Chapter 54: Slip Through

Summer was fully ripened now, it being the latter part of July. The chorus of insects was thick in the air as I walked along the last stretch of our road. I was alone; Lara was already home, having left the shelter an hour before I’d swung by to gather her. In fifteen minutes I’d be in the creek, washed clean by Roe, and enjoying my time with her.

Or, so I thought. As usual, expectations sure were a bitch. Well, not a bitch this time, but a gorgeous girl that I adored!

“Hey there stranger!”

I grinned as a large car slowed down in the opposing lane.

“What are you doing here!” I exclaimed, happy to see those blue eyes. I leaned in through the window and gave her an awkward but thoroughly warm hug.

“I’m looking for you!” Alana exclaimed. “Lara said you’d be walking on the road.”

“Ha, she’s always right! But ... How do you know where I live?”

She grinned. “Magic.”

I laughed. “Or you called my house ... What’s going on?”

“I’m hoping to kidnap you.”

“What for? No one will pay you even a cent for ransom.”

“Uh, whatever?” Alana dismissed. “I’m sure I can squeeze at least a twenty out of your folks. Now hurry up and get in here!” She slapped the passenger seat.

“Oh, you want me to hurry, huh?” I drawled, raising a brow at her.

I stepped back and then launched myself at her car’s hood, using a hand to propel myself over the initial expanse. For an instant, I regretted the folly of trying this act again on such a massive slab of metal. But then my butt slid perfectly across the far half and I stuck the landing like a boss—I mean, like a duke! I heard Alana whoop as I pumped my fist into the air.

“That was sick, dude!” she cried. “Where’d you learn that one?”

I pulled open the door and was just about to answer when my right foot found a little rut in the ground. My left foot stepped back to catch my balance, but unfortunately the small embankment that held up the road was indented right there. In another moment Alana’s admiring grin disappeared from view and I found myself on the ground, cackling like a fool amongst the flowered weeds and prickly gravel.

I heard a door open. Alana came around the front of her car, barely able to walk from the hilarity of my situation.

“Holy shit, are you all right?” she managed between fits.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just laughing too hard to get up!”

She came over to help me, careful not to join me on the ground. It took a little doing, but at last she’d brushed the dirt off my back and I settled into the worn but comfy shotgun seat.

Alana poked her head in through the driver’s side window.

“Should I give it a shot?”

“What?”

“You know, jump in.”

I laughed, checking the mirror. “Either way you better hurry, someone’s coming!”

She stepped out of sight, and then her legs swung through the open window frame. With minimal effort and maximal grace, she slid into her seat.

“Wow, that’s how it’s done!” I gushed, giving her a high five. “Smooth!”

“Must be the shorts,” Alana joked.

I glanced at the minimal cutoff denims. “Must be!”

She waved the approaching car around.

“So where to?” I asked, chuckling as she did a thirteen-point turn to get her beast going in the other direction.

“Your house, for starters. Grab a bathing suit, maybe a change of clothes. Nothing fancy.”

“All right, I can do that. And where to, after that?”

“Guess.”

I shrugged. “Your special spot on the cliff.”

Alana laughed as she turned into my driveway. “Okay, that was too easy.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about that place lately. What’s the occasion though?”

“Nothing. Except that I’ve missed you, dude.”

“Come on. You just saw me at Jonah’s concert. Usually we don’t see each other for months on end!” I joked.

“I wouldn’t call the concert ‘just’ seeing you. But okay, I’ve been listening to your album for the last three weeks straight,” she explained, tapping the radio. “I got tired of waiting for you to call.”

I winced and gave her a sheepish look. “I know, I know ... I’m really sorry. I’m a terrible friend.”

“It’s all good,” she said, giving me a grin. “I’m sure you’re a busy dude.”

In another minute, she came to a stop in front of my house.

“So is this just me, or can Lara come too?” I asked.

“I already invited her, but she said no. So it’s just you, unless you convince her to come.”

“All right, I’ll make it quick!”

I hopped out and hurried inside. Lara was lounging on the couch reading a book.

“Hey, sis!”

“Hi! Did Alana find you?”

“She did. And she’s kidnapping me, I guess.”

“Fine, leave me all alone,” she pouted.

