Chapter 53: Carry Me

“Good morning, sis!” I sang. “Nice bedhead!”

Lara squinted at me from the doorway to the darkroom. She released a giant yawn into the cabin before speaking. “Morning ... Uh, what the hell are you doing in an apron?”

“Making breakfast!”

“I thought I smelled something good, but then I remembered who I live with and was like, nah, can’t be. What’s the deal? Wait, are you making boxty?”

“Fuck yeah!”

She came close and scrutinized my meal preparation. “You do realize the twins aren’t here, right?”

“You don’t say?” I rejoined. “I know how to make it, though. I got the recipe from Mom.”

“What I’m saying is, that’s a lot of potatoes.”

“I hope you’re hungry, then.”

“I am, but that’s still a shitload of them!”

I laughed. “Well, actually I thought we could bring Gwen a little gift, after we say goodbye to Shan and Colin.”

Lara rubbed my arm. “Nice try, but she’s still going to hate you,” she consoled.

“Oh, I know she still will ... In fact, I’m counting on that!”

She considered the ingredients. “Hmm ... If these are for Gwen, then you’re missing something.”

“Nope,” I said, shaking the recipe. “Triple checked.”

Lara gave me a dismissive look as she returned to the bedroom. I went about stirring the flour into the potato mixture, and in another moment, she returned with the missing ingredient. It took me a long while to stop laughing.

“For Gwen’s portion, anyway!” she said, holding out the pair of joints.

“That’s fucking brilliant, Lara! But damn, I feel bad for her. She’s only going to want to eat spiked boxty for the rest of her life now.”

“Sucks to be her.” She rubbed my shoulder affectionately. “Need some help?”

“Sure!”

“Well, that’s too bad,” she said, yawning. “Wake me up when they’re ready!”

I rolled my eyes even as I unrolled the secret ingredient...

Into the bowl it went.

“Time to go?” Lara asked me.

I sighed from the couch where I was relaxing. “I guess. Where are we meeting them?”

“Belinda’s.”

“At least the food will be good,” I moped.

“Aw, come on,” Lara scolded. “Don’t turn this into a dirge for them.”

“I’ll try not to. Their camping trip is going to be awesome. But I just don’t know how many more goodbyes I can take,” I said quietly.

Lara came close and gave me a hug. “Hey ... If it’s any consolation, there’s pretty much no one else left that can leave now.”

I let out a sad laugh. “Wow, you should really think about a career in grief counseling. ‘Sorry your wife died, but at least she can’t die on you ever again ... So be happy for that!’”

She slapped my shoulder. “Stop it.”

“What, it’s true ... Actually, thanks, though. I needed a laugh.”

She smiled at me. “Of course you did. And I was wrong, anyway. There’s still Gwen, right?”

I laughed heartily this time. “Funny that. The one person left to me right now has hated me since the day she saw me.”

“Well, I’m still here,” Lara said, her eyes glinting. “As always.”

I nodded. “You are ... And you have no idea how grateful I am for that, sis.”

“Oh, I do. Now let’s roll, or we’ll be late to meet them.”

“Okay. Here, take the boxty bag,” I said, handing it to her. “I’ll meet you in the car in a sec.”

When I hopped into the passenger seat a minute later, Lara narrowed her eyes at me. As she saw what I held in my hand, I sensed the same pang in her that I’d felt a moment earlier.

I smiled wistfully at her. “Ready to do this?”

“As much as I’ll ever be.”

You’re so amazing, Lara...

“Man, I’m going to miss them,” I said, as Lara and I drove away from Belinda’s.

“Is it just me, or do you feel like going camping with them?”

I laughed. “I almost asked, believe me. But the last thing they’re going to want is us cramping their style.”

“I know. Shannon sure has changed a lot in the last six months.”

I grinned. “Too many snowstorms,” I suggested.

Lara gave me a sidelong glance. “Snowstorms? More like too much talking to you, I think... !”

“Not nearly enough, sadly.”

Lara patted my arm. “Well, I’m really happy for them. Now come on, one more stop, then we can go home and soak it all off.”

