Chapter 24: Awakening

Friday, June 07 - Thursday, June 13, 1996, Sanford Maine

Oh my, the stars were so very pretty out there...

Hmmm? How was it that I could float out amongst the Heavens? I felt neither cold nor warmth; was I even breathing? Why did that thought not alarm me?

My body felt normal, though, or at least I thought it did, as I tried to check myself out. I was wearing my favorite pair of faded blue jeans and my tight white t-shirt that Amber loved on me. She thought that it showed off my muscles in a way that made her get moist between her legs. That was how she had put it anyway. I loved it when she got moist between her legs, so go figure that I often wore that shirt. I wondered where she was?

I had my blue pair of Airwalk sneakers on and white socks. I also had on a pair of black Haines boxer briefs, I checked. Why was I floating out here in outer space?

Whoa! Bright white comets had just flashed back and forth before my eyes, multiple times in both directions, horizontally. Wait, how did I know where the horizon was? Maybe I was vertical? Floating made it decidedly hard to determine up from down. I guessed that I was my own reference point then. I felt like I was ‘up’ no matter how I turned myself around, so I was always ‘up’ then I reasoned.

Huh. That was neat, I had just watched a supernova, and the colorful explosion was absolutely beautiful. I wished that my sister was there with me; she would have loved seeing all the Heavens so clear like that. The Nebulas were devastatingly gorgeous out there in the distance. I especially liked the greenish-blue one; it made me think about Amber’s eyes.

I realized just then that I was starting to move. It was hard to gauge how fast I was going without a horizon or any stationary items nearby, but it seemed like I was gaining in speed at a very rapid pace. I watched in fascination as distant stars, gas clouds, and even solar systems started to streak by in the vast distance. The speed that I was traveling at picked up to the point that it was reminiscent of what going ‘warp speed’ looked like in star trek.

For some strange reason that I couldn’t fathom, I felt none of the effects of being in outer space; it was very odd. I felt no extreme temperature, either hot or cold. In fact, I felt exactly right in that respect. I would have hazarded a guess that it was twenty-two degrees Celsius, or seventy-two degrees Fahrenheit for those that still use that scale. As I zoomed through what seemed like galaxy after galaxy, with brilliant streaks of colors flashing by, I started to try and analyze my situation again.

I wondered how it was that I was breathing with no atmosphere? Why was I not a frozen corpse? Why was I so calm? Shouldn’t the fact that I was flying through outer space without a ship or even a spacesuit be bothering me? As I pondered those mysteries, I noticed that I was heading towards a patch of darkness that seemed blacker than black.

I forgot my questions as that new sight had captured my attention; in fact, it was riveting. The blackness had a definite edge. That edge consisted of a brilliant swirl of light, which contained almost all of the colors of the rainbow. It looked like someone had spilled multiple cans of paint, and they were all being swirled together as they were sucked down a gigantic drain. It glowed very brightly right at the very edge where everything ... well, where everything just seemed to have stopped. It looked slightly fuzzy, too, as if I was looking at everything through an empty drinking glass.

While I was busy feeling amazed at what I was seeing, I deduced that I must be looking at the effects of a massive black hole. I had read Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time, and it had been utterly compelling stuff. Trying to look inside the black hole itself was impossible; it was like looking at nothing. It wasn’t simply black. You could tell when you were looking at something black because it still looked as if it had substance. A piece of black velvet at night, or even the empty sky at midnight when it was cloudy out, those still felt like there was something there, some fabric or ‘stuff’. The blackness that made up the ‘hole’ was like nothing, zero, nada, just full of emptiness.

It was the first time that I had felt something other than wonder or fascination at my experience thus far. When I had realized that I was inexorably heading straight for it, I felt a crushing fear take over me at that moment. I tried in vain to move in another direction, yet no matter how I spun myself or kicked or thrust, I was constantly being pulled towards that huge maw of despair. For despair is exactly what it seemed to be made of to me, in its nothingness.

It was a true void. I was doomed for sure I thought. I was going to be pulled apart until even my atoms disintegrated. For the first time, I could feel my heart pounding erratically in my chest, and I gasped with deep breaths filled with terror. I was traveling so fast by that point that it seemed to take mere seconds before the blackness filled my vision, and I could only look past it by turning my head fully to one side or the other. Or I could face back the way I had come and look back at all the galaxies that I was leaving behind in my wake; they stretched out for eons behind me and almost looked sad, regretful even.