I made a face at her. “She said she asked you to come along. Didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she did, but I’m signed up for the shelter tomorrow. And since I doubt you’re coming home tonight...”

I pursed my lips as I checked the time. “Yeah, you’re probably right ... Aw, I’m going to miss you!”

“I’m sure you’ll survive without me for a bit,” she said, before smiling warmly. “And I’ll miss you too.”

“You can come, you know.”

“Go on and have your fun,” Lara said, grinning.

“All right. Tell Moms that I’m safe and I’ll be back ... at some point!”

I made short work of the pack, and soon I was back in the car with my small bag. On a lark, I decided to bring my camera, even though I’d somewhat forgotten about it again. I hadn’t touched it since Shannon’s shoot.

“So are you happy with the way the album turned out?” Alana asked, as she rolled her car down our long driveway.

I let out a snort. “I wouldn’t know.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve never listened to it all the way through.”

Alana gawped at me. “Are you serious? Jonah said he finished the tapes. I figured he got them to you.”

“Oh, he did. And we put them up for sale in some stores in town and stuff. But when the twins left ... It was kind of tough. We listened to half of it right before we had to go to the airport. That’s the only time I’ve heard any of it. I wasn’t really in a place to judge that day.”

“But why haven’t you listened since?”

“I’ve ... been too busy?”

“Busy not calling me, obviously!”

I winced. “Ouch! I feel like I’m going to hear about that for a while!”

“No, I was just kidding,” she dismissed. “What have you been up to?”

I shrugged. “Busy being free, I guess. Some landscaping work, helping people out, random shit. Practicing my hood slides, you know!”

“Obviously. Maybe work a bit more on getting into a car normally, though?”

I sniggered. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I know I saw you at the benefit, but we didn’t really talk much that night. Some stuff has changed since we last went to your special spot.”

Alana came to a stop at the edge of my driveway and turned to me. “Like what?” she asked.

“I’ll tell you later. How about you rewind the tape to the beginning, crank it up, and if you drive just a little bit slower than usual, I think we’ll get there right when Other Side is ending. What do you say?”

Alana grinned. “Sure thing!”

She pressed the rewind button on the tape player. We sat in silence, smiling at each other and anticipating the moment when the machine clicked. Then it did. Alana flicked her turn signal.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Really? Blinker out of my driveway?”

“Dude, I’ve been doing this way longer than you.”

“I sure glad I didn’t have you for my driving test!”

Alana sniggered. “All right, pipe down so we can hear this awesome music!”

She made the turn just as the opening part of Four Days filled the car. The volume went way up and we headed off down the road, singing along.

I was in good spirits when we arrived at the property. Hearing the album had been admittedly bittersweet. I’d kept myself busy in the time since the twins’ departure, so that the giant hole that they’d left could take its sweet time to fully heal up. But Alana’s pure enthusiasm and joy at the music we’d made was infectious. By the time the applause had faded into hiss at the end of side one, I realized what a great time I’d had with the band, and what a special memento we’d made out of our creative forces. And damn if it wasn’t a decent album in the end!

As predicted, as the final cadence of Other Side reached its conclusion, Alana pulled the car to the end of the long drive, right by the little cabin. She smiled at me as she finally killed the engine, and the album. Very quickly a sense of peace was descending on me.

“Back again,” I breathed.

“I haven’t been here since I was here with you,” she said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why, but that’s how it goes. Guess I’ve been busy too.”

“Well, I haven’t been here since then either,” I joked. “So we’re even.”

We exited her car. The place looked a bit different in the evening light, quite beautifully golden. The leaves filtered the view of the great open space beyond, leaving the impression that there would be an amazing sunset to be had in an hour or two.

“Can you hang out until tomorrow?” Alana called out, as she unlocked the cabin.

“Tomorrow? I have no plans, like, for months!”

She laughed as she stepped to the back of her car. “I won’t kidnap you for that long. But will you stay tonight?”

I eyed the cabin. “Are we allowed to?”

“Not in there, silly,” she said. “That’s just so I don’t have to help you pee in the woods again! I have a tent in the trunk.”

I guffawed. “Sure, then, I’ll stay!”

