Chapter 14: Analysis

Thursday, May 30, 1996, Sanford Maine

For once, I had awoken before either the alarm went off or my sister had gotten up. I lay there for a moment, just enjoying the feel of her soft body against mine. Her head, which rested comfortably in the crook of my shoulder and chest, was breathing warmth across my chest. I craned my head to look over at my alarm clock; it was 6:16. We didn’t need to get up until 7:00. Good, I figured that I would just lay there until we needed to move. I didn’t want to disturb Amber’s sleep, she needed her rest, and the past few days had been Hell on us both.

I could feel her breasts where they were pleasantly squashed into my side. While her nipples were soft at the moment, they were still very distinct in the way that they felt against my skin. My right arm was draped across her back, curled around her, as I held her protectively. Her right leg was splayed up across my groin, and her knee was bent and resting on my far hip. I could feel her sex against my thigh; it felt damp and hot. My left hand was lightly holding her behind that same knee; it was silky smooth to the touch. Her foot rested on my left leg, and I could just glimpse the red polish on her toenails.

My cock was throbbing harder as my awareness of where her silky skin was contacting me grew. Her right arm and hand trans-versed my ribs, abs, and chest, with her fingers coming to rest on my left pectoral muscle. Her long golden hair was spread over her back, my shoulder, and my bicep like a regal cape. Her soft rhythmic breathing was in sync with mine as our chests rose and fell together. Amber’s warm breath caressed my right nipple and chest area; it felt comforting. Her left leg was stretched out parallel to mine, skin to skin, for her full length. Our bodies fit together like two puzzle pieces. We were made for each other, and we even came from the same box.

I thought about everything that had transpired over the past few days. I sighed in confused misery, tinged with anger, remorse, and frustration. I was confused about how I could be feeling lust for CC while at the same time being so completely ‘head over heels’ in love with Amber. I didn’t know how that could be possible. Shouldn’t all serious attraction for other people disappear when you fell in love?

Not only that, but if I was truly being honest with myself, it wasn’t only lust that I was feeling. I liked CC a lot, more than just as a friend. I didn’t feel the same strength of love for her that I had for my sister, but I did feel some love, and it was the romantic kind. How could I feel both at once? Was I that messed up a person? I knew that there was no contest in who I wanted to be with; my sister was my only choice. Amber was who I considered my true soul mate to be. I would give my life for her, and in a way, I already had.

I was miserable because I felt caught between the two girls at the moment, and I couldn’t fix that in any way that I could devise. I wanted to be able to tell the whole world all about the love that I had found with Amber. I wanted to revel in our relationship, yet I couldn’t. I was also miserable because I was greedy on some level and wanted to have them both somehow.

I had entertained typical guy fantasies about having the two of them at the same time, ever since my sister had confessed to me about their ‘intimate’ explorations. What I wouldn’t give to see them in a sixty-nine, or even just making out with each other and sucking each other’s tits. I knew my sister would never go for that. I probably shouldn’t even want it, but because I did, I felt guilty. Guilt and misery were interchangeable as far as I was concerned.

I was angry at the situation that the wannabe rapist fuck had caused in the first place. A huge part of me sincerely hoped that I would run into that asshole again. He would be lucky if he just ended up in the hospital if I did. An equally huge part of me hoped for the exact opposite because it would most likely end up with me in jail for a very long time. I was also angry at myself for hurting Amber, again, for the third time. I guess I was an asshole too. I was angry at myself for the romantic love that I felt towards CC; I didn’t want that. I was angry at the world for condemning a truly loving relationship between siblings. It was our choice, dammit, and we were hurting no one.

I felt remorse for what had happened to CC and that I didn’t check on her a few minutes earlier. If I could wave a magic wand and undo what she went through that night, I would do so in a heartbeat. I felt remorse for the pain that our loving parents would eventually be put through due to our incestual relationship. Even though I would never willingly end it. I felt remorse for having caused my sister emotional pain. I loved her to a depth that I couldn’t even fathom, yet I still hurt her. I even felt bad for Andy, my best bud, because I couldn’t tell him the truth about my situation regarding Cindy.

I was frustrated with all of it and frustrated most of all because I couldn’t figure out a way to avoid hurting CC. She was going to be hurt, and it was all my fault. Amber was right; I needed to learn to think things through better. Sigh.