Everything seemed to slow down, suddenly, to an infinitesimal crawl, and I could feel myself starting to be stretched out. It was as if my body was beginning to be pulled apart in every direction at once. I could see what appeared to be particles of light and matter all around me then, almost like the tiny organisms you see floating in the ocean when one goes swimming. They were stretching out all around me, being pulled into streaks, flattening out like pancakes. Amber loved blueberry pancakes, I thought ... I’ll miss making them for her.

I felt calm again as if a switch had been thrown inside my brain. I accepted that I was being drawn out through a black hole. It seemed like it would be both instantaneous and also take an eternity to complete. I wondered if a part of me would exist there forever? That would become very boring at some point, I figured. I theorized that if that were to ever happen, I would probably create multiple personalities at some stage, just so that I would have someone to communicate with. Would they take minutes or millennia to develop?

I closed my eyes for a second.

I could see a pink oblong thing lying on the carpet in front of me. What was it? It seemed to be moving a little but not like me. I could propel myself forward! I was David! I crawled towards the pink and white bundle; I could see a face!

“That’s your baby sister, David. You must look out for her and love her always. Her name is Amber, son, and she will grow to look up to you. Always remember that you must be gentle with her and always take care of her. That is what brothers do for their little sisters,” Dad said firmly, yet in a gentle voice.

I crawled so that my face was over her’s, and when she looked up at me, her eyes went wide. She had hair like me! She had a little nose too! I liked my nose, Mom always pretended to bite it, and that made me laugh! Maybe I should try to bite her nose like how Mom does with me.

“Aww, look, Hon! David is giving Amber a kiss!” Mom said joyfully.

I had pretended to bite her nose, and she wiggled her head and smiled at me! Her eyes, I decided right then, were the prettiest things that I had ever seen, even prettier than Moms!

“Amb!” I said, trying to say her name as Mom and Dad had.

“Yes! That’s your baby sister, Amber, David. Try saying it again. AMMMBERRR. AMMMMMBERRR,” Mom said to me.

“AMB!” I cried again louder.

I was fascinated by Amber, by what my Mom and Dad had said was my sister. I knew that I loved her more than even my toys, my colored blocks, or even my white teddy, more than everything! She moved! I wondered when she would be able to move around with me? I would just have to show her how to crawl!

I blinked.

I heard a loud banging at my door and the sudden cries of Amber, my little sister. “Daaaaveeeey!! Help! Help me! It’s in my closet!! It’s in my closet again, Davey!” Amber yelled, crying at my door as she struggled with the knob, trying to get it to open.

“I’m coming, Amb! It’s okay! Hang on!” I yelled as I jumped out of my bed and rushed to open my door to our shared bathroom.

My baby sister slammed into me and clutched me for all that she was worth just as soon as I had gotten the door unstuck. I held her and started to stroke her back as she cried hysterically into my chest, soaking my shirt instantly.

“Shh-shh, it’s okay, Amb, it’s okay. I’m here now; I’m here. Did you have the dream again? Was it the scary clown in your closet this time?” I asked while reassuring her that she was safe.

“Uh-Huh! It ... it-it w-was P-Pennywise! He was in my closet, D-Davey! He ... he ... he wants to make me f-float!” Amber stuttered out to me while she shook, still sobbing into my shirt.

Mom and Dad still had no clue that Amber had watched part of the TV movie ‘IT’ a few months ago when it had played in November. It had scared the shit out of her, and she had been having nightmares about the clown Pennywise for the past few months.

“Amber, I know how much that clown scared you, but he’s not real. I keep telling you that, Sis! It was a dumb movie. It was just made to scare people, not because it’s true! You’re going to be ten next month! You shouldn’t be scared of imaginary clowns anymore,” I chided gently.

“I-I ... I know D-Davey, but I can’t h-help it,” she sniffled. “C-ca-can I-I ... s-st-stay with you tonight, D-Davey? P-please?” she asked, still stuttering.

“Of course, Amb! You know that! I would never turn you away, and I’ll always protect you! I love you, Sis,” I vowed.

“Th-thanks, D-Davey! I love y-you t-too!” she vowed back while squeezing me in a fierce hug.