“Then let’s set up camp as quickly as we can, so we can watch the sunset while we eat.”

I joined her at the trunk and she loaded me up with a tent sack and two sleeping bags. She followed behind with a cooler, and we walked the short path out to the overlook.

The view was just as spectacular in the light as it was at night. I felt a shiver as the blue lake below us beckoned. I missed my little pool and waterfall and the nightly bath it provided, but this was certainly a worthy exchange. If only Lara would’ve come...

“This is so amazing,” I murmured.

“It is,” Alana agreed. “No matter how often I come here, it still takes me a few minutes to not just stare in awe.”

We did just that for a bit. Eventually I pulled out of it.

“Come on, you said quick setup,” I prodded.

We got to work. Since Alana was familiar with her tent, she took care of that, calling on me for help when the poles needed to go upright. I made more trips to the car for a basket grill, chairs, a second cooler, sleeping mats, and our clothes bags. Then I made three trips to the cabin where Alana said I could find some wood.

“Any chance they have an axe?”

She nodded. “In the little cubby to the right of the wood pile.”

In a bit, I was swinging iron. It was actually a sledge and splitting wedge that I’d found, so the crystalline pings of my efforts reverberated through the enormous natural amphitheater before us. The sound was immensely satisfying, and little by little the dry oak quarters broke down into smaller kindling.

Alana, meanwhile, had the tent set up on a flat spot and she threw the duffel and sleeping bags inside, crawling in after them to lay them out.

“Should I get a fire going now?” I called. “Not sure what we’re eating, but...”

“Yeah, start one up. I’ll be right out.”

I scrounged up some branches from the nearby forest, keeping only the ones that broke cleanly with a crisp snap. There was a partial stone fire ring to one side of the ledge, so I shored up the encircling rocks with their brethren that sat scattered around the area, and soon I had a decent blaze crackling. The aroma of wood smoke was a balm, reminding me of those cold winter evenings when I’d sat with the twins in our living room and listened to Muireann tell stories. I certainly had enjoyed that.

“So what is for dinner?” I asked.

Alana emerged from the tent, smiling at me. “Take a look in the smaller cooler.”

I lifted the lid and whistled appreciatively. “Damn. Did you catch these?”

“One of them. My dad got the other. We went out early this morning and got lucky.”

“Yeah, I’ll say. Summer giants!” I gushed, my mouth watering.

Laying in the bottom of the cooler atop a deep bed of ice were two beautiful trout, each of significant size. They were gutted and ready to be devoured.

Alana went to the car and retrieved a metal stand that I’d missed. As she unfolded it, I realized it was an adjustable grill rack. Since the fire was still going strong, I held off on cooking the fish just yet. Alana pulled out a garden salad from the other cooler and a loaf of crusty bread from a paper sack.

“Beer?” she asked, holding up a bottle of Rolling Rock.

“No thanks.”

“Later then.”

“Probably not.”

She eyed me. “What, not drinking these days?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve had enough of being mopey or surly when I get drunk. So I haven’t touched it since the benefit show.”

Alana guffawed. “That was a funny night. Tricked by the pears!”

I frowned at her. “Say what?”

“You really don’t remember?”

“Pears? No, I don’t ... And I don’t think I want to!”

“Well, too bad! You went outside to pee and faceplanted in the trees, and Muireann had to go rescue you. After you were in bed and passed out, she popped her head out and told us that you were going on and on about how you thought the pears tricked you. It was so hilarious!”

“I still have no idea what that even means!” I wailed.

She patted my back. “Yeah, you wouldn’t. Jonah had some pear vodka in the cabin, and you really loved it!”

“Ohhh ... Shit, yeah, that sounds vaguely familiar now. Well, I might’ve loved it that night, but I really hated it the next day and I haven’t been interested since!”

“Understandable. What about a joint then?” Alana asked, her eyes glinting.

I shrugged. “That I’ll do.”

“Well, there’s a few in my purse. Dig one out and let’s get our appetite ripping!”

She set up the two chairs and dragged the cooler over between them as a little makeshift table. I found the promised joints in her bag.

“Jeez, if this is a few...” I remarked.

“You know my motto, man!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot.”

