry, and yes, hello to you too,” she said. “Jack, I need you. I need you to be around me if only to allow me to feel less guilty.”

“Please, my beautiful lady, do not feel guilty,” I said. She started to interrupt, but I shut her down with a raised hand.

The waitress appeared; I’d let her, the waitress, know on arriving that I was waiting for a guest.

“Something?” I said looking over to my ex-wife. She nodded.

“Just a burger, no fries,” she said.

“Double that,” I said, nodding toward the waitress. “And coffees.” My used to be Stephanie smiled. The waitress strode off.

I should maybe mention here, that I had almost four hundred dollars in my poke, from my days in the joint, plus the wallet that the man, the woman’s across from me husband, had given me to start my new life. I was able to afford burgers and coffee.

“I’m paying,” she said, as the waitress left.

“No, no, I’m flush,” I said. She gave me a look, but shrugged.

“Look, Stephanie, I know you feel grateful to me, and I want you to. I think I said as much to your husband a good while back. But, guilty no. Not ever that. Grant me that much. Okay.”

“Okay, I guess,” she said. “But...”

“But my problem with you is that I can’t get you out of my mind or heart. I probably never will. I may never have another woman, Missus Stephanie Halstead. I mean what woman would want some guy with baggage like I’ve got hanging around my neck? I mean really.”

“I’ll tell you who, me!” she said. “And no, I don’t mean in my bed. That’s history. But in every other way, absolutely! Jack, I know that’s maybe not enough for you at this point, but the way I see it, it’s a lot, an awful lot. And who says you can’t find another woman. That’s bull-pucky. You are a brilliant and great soul. You have a serious job making serious money. And...

“Yes, and well I noticed when I came in that you are even more handsome than you used to be, and you look strong; that in spite of the awful things that were done to you in that place,” she said. “Yes, and done to you because of me. And, I don’t care what you want, Mister. I do feel guilty, because I am guilty. Sorry, but you don’t get what you want there.”

“You don’t seem to understand, Stephanie. I love you! I mean I really love you. I never stop thinking about you. For seventeen years you are almost the only thing I ever thought about, and on those rare occasions when I thought about something else it was our daughter that I thought about. The daughter your husband has since adopted.

“Seeing you on his arm, seeing you kiss and hug him, seeing you laugh when he does something that pleases you: well, I just can’t do it. Please understand that. Please!” I said.

“Jack, that’s understandable, all of what your saying is. Men, all of you men have a jealous streak. But get this. We women have our little insecurities too. We can’t do for ourselves like you guys can. We all need the support and protection that only our men can provide, our personal men. Herbert supports and protects me now, and I am so grateful to God for sending him to me. And, sir, I believe that God sent him to me because the man I had before him was busy doing something else. Oh yeah, now I remember, sacrificing half his life for me. Oh, and that guy’s name? Why it’s a lot like yours, Mister. Talk about coincidences,” she said. “Not feel guilty, and yes, grateful, not happening, Mister, not ever!”

I had to admit; she was making points with her no doubt well prepared spiel.

“Stephanie, we’ll see. Okay? It’s the best I can do. You are right in almost everything you say But, it doesn’t change the fact that I need you and can’t have you. Jealous, am I? Damn straight! And, the truth that I owe the guy on so many levels actually makes me feel guilty for wanting you!” I said. She was nodding.

“Well, at least you’re willing to think about things if I got what you said right. I did didn’t I, get it right I mean?” she said.

“Yes,” I said. “It doesn’t mean that it changes anything, but it does make sense what you said. It’s just, well, I’m still in the same boat I was in before you, well, said what you said.” She nodded.

The food came and the coffee, and it kind of reminded me of old times. The times before all of the bad stuff hit the fan. I wanted those times back and I wouldn’t be getting them. I think she knew what I was thinking too as we ate and talked about nothing meaningful.

Then she was gone, and I was alone. But, that said, I did have things to do and places to go.

The nine-story building was smack in the middle of downtown, downtown Tucson. And I was in the middle of the room on the ninth-floor of the Halstead building which was the name of the building I was in. The man owned it, the whole building. But his offices were only on the top floor, the rest of the building was rented out.

“Welcome to beautiful downtown Tucson,” said Andrew. He was smiling to beat the band. I wondered at him being here. He worked at a shop on the outskirts of town. I’d been cued to that by the man himself. He smiled and tendered me a knowing look.

“Yeah, you too,” I said. “But...”