I decided to try and at least look on the bright side of things. I had the greatest love of all, returned to me in full every day, and the proof was lying atop of me at that very moment. She was perfection, and her love was pure. She forgave me, even when it wasn’t deserved, and she gave all of herself to me. I wasn’t worthy, but I would try. You could bet your very last dollar that I would try.

I also had to think about all the other good things going on in my life. Mom always tried to get it through our heads at just how lucky we had it in relation to others in this world. She was right, we had a very privileged life overall, and my problems were miniscule in comparison. We had a great loving family, good friends, a very nice home, enough money to want for nothing, and we had our health. I needed to try and balance my thoughts with that and not get so far out of wack that I sabotaged myself in a moment of stupidity. I must not overreact, and I desperately wanted to learn to think things through more carefully as they arose. The inadvertent pain that I had caused, my sister, compelled that from me.

At least CC had agreed to get some help. I looked forward to her getting back to her normal self. I pulled my sister a little tighter to me, squeezing her to my side. She made a contented mewl in her sleep and nuzzled her head into me. I could live like this for an eternity, just Amber and I cuddled together in love. Looking over at the clock again, I saw that it was only 6:45. I had to take a serious leak, and my cock was still as hard as building Stonehenge would be if you could only use dental floss as rope.

I managed to extract myself from Amber’s slumbering form without waking her. She was sprawled out, almost spread-eagled on her back; she looked scrumptious. I knew what I was going to do as soon as I finished taking a piss.

I crept back into my room, trying to move as silently as Bruce Lee did in ‘Enter the Dragon’, man, I loved that movie. I thought I was pretty quiet, Amber didn’t stir at all, and the blankets were still lying off her. She looked so sweet, sleeping like that. I slid up between her legs, doing my best to avoid touching her. I used both my arms to hold myself above her as I lowered my face to her gorgeously bare pussy. I could smell her sweet scent. I found her musk intoxicating; it made me harder. My mouth literally salivated with the need to taste her essence.

Thankfully her legs were spread just enough to expose the top of her slit. I lowered my mouth to her sweet junction and gave her a wet kiss on her folds. Using my tongue, I parted her nether region and savored the sweet-salty flavor therein. I was able to get quite a few licks in, dragging my oral muscle of love through her furrow repeatedly before I heard her starting to moan. Her tight opening had begun to secrete its wonderful juice, and my taste buds were thrilled to be lapping them up.

I could smell her arousal mounting as she moaned in her sleep and instinctively spread her legs even further aside. She conveniently granted me even better access to her most treasured spot. I wedged my shoulders between her thighs, gently pushing her even further apart, as I continued my ministrations upon her glorious mound. I loved eating my sister, and I could do it for days on end.

I slid my arms up underneath her knees and wrapped my hands up around and onto her upper thighs, gripping them tightly to keep them open for me. I licked deeper and with much more pressure, and she moaned louder and stirred. She was slowly waking up. I licked up over the hood of her clit, coaxing it to come out and play. It hardened and swelled, exposing her pearl of pleasure, we greeted each other as old friends, and I proceeded to lick and suck on it softly.

“Oh ... Oh my! Oh, Baby? Wh-what are you doing to me? Oh, that feels so good, Davey,” she groaned and shuddered as she became aware.

I attached my mouth to her clit and sucked hard, and as soon as I did, she bucked and trembled and came. Her juices dribbled out onto my chin. I swept my tongue over every inch of her Venus making sure to clean up all of her wonderful fluids. I moaned to myself in lustful abandonment.

“Oh, Davey! What an amazing way to wake up! Mmmmm, that feels so good, please don’t stop ... I need another. Make me cum again ... please ... I need it. I need you,” she begged me quietly while mewling in bliss.

I gave her what she asked for. I licked and sucked until she exploded in orgasm again. This time I had two fingers making a come hither motion inside of her, manipulating the hard knot of flesh found on the roof of her vaginal wall. She grabbed my head and held it tightly to her as she thrashed her hips in ecstasy. It was a good thing that our parents were already gone this morning because she was loud enough to wake the dead.