I grabbed an unburnt twig from my kindling stack and lit the tip in the fire. Soon I’d transferred the flame to the end of the little white log and puffed the blue smoke into me.

“I’ve missed Jonah’s weed,” I said grandly, watching the sun start struggling to remain yellow.

“His is the best,” Alana agreed, coming close.

I gave her the joint, and she inhaled a long drag, grinning at me. She put a hand to her ear and stooped closer to the cooler.

“Hmm ... Do you hear that?”

I listened. “No?”

“The trout ... They want to smoke too!”

I guffawed, already feeling the effects of the pot. “Hint, hint. Okay, I’ll get them on the grill.”

The fire wasn’t particularly smoky, since the property owner’s wood was very well-seasoned. We agreed it made more sense to cook them normally. Alana produced some butter from the cooler and I slathered it on the fish with a knife. After a touch of pepper and a sprinkle of salt, they went into the folding grill and onto the fire.

It wasn’t long before we each had a perfectly cooked trout on our undersized paper plates. We attempted to eat with a modicum of finesse, using utensils, but immediately it became too tasty for that.

“Fuck it,” Alana said, taking the fish in her hands and chomping into it. I didn’t hesitate to do the same.

The sun paired with the fire, both turning into redder embers. There wasn’t any reason to talk for a time; the view was magnificent enough that nothing could enhance it, and it was better to use our lips to eat than speak anyway. Once the fish were destroyed, we washed our hands in the cabin bathroom and then ate our salad and bread more calmly.

It was a very still evening, rarely a breeze and minimal when there was. The lake was mirror smooth, affording us the view of two different sunsets at once. In the reflected one, the sun was already behind the trees that grew on the far inverted rise, and so the blue of the water was rapidly being replaced by growing orange and red hues.

It occurred to me, as I sat there sated and stoned, that the sun did this every day. Yes, I know, an amazing observation! Lara would’ve sarcastically applauded it, even. But really, it was rare for me to see a sunset, because the surrounding mountains at our house blocked the sun long before the atmosphere was able to change its color. Watching it fall into the horizon was simply not possible from my yard.

But sometimes there would be clouds in the sky over our house, and they themselves could watch the sunset, being lucky enough to be perched so high. They would blush pink and red, and by looking at their expressions, those of us nestled in the valley could still be reassured that the sun did what it always did, and beautifully at that. And even we could receive some of the feeling of it, the warmth of light at the closing of the day.

But none of that mattered. It was pointless, because the sun did its thing regardless of who watched and who thought it pretty.

Useless beauty...

Or ... not?

Before me, the last bit of the real sun filtered through the distant trees and left us in the afterglow of civil twilight.

“What are you thinking about?” Alana asked quietly.

I let out the hit I’d been holding in my lungs. “That if I was completely deaf and I went to a concert,” I said slowly, “I’d want to sit facing the audience. And I could still enjoy the music by watching their expressions.”

Alana giggled. “That’s far out, dude...”

“It’s true though. I was just thinking back to this one time at school when we had a little photography show for class. And Tommy was really impressed by it, even though he hardly looked at the pictures. I guess he was listening to the people talking about the photos, instead of trying to see what he could of them. And that’s how he enjoyed them.”

“A whole other way of seeing, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s like we get stuck seeing things the way we’re most used to seeing them. Or hearing things ... Everything, really. It’s hard to get out of that.”

“True,” she agreed.

“When the twins first got here and Tommy told us about being mostly blind, one of the first things I thought of was all the stuff that we wouldn’t be able to do together. It was a gut reaction in my brain, you know, and I felt bad about it right away.”

“Most people would do the same thing, especially right at first.”

“Yeah, I know. The funny thing is that he actually ended up doing all that stuff. Skiing, photography, fishing ... And he kind of changed us all. His music talent is ridiculous. If you really like the Quiet Mile album, you can blame him, because his skill is a lot of what made it what it is.”

“I’m sure you all had something to do with it,” Alana said, smiling.

“Well, okay, it was a group effort. But from the first time I heard Tommy play a song in my cabin, I knew it was going to be something so cool.” I chuckled. “You know, Lara and I have this joke where she calls me Mr. Blind, because I’m usually pretty clueless about relationship kind of stuff. But the nickname always seemed silly after meeting Tommy. Probably it should be Mr. Normal, because he could see way better than I ever could.”

