Chapter 11

“I am still afraid.”
—Amie Kaufman, Illuminae

THERE WASN’T A NEXT TIME. The next day was Friday and Molly was dressed in her professional nurse regalia. Mom stayed home from work and loaded me in the car to see Doctor Jordan. Or as I referred to her in my head, Lieutenant Dish. MASH, 1970. I suppose she was near fifty, but she had the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen and the kindest hands I’d ever felt as she manipulated my arms and shoulders, my legs, and examined me carefully.

“You are doing well, Jacob,” she said. She almost ruffled my hair but it turned into a gentle caress of my hair instead. I looked at her and smiled my best. “I’m going to approve you to return to school Monday.”

I ... What? Oh shit!

“Really?”

“I’m going to suggest half days but we can’t be sure the school will be able to accommodate that. I don’t want you to increase your load because of fatigue issues but there’s no reason you can’t participate in your current class schedule for the remainder of the term. I know you don’t want to be held back and this will enable you to keep up with classmates your age. Try not to overdo it, okay?”

“Yes. Uh ... Thank you, Doctor Jordan. I ... uh ... maybe I could just come here to hang out after school.” She smiled at me and shook her head.

“Do you really think you can turn the head of a woman my age? That would be both illegal and unethical. And rather stupid when you have so many girls your age to choose from.” She leaned in close to me and spoke so only I could hear her. “Come back when you’re eighteen.”

I couldn’t believe I was going to school. I’d be a freshman hobbling around on crutches and dragging a rolling bookbag behind me. Mom took me shopping after the doctor appointment. I got a couple new pair of jeans since mine had been cut up when I had the cast on my leg. I chose a nice polo shirt and a button-down oxford and some new underwear. And new shoes. Something inside me cringed when I saw the running shoes that Doctor Jordan had suggested. I knew they weren’t the most stylish things for a high school student to wear, but when I put them on, the support they gave my weak leg was incredible. They might have been the most comfortable shoes I’d worn in twenty years. That was when I stopped wearing Allen Edmonds to the office and started scuffing around in old man shoes.

I was pretty tired from the outing. Molly had given me a hug at the doctor’s office and said she’d see me when I came in for my PT appointments. I was pretty depressed that she wasn’t going to come home with us. At all. I’d be in school Monday and she would be back in the therapy office. I no longer needed a personal nurse.

It was already after three when we got home. Em greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and was happy with the news that I’d be going back to school. She said she couldn’t wait to show me around the new digs. I couldn’t understand why. I decided to lie down for a bit before dinner.

Pey was giggling and happy when she heard the news at dinner. “Yay! Vacation’s over and you have to go to school, too!”

“What makes you think I’ve been on vacation?” I laughed back at her. “I’ve done all my homework and helped you with yours. And I’ve had like three hours of PE every day!”

“I’m glad you kept up with the schoolwork,” Dad said. “But you need to figure out how to keep up with your physical therapy now that you don’t have Molly cracking the whip over you.”

“I was wondering about that,” I said. “Maybe there’s an exercise room at the school I could use instead of coming straight home after my classes. I feel like I’m getting stronger but I’d like to be off the crutches and walking normally by Christmas.”

“That’s a good idea. Mary? Maybe you can suggest that to the principal when you go in with him on Monday. It would save Emily from having to leave school to bring him home in the middle of the day,” Dad said.

“We’ll discuss it as long as it is not too taxing. Doctor Jordan gave us quite a list of things we need to discuss with the school to be sure Jakey can function and continue to heal. We’ll see what they say.”

“Hey, Em,” I said. “What kind of gathering are you going to tonight? You’re still dressed in sweats.”

“It’s a track suit. I don’t sweat in it,” she huffed. “And I’m not going out tonight. The football game is an away game and I don’t feel like driving halfway across the state to watch them lose another one. I’m thinking a movie and popcorn with the family tonight.”

“Can we watch Pokemon in Paradise?” Pey exclaimed. “It was just released on Netflix. You never did get to take me to see it in the theater like you promised.”

“We were a little pre-occupied that weekend, Pey,” Em chided our little sister. “But I suppose we could watch that.”