“Good morning, Babe!” I said, smiling at my sexy sister after she had stopped squirming long enough for me to speak to her.

“Holy shit, Bro! What a way to wake up! Good morning to you too!” she said while grinning at me goofily, still coming down from her arousal.

She made a move for my cock, but I gently dissuaded her, grabbing her by the wrists. “It’s okay, Baby. That was just for you. I’ll get some sweet loving from you later tonight, Amb. I wanted to wake you up special, just like you’ve done for me before. I love you more than you’ll ever know, and I know that I have been putting you through a lot. I just want you to realize how much you mean to me, my love,” I told her as I leaned down and kissed her softly.

She sat up and flashed me one of her patented 20,000-watt smiles, my heart skipped a beat, and my breath quickened. Damn, she made me question my reality sometimes. What had I ever done to deserve such a stunning creature like her? I was one lucky son of a bitch, that’s for sure.

“Let’s go, shower, Sis. It’s going to be a long day, I think,” I stated.

“Mmmm, sounds good, Sparky. And don’t worry about CC too much. We’ll figure it out together, Davey,” she purred at me.

We enjoyed a quick yet intimate shower. We both enjoyed sudsing each other up, and the caressing touches that we shared made us both appreciate the closeness we had. We could touch everywhere, and even though it was arousing, it was more sensual than anything. It didn’t need to end in a sexual interlude. It just promised continued interest for later. It had been twenty-seven days since we had started our incestual relationship, and we were learning that intimacy was just as important as sexual gratification.

Sharing a deep kiss first, I then headed down to get some much-desired coffee in me and to eat and get our lunches ready. I felt domesticated; it made me feel good doing something so simple for my love every day. I noticed a note on the kitchen table, so I walked over and read it while eating a bagel.

Good morning, David & Amber,

I received a message early this morning about an emergency a few hours from here in Lincoln. The local vet there was hospitalized, and a colleague recommended me, so the Lincoln town authority called me in to help out with the load, and I agreed. Your father booked a couple of days off, and we will be gone until Monday, possibly Tuesday, depending on how a few operations go. We will call you later tonight at 4:30 after you are both at home from school, so stay near the phone. We left a few hundred dollars for you for emergency use only. Although you may also order suppers for the both of you, and of course, for Cindy if she is there. She is welcome to stay as long as she needs. You both know that she is almost like a daughter to us, and she is in pain. Take care of her and each other. We both love you very much, and we have faith that you will behave. If you need to contact us in the event of an emergency, you can page your father’s work pager, and the Anders will, of course, always be there next door if you need anything. The hotel we will be staying at is the Whitetail Inn, room twelve. You can leave a message at the front desk if it’s important.

Phone: +1 (207) 709-5555 We will call you later, Love Mom XOXOXO

I grabbed the money from the table and picked up our lunches just as Amber came bouncing down the stairs. Damn, she looked hot again. I couldn’t help but stare.

“Davey! You’re staring at me again!” she blushed.

“Honey Peach, you are just so damn stunning that I can’t help but be dumbstruck when looking at you; you’re breathtaking,” I breathed out with all sincerity.

“Awww, you’re so romantic sometimes, Bro. You make me feel so good. I love you, Davey, Baby!” she said just before she glided over to me and kissed me deeply while squeezing herself onto me in a way that sisters didn’t usually do to their brothers.

As we walked hand in hand out to our bus, I filled her in on our parents’ impromptu trip out of town. I couldn’t help but admiring the sexy outfit that she was wearing as we walked. She had on tight black jeans that showed off her ass delightfully, small ankle-high black boots with silver accents, a tight red t-shirt that showed her midriff, and a black choker around her neck. She had on her standard silver hoop earrings and, of course, the bracelet that I had given her for her birthday. Her makeup was once again subtle, just enough to highlight her natural beauty: black eye-liner, with green eyeshadow today, and a hint of pink on her luscious lips. Her lustrous golden locks cascaded down her back in perfect waves.

“That choker looks so fucking hot, Sis. I wanna just bring you back inside and stay in bed with you all day, and I would want you to only wear that,” I said while giving her my best sexy lopsided grin.

“Sounds like a plan for later tonight, Baby. Oh, here comes our bus,” she noted as she smiled at me, giving my hand the triple squeeze.

