Chapter 46: Breakthrough

Monday, August 5th, 1996, Sanford Maine

I sat there in stunned wonderment, still clutching Linda’s hand as I watched her cling to Amber with her free arm. Amber was squeezing her in a tight hug while straddling her in the recliner. Linda slipped her hand from mine to return Amber’s embrace in kind. Both girls were crying, and I had no clue what to say or do. Should I go get the Doctor? No. That’d be a dumb thing to do at this point. A knee-jerk reaction. We needed to talk first before we went to tell him anything. Plus, the paranoid part of me was demanding that I somehow convince Linda not to say anything about what she’d seen Amber doing to me in the forest.

I sat there staring at them for quite a few minutes, my brain trying to work out what I should say and how I should say it before they finally broke apart. As soon as they did, Linda quickly looked over at me before turning to look at Amber again, who was sitting up awkwardly in her lap. I couldn’t see how either girl was comfortable. Linda still had her legs curled up under her, and Amber had her ass perched directly on her knees.

“Did ... did you really mean what you said?” Linda whispered to Amber, her eyes searching hers imploringly.

“Yes,” Amber whispered back. “Are you going to please start talking with everyone again?”

“But how can you say that you love me after what I did? After knowing what was done to me?” Linda asked despondently, her cheeks wet with tears.

“Because none of that was your fault!” Amber said vehemently. “You don’t blame the victim in any other circumstance, and we’re not going to start with you!”

“But ... but ... I’m damaged...”

“Yeah, but damaged things can be mended and repaired. You don’t just throw them away when they can be fixed up as good as new,” I added firmly, finally saying something since hearing Linda speak.

“Davey’s right ... and that’s why you’re here, to get better,” Amber affirmed. “For so long, you had to deal with a super shitty situation all by yourself. Now you’ve got people wanting to help. Please let them, Hun.”

“I still don’t know why either of you’d want anything to do with me after what happened the other night. I mean, I almost killed David,” Linda said mournfully, dropping her eyes from ours.

“Yeah, but you didn’t—”

“Which I’m really grateful about!” I blurted out, interrupting my sister. “And I’m just as glad that I was able to stop you from hurting yourself too. You don’t know how much you mean to me—to us. We need you in our life, Linda. All of us do, and that includes the rest of the gang. And I really mean that!”

“Really? But why?” Linda asked meekly, still not meeting us with her gaze.

“For all those reasons we were reminiscing about before. How many good memories do we have from being in class together? How many from this summer?” I asked in return.

“Don’t you like us?” Amber queried.

“Of course, I do!”

“Well, then why wouldn’t we like you back?”

“There’s a lot to like, you know. You’re funny, smart, and just plain fun to be around,” I pointed out.

“Well, none of that matters now anyway. I’ll probably end up either in jail for the rest of my life or be stuck here in a looney bin,” Linda replied dispiritedly.

“No, you won’t, Hun. As I said before, our parents told us that they doubted you’d even be charged with anything. I mean, it’s classic self-defense!” Amber avowed energetically.

“And you’ll only be in here for as long as it takes to help you, I bet,” I added.

“Mom’s been coming in every day trying to talk to me. So has Mandy—except for today, that is. I guess Mom and Dad made her go back to college since they didn’t want her flunking out. Dad’s been here almost every day too. I know that he’s been missing a lot of work over me. It makes me feel bad,” Linda said, still not looking up.

Linda was silent for a moment as we patiently waited for her to say more. We could tell that she wanted to get something out.

After a deep breath, she finally spoke again, “Mom says that we’re going to be moving away from Sanford. So even if they did let me out and I didn’t go to jail, I’ll be in some other town far away and won’t get to see you guys anymore,” Linda said sadly as new tears leaked from her eyes.

“We’ll convince her not to do that! Trust me. Between the four of us, we’ll get her to change her mind. If you tell her that you want to—no need to—be around your friends, she’ll cave. I’m sure of it,” Amber said firmly.

“Four of us?” Linda asked.

“Yeah, us three and CC,” Amber smiled.

“Oh, yeah. Now that you got me to break my promise to myself never to speak again, I feel bad for not talking to her. She’s so sweet,” Linda smiled weakly.

“We’ll tell her that after,” I reassured her.