I closed my eyes while I hugged her.

“DAVEY! NOOOOOOO! DON’T YOU LEAVE ME! COME BACK, DAVEY, COME BACK! I LOVE YOU! I NEED YOU, BIG BRO! YOU MAKE IT THROUGH; YOU BETTER MAKE IT THROUGH,” Amber screamed from somewhere far away, it seemed.

I wanted to answer her, but I didn’t know how to. Where was she? Where was I? Was I dead? Or just floating? My thoughts got fuzzy, things swirled, I couldn’t control it.

Why was I in a meadow? Where was I? I spun around, trying to figure out exactly where I could be. All I could see were endless fields of long grasses spreading out in every direction. None of this was familiar to me; I had never been there before. I thought that I could see a smudge in the far distance. Maybe it was a mountain range? The opposite way had another hazy smudge; it seemed to be some sort of blueish color. Perhaps it was a lake or an ocean of some kind?

Hmm, it was warm here, and then all of a sudden, I could see that the field was filled with colorful butterflies. They flitted to and fro everywhere. In fact, as soon as I had noticed them, they had started to land on my head and shoulders and my outstretched arms as well. They were very beautiful, and there were so many kinds that they represented every color known to Man. I particularly liked the red and black ones that looked like they had eyes on their wings.

I couldn’t help but feel good with all the beauty that I was surrounded by, even if I didn’t know where I was. I wasn’t worried about it for some reason. I decided to head towards the blue smudge in the far distance and started walking, accompanied by a multitude of various types of butterflies. I laughed at some of their antics as a few of them landed on top of each other. They acted as if they were fighting for a ‘spot’ on my hand or arms.

As I slowly meandered towards the distance blue streak, I soon noticed that there were more than just butterflies around me. I started seeing various rodents as well, like rabbits and gophers and even a vole or two. I crouched down and made some clicking sounds with my mouth as I reached out a butterfly covered hand, trying to entice a young-looking rabbit to come and let me pet them. After a few moments, I was delighted that they had come over and sniffed, with a twitching nostril, at my fingertips.

I guessed that they had felt that I was ‘safe’; they allowed me to pet their fur and then even pick them up after a few minutes of getting to know them. I was busy stroking the soft hair of the rabbit’s belly while cradling them to my chest when I noticed that it had suddenly gotten very dark out. I looked up as the butterflies fled, seeing that the sky had gone almost pitch black with clouds.

That had to be the fastest storm that I had ever seen gather. Lighting was starting to strike the ground in the near distance; the booms of the thunder following almost instantaneously. I scanned around me again, hoping to see some sort of shelter. There was nothing. I was in the open, exposed, and alone. Even the rabbit had hopped out of my arms and ran away.

The clouds rushed overhead, turning the day almost into the dark of night, and the wind picked up. Pretty soon, I found myself leaning forward in gale force winds; they howled past my ears like the shrieks of a hurricane. I watched with my eyes tearing up from the wind as funnels started to form not so far away. Tornadoes! I spun again, looking for something I could flee towards, but every direction I looked in had another funnel forming there. Black clouds stretched out in every direction. I couldn’t see a single place where there was no storm.

The tornadoes touched down all around me and started moving in my direction; the wind whipped and howled as my shirt was ripped into shreds with the force of it. Small stones and clumps of dirt struck me and tore at my flesh. I winced with the pain and crouched down lower. I knew that I was going to be ripped apart by the ferocity of it all.

I closed my eyes.

“Son? David, can you hear me? It’s your parents, David. We love you, and we’re here with you, son. You pull through this for us. Okay, son? Okay?” I recognized my Dad’s voice; he seemed so sad. I had never heard him sound so full of grief before.

“David, Honey! It’s Mom! Mom is here, Honey! I’m here, my baby boy! You’re going to be alright; you’re my strong boy! You’re going to come back to us. We believe in you, David! You’re a fighter! You fight, son; you fight. We love you, and we all need you, so you come back, okay? Okay, Honey?” my Mom was sobbing. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know how to.

Fuzzy again, and I couldn’t concentrate. I wished that I could speak to them. Where were they? Where was Amber? Was CC with her somewhere? Too fuzzy...

“Davey, Davey! Come quick! Would you help us build a castle!?” Amber yelled from the stairs towards my open room.