Walking down the aisle, I could see that like yesterday, CC was sitting where Josh normally sat. It looked like this would be the new seating arrangements for a while. It didn’t bother me. As long as it helped CC, it was fine by me.

“Hiya guys, CC,” Amber quipped while sliding in next to Josh.

“Hi, Amber. Hi, David,” CC said to us as we sat.

“Hey, girlfriend! We gotta chit chat at lunch. I got some stuff to share,” Amber said to her.

“Yo, David. You still grounded this weekend? We were thinking of getting a football scrimmage game going with the team on Saturday. Think you could make it?” Stewart asked.

“Morning, Amber, David,” Josh greeted us.

“Yeah, we’re both still grounded, dude. Would love to; sounds fun, but can’t do it, bud, sorry,” I said remorsefully while nodding a greeting towards Josh.

I sat next to CC, and she quickly clung to me, wrapping her arm through mine and sliding up tightly against my side. She looked a little better today but still was nowhere near to her old self. She was wearing baggy grey jogging pants, a loose blue t-shirt and had her hair up in a ponytail. At least it looked shiny today as if she had just washed it, and she had a tiny amount of makeup on, enough to make her look not as pale. She smelled good, like vanilla. I loved that scent. Peaches and vanilla were quickly becoming my two favorite perfumes on girls; that’s for sure, it was yummy.

I caught Andy shooting me a dirty look before I turned my head to face CC, “How are you doing today, sweetie?” I asked.

“Better now that I’m sitting next to you, Stud. Seriously though ... I wish ... I wish that I could sleep with you at night. I do mean just to sleep, although you know that I’d love to get with you. I really could use your arms around me at night because I keep having nightmares. I see that asshole in every shadow. I hear him in every noise and in every creak at night, and I convince myself that he is inside my house sneaking up to my room. I sit there terrified until I finally pass out for a bit. Then I wake up, and it starts all over again. I can’t take much more, Davey. I’m so tired,” Cindy whispered to me, her voice going from steady to anguished with each word.

I raised her chin up with my finger and stared into her beautiful brown eyes, “Hey, that asshole has a broken face, and he doesn’t even know your name, Babe. He isn’t going to show up. There is no way that he could know where you live, and he would be a fool to show up anywhere that you are because his life would be over,” I said, making sure that no one could hear me as I whispered into her ear.

I tried my best to reassure her, but I doubted that my words would be remembered late at night when she was trying to sleep.

“I just want to feel normal again, David,” she sighed sadly. “I feel so on edge, everything makes me jumpy, and the only time I feel okay is when I am with you...”

“I’m here for you, Cindy Carson, and that will never change. You have my promise on that,” I vowed, taking ahold of her hand.

CC raised her eyes, searching mine, squeezing my hand tightly, “I love you, David, I truly do,” she whispered.

“I know, and I love you too, CC. Right now as a friend, though, okay?” I said gently as I smiled at her and squeezed back.

“Yes, for now, that’s all I need,” she told me, while her eyes screamed love, lust, and need.

“We’re here! Two more days of regular school, and then it’s exams, and we are outta here!” Josh said with enthusiasm.

“So the bleachers for lunch? The grass is probably still too wet for sitting,” Stewart asked.

“Yeah, the football stands for sure. Cya all then,” Amber told us.

As I stepped off the bus, I pulled CC to the side, and since she was still holding my hand, she followed easily.

“Hey, so I was thinking that we should go straight to see Mrs. Sullivan. I want my CC back! No sense delaying any further, and let’s not waste our lunchtime,” I reasoned, wanting her to start getting help from a counselor immediately.

“Okay, Davey. I’ll do it for you,” she said quietly with her eyes downcast.

Amber stepped over to us, her eyes looking up at me quizzically, darting from where we were holding hands to the grimace on CC’s face.

“What’s going on? You alright, CC?” Amber asked.

“What? Oh, um ... yeah ... I guess ... I promised David that I would go and talk to the counselor, so he’s making me go right now. I ... I guess that’s okay ... I’m really scared though,” she answered as her free hand scrunched up the bottom of her shirt in a nervous bunch.

“It’ll be alright, Cindy. I’ll be right there with you,” I said, pulling her into a hug.