“No, I don’t work here. I’m here to take my wife to lunch, or her if I can get her to pay for it, she makes more than me,” he said, and laughed.

“Oh, okay,” I said. “I was told to report to her as soon as I got in. Which I did five minutes ago.”

“I know, she’s inviting you to go to lunch with us. Kind of old home week, I guess,” he said.

“Okay,” I said. “I could eat.”

“Well, you finally got here, rookie,” she said coming up to us.

“Hmm, yes, rookie. I guess that’s indeed what I am,” I said. “I’m sure as shit a newbie!”

And then it was lunch time.

We’d eaten at the Hog’s Head B&G. It was definitely an upscale eatery, my good friends, still my good friends in spite of my record, had definitely moved up in class. The talk was mostly about the job and also Andrew’s job. He was a mechanic, of course, always had been, but now he was managing the place and didn’t get his hands dirty much anymore. He allowed that he missed being under the hood since he’d been promoted. But as he said, the pay was better, and the hours more regular so the upsides made it worthwhile.

I guess I’d gone a little bit pensive, well, for a little bit. We were sipping our after-lunch coffees.

“You okay, Jack?” said Andrew kind of shaking me loose from my almost reverie.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, just musing, I guess. So many changes. I don’t know anything about these new computers and whatnot.” I said. “Everything is different I guess.”

“That’s why you’ve got me,” said Melanie. “I’m gonna be the teacher for a while. I mean before you pass me up.”

“Yeah, right,” I said. “I remember when you were a pretty slick learner yourself.”

“Hmm, and I remember when academically you were pretty nearly the best at everything,” she said.

“I’m afraid any skills I might have ever been able to lay claim to in that regard have kinda rusted,” I said.

“We’ll see,” she said. “I’m bettin’ you’ll be back in the saddle real soon. And, Jack, the job is kinda fun. At least I think so. And, if you recall, you’re the one, indirectly, who is responsible for getting me this gig, And, I won’t ever forget it.” I snickered.

Of course, it was actually Stephanie after I went inside and she’d met her new man, that got Melanie her job. But, what the heck; I guess I could claim some of the credit. I smiled.

“Hmm,” I said. And then it was a couple of months later.

“Well how you doing cowboy” said Mickey Hardy, coming up to my desk and interrupting a serious review of some currency fluctuations in China.

“Mickey! Good to see you, but how...” I said, not quite stuttering.

“You’re kidding, right? I’m a fucking detective. And, I have the week off,” she said.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot about the detective part,” I said.

“So, how are you doing? Seriously?” she said. I shrugged.

“Making a living, working long hours to do it, and glad of it,” I said.

“Hmm, you know, you gotta expand your horizons a little,” she said.

“And, you’re here why? I mean today?” I said.

“I dropped in on your boss. He said You were working down here. Said you were having a bit of trouble adjusting if you wanna know the truth,” she said.

“Hmm,” I said. “I’m okay. Trouble adjusting? I don’t know as I’d describe things quite that way.”

“Jack, I know how hard it can be when cons are released that’s why they have halfway houses. It’s tough man,” she said.

“Hmm, maybe. But the man has set me up pretty good, in fact very good. I ain’t rich, but I eat good, and my place is warm at night. What else can a man ask for?” I said.

“In your case, a woman. You gotta get out there and mix with the locals,” she said.

“And, what makes you think I haven’t been,” I said. She just snorted.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot, again, you’re a detective,” I said.

“Jack, I’m serious. You and I are going out tonight. I’m going to reintroduce you to life in the big city,” she said.

“Can’t, I’m busy tonight. Got this situation in China I gotta see to,” I said, and I was serious.

“China’s going to have to take a breather for a few hours. Just looking at you, I can see you’re damn near burned out,” she said.

“And how... ?” I started. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot—again.”

“So?” she said.

“Okay, but I can’t be out too late. That okay by you? I really am actually tied up with this foreign currency problem,” I said.

“Okay, you got it,” she said. “Oh, and okay if I hang out at your place until we head out to the bistro? I mean I know you’ll wanna change.”

“Sure, I mean since you clearly don’t trust me,” I said, and now I was smiling, and, I was also quite serious.

“Hmm,” she said.

I’d originally been concerned that Mickey had figured out the whole story, or pretty much so, on her own. But now, I was kinda glad. It allowed me to talk about it with someone other than my ex and her family. I needed to talk about it, not a lot but off and on, kinda rarely or something.