“CC is sweet, the sweetest thing ever, and she’ll be ecstatic that you spoke. She won’t care that you didn’t say anything to her,” Amber said.

“Don’t you—don’t you love her too?” Linda asked with a slight frown as she raised her head to look at us this time.

“Yeah, like crazy. CC’s my girl, and I’ll love her forever,” Amber replied, unable to stop the smile that came unbidden to her lips.

“So how can you say that you love me if you love her? And you guys are a threesome ... right? I mean, I’m not misremembering? Am I? That is what you said the other night? Well, not exactly, but implied?” Linda asked, sounding confused. “Things from that night are kinda blurry,” she added, giving us a weak smile.

“Yeah, we’re a threesome in every sense of the word. I’m with CC just as David is. And if I can love the both of them, then I don’t see why I can’t love you also,” Amber answered with a shrug.

I could tell that she was a bit uncomfortable with Linda bringing up her feelings for CC, even though she was doing her best not to show it. Probably because she didn’t know what she would say to CC about it afterward. I’m sure that her impromptu confession of love while our girlfriend was sitting right outside in the waiting room was bothering her, even if she was managing to hide it. And I’d been about to do the same thing, which was pretty fucked up if I thought about it.

“Uh, since we’re kinda on that topic ... Please, please don’t say anything about us,” I implored, gesturing between my sister and myself. Now that I’d asked, my heart was pounding. I was still expecting a hammer to fall on our heads over what she’d witnessed. Maybe she’d feel the need to tell someone even if she wasn’t mad at me anymore. What if she thought that she’d need to tell her Doctor in order to heal? Even if it just slipped out by accident, we’d be screwed, blued, and tattooed, as our Dad would say. “If anyone found out, it’d destroy us,” I added nervously, hoping that she’d understand that and not want to hurt us.

“Yeah! Please, please don’t do that! I know that you’ll need to speak with Doctor Berkfield about everything, but can you leave that part out? Please? I’m begging you!” Amber pled, sounding the most vulnerable I’d heard her in a long time.

“Of course, I won’t say anything! I promise! I’ve had nothing but time to think since they put me in here, and even though some things are fuzzy, I can remember how adamant you were that David never hurt you. I was so enraged that night. Luckily, between you and CC, you got through to me. What I do remember thinking, what knocked me out of it, was how the both of you tried your best to shield David with your bodies.

“After a while, it made me realize that the two of you wouldn’t be doing that for someone who was an evil predator like my fucking Uncle was. Honestly, between that last day of camping and that night, I was a little crazy. Something inside me just snapped. I had all these crazy thoughts running through my head ... Thank God I didn’t do what I’d first intended. I’m so sorry for wanting to kill you, David ... Can you ever forgive me?” Linda asked, looking over at me with her ice-blue eyes shimmering wetly as fresh tears streaked down her face.

“It’s water under the bridge, and there’s nothing to forgive,” I smiled. “I’m just so relieved that you’re actually speaking to me. I was worried that you’d still hate me. That you’d hate us,” I nodded at Amber, “because of our relationship.”

“Yeah, I was a bit worried about that too,” Amber confessed as she got off Linda’s knees and stood, stretching out her back and legs. “Sorry, I was getting a little cramped from sitting like that.”

“Me too,” Linda giggled as she finally shifted, allowing her legs to straighten out. Man, she had nicely shaped calves and thighs.

It was a glorious sound to hear that giggle. One that I’d never expected to listen to again.

“Would you mind bringing me my water, David? I haven’t spoken in over a week, and my throat feels a bit scratchy. They brought me a paper cup full just before you guys got here; it’s on the snack tray next to my bed.”

“Sure thing,” I smiled as I stood and got it for her. At the same time, Amber reached for the box of Kleenex on the coffee table, giving a couple to Linda, each of the girls taking a moment to blow their noses and dry their cheeks. “Oh, and another super important thing. We didn’t tell anyone that you wanted to shoot me,” I semi-whispered as I handed her the cup.

“Really?” Linda gasped, looking shocked. “W-why not?” she asked, looking puzzled.

“Because we knew that you didn’t really mean it. As soon as you knew how I felt about Davey, you changed your attitude right away. So you can’t tell them anything about it now. That’d just get us all in trouble, and then they probably wouldn’t let us see you anymore,” Amber said firmly.