The drive was a bit surreal. Lunch with Shannon and Colin had indeed been a blast, but it was also another stark reminder that things were going to be very different going forward. No more Quiet Mile, and no more sharing the darkroom with my friend.

Soon we came to Gwen’s street and Lara pulled into an empty space a few doors down. I glanced at my sister as we walked up to the house with our gift. She took my hand and squeezed it as she rapped on the door. There was some music playing inside, so after a while she knocked much louder. Eventually the door swung open. Distorted guitars and double-kick drum patterns blared at us; an impatient Gwen glared at us.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

The question was mostly addressed to me, I could tell.

“Nice to see you too, Gwen,” I deadpanned. “How are you this lovely afternoon?”

She made a foul face at me. “Really? You’re going to go with that? Fuck off then.”

“Come outside,” Lara called out, having to raise her voice as the metal swelled.

“Why?”

We stood still, patiently amused, saying nothing. Gwen stared for far too long. Finally she grunted and stepped out, muffling the music with the closed door.

“What do you want?”

“We never really told you how much ass you kicked on the recording,” Lara said.

“So we wanted to say thanks,” I added cheerily, since Gwen’s joyous mood was so contagious.

“Are we at an AA meeting or something? Cut the mushy crap and get to the fucking point.”

“We brought you three of your favorite things,” I said.

“Pot and boxty! Mixed and baked into one tasty treat!” Lara sang.

“That’s two things,” she remarked, frowning at me.

“Uhhh...” I held up my hand and struggled to count to three, as Lara tittered at my idiot act. “Oh shit, you’re right!” I finally cried. “Sorry, but I ate some on the way over, and now I’m kind of feeling, well ... baked!”

Gwen just about threw up on me. “I swear, you’re the lamest shit I’ve ever seen,” she spat.

I grinned and handed the paper bag to her. Then we started to walk away, Lara still laughing quietly as she jingled her keys.

“What’s the third thing!” Gwen called out after a moment.

I spun around, walking backward for a few steps. “It’s the ‘fucking point’, Gwen...”

It does matter, Gwen ... All of it.

And you helped me realize that, so yeah...

“Enjoy the rest of your summer!” I called.

I shivered as I turned away again. While we crossed her lawn, I heard the sound of rummaging, then silence, and then some paper ripping. I grinned at Lara and we braced ourselves. I’d been hoping she’d just curse and go back inside, but for once Gwen wasn’t true to form.

“Hey, wait!” she yelled.

We stopped at the end of her driveway as she slowly neared, giving us an uncertain look.

“Are these real, or are you fucking with me?” she asked.

“Of course,” Lara replied with brutal ambiguity. I tried not to laugh as Gwen processed the situation.

“The show sold out a long time ago,” she finally said, as she narrowed her eyes at me.

“They’re real!” I insisted. “And we can’t go. Do you ... think you can use them?” I teased, just because I could.

She glared at me as she slapped the envelope against her open palm. “Can I use them? Are you fucking mental?”

“Oh, good!” I drawled exaggeratedly as we started walking again. “And you even have a whole month before the show to try and make two friends so they can go with you!”

“Well, it sure as shit won’t be you I invite!” Gwen barked at me. “I still hate you!”

“Awesome, because I was actually counting on that!” I called back. “Otherwise we wouldn’t have given them to you!”

“And Raven, thanks for the food. You know I love you, right? I’m just talking to your dickwad brother.”

Well, maybe she is true to form, in the end!

Lara turned and gave Gwen a huge grin. “I know. See you around, huh?”

“Nah, don’t count on it. With a little luck I’ll find a band there that’ll hire me and I’ll never see this shithole again ... Yeah, in fact, you know what? Perkins is fucking going down!”

She roared, a primal sound that echoed off the neighboring houses. The music from her house swelled and then faded as she disappeared back to her lair.

“Congrats on the license, bro.”

I swirled the water of the pool, watching the whirl travel over to her. “Yeah. Kind of ironic since I walk everywhere I need to go these days, though.”

Lara sniffed. “I’m sure you’ll want to drive somewhere eventually.”

“Eventually ... Actually, there is one place I’ve been thinking about going.”

“Where?”

“New Paltz.”