“Yeah, it’ll be okay, CC. Mrs. Sullivan seems really nice, and I’m sure that she can help you get back to being yourself. We all love you and want you to be happy again,” my sister affirmed.

“David? Would ... would you kiss me again? Just once? To give me courage? Please?” CC pleaded softly while her eyes looked up at me as they got wet with emotion.

Shit. Fuck. Damn. I almost stopped breathing in a panic. My eyes darted to Amber’s immediately, seeking a clue as to what I should do. I didn’t want to, but I did want to. I was fucked. I definitely didn’t want Amber upset; that was the bottom line. I had no choice but to hurt CC. I felt like a heel, and it was all my fault. I had fucked up royally the other day. Because of my stupidity, CC thought that she had a chance to be my girlfriend. Sigh.

“Um ... CC ... We had agreed that nothing more could happen between us until...”

“Oh, Davey, just kiss her already. The sooner you do, the sooner you can get to the counselor’s office. You don’t wanna be too late, or you’ll get called out on it,” Amber said while giving me the go-ahead nod.

Looking at my sister, I could tell that she was torn between staying to watch or getting out of there as fast as she could. She rolled her eyes at me and made a tiny hand gesture that CC couldn’t see, signaling me to kiss her and get it over with. I gave her my best ‘I love you’ look and bent my head to kiss CC. It felt awkward as Hell to be kissing my sister’s best friend right in front of her. It was even more awkward, with CC not knowing that my sister was also my lover.

CC’s face lit up with anticipation and desire with my sister’s verbal approval, and her eyes shone with life again. Her hands shot up to wrap around my neck, pulling me down with eager intent. As I tilted my head and my lips parted to meet hers, my eyes saw that CC’s had already closed, so I sought out Amber’s. She had the strangest look that I had ever seen on her face, and I couldn’t read it fully. It looked to be part anger, part love, and something else unknown to me at the time. Her face seemed to flash through a range of emotions as my lips met our friends, and our tongues started to dance.

Cindy moaned loudly as electric shocks coursed through our mouths. I could not deny that the kiss was delectable, almost as nice as when I kissed my sister, but not quite. She melted into me, her body molded to mine, and she swooned with growing lust. I could feel her heat emanating from her as she clutched at me. Her tongue swirled around mine faster, and her constant groaning vibrated into my mouth delightfully. I hugged her tightly to me and kissed her as thoroughly as I knew how. She tasted sweet on my lips, minty with a hint of coffee. I couldn’t help but moan a little myself.

My eyes flicked over to my sisters again and caught her with my gaze. She looked impatient, and a little pissed, and something else that I still couldn’t identify. She rolled them at me as she saw me look at her. I placed both my palms on CC’s cheeks and pulled away from our lip lock, and she groaned in frustration. She opened her eyes to look in mine, her face was flushed, and her breathing was quickened with arousal. Her lips were wet, and her delicate pink tongue was poking out enticingly. I gave her another firm kiss on the lips, eliciting another loud moan, and then I kissed her forehead.

“Come on, Babe. Let’s go and get you well again, shall we?” I said.

I dropped my hands to latch on to one of hers, pulling her forward with me towards the school entrance.

“Good luck, CC. I love you—you know,” Amber said to her sweetly while giving her a quick hug. “Davey, take care of her, and I’ll talk to you later,” she told me.

As we left, she gave me a look that said she would have an earful for me later regarding that kiss. I sighed in my head.

“Okay, see you at lunch, Sis,” I replied, giving her back a look that said I knew that I was in shit, and I accepted it and that I loved her with every fiber of my being.

The closer that we got to the school counselor’s office, the more CC started to tremble. I put my arm around her waist and walked with her, doing my best to comfort her.

“It’ll be okay, CC, trust me. Okay, sweetie?” I said with confidence.

“I ... I trust you, David,” she sighed brokenly.

We got to Mrs. Sullivan’s door and knocked. After a few seconds, she opened the door and beckoned us in, shutting the door behind us. She gestured for us to take a seat in the two plastic chairs in front of her desk. She was a kind-looking statuesque lady of middling age. She had streaks of iron-grey through her hair, which was pulled up into a tight bun on the top of her head. She wore small brown spectacles balanced on the tip of her perky nose, and her thick lips were covered in bright red lipstick. She smelled of Jasmine. She was wearing a white blouse, a long black skirt, and a peculiar pair of brown beaded moccasins.