“Plus, we really didn’t want you to get into any more trouble than what was already going to happen. We had no idea about what the cops would do. It was only after talking with our folks that they told us you probably wouldn’t be charged with anything. So we really don’t want you getting into any trouble over it now,” I added earnestly.

Linda’s crystal-blue eyes, a little bloodshot from crying, swiveled back and forth between us before dropping to where her hands were once again fidgeting in her lap.

“Okay ... I promise that I won’t say anything ... About either you guys or about wanting to hurt you ... Even though I deserve to be punished for it,” Linda agreed meekly.

“Hey! None of that! You reacted the same way any of us would’ve reacted in your place! So don’t go beating yourself up over something that didn’t happen. All’s well that ends well, as our Mom likes to say. You hear?” Amber said fiercely.

“I guess so,” Linda answered quietly, her strawberry-blonde hair obscuring her face.

“Yeah, seriously, don’t go blaming yourself. Let the past be the past. From this moment on, let’s just concentrate on you getting back on your feet and coming back to Sanford so we can all hang out again. We miss you,” I said.

“As much as I’d like to see everybody ... at the same time, I don’t. I can’t deal with the thought of what everyone must think of me. I’m sure that everyone in town must know about what I did and why. I don’t think I could handle the whispers that would happen behind my back, everywhere I went,” Linda sighed.

“But nobody would act like that!” Amber declared.

“Oh, yes, they would! You don’t know how some of the bitches I used to hang with can be! I swear all they seem to care about sometimes is the latest rumor and how bad they can make someone look! They are so fucking catty!” Linda said knowingly. “I know that they were never truly my friends, and since I ditched them just before the school year ended, they’ve been pissed off at me. They’ll be foaming at the mouth to talk shit about me now,” she complained bitterly.

“Maybe so, but who cares?” I stated flatly, causing my sister and Linda to look over at me. “Seriously ... Who cares?” I repeated now that I had their attention. “You can’t stop assholes from being assholes. So why worry about what they think? They’ll never say it to your face, and you’ll be with your true friends anyway. And you know that none of us are like that. So the real problem would be your imagination. Simply don’t let it make up scenarios that don’t matter and have no bearing on your reality. You can’t control what people think or do. You can only control yourself. Just believe positive things about yourself and know that there are good people who love you and only want to be a force for good in your life.”

“Yeah! Besides, if any of those bitches say ANYTHING, I’ll kick their asses!” Amber vowed vehemently. I bet she could do it too. When she got good in Karate, she’d be deadly.

Just then, the door clicked open, and the Nurse that was speaking to Dr. Berkfield earlier stepped in. Owens was her name, I believe.

“It’s been an hour. I’m afraid that visiting time is over for now,” Nurse Owens said kindly with a smile.

“But we were successful! Linda’s speaking with us now,” Amber protested as she stood up.

“Really? Linda, is this true? Are you speaking again?” Nurse Ownes asked excitedly.

“Yes,” Linda whispered, looking a bit abashed.

“That’s wonderful, Dear! I’ll let Dr. Berkfield know right away! Linda, Honey, your parents, and Dr. Berkfield will be ecstatic to hear this. And I bet my bottom dollar that your Mom and Dad will be in here right away wanting to speak with you as soon as they find out the good news! As for you two, I’m sure that Dr. Berkfield will want to talk with you before you go. So please, wait in the sitting area just outside while I go get him,” Nurse Owens said.

“Okay,” both Amber and I replied simultaneously. It was easy to tell that we felt reluctant to leave Linda now that she was talking again. We still had so much that we wanted to say.

“You can have five more minutes to say your goodbyes, “Nurse Owens said, smiling in sympathy when she saw our downcast faces. “And don’t fret; I’m sure that you’ll be allowed back to see Linda again,” she added right before she left to go find the Doctor.

We took the next five minutes to say our goodbyes. It was a bit awkward now that we knew we had to leave. I could tell that Amber didn’t want to go, that she felt like she had just gotten her friend back. Linda seemed unsure of what to say and kept stumbling for words. I think that she didn’t know how to deal with Amber’s confessed feelings any more than I did. Were they real? Or was she unsure like I was? What were we supposed to say to CC? I doubt she’d be happy with it. I guess we’d just have to talk about it. Hopefully, I could get her alone before she said anything to CC. I’d hate to hurt her feelings for nothing.