“Was that the weekend of ... um ... my accident?” I asked.

“Don’t worry, J,” Em said, scowling at Pey. “It was no big deal to watch it in the theater.”

“Pey, I’m sorry I made you miss it. I’d be happy to watch with you tonight.”

“Really? You’re so cool!”

I wasn’t that cool. I had V1 memories. Peyton was born in 1945. We were at the local drive-in to watch Fantasia when Mom went into labor. We had to leave right when Mickey Mouse was enchanting the broomsticks and I didn’t get to see the movie until it was rereleased in the late sixties. Of course, the good part of that was that I was stoned when I watched it, which was almost as good as being eight.

I was mad at the baby for almost twenty years. I didn’t want her to be mad at me that long. I knew what it was like to be a disappointed seven- or eight-year-old. I think it affected my relationship with her for our whole lives. Silly, what we think is most important when we’re that age.

The movie was funny. From my perspective, it was silly. It was one of those mixed live action and animation films that Disney made famous with Mary Poppins only the style was more like anime. I tried to figure out what kids these days saw in that crap. Except I was a kid these days. I watched the reactions of the family. Mom and Dad were tolerant but Em seemed to enjoy it almost as much as Pey did. I tried not to be a sourpuss. Eventually, I started laughing and cheering with everyone else.

When the movie was over, it was bedtime for Pey. Em said she was going to watch some sappy romance thing and Mom, Dad, and I all excused ourselves to go to bed. I’d been up and out of the house to the doctor’s office and then shopping. I was pretty tired.

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night when Em crawled in bed with me. As soon as I could get myself ready for bed, I’d gone back to sleeping in the nude. I started that back in the eighties. Of course, that was almost twenty-five years before V2 was born. The night staff at the nursing home complained that they really didn’t appreciate my saggy old ass dragging around in the middle of the night but fuck ‘em. I hadn’t found much in the way of pajamas in V2’s dresser drawers, so I figured he must have adopted my kind of nightwear early in life. Made the important things easier to get to.

I’d been sleeping pretty soundly for the first time in over a week when Em slipped up next to me and I came rapidly awake when I realized she was naked, too.

“Em? Are you okay?” I asked. Shit! Having her bare boobs pressed against my back as she spooned there gave me an instant response.

“I’m sorry, J. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey. You crawl in bed beside me naked and think you need to apologize?” I chuckled. “I’m not sorry at all.”

“It’s not that. I’m sorry I’ve been mean. I was so screwed up. I still am. Fuck me, J.”

“What? Isn’t that a little sudden? What’s up, Em?”

“I got jealous. I told Francine you were sick and she shouldn’t come over until we were sure you weren’t contagious.”

“I’m not sick.”

“I know. I didn’t want her to have sex with you and so I left you with no company for two weeks. I didn’t even come in to get you off.”

“I’ve got two hands now, sister. I haven’t suffered too much.”

“I came to make it up by fucking you tonight.”

“I ... Em...” I rolled toward my sister and took her in my arms. I’m sure she could feel how aroused I was since I pretty much poked her in the stomach. She dodged my first kiss but met the second with an open mouth and welcoming tongue. But something just didn’t seem right. “Something’s wrong, Em,” I said pulling back just enough to look at her but not far enough to lose contact with her soft skin. “Tell me. This isn’t what you really want to do, is it?”

“Sure it is. I just...” she pressed her face against my chest and I could feel her tears.

“I love you, Em. Tell me.” She snuffled a little and reached for a tissue from the bedside table.

“I told you Francine was sick and I told her that you were sick because I was so jealous that it wasn’t me coming to take your virginity. I’m such a jealous cow.”

“Wow! And now I’m going back to school and she’ll know I’m okay and I’ll know she’s okay. Is that it?” I was a little ticked at my sister. I would really have liked to lick Francie’s luscious twat while she sucked me off. But more, I cared about her and was worried that we’d done something that endangered her baby.

“Sort of. I ... Every night ... I thought I’d come in and have sex with you and you’d forget all about her. But ... I couldn’t. I was afraid.”