Chapter 19: Them There Eyes

October 9th, 1995, 9:30 AM MST, St. Joseph’s Hospital, Phoenix, AZ

The doctor came into the room, a different doctor than before; this was a hospital ER, after all, and the doctors work on shifts. This doctor was a man in his late 50s, balding, a bit harried, and looking worn out from the exciting and busy night affecting the hospital after the derailment. Over fifty people had been brought to the hospital requiring some form of medical attention, 12 of them very seriously, straining the hospitals resources.

“Howdy, folks,” the doctor drawled, “I’m Dr. Jameson, an’ now thet th’ patient is awake, I’d like t’talk t’them about their corndishun, in private.”

“Doctor, my friends are like my family to me,” Akilah said, “They can stay and listen to everything you have to say. This is Joshua who is my fiancé, and that is Jillian, who is my closest friend.”

Josh smiled, Jill blushed a bit, both were happy to be included in her circle of trust.

“Howevah yo’ like it, m’am,” Dr. Jameson said, “We was mighty wo’ried about whut was gwine on in yer haid, but now thet yer awake, I’m a might bit less wo’ried. We’re still a-gonna schedule an MRI, t’make sho’nuff yer ok.”

“Dat makes sense,” Josh said, “Careful yuh have tuh be.”

“I would prefer to be careful, yes,” Akilah agreed.

“Howevah, on account o’ our emergancy room is busier than a cowfella on a cattle run,” Jameson continued, “ah’s a-gonna put yo’ in a room an’ yer a-gonna be done t’morry. Thar is sevahal patients who is wo’se than yo’, ah hope yo’ unnerstan’, m’am, we will git yo’ in as soon as we kin, sho’nuff.”

“I understand this completely, of course,” Akilah replied, “Tend to the more critical patients first, yes.”

“I also want to keep an eye on that cut on your leg,” Jameson continued, “It has seeped a bit more than I’d like since we stitched her up, and I want to make sure it will keep. If you feel like it, I can also schedule you to see a psychologist about losing the little one.”

“What is this little one?” Akilah asked.

“I’m sorry, doc,” Jill said, “I didn’t tell them that part yet. I didn’t want them to be worried.”

“What part?” Akilah asked, panicked, “What part about this ‘little one’ did you not tell me?”

Josh, of course, being more versed in colloquial American English, understood exactly what the doctor was saying. He turned whiter than the sheet on the bed, and felt sick. He croaked a bit, making everyone in the room shut up. Finally he managed to say something.

“A baby?” He hoarsely croaked, “Acky, pregnant you were?”

“It was yours Josh,” Jill said, “She was barely pregnant. They aren’t even sure that’s what it was, but she passed a pregnancy test, but no baby was in the womb. I didn’t want to tell you because it wasn’t important until we were sure Acky was safe.”

“A baby?” Akilah hissed, “I was with a child? Uh ... Pregnant? Doctor, is this true?”

“We suspeck so, yes’am,” Dr. Jameson said, “Yer body has th’ chemistry of a pregnant woomin, but thar was nothin’ in yo’. We reckon y’all miscarried, cuss it all t’ tarnation. Th’ way it was, yo’d haf only been pregnant a few days at most.”

“What did he say?” Akilah wondered.

“Wit’ what Jill said he was agreein’,” Josh said, “Wit’ our baby yuh were likely pregnant, Acky.”

I was pregnant with our baby! Akilah screamed in her head, Josh and I were with child! Oh my god. I can’t believe this to be true. Yes I can. Of course I can. Don’t kid yourself, Akilah. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to fucking think!

She didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. Her parents would kill her; they weren’t even married. Shit, when they first did it, they weren’t even engaged. What was she going to tell them about what she was doing, and with whom? She was really nervous about it. What if she hadn’t miscarried? What if she had Josh’s baby? What about college?

Would he accept our child? she asked herself, Would he be willing to be a father now? Would he ask me to abort the child? Would he love me if I was so stupid as to get pregnant? Don’t be so stupid, Akilah, you love him because he is a good man. He would do the right thing, and he would be sure we would do it together. You didn’t fall in love with him by accident. Still, the miscarriage simplifies things!

Of course it does. She wouldn’t have to take off from school, wouldn’t have to derail her studies. She could do what she set out to do when she came here; to get a degree in computer science. Work for one of the tech companies in California. Get away from all the hatred back home. She could do it all now, and she could do it with Josh.

Careful? Yes, of course they would have to be more careful. If she was going to do all the things that she had set out to do, it wasn’t time for her to get pregnant. She could go on that pill, she could ask Josh to wear protection. They could have a child soon enough, after school, after they accomplished what they planned to accomplish.