“And what can I help you two with this morning?” she inquired pleasantly.

“Um ... I ... Well ... I ... um...” CC struggled to find the words to start and looked at me in a panic, her eyes getting frantic.

“My friend here was sexually assaulted, Mrs. Sullivan, and she needs help. She has been a mere shadow of herself since it happened, and her friends and I are worried about her. I promised her that if she came to talk to you that I would come with her. So here we are, ma’am,” I stated simply.

“Oh my! Is this true, miss...?”

“Carson Ma’am, Cindy Carson,” she replied softly. “And yes, yes it is,” she answered in a whisper with her eyes looking downcast once again.

“Okay, Honey, it’ll be alright. I’m here to help you in any way that I can, okay?” she affirmed kindly while reaching out and patting CC’s hand reassuringly.

CC nodded, still looking down, her hand clutching mine so tightly that her knuckles were white with tension. I scooted my chair closer to hers and put my arm around her shoulder as she started to cry.

“Why don’t you take your time and gather your thoughts, okay, Cindy? You can tell me what happened in your own time and in your own words. There is no pressure in this room, and I am bound to keep what you tell me in strict confidentiality. Unless you tell me about a crime that is to be committed or that you want to harm yourself or others. Do you understand that, Cindy?” Mrs. Sullivan informed her while passing her a box of tissues.

“Yes, Ma’am,” CC said quietly while taking the tissues gratefully, tears streaming down her face as her chest heaved with her gentle sobs.

“And who might you be, Mr...?”

“I am David Knowlton, Ma’am,” I replied.

“And how are you related to Miss Carson here, David?” she asked me.

“I am one of her best friends; we have been friends for eleven years...”

“He’s my boyfriend,” CC said at the same time as me.

“Oh? Which is it, boyfriend or best friend?” Mrs. Sullivan inquired as her eyebrows raised askance at me.

“Well, to be honest, we have been super close friends for eleven years. Cindy here is my younger sister’s best friend, they met in kindergarten. We just um ... started to explore our relationship as a couple...”

“Davey is the best guy that I have ever met, Mrs. Sullivan. He cares about his friends and his family more than most people that I know do. He ... he saved me the other night too...” she trailed off but squeezed my hand tight when she did.

“Okay, maybe we should start at the beginning, dear. David said that you were sexually assaulted. Do you feel like you could explain what happened to you, Honey?” Mrs. Sullivan asked gently.

“Umm ... would ... would it be okay if ... if Davey told you? I ... I would feel better if he spoke for now,” CC asked her while still crying silently; tears were streaming down her cheeks, her head leaning on my chest.

“Okay, that’s perfectly fine, dear. We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. Tell me what you know please, David,” she smiled at me encouragingly.

I told her everything that had happened, starting with the incident between the two assholes at Martin’s birthday party and how that culminated with me breaking some guy named Freddy’s nose after I’d found him trying to rape our CC. I left nothing out and even included the underage drinking and the subsequent grounding of Amber and myself. I made sure that Mrs. Sullivan understood that CC didn’t want her parents knowing about the assault, nor did she want to inform the police. The whole time that I was recounting what had transpired as best as I could recall, CC held to me tightly, as if I was her only anchor to safety in the world. Her crying slowly subsided, and she dried her eyes.

“Okay, thank you, David. Cindy, is that how you remember everything? Is there anything that you would like to add or correct? Sometimes people recall things differently based upon individual perspectives. Also, when you are up for it, I would like to hear what your feelings are about what happened to you. I think it is very important to hear you give voice to your emotions. You are a victim, Cindy, and no one thinks less of you or places any blame upon you whatsoever. David was one-hundred percent correct when he told you that just because you were inebriated that it didn’t mean that you shared any of the blame for your attack,” Mrs. Sullivan explained.

“What David said is right, Ma’am. I ... I ... I guess I could tell you about how I felt,” CC said quietly.

Her hands clenched at me nervously as she looked at her feet and involuntarily shuddered with unwanted memory.

“Do you want David to stay for that, Cindy?” she asked.