She frowned. “What for? To pick up another necklace you haven’t told me about?”

“Yeah, yeah, get those digs in while you can,” I said sheepishly.

She only gave me the sweetest smile.

“No,” I continued. “I was thinking more like a tattoo.”

Her smile grew dubious. “Get out.”

“I’m serious.”

She rose a little as she eyed me. “Really? Of what?”

“Of my character. My Trilogy symbol.”

“Hmm...” Lara sank back to her previous position, pensive for a time. “That actually sounds kind of cool. Where would you get it?”

I held up my left palm toward her and pointed to my inner wrist.

She nodded appreciatively. “Nice. But what will Moms think?”

I shrugged. “Once I get it, not much they can do. Maybe they’ll abandon me at a festival or something! Anyway, it won’t be huge. Just black ink, simple. A reminder to not be a total idiot at all times. And I’ll be able to see it when I’m doing my favorite things. When I’m playing guitar, taking pictures, fly fishing ... My inner left wrist is always facing me.”

“Don’t forget your other favorite activity,” she added.

“What?”

She made a masturbatory motion with her hand.

“Oh, fuck off!” I cried.

She giggled. “Or maybe you use your right hand for that, I can’t remember now!”

“You never quit, do you?”

“Let’s do it,” she breathed, moving closer to me.

I stared at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I’ll get my character. On my right wrist.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m serious. Let’s go, tomorrow,” she said, excitement in her voice.

I nodded slowly, before remembering my issue. “Well, I would, but there’s one little problem.”

“What?”

“I don’t remember the symbols.”

Lara’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, you gave the negatives to Gwen by mistake!”

I smiled, for my sister certainly was sharp.

“I can call her,” she said. “She’d probably give them back. I think she likes me well enough.”

That’s definitely true... !

“If she even has them anymore,” I played along.

“Worth a shot.”

But Lara hadn’t seen me collect the envelope from my desk the other day, so she couldn’t know.

“Well, actually, Gwen doesn’t have them. I was just messing with you,” I explained. “I took them out and they’re still in my drawer. The problem is I can’t remember which one is yours and which is mine!”

“Oh.” Lara stared into the corners. “Hmm ... Yeah, that is kind of annoying!”

“And the one person who would know, well, she’s not answering her phone.”

“Umm ... You haven’t even tried.”

“True,” I sniffed. “But yeah, I can’t remember ours. I knew Heather’s when I made the necklace mostly because I remembered her painting it on her chest with the lipstick in your room that night you played the Trilogy game.”

Lara swallowed. “Yeah, hard to forget that image. That was pretty hot.”

“Anyway, I’ve tried to picture it every which way to Sunday, but no go. You don’t remember, do you? Or even if my picture was on the left, or yours? If so, I could tell by the angle of the cuts, but...”

“I don’t remember. Maybe if I see them.”

“We can look when we get out,” I said.

“We could also just look the characters up in the library.”

“Hmm. Yeah, that could work.”

“Or ask someone from school who might know Chinese.”

I sat up a bit, grinning now and even feeling foolish that this obvious solution hadn’t even crossed my mind. “That’s even better. Would Alice know?”

Lara sniggered. “She knows like two words of Chinese.”

“What, ‘porn’ and ‘movie’?” I joked.

“Who never quits?” Lara retorted, though she was laughing knowingly.

“Fine, tie game, then. One for each. But you always end up winning these, and you know it!”

She stuck her tongue out at me.

“Anyway, what about Alice’s mom?” I suggested.

She shook her head. “Her mom probably knows like three words. She’s more American than we are. But we could ask, I guess.”

Who else knows Chinese... ?

Then I bolted to my feet, an explosion of water splashing everywhere.

“What’s wrong with you?” Lara asked as she wiped the drips from her face.

“I just had the most random thought!”

“Well, out with it before you drown me.”

“Bill!”

Lara looked extremely dubious. “Bill Neely? I really doubt he knows Chi—”

“No, Bill from Montauk!”

Her face shifted again even as it retained a veneer of doubt. “Really? That is fucking random. Why do you think he’d know?”