I could have lived with it, though, she thought, If it goes wrong, I could have his baby, our baby, when it comes. There are far worse things than delaying your plans to give birth to a child with the man you love. I love Josh so much, I’m ready for what life will bring us.

She was scared though. She could tell by feeling herself that she had scars, damage. She was afraid she would be ugly now. That she would be revolting to him. She would represent danger to him, now. The risks of enjoying pleasures of the flesh imprudently. He might be scared of what the future might bring.

He is such a scaredy cat, she thought, practically scared of his own shadow. I love him like that, true, it’s part of what makes him, him. He’s scared of doing the wrong thing, scared of taking risks, scared of ever hurting me, scared of disrespecting me. He’s scared of not treating me with love and respect and equality. He’s terrified of not being a good person. That’s why you love him isn’t it? Yes he’s bright, and yes he’s smart, and yes he can keep up with you, and all that matters to you, yes, Akilah.

But the real reason is that he is so good at heart, his biggest fear is not being a good man. His biggest fear is doing the wrong thing for you. Which means he will do things out of fear of doing what is wrong. He’d tell me he loves me now because he feels it is right after all that happened. He’ll hold me and care for me and treat me well for the rest of my life out of fear of hurting me.

And that scared the life out of her. She didn’t want that, not at all. She didn’t want to tie him down and make him marry her when he really didn’t want to. She loved him far too much to do that to him. She didn’t want to trap him, and she was never quite clear on why he loved her, anyway. They got along, but she was not an attractive girl, and she was even less attractive now, she was sure.

“Josh, why did you fall in love with me?” Akilah asked, “More importantly, will you still love me tomorrow? After this? With a baby?”

“Wit’ what Jill said he was agreein’,” Josh said, “Wit’ our baby yuh were likely pregnant, Acky.”

After that she was silent, clearly deep in thought. She had a right to be deep in thought.

We were pregnant, after all, Josh thought, I never thought I would ever have children, and she was carrying my child. A girl, a crazy girl, who loves me. I don’t understand why she loves me, but I know dead certain she does. And she was carrying our baby, my baby. It had to be ours. She was a virgin the first time we made it. Why does this damned fool girl love me? Why would she want to have a baby with me?

He didn’t know, and he still really didn’t care. He knew she loved him. This beautiful woman, with her sparking brown eyes, her beautiful light brown skin, her shapely body, she loved him, and he couldn’t be more sure of it. She was a tiger in bed, too. There was nothing she wouldn’t try. She was willing to share so freely of herself, willing to explore anything as long as it was together.

The first time he looked into her eyes, and saw her mesmerizing smile, he had fallen in love with her. For some reason, for some crazy god forsaken reason, she loved him back. He could never have been more lucky than to have found her. It was magical. It was fate. It was beyond belief.

And she was carrying their baby. Their family. Their future. Their dreams. Their hopes.

He fell into a sort of day dream, thinking about him being there for the birth of their first child. Him holding their child in his arms. Being together, holding the baby. Raising the baby. Giving presents to the baby. Being there for the baby’s first word. The first time they walked. When they went off to school. Together, raising this part of them, this collaboration. Being proud of this child together. Working hard, together, to provide for the child. It was the kind of life he had always wanted and never thought he’d ever have.

And the child miscarried.

The child was lost.

Taken away from them.

That hurt like a sucker punch in the gut. The child he was dreaming about would never be; no raising, no first word, no presents, no holding, no walking, no school, no pride. It had died, been killed, before it even had the chance to have a thought. Because of an accident. It made him sick.

But he still had her. She still loved him. She was still there.

The timing of this child would have been inconvenient, and that was the truth. It wouldn’t have mattered; they would have loved it and raised it and done it together anyway. But it would have been better if the child came after school, when they would have the resources to make it all happen.

The important thing was that they still had each other. They were together, they were in love, and their machinery worked. This child would never be, and that made him sad, sick, and miserable. But he could live, because one day, when the timing was better, they could try again. They would succeed again. They would have children, and they would love them, and raise them, and teach them, and watch them grow and achieve. And they would do it together. His dream was alive; it was just delayed. He wasn’t happy about it, but the future beckoned.

“Josh, why did you fall in love with me?” Akilah asked, “More importantly, will you still love me tomorrow? After this? With a baby?”

“Acky,” Josh sighed, “For all the reasons in the world, I fell in love with you. Into your happy smile I looked, in love I fell. Into your warm and bubbly eyes, so full of life and intelligence, I looked, I fell, I was entrapped. Every moment since then I have fallen more in love with you, with everything about you, Acky. But it was your eyes...”

Josh started singing an old standard, “Them There Eyes”:

I was just mindin’ my business,

Life was a beautiful song,

Didn’t have a care or wawhry,

Den yuh had tuh come along!

