Chapter 52: Sing, Sweet Mountain

Lara held my hand as we stood in the currents of the Roe, watching the flow of life as this playful tendril of the sea wound her way around and through us. Each little splash measured one more instant of being together with my sister, little moments that when placed end to end added up to simple perfection. Because the hours that recently passed had been just that: a complete surrender of any fear of each other. Our deeds and misdeeds were starting to come out now, weighed and reckoned, then dropped into the waters like so many dead leaves. And our devoted creek continued her eternal work of carrying them away, washing everything clean.

Time for balance, now...

“Is there anything you wish you could tell Heather?” I asked quietly.

Lara eyed me in the evening light, nodding. “Of course ... So much ... And I so wish that I actually could.”

“Me too...” I murmured. “But you can, in a way.”

“How?”

“Our little stream,” I replied. “It leads right to her. Since the first time I was apart from her, after last summer, I’ve come up here and sent her little messages, letting the water carry them to her ... I imagined dropping them in, and then watching them flow away toward the sea.”

Lara was breathing deeply beside me, and I felt her shiver as the brook coursed ever onward.

“So tell her, Lara. And they’ll start going her way, even while we stand here...”

The light faded into dusk and then night as I held Lara close to me, and we both filled up the pool with every feeling we had.

In time, the little Roe was overflowing its banks ... with pure gratitude.

That night, I slept like I’d never before slept. No dreams, no thoughts of anything ... Just peaceful nothingness. Even Lara, normally an active sleeper, was stone still beside me in the darkroom bed. At least, she must have been, for I was never aware of her until the light began to seep into the room through the open window. Outside, a nimble sweeping breeze pushed the trees around, a preview of autumn when the holding power of each leaf would be tested again and again until they all fell to the earth. For now, they mostly held fast.

I stood up and stretched, glad that we’d returned to the cabin the previous night, where we’d immediately fallen into the deepest rest. Staying in our old rooms since the twins had departed had been necessary until yesterday, but no longer. There certainly remained some melancholy feelings in the little structure, as the echoes of their presence still reverberated in the space ... But all of it was worth feeling, now.

“Good morning,” Lara murmured.

“Ah, good morning, sis. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“I was actually already awake, just snoozing. You should try it some time!”

“Some other day. I have to get moving, because I promised those people I’d be there at nine.”

“What’s your plan after that?”

“Probably Clara’s. I think today she’ll actually have something for me to do!”

“Right, because yesterday when you were there, nothing at all happened.”

I grinned at her. “Yeah, not a whole lot. We just sat around on the couch and shot the shit. What are you going to do today?”

Lara giggled. “Probably fall asleep here for a few more hours.”

“You’re hopeless,” I teased.

“No I’m not. I’ll get up in time for lunch. Then I’m thinking afternoon nap, maybe lay out in the sun by the pool, take a swim, dinner, hang with you, get back in bed.”

“Okay, that actually does sound really good,” I said, laughing.

“Well, be home for dinner at least. There’s still so much to talk about.”

I shrugged. “I know. We’ll probably be remembering stuff forever.”

“We’ll never finish,” she agreed.

“True. But that’s actually the best part of this ... Because it isn’t ever about finishing.”

Lara groaned. “Oh great, is the rest of my life going to be me listening to you spout off random stuff like that?” she asked, giggling impishly. “Muireann told me that you’re quite the philosophy superstar with your French teacher.”

I shook my head. “You know, if I wasn’t in such a good mood, I’d tell you to fuck off!”

“You better get moving!”

I did, reluctantly at first, but by the time I was walking down the road I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t even wait for the couple to come outside and help me. The pickup truck was backed against the pile with the tailgate open, so I started in on the work and had more than half loaded by the time the husband came outside.

His appreciative protest was brief because I dismissed it. We worked mostly in silence; me, because I was enjoying the particulars of the labor, down to every detail, and him because he probably didn’t know what to make of Joe. No matter, though ... Talking wasn’t the point.