I heard her footsteps as she pitter-pattered up the stairs. I heard another set as well; it was most likely Cindy. She was supposed to be over that morning and was going to be spending the weekend like she usually did in the summer. It was my tenth birthday that day, and I had been looking forward to having my party later that afternoon. Mom had let me invite all of my friends, and we were going to have a B.B.Q. and go swimming!

Amber burst into my room, soon followed by a shy smiling Cindy. “Davey, Davey, come and play with us! Puuullleeeeassse!” my sister begged with a huge smile and a twinkle in her green eyes.

I couldn’t help but grin back at her, “Sure, Amb! You know that I will always play with you guys. What did you wanna do?”

“Help us build a castle with the couch cushions! Mom said that we could raid the closet for all of the old blankets like last time!” Amber said while she skipped around my room in a circle.

“Yeah, help us, David! You build the best forts and castles!” Cindy said, blushing a little while she was smiling at me.

“Okay, let’s go! Sis, you grab the blankets from downstairs, and I’ll get ours!” I said with a laugh.

I loved building forts with Cindy and my sister; they were two of my best friends, even if they were girls. We’d been friends with Cindy ever since she had met Amber in kindergarten. The boys at school had tried to make fun of me because I hung out with my sister and Cindy a lot, but I didn’t care at all. If they didn’t like those two, then they couldn’t be my friends anyway. At least the twins, Stewart and Andy, liked them. We’d all been friends for a few years now, and nothing could make that change. Plus, we’d all just made friends with Kim, and she was pretty cool too. I didn’t mind hanging out with girls; some boys were just dumb about things like that though.

As soon as I came running into the living room with an armful of blankets, I got a real fright. Everyone had jumped out at me and yelled ‘Surprise’ and ‘Happy Birthday’, causing me to drop the blankets I had been carrying in my startlement. All of my friends were there, my Mom and Dad too, plus the most important person to me of all, Amber. My baby sister had run out to bearhug me as soon as everyone had yelled, and she squeezed me so hard that I didn’t think that she planned to ever let me go.

“Happy birthday, Davey! I love you more than anything!” she had said into my ear as she kissed my cheek and squeezed me harder than a lemon gets squeezed in a press.

“Thanks, Amb! I love you more than anything in the whole wide world!” I answered with a smile from ear to ear as I glanced around at everyone that I loved.

I blinked as a camera flashed.

“Now listen, son,” my Dad said in a serious tone as I sat beside him on the couch. “When a boy hits puberty, usually around twelve or thirteen, he will start to change.”

“Change how, Dad?” I asked, puzzled.

I had just turned twelve. Was I going to change soon? I wondered curiously.

“Well, for one, hormones will start to rush through your body like crazy, and those hormones will cause you to do all kinds of things. You’ll start to like girls, and you’ll want to eventually get a girlfriend,” he said.

“But I already like girls, and I have many girlfriends, Dad,” I said, confused as to what he meant.

“Yeah, but you’ll like them differently, son. You’ll be attracted to them in a sexual way,” he said, and I could tell that he was a bit uncomfortable with telling me this.

“Sexual? Like, making babies?” I asked, perplexed.

“Yes, like making babies. You’ll find that you want to kiss girls and more. You’ll discover that your penis ... well ... it’ll get hard sometimes, David. When it does, you’ll find out that it feels really good to masturbate,” my Dad told me.

“Mastabate?” I asked.

“No, the word is masturbate, or masturbation, or masturbating. It’s when you grab your penis when it gets hard, and you shake it and rub it until you have what’s called an orgasm. That’s when you’ll shoot out sperm, as I told you a long time ago about how babies were made. I just want you to know that it’s normal to do that when you get excited and when your penis gets hard,” he stated factually. “Okay, son?” he asked with a bit of a blush.

“Ummm ... okay, I guess? I haven’t felt that way yet, Dad. Should I tell you when I do?” I inquired.

“No, no, you don’t need to do that. I just wanted you to know that when you do eventually get hard down there, that it is okay for you to touch yourself. That it isn’t only to make babies; sex is for fun also. When you do eventually find yourself a girlfriend, and not just someone that you are friends with but someone that you want to kiss and do other things with. Things like touching each other, and experimenting with each other, that it’s okay to do that too. BUT, and this is a big but, David, you DO NOT stick your penis in any girl without talking to me first. Then we’ll talk about protection and making sure that you don’t become a father way too young. Okay, sport?”