I fell in love wit’ yuh,

First time I looked into dem dere eyes,

Yuh have a certain lil cute way of flirtin’,

Wit’ dem dere eyes.

Dey make me feel so happy,

Dey make me feel so blue,

I’m fallin’, no stallin’,

In a great big way fawh yuh!

My heart is jumpin’,

Yuh started somethin’,

Wit’ dem dere eyes!

You’d bettuh look out,

Brown eyes if you’re wise,

Dey sparkle, dey bubble,

Dey’re gonna getcha,

In a whole lot of trouble,

Oh Acky, dem dere eyes!

I fell in love wit’ yuh,

De first time I looked into,

Yuh have a certain lil cute way of flirtin’,

Wit’ dem dere eyes!

Dey make me feel so happy,

Dey make me feel so blue,

Fallin’, no stallin’,

In a great big way fawh yuh!

My heart is jumpin’,

Yuh started somethin’,

Wit’ dem dere eyes! Okay?

Dey sparkle, dey bubble,

Dey gonna getcha,

In a whole lotta trouble,

Oh Acky, dem dere eyes! Okay?

Akilah looked at him in wonder. Josh came over to her and meant to brush her lips with a gentle kiss, but Akilah threw her arms around him, clearly in some discomfort, and pulled him close to kiss him hard on the lips.

“What’s going on here?” George asked, “I feel like I’m missing something.”

October 9th, 1995, 9:30 AM MST, Holiday Inn & Suites, Phoenix, AZ

George went down to the lobby, and approached the desk. He wasn’t expecting it but...

“Hi, I’m George from 306, could you call me a cab?”

“Ok, you’re a cab.”

“Very funny,” George replied sarcastically, “Very Rocky and Bullwinkle. Now if you could kindly call the local taxi cab service and request that they send a taxi cab to the hotel, I would greatly appreciate it.”

“There is a taxi stand over by the airport terminal, sir.”

“You have to be kidding me,” George said, “That’s a 30 minute walk, at least.”

“Nevertheless, there are taxis over there.”

“Listen, pal,” George said, “I just almost got killed in a train wreck, and I am in no mood for your games, call me a taxi.”

“You can call a taxi from the payphone over there,” the desk clerk said, pointing to the pay phone.

George reached across the desk, grabbed the phone, and pulled it toward him, and called the local taxi number, which was listed on the desk, and requested a taxi be sent to the hotel. Then he pressed the speed dial number for Holiday Inn’s Customer Hotline. He had an interesting conversation about the desk clerk at the Holiday Inn Phoenix Airport North, and the hung up the phone.

“Thank you for letting me me use your phone,” George said with a smile, tipped an imaginary hat at him, and walked out the front door to wait for the taxi, which pulled up almost immediately, and took him to the hospital.

The taxi ride took about ten minutes, and George was amazed that he was spending more time thinking about the nincompoop of a desk clerk than he was about the issues he was going to see. He had no idea what was going on with everyone in the hospital; he had no contact with anyone since they left in the helicopter, except the fact that he knew Gretel had been called by Jill. He thought he’d be thinking about that, but he wasn’t. He was thinking about the desk clerk and how stupid he was.

George was fortunate enough to have never had parents or even friends spend time in a hospital. He didn’t know that a common defense mechanism for it was to think about absolutely anything else. Thinking about the risks and problems of people you care about is so hard, your brain tends to deflect it. This was George’s first encounter with this phenomenon, and it startled him distinctly.

When he finally got to the hospital, he went in the emergency room entrance, and walked up to the desk, where there was a woman in nurse’s scrubs sitting at the desk.

“Hi,” he said, “I’m looking for Akilah Ghanem. She came in on a helicopter from the train wreck, maybe six hours ago.”

The nurse consulted an ancient computer with a black and green screen, taping keys occasionally.

“She is here,” the nurse replied, “E16, right through there.”

“Thank you, nurse,” he replied, and walked through the doors she pointed to.

He found E16; he heard them before he saw them; Josh was singing “Them There Eyes”, badly. As he walked in to the curtain, Akilah was pulling Josh down into a passionate kiss.

“What’s going on here?” George asked, “I feel like I’m missing something.”

“You’re missing a lot,” Jill said, “Josh was just trying to help the patients get better by giving them an incentive to leave quicker.”

“What do you mean by giving an incentive to leave quicker?” Akilah asked.

“Well, the quicker they leave,” Jill replied with a smile, “The quicker they won’t have to hear him sing.”

“Shah,” Akilah said, “I very much like his singing.”

Jill then stopped pretending, stopped restraining herself, and gave George a bone crushing hug and a smoking hot kiss; they weren’t often apart this long.

“So what’s the story?” George asked.