“He’s into martial arts, and I’m willing to bet she might even have picked these things up from him. And like I said, completely random thought. But sometimes you have to go with that, especially when it comes to a certain girl.”

Lara nodded slowly. “Makes sense, I guess. But how will you get ahold of him? Do you actually have his number?”

“No. But come on, let’s go! You can look at the negatives while I try to figure it out. And if it doesn’t work, there’s always the dictionaries at the library tomorrow.”

“But I want to get the tattoo tomorrow,” she pouted.

“Then get moving!”

A bit later we were in my room, having showered and dressed in record speed. Lara was studying the negatives in the sunset light, trying to jog her memory. At last, she shook her head at me.

“I just don’t remember what order the photos were in, or which symbols were on us. Sorry.”

“Yeah, and it would kind of suck to get the wrong ones, you know?”

Lara smiled at me. “Well, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I had you on my body, and you had me on yours.”

I sniffed. “Yeah, yeah, aren’t you funny ... And, by the way, the score’s now two to one, just so you know.”

She just smiled primly at me. “I win, then.”

“Told you!”

“So what’s my prize? It better be good!”

I rolled my eyes and picked up the phone. “Okay, let’s see if this works.” As I was about to dial, I paused and took a long look at Lara. “Sometimes I feel so fricking ridiculous, you know?”

“Oh, I’ve known that forever, bro.”

I nodded. “Good, it’s not just me then.”

I didn’t really have high hopes of reaching Bill. Lara’s idea of phoning a classmate was far more reasonable and likely would prove more fruitful. Still, something nagged at me, so I dialed.

As it turned out, it took exactly three phone calls to reach Heather’s friend.

“Hello, Mrs. Martin, it’s Matt...”

A burst of nerves decayed quickly as it became clear that the situation at the Martins’ house remained the same as when I’d visited a couple of weeks earlier. After some small talk, Mairead looked up Bill’s parents’ number in her phonebook. This had the slight disadvantage of creating a wisp of hope in her, that I’d heard from her daughter, but I told her that we only had a martial arts question. After saying goodbye, I dialed again.

“Hello, is Bill there?”

I claimed to be an acquaintance and mentioned Heather’s name, and like a secret code word, this immediately gained me access to Bill’s number in California.

I gave Lara a hopeful smile and then dialed the 415 area code.

“Hello?”

The voice was vaguely familiar. Another jolt of nerves shot through me before I spoke. Lara squeezed my arm.

“Hey Bill, this is Matt. You probably don’t remember me, but I’m the—”

“Oh, hey man! What’s up?”

I did a double take, as his greeting was overly friendly for someone he’d only met twice about a year ago, and both of those under very dubious circumstances.

“Um, I think you’re thinking of someone else,” I ventured.

“Aren’t you the Matt I’ve met in Montauk?”

Lara and I glanced at each other in amazement. “Whoa, are you serious? You recognized my voice?”

He laughed. “Yeah, sort of. But also, I don’t really know any other Matts. Believe it or not! And also...”

“Also what?”

“And ... nothing. Sorry, that was it. What’s up?”

Things felt surreal now, and my neck prickled. Maybe he has Jonah’s thing that says who’s calling ... Or maybe even Heather’s sitting right there next to him... !

“Um ... Well, I’m looking to see if you can help me out with something. I know this is totally random that I’m calling you, but I thought maybe there’s a chance you might know.”

Bill was silent for a bit. “Okay,” he said carefully.

“Heather, uh, she once drew these three Chinese characters, kind of like—Well, it’s a bit of a long story, but—”

I could now hear Bill chuckling softly. Lara pressed her ear even closer to the receiver.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing. Go on, though!”

“Well, I thought that since you’re into martial arts, and you’ve known her for a long time, you might know about them and help me figure out which one means...”

His chuckle had turned into a full-on belly laugh so I trailed off.

“I’m so sorry,” he managed between chortles, “but I don’t think I’m going to be able to help you!”

I felt a bit embarrassed and very much confused for a second. “Why not? I can describe the characters.”

“Oh, I know the ones, trust me. I can’t help you though!”

“But I just want to know which one is—”

Then clarity slammed into me like an arrow.