I arrived at Clara’s well before lunch, where she greeted me warmly.

“How are you today?” she asked, once our rather long hug broke apart.

“Amazing!” I said, feeling almost too happy.

Calm down, fool...

“I can see that!” she remarked, smiling with amusement.

“Yeah, probably best if you put me right to work, because I’m bouncing off the walls with energy!”

Luckily, Clara wasted no time in using me.

“Tomorrow I’ll be older than you again,” Lara announced. “So you’re going to have to do everything I say until your birthday.”

I laughed heartily as I disrobed. “I forgot about that rule!”

“I haven’t,” she said. She threw her clothes on one of the stumps by the pool.

“What, were we like seven when we did that?”

“At most.”

“You always were a mean older sister,” I remarked.

“And I still am, because I’m resurrecting the rule!”

“So what are you going to make me do?”

“The dishes and all my chores, for one.”

“Sure, I’ll do them for you.”

Lara gave me a grin. “Oh, stop. I was kidding.”

“No, I’ll do your chores this week,” I said evenly.

“What’s the catch?”

“After my birthday next week, you have to do what I say the rest of the year until your birthday come around again!”

She shook her head as we took our spots in the water. “Funny ... But I’m not worried about that, after what you told me yesterday about Heather and the Miss Ellie dress!”

“Yeah, that was kind of lame,” I said sheepishly. “I mean, I didn’t really know what to do with that situation!”

“Now I’m regretting us burying that dress,” she mused.

“Why?”

“I would’ve worn it, just to mess with you.”

“Nah. I think the dress has worked hard enough. Alana, Heather, Miss Miri...”

Lara sniffed. “Miss Miri ... So what did you think when she put it on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she looked pretty good in it.”

“Your point is?”

She smiled a little. “My point is that you must have noticed.”

“By the time she put the dress on, we were already swimming in the pool nude together. The dress was kind of modest, compared!”

She laughed. “Fine, make me say it then. Did you and her ever hook up?”

I widened my eyes at her. “What!”

“Hey, you said that we’re telling each other everything!” she protested.

“Of course we are!”

“Then why are you acting like—”

“I’m not acting like anything! It’s not that ... I’m just really surprised that you can’t tell!”

Lara threw her head back in amusement. “Oh, okay! Well, no, I can’t tell for sure this time. I was in my own world toward the end there. And maybe I was trying not to know, because ... Well, yeah.”

I nodded. “Fair enough. So guess, then.”

She looked at me and I held her gaze, telegraphing the answer I wanted her to see in me.

“You did!” she finally said, her eyes widening.

I let a smile spread on my lips. “Wow...”

She thrust two victorious fists into the air.

“Wow,” I repeated. “I can’t believe it! I finally fooled you!”

My own fists went up in victory even as hers splashed back into the pool.

“What? Wait, you didn’t?” she cried.

“Nope!”

“Not even fooled around a little?”

“Not even a kiss!”

Her mouth dropped open. “I could’ve sworn!”

“How the mighty have fallen,” I sang.

“Shut up.”

“It really is a brand-new world, where I can tell and you can’t!”

“You can tell? Who says you’re not Mr. Blind anymore?”

“I say it! Because I know about you and Tommy!”

“You don’t know shit,” Lara dismissed.

“Oh yeah? You and him got together!”

She raised a brow at me. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Tommy hooked up!”

She looked into the woods, smiling a little. “Whatever.”

“You did! After the dance.”

“Oh my god, Matt!”

I hummed a little tune as I continued my rampant celebration. “Mr. All-Seeing is in the house, now taking requests!” I called out, my voice echoing in the woods.

“So what the heck? Were you listening in on me again?” she cried, her face actually reddening a little.

I started laughing too hard now. “No, I wasn’t. I just knew!”

“I can’t believe Tommy told you!” she attempted.

“You know he would never.”

“Muireann, then.”

“Nope, swear on my life. She probably doesn’t even know.”

“Then it was a lucky guess,” she dismissed, her grin full on now.