Alana laughed. “I think you’re probably right ... So, you said back at your house that you have news?”

I shifted in my chair to face her. “You want the long or short story?”

“Um ... Short, to start with?”

“Once upon a time, Heather broke up with me. The end.”

Alana’s mouth dropped open, all mirth draining out of her eyes. “What the fuck?”

“Yeah, she went to live in Maine for a while. Out in the middle of nowhere, no way to talk to her. I haven’t heard from her in months.”

“Months?” She was visibly stunned. “But—No! At Jonah’s you said she was doing okay!”

“Did I? Maybe it was the pears telling you that! I don’t really know. I wasn’t really in a place to tell you even the short version that night, since I was puking up my guts, and people were always around. I guess that’s part of the reason why I got so fucked up that night.”

Alana shook her head sadly. “Damn, dude, I’m so sorry to hear this.” She suddenly murmured knowingly. “Oh ... no wonder ... After you went to bed that night and a bunch of us were still hanging out in the cabin, I made a joke about what Heather would say about you right then. It kind of got uncomfortable for a second.”

“Yeah, I guess it would have!”

“But why the break up? I still don’t believe it!”

“Well, that’s the long story! Because we didn’t quite break up like you might think, but we did in a way.”

Alana grabbed her purse and dug out another joint, her face a mask of confusion. “So were you and Muireann a thing?” she asked.

I chuckled. “Funny you should ask. Everything looks a little different about that show now, huh?”

“Yeah ... I was wondering about you and her at Jonah’s, because she was really worried about you and obviously you two were super close, and she slept in the bed with you and everything.”

“Mmm ... Were we a thing?” I took a hit and passed the fresh bone back. “I don’t even know what that means anymore. I love Muireann, but we were never involved, like, physically. But yeah, we were super close, especially the last part of her visit ... Guess it depends what you mean by ‘thing’.”

Alana was quiet for a time. “Yeah, I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“She kind of stepped in and helped me after Heather left.”

“That was lucky for you, to have her.”

“Yeah, tell me about it. Then again, it wasn’t really luck. It was part of the, well ... I’ll just say it worked out the way it was going to.”

She looked at me seriously. “And who’s there for you now, since Muireann’s gone? Well, Lara, I guess. Duh.”

“Yeah, but really it’s myself. I finally figured some stuff out a few weeks ago. I let Heather go, so I’m feeling better. She made sure of that, even.”

“Damn. This has to be rough. I always thought you and her had something so amazing.”

“We did ... But I think the other way would’ve been rougher.”

“Other way?”

“To keep doing what we were doing.” I reached out for the joint she offered, taking a long drag, studying the fading light. Hidden stars were now starting to make an entrance. Cycles... “Remember last time we were here, I told you something very secret?”

“Sure. About Lara being with Heather too.”

“Yeah, that. Well, we call it Truth, for short. And all this stuff with Heather, it all comes down to that.”

Alana considered for a while. Several times I almost explained myself, but I ended up staying silent.

Eventually she hummed. “So you’re saying Heather had to break up with you so that the three of you can, like ... start over, together?”

I gave her a warm smile. “Wow, you get it, then! That’s wild! But yeah, that’s how I see it right now. If you ask me again next week, I could be a mess about it again, but hopefully not. Who knows! And the thing is, I don’t know where Heather is at. For all I know, she might’ve figured out it’s not what she wants. So it could all be over, too.”

She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I hope not.”

“I don’t hope either way. I just want her to figure out her thing and be happy, whatever it is.”

“So what’s your plan, then?”

“What do you mean?”

“With Heather. What if she wants to just be with you?”

I shook my head. “That’s over.”

Alana nodded slowly. “So, start fresh, or nothing?”

“Well ... It’s not even about Heather,” I said evenly.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s about my sister. I told you last time we were here that Lara got together with Heather, and that Lara and I were not together, in that way. And we’re still not, don’t get me wrong. But I kind of realized that Lara and I are bonded in some way. And she’s the person in my life who is at the top of who I want to spend my time with and be close to. I know it’s weird as hell to say that, but it’s, well ... the truth. So she and I needed to start over, really.”