“Okay, sure thing, Dad,” I agreed. “So, ummm, will this happen to Amber too? Will she mastabate also?” I wondered.

“That’s MASTURBATE; it’s a ‘U’, not an ‘A’ son. And ahhh, yes, she might, but that’s for her and your mother to talk about, okay? You leave that as something private, don’t go talking to Amber about stuff like this. Boys and girls are different, and brothers shouldn’t talk about sex with their sisters, at least not until you’re both adults. Okay, David?” Dad lectured firmly.

“Uh, okay, I guess,” I replied with my fingers crossed behind my back so that it didn’t count.

I talked to Amber about everything, and this wouldn’t be any different. Dad just wouldn’t understand. Mom probably wouldn’t either, but Amb was the most important person in the whole world to me, and we shared everything.

“Promise me that you won’t go talking to your sister about sex stuff, David, please,” he demanded.

I crossed my fingers tighter and blinked as I promised.

I came out of the Dairy Treat, licking my strawberry ice cream cone, and leisurely scanned the lot for Amber. I didn’t see her immediately, but both our bikes were still leaning up against the far fence. Shrugging to myself, I walked over to the alley side of the building, wanting to get into the shade so that my cone didn’t melt too fast in the strong July sun.

“What’s in the bag? Huh?” I heard a male voice say with a growl.

“Yeah! What’s in the bag? I bet it’s a few cassettes or jewelry!” a different male squeaked out as their voice broke.

“Jewelry?! Yeah, give it here! If it’s jewelry, we’re taking it! That bag is ours if you know what’s good for you!” another gruff voice demanded.

“Lemme go! You better watch out! My brother will be right out, and he’ll kick your asses if you don’t lemme alone!” I heard Amber cry out angrily.

I shuffled quickly around the corner into the mouth of the alley, and I saw the backs of three boys and caught a glimpse of my sister behind them. Before I could say a word, the biggest one in the middle reached out and pushed her down hard, and I heard her cry out in pain.

“HEY! ASSHOLE! NO ONE TOUCHES MY SISTER AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!” I screamed in rage as I dropped my cone, ready to fight.

The three boys spun towards me, they looked to be about fifteen or sixteen, and they openly sneered as they saw that they outnumbered me three to one.

“Oh, looky-looky, some faggot thinks that he’s going to rescue his ugly little sister. What is she? Is she like the poster girl for skinny drowned rats or something? That’s what she looks like to me, a skinny, flat, drowned rat!” the biggest boy in the middle taunted.

He looked to be about five or six inches taller than my height of five foot five, and he looked to outweigh me by at least forty pounds. I was twelve and weighed one-hundred and thirty-five pounds at that point, although I still had quite a few growth spurts to go through in my future. My heart was beating in my chest with fury from the adrenaline that pumped through me. From the instant that I had realized that my sister was in trouble, my brain had flooded me with flight or fight chemicals. If I hadn’t been so angry, I might have been nervous about the odds, but I was fearless in my desire to protect my baby sister.

“Yeah! She looks like a drowned rat! And you must be the drowned cat, ‘cause you look like a pussy!” taunted the boy with the cracking voice who stood to the right of the big guy in the middle.

That boy was skinny and looked to weigh less than I did, maybe by ten pounds or so. He was the same height as me, although that didn’t phase me at all, and other than not wanting to squish all his pimples that were on his face with my fist, I would be happy to pummel him.

The third boy, who was a size in between the other two, pounded his fist into his palm and stepped forward menacingly. “I’ve never beat up a brother and sister at the same time before; this will be fun!” he said with a grin.

This boy had an evil glint in his eye, and he looked somewhat insane. He would need to be put down fast; he was most likely the most dangerous of the three simply because he was probably crazy. After having taken Martial Arts instruction for four years (I had been a brown belt in Karate for just over three months by that point), I knew that size was not very important; willpower and calmness were key.

“Bring it, motherfuckers!” I snarled as I assumed the Neko-Ashi-Dachi position or otherwise known as the Cat Stance.