“Nah, a guess is when you don’t know, remember?”

Lara sighed at last. “Fine, it’s true. We did hook up that night. That was the only time.”

I settled down into the pool, letting the silliness dissipate a bit. “Knew it.”

“I was going to tell you when it came up.”

“But you didn’t have to, obviously!”

“Obviously...” She took a deep breath. “And are you okay with that?”

“Me? I’m better than okay. I’ve been trying for years to get to this point!”

“All right, calm the hell down,” she scolded. “So the score is like fifteen to one now, instead of fifteen-zip. Big fucking deal!”

“Yeah, but at least I’m on the board!”

Lara giggled and then looked at me more earnestly again. “I am serious, though, Matt. Are you okay with it?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She raised a brow at me. “After what you told me yesterday in your room, you really have to ask?”

I nodded. “That was yesterday. Like I said, brand new world...”

“But you make it sound like you knew at the time.”

I nodded. “I pretty much did. And if you’re asking if I was jealous or upset at Tommy, the answer is no ... The funny thing is, I kind of hoped that you and him would get together, especially these last few months.”

Lara narrowed her eyes at me. “Really?”

“Yeah ... Though I guess it did start out with me being on the other side of the fence when they first got here. I was still holding on to that night in your room with Heather, hoping it might still happen whenever she visited ... But I also knew you needed to do your thing, like we said before they got here.”

Lara nodded. “The funny thing was, I didn’t even think he was interested in me for the longest time. I mean, we were good friends right from the start, but I couldn’t tell if it was anything more.”

“Wow, you really are losing your powers!” I teased.

“Whatever, it’s still fifteen-one! And it’s harder to tell when it’s yourself. A lot easier to let the doubts creep in.”

“That’s definitely true. But anyway, yeah ... After Carmen and Montauk happened, I started feeling the opposite.” I sniffed. “The other side, I guess you can say. So instead of feeling unsure about Tommy being with you, I kind of was wishing it would happen.”

“I’m surprised to hear that,” Lara murmured.

“Yeah, well ... It was a complicated time. You know ... Nothing fit together right for a while there. I didn’t want you to feel so left out of everything, because Heather and I were going through all this stuff without you ... Stupid, I know. And it was dumb to wish for it or against it, anyway. As if it was my decision...”

She waded near and put her arms around me. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

I shrugged. “I probably didn’t really know back then either, so...”

“Why didn’t you and Muireann ever get together?”

“Because...” I sighed, looking at the ripples jostling around us, chattering their own news. “Because she believed in Heather more than I did. I’m still amazed at her.”

“So she was true to both of you,” she whispered.

“Yeah, exactly ... She actually taught me so much about being a friend, Lara. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know what would’ve happened with me and Pete ... Or with me and anyone, for that matter.”

“Well, I’m proud of you,” Lara said.

“Proud? For what?”

“Everything.”

“Everything,” I snorted. “I feel like I barely scraped by while everyone else saved my ass.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, actually! Not proud, then!”

I splashed her with water, but only lightly.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” she warned.

I made to splash her again, but we were both too comfortable to engage in anything requiring too much effort. It was much nicer to relax.

What had been looking like two birthdays filled with despair was now salvaged. Lara turned sixteen, and the evening was a tasty affair. Melissa cooked a beautiful dinner and she outdid her usual efforts, which were always delicious to begin with. And certainly our sharpened focus on life just then made every aroma and taste pop out more than usual.

Our moms, while not privy to the exact nature of our sudden escape from the grips of gloom, were quite satisfied to see us in such good moods. Lara hadn’t been wasting her time at home sleeping and lounging around after all, instead helping Melissa with final layout decisions for the cookbook. Apparently, she had a good eye for the process, according to my moms.

After dinner, the five of us settled into a card game, reminiscing about playing with the twins. We all laughed at each other’s borrowing of Tommy’s usual antics, which arose from the simple fact that he saw the game so differently than the rest of us did.

“How are they?” Frej asked, knowing we’d spoken to them earlier in the day.

“They’re missing us all a lot,” Lara replied. “Settling back in. I think we’re in trouble with their mom, though, since Tommy started talking about dropping out of school.”

“Really?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah, to go harvest seaweed,” I joked.

I received a mix of raised brows and sniggers. I felt a little bad at Frej’s slightly tortured look, but even he seemed to be gaining some life in response to Lara’s and my better disposition.

“No, he wants to form a band and start touring around,” Lara explained.

“He would be very good at it,” Frej said. “A natural entertainer.”

“He is, for sure. I’m sure that announcement went over well,” Melissa deadpanned.

“Yeah, especially when Muireann backed him up on the idea!” I said. “I kind of feel like she’ll be getting another piercing soon.”

They laughed. “Their parents will find them quite different now, I fear,” Sarah sighed.

“Do you find us quite different?” Lara asked them, her tone rather serious.

The adults shared a long look. Finally Melissa smiled a little. “In a way, sure ... But deep down ... not at all. Things that are true, never change...”

“Oh, not you too!” Lara groaned.

“What?”

“I’m surrounded by philosophers these days!”

“Says the mask maker,” Melissa quipped.

Lara and I glanced at each other with wide eyes, and then guffawed.

“Okay then... !”

“Well, you asked!” Sarah said. “Now whose turn is it anyway?”

Thankfully, there was no further talk of which particular masks any of us might have been thinking about. They’re all just personas, anyway!

A little while later the phone rang. Since I’d just fed a card to the discard pile, I went to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi Matty!”

“Hey Shan, what’s up?”

“What are you up to right now?”

“Hmm ... Playing cards. And someone just turned sixteen a few hours ago!”

“What? Your birthday is next weekend!”

“Aw, you remembered?”

“Well, I thought I did?”

“You did. It’s Lara’s day.”

“Oh, I thought you were born on the same day.”

“Nope, she’s older than me,” I said, gaining a smug reminder of that fact from my sister’s expression.

“Please tell her happy birthday from me!”

“Sure thing. So what’s up?”

“No, I’ll let you get back. It can wait.”

“It’s fine. What did you need?”

She was quiet for a moment. “Well, a favor, I guess.”

“Whoa, you need a favor from me?”

“Yeah ... About some pictures.”

Her tone was rather more mysterious now.

“Meaning... ?”

“Well, Colin kind of, like, found the ones of you and Heather,” she said, letting out a giggle at the end of her announcement.

I stifled my surprised retort, as my parents were right there listening to everything I said. I was confused, though. Why would she be laughing about him finding them?

“Well, that’s ... interesting. It’s, um, actually my turn to play cards. Can I call you back and we can talk about this later?”

“Sure.”

“In an hour, maybe?”

“I’ll be up for a while.”

After saying goodbye, I returned to the table.

“Everything all right?” Lara asked.

“Yeah, Shannon says happy birthday.”

She eyed me impishly. “And? You sounded mysterious about something.”

“She says happy birthday!” I repeated emphatically, as my parents watched us.

I worked hard to forget about Shannon’s comment, but my card playing certainly suffered a little after the call.

“Earth to Matt! It’s your turn!”

Later that evening I dialed Shannon’s number. She answered before the first ring completed.

I laughed. “Were you just, like, sitting by the phone?”

“Nooo!” she wailed affirmatively. “Why would you say that?”

“Okay, then ... Anyway, here I am. And I’m alone, so now I can say what I really wanted to say an hour ago: Colin saw what?”

Shannon tittered. “Relax. He saw the pictures that we took at Clara’s.”

“Wow, you sure hid them well,” I deadpanned. “Was he going through your stuff or something?”

“Um ... They were kind of on my desk.”

I snorted. “What?”

“I was cleaning up, so I had a bunch of stuff out. I need to start packing, you know! I won’t have much time after we get back from camping.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I know. And fine, I guess when I’m in a rush, I leave all my nude pictures out and about too.”