“Wow ... That is far out, dude. I don’t mean that in a bad way. But you need some serious balls to admit that kind of thing, let alone try to make it happen!”

I sniffed. “I think you’re giving me too much credit. I’m not going to be screaming it around school, you know. You’re one of the very few people that even knows, and that’s how it’s going to stay.”

She nodded and squeezed my hand. “So you’re basically saying that you and Lara are a thing, like you and Muireann were a thing?”

I gave her a look. “Hmm ... Yeah, maybe. I never thought of it that way, not exactly...”

“It was just a wild-ass guess.”

“Well, you’re pretty good at those.”

She considered me for a long moment. “So what happens next? Waiting to hear from Heather?”

“Not waiting, no. For all I know, I won’t ever see her again, even though I don’t think that, or want it. But I’m not convinced of anything these days so I’m just seeing where life takes me for a while. My year’s been crazy. Too many ups and downs. It was amazing to play the shows, and raise money for Carmen’s fund ... But all that supposedly ‘good’ stuff got to me as much as the negative stuff did. It messed with me pretty bad.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have guessed. You always seem pretty cool and collected.”

I guffawed. “Yeah right! You saw me after the band battle, before we came out here the first time. I was freaking out until you saved my ass.”

“Well, that was a raw deal. Anyone would’ve been pissed. But then putting on the benefit at the Castle and stuff ... I know that was your idea, because Jonah told me all about it. And now you’re saying it was bad to do something good?”

“No, just that it was bad for me. Awesome for everyone else. I just handled it like a jerk.” I winced at the memory of Dr. Kendall dumping the money over the office floor. “I took my part way too far.”

Alana considered for a while as she toked. “Maybe, but it definitely was pretty awesome for everyone else, dude.”

I shrugged. “I’m glad for that.”

“You’ve changed stuff. Who would’ve thought that Jonah would go along with a benefit concert, you know?”

I laughed. “I know, fucking Jonah. A few months ago I was ready to strangle that guy. But he did come through in the end, big time.”

“Yeah, and you got him rethinking his shows, you know.”

“What, he’s going to start charging admission now?”

Alana smiled. “I think he just might!”

“Well, good for him. He gives everyone free booze and the bands and everything, so why not?”

“We’ll see what he does. But the Castle concerts probably will be a bit different, at least for some gigs.”

“Right on. Maybe I’ll come down one of these days just to hang out and take in the spectacle, without the stress of playing.”

“You totally should. And I’ll be Miss Ellie for you.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t have to. I’ve always felt bad about that, to be honest. I mean, it’s outrageous and kind of funny and all, but deep down it always bothered me.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “That you have to do what other people say.”

“I choose to play the part.”

“Yeah, but they’re allowed to make you do stuff.”

She smiled evasively. “Sort of.”

“I don’t know. Jonah always made it sound like the Misses were like servants, or even slaves to the bands.”

Alana chuckled. “Not really.”

“Look, the first time I played there, he was basically saying that if I wanted to hook up with Hayley, I just had to ask her. And that she would do whatever I said. It just seems wrong to put someone in that position.”

“Hey dude ... You do realize I’ve been Miss Ellie a lot of times? And you haven’t at all?”

I glanced at her sheepishly as I absorbed her light reprimand. “Um, I guess you’re right. Sorry.”

“Then you should know that Jonah finds out what we’re up for before he offers anything to anyone.”

“Wait, really?”

“Mm hmm.”

“Whoa ... I didn’t know that.”

“Well yeah, that would take away from the magic of it all, wouldn’t it?”

I sniggered. “I guess it would. But wait ... So when he said Hayley would—Oh, shit...”

“So you get it now, right?”

“Yeah ... And now I remember her asking me if I wanted to hook up, after I told her she was done being Miss Ellie.”

“Yep, Hayley was into you, not Miss Ellie.”

“Wow...”

“Don’t get too high on yourself, stud-man. Remember she was also into Skinner at the band battle, so...”

I had to laugh. “Thanks, I needed that.”

She grinned. “Of course you did ... So yeah, the Misses. It’s not really a slave thing. It’s more like ... give and take.”