The alleyway that I had found myself standing about five feet inside of was just barely a car width wide. It had a set of wheel ruts, long since carved out of the hard-packed dirt, running down the middle. To my left side was the reddish-brown bricks that made up the sidewall of the Dairy Treat. Various bushes and low hanging branches crowded the narrow lane starting from a broken wooden fence to my right side. Any vehicle that drove down this tight path would be scraped by the lowest of them at the very least.

I kept my eyes focused and watched for telltale signs from my adversaries. Eyes were always the biggest giveaways when dealing with the untrained. It didn’t take long before the crazy one decided to rush me on my right, while he gave a hand signal to the squeaky kid to come at me from the left. So far, the big goon in the middle seemed content to just watch, and he just grinned at me stupidly. His self-assurance marked the cockiness of a soon to be loser; he would probably end up sore as well.

Crazy guy got to me first, and he feinted with a wild haymaker directed at my head; he thought that he’d be sneaky and pull it up short in order to front kick me in the gut instead. I pulled my head back and swiveled to the right of him while sweeping his arm in the same direction that he had swung at, using his own momentum to send him off balance.

I spun at the same time, easily evading his clumsy front kick, and I kicked his extended knee as it was mid-air and overstretched. With two points off balance and off-centered, he couldn’t recover and rotated left to right with his own weight acting as his enemy. He crashed forward to land hard on his shoulder; the air momentarily pushed from his lungs in an explosion of breath.

This put him right in the path of the squeaky kid as he was rushing me, and he collided hard with his friend. His calves hit the vertical body in the side as it fell, causing him to trip headfirst over him. I jumped straight up and landed back down upon Squeaky’s wrist, much to his howling chagrin. If it wasn’t broken, it sure as Hell was badly sprained.

The grin fled Sasquatch’s face as he looked at his two imbecile friends lying sprawled in the dirt at my feet. His cheeks grew red with anger. Good, I thought, anger makes one act careless and dumb. I flowed forward the seven feet that separated us. My eyes locked to his, showing him no fear, even though he was almost twice my size and had at least one friend scrambling to their feet behind me. At the last minute, I dodged to his right, placing myself with my back to the brick wall. I had also just given myself a clear view of my sister.

I glanced at Amber, trying to quickly assess her situation. She looked pissed and was getting up with a scowl on her face that would have made a rhino turn and run. Almost laughing to myself at her rage and the world of hurt that she could probably cause by herself, I made sure to refocus on Sasquatch.

“You’re a fucking dead man!” He roared.

He swung a meaty fist straight at my head. Obviously, he didn’t have a single clue as to why I had willing placed my back to the brick wall. He was making it too easy for me. His punch was telegraphed from the moment before he even threw it, and I simply used a basic Jodan-uke block, deflecting his fist into the brick wall. He howled as his knuckles shattered against the hard surface; he had thrown a very hard punch. I ducked under his arm and rotated to place myself in front of Amber, who was almost upright again.

The Sasquatch was jumping up and down, clutching his fist, and I could see blood beginning to form on his knuckles. The skin had been shredded as his fist had skidded on the wall at a slight angle. I gave him a wicked smile and did my favorite Bruce Lee come and fight me gesture. I waved with my four fingers to come at me. Immature, I know, but hey, I was only twelve.

Meanwhile, Crazy had gotten back to his feet and was looking around frantically. I supposed that he was looking for a weapon or something. Squeaky was still groaning and clutching at his wrist and showed no signs of standing up yet.

“I told you, you dumb fucks, that my brother was going to kick your asses!” Amber yelled in angry triumph.

The big guy looked like he was starting to think about charging me, so I moved slightly right, placing the wall behind me on an angle. He did; he bellowed with rage and dove at me headfirst, right at my waist. I dove into a somersault to my left, easily evading his outstretched meathooks, and laughed as he smacked his head hard into the bricks. He had obviously learned nada from his first ill-advised attack.

That had to hurt. We all heard the crack when his head hit the brick, and he collapsed with a groan, dazed and stupefied from the blow. I had a feeling that the impact to the head wouldn’t actually harm his intelligence; it couldn’t get much lower than it already was. One thing for sure, he was definitely out of the fight, so I quickly turned my attention back to the crazy guy. He screamed in triumph as he spotted a wooden fence plank lying on the ground. He dove for it and then turned to face me as he jumped up with it swinging.