When it came time for us to leave, I was hesitant to give her a hug because of the abuse she’d gone through. At first, I thought that maybe it would be upsetting for her to be hugging a male. In the end, though, I figured that if I was in her shoes, I’d just want to be treated normally. As soon as I took her in my arms, I knew that I’d made the right decision because she gave me a tight squeeze and didn’t seem to want to let go.

I can’t say that I wanted to let her go either. I was so relieved with how things had gone. She didn’t hate me! She wouldn’t rat us out, and maybe, just maybe, she could get the help she needed to return to Sanford and our circle of friends. Right then and there, I vowed to do everything I could to make that happen.

As soon as we stepped outside of Linda’s room, Doctor Berkfield was there waiting for us with a pleasant smile on his face.

“David, Amber, please come with me and have a seat,” Dr. Berkfield said, gesturing to his open office door across the way.

CC wasn’t in the waiting room. I guess she was probably getting another drink or waiting outside within sight of the truck. It was a beautiful day out; perhaps she just wanted to enjoy it. Shrugging to myself, I followed Amber into the Doctor’s office and sat down beside her. I felt a lot less nervous than I had when I was sitting in here an hour ago. This time I noticed some things that I hadn’t before—like the multiple diplomas that he had hanging on the wall behind him and the large framed picture of what had to be his wife and three kids that sat on the corner of his large dark wooden desk.

“So Nurse Owens told me that you were successful in getting Linda to speak,” Dr. Berkfield commented with a raised brow and a big smile cracking his face. I was surprised to see such strong emotion from him when he’d seemed so stoic before.

“Yeah! We did it!” Amber enthused with a massive grin matching his.

“Well, congratulations, young lady, young man. I am VERY happily surprised,” Dr. Berkfield cheerfully said. “I’ve sent Nurse Owens out to find her parents. They went for a walk around the premises with your friend. I imagine they’ll be back shortly to speak with their daughter for themselves.”

“Thanks!” we both echoed, grinning stupidly.

“I’m curious. What was it that convinced Linda to start communicating again?” he asked as he leaned back in his chair, his fingers steepling together in front of his face.

“We just told her how much we and all of her friends missed and loved her. That we were there for her unconditionally,” Amber replied.

“And she didn’t seem bothered or agitated at all to either of you?”

“No, not really. I mean, when she finally did speak, we both hugged and cried, but I think that was a good thing,” Amber said.

“Yeah, it definitely seemed cathartic to me,” I added.

“Cathartic, eh?” he smiled, seemingly amused at my use of the word. “Well, you both did good. I had my doubts, but I am glad to say that they were obviously unfounded. As long as the Miller’s say it’s okay, I’ll add you three to her approved visitors’ list. In fact, I would ask that you come as often as you can. Considering that she opened up to you, it can only be a benefit to her healing process.”

“Will that take very long, Doctor Berkfield?” Amber asked.

“Hmm, I’m afraid that I don’t have an answer to that question, young lady,” he replied straightforwardly. “It all depends on Linda. We can only provide the tools; she must take the steps. Tell you what. Ask me that same question again in a couple of weeks, and we’ll see what my assessment is then. Mind you, anything I tell you, I’ll need to clear with her parents first.”

“Okay, thank you, Dr. Berkfield,” Amber smiled gratefully.

“Yeah, thank you, Sir,” I added. “Uh, if Linda was all right with it, and uh her parents too, of course, would it be possible for some of her other friends to come to visit sometime as well? I think it’d do her good to see that it’s more than just the three of us who really care about her. Don’t you?” I asked, hopefully.

“Hmm, if she responds well over the next couple of days, then I’ll broach the subject with her and her parents. Most likely, we’ll have them make up a list of people that she’d like to see. I agree that it will probably do her some good, so I don’t see why not.”

As soon as he finished answering me, his phone started ringing.

He glanced down at his caller i.d. “I need to take this. Please wait in the sitting area. I’m sure that Linda’s parents will want to speak to you before you leave. And thanks again for coming,” Dr. Berkfield said, clearly dismissing us right before answering his phone.

We quickly said goodbye and left his office, closing the door behind us. The sitting area was empty, so I led us to the furthest chairs, ones away from any doors. I wanted to speak with Amber alone, out of earshot of any potential listeners.

“Hey, so tell me, what’s with the sudden declaration of love? Were you serious? Did you really mean that you’re in love, love with her?” I whispered, desperate for an answer before CC returned.

“I-I guess so. I mean, it just sorta came bursting out, but as soon as I said it, I realized that it was true,” Amber admitted while wringing her hands in her lap, looking at the floor.

“Shit. Well okay. What about CC then?” I asked fearfully, hoping that her feelings for Linda wouldn’t change anything with our threesome.

“It’s just like I told Linda. I love CC to death, and neither that nor our relationship will ever change,” Amber whispered to me, finally meeting my eyes.

“Okay,” I said, relief flooding through me with her declaration. “So what do we say to CC then? Do you think that she’ll be upset with your feeling that way about Linda?”

“I hope not,” Amber sighed. “But I won’t know for sure until I tell her, which eventually I’ll have to do—”

“Uh, yeah!” I interrupted. “You can’t keep that a secret! It wouldn’t be right!”

“I know, and I won’t,” she sighed. “Trust me, I plan on telling CC, just not right away. Besides, I wouldn’t want her keeping something like this from me if I were in her shoes, so I swear that I’ll catch her up on everything after I’ve had some time to think. I just need to figure some shit out. I do promise that nothing’s going to change between the three of us. I’m just feeling a bit confused over where this is coming from, that’s all.”

“Okay,” I sighed with relief. “Sounds good, and I’ll back you. I know how much you love our CC, and as you said, loving someone doesn’t stop you from having feelings for someone else. Just try not to take too long, or it’ll hurt her that you waited.”

“I won’t,” Amber assured me with a grateful smile, giving my knee a quick squeeze.

Great. Now I was unsure about what to do about my own feelings for Linda. If I confessed them to my girls as I’d planned, how would that affect CC after hearing the same thing from Amber? I certainly wouldn’t want her falling back into her old insecurities. She’d come such a long way in the past few weeks. Plus, I could only imagine how I’d feel if they both suddenly confessed feeling love for some other dude. And having it be the same person would make it even worse. I guess I’d have to sit on these feelings and keep them to myself for a while—maybe see how things went before I considered sharing. Damn, relationships were complex!

“I still can’t believe that you got Linda to talk!” CC exclaimed as we drove away from the hospital.

“Yeah, we wore her down. I guess all she needed was to see how much everyone really does care for her,” Amber replied from the back seat.

I had been quite surprised when she gave up her usual seat for CC, but Amber said that she felt it was only fair to allow her to ride up front with me for once. Especially since she never got to ride with us because of that dumb law.

“She was holding out for so long that by the time she finally did speak, it was almost a shock,” I said as a palpable sense of relief washed over me again from just thinking about it.

“Yeah, I bet. I was shocked to return and hear that she’d spoken after Amber and I had tried so hard for basically an hour! I wonder what made her change her mind?” CC pondered.

“Whatever the reason, all that matters is that she spoke to us. Hopefully, that means the Doctor can do his job now and help get her back to a healthy mental state. Are you guys hungry? Davey, you must be starving! And since we’re skipping our Karate class tonight, how about we stop somewhere for supper here in town?” Amber asked.

I shot Amber a look in the rearview, knowing that she’d changed the subject on purpose. She caught my glance and pleaded at me with her eyes. CC’s musings were clearly too close for comfort for my sister right now. I frowned on the inside. I knew that she needed time to think, but I desperately hoped that what she’d revealed to Linda and me wouldn’t damage her and CC’s relationship.

“Yeah, I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” I said truthfully, forcing a smile. “How about you, Butterfly? You want the saddle or the stirrups?”

“Pfft! And that’s not even a joke! You and that bottomless pit you call a stomach WOULD actually eat a horse! And don’t you try to deny it!” Amber laughed, shooting me a grateful look in the mirror.

“What? Are you trying to hog all the meaty bits to yourself, Tiger? Going to make me chew leather for supper?” CC laughed.

“No way, Babe! I’d give you some gravy at least! You know, to make it soft!” I chuckled.

“If anyone could eat leather with gravy on it, it’d be you, Bro,” Amber giggled.

“If he was hungry enough when he ate it, he’d probably give it a five-star review!” CC cried out, breaking into hyena-like hysterics.

CC’s laughter was contagious, and pretty soon, we were all roaring our heads off. The joke itself wasn’t that funny, but the tension we’d been feeling since Linda had tried killing herself had been high, and now it felt like a massive weight had been lifted from our collective shoulders. The levity acted like a pressure valve, allowing us to blow off some of the negative energy that had been clinging to our psyches.

So knowing that we had a three-hour trek home, we decided to eat within the city of Bangor itself. That way, we’d be fueled up and ready for the long drive ahead. Unfortunately, I was outvoted on Taco Bell, so we ate at Wendy’s. Which I didn’t mind in the least since I loved their frosty’s. I guess that’s a win-win even though I’d wanted something spicy.

Thankfully I didn’t get pulled over on the drive home, and we were successfully able to drop CC at her car, which she’d parked at our school. We didn’t want any of our folks knowing that she’d ridden with us. I’d almost rather have to deal with an angry state trooper over how pissed off our Dad would be if he found out I’d broken the law. Anyway, we were in the clear, and CC readily followed us home with no one the wiser.

We were home, and after having spent a half-hour updating our folks, sharing our joy about our success with Linda, we were finally in my room. I think that we were all emotionally drained and pretty tired. I knew that I especially felt it since I’d never driven for three hours straight twice in a single day before. A quick shower would be just the thing before bed, and for once, maybe no sex tonight. It was one of those rare times where cuddling my two loves would give me enough satisfaction. We had an early morning coming up and had a lot of work to catch up on that we missed today. Luckily we were going to be four of us now, and we decided because of that, we’d buy another mower and trimmer so that we’d have three we could use simultaneously.

“Hey, Babe. I think that you and Davey should spend the night together. Like we’ve talked about, some alone time with each other is a good thing once in a while,” Amber casually suggested as she twirled her hair with a finger. A nervous tick that I hadn’t seen her do very often. It was a surefire sign that she had a lot on her mind. Which, if she didn’t, would’ve been bizarre considering everything that had just happened.

“Are you sure?” CC asked Amber skeptically, twisting onto her side from where she had collapsed upon my bed.

“Yes, Sugar. I just had Davey for a whole week to myself. You deserve some alone time,” Amber replied with a smile. I could tell that she was distracted, though.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t anyone’s fault. You shouldn’t have to spend the night alone in your bed just because I was gone on vacation with my parents!” CC protested. “Besides, when we talked about spending alone time, I thought that we meant when we’d make alternative plans. You know, like going to see Kim or something. Not one of us sleeping alone in the next room!” she exclaimed, sounding both confused and worried.

“It’s okay! Truly! Look at it this way, Babe. I’m going to be able to sleep with my brother every night once we’re back in school. So I’ll have plenty of nights alone with him. But you won’t, Hun, and that’s gonna suck! So take what I’m offering, I know that it’ll be special for you both. Or are you trying to tell me that you don’t want to have another night together, just the two of you?” Amber queried with a raised brow.

CC shot me an imploring look, clearly wanting my input. And as much as I wanted my sister to share my bed, I knew that she already had her mind made up. So I’d just look at the positive and enjoy some alone time with my chestnut-haired beauty queen.

“It’s true, Butterfly, we haven’t been alone, just the two of us, very often,” I interjected, helping my sister, who I could tell really wanted to be alone with her thoughts.

Amber most definitely had a lot to think about after declaring her love for Linda. Especially since that was what had actually finally snapped our friend out of her self-imposed silence. She might be feeling a lot of pressure now. I mean, was Linda expecting a relationship because of what she’d said? Was Linda even into girls that way? I had no clue. And I bet Amber didn’t either.

And other than the brief discussion we’d had while waiting for Linda’s parents and CC to return from their walk on the hospital grounds, we hadn’t had a chance to talk about it again. I still wasn’t sure just how much she’d meant it or not. And obviously, neither was she, which was most likely a part of what she wanted some time alone for.

Of course, if she did really feel that she was in love with Linda, it wouldn’t bother me. But I was a guy, and unless she was going to leave me or tell me that she had feelings for some Dude, then the thought of her being with another woman didn’t upset me. On the other hand, CC might get seriously hurt or even pissed off over it. That would suck donkey balls. So, for now, all I could do was to keep my mouth shut until I could get her alone long enough to fill me in on what was going on inside of that pretty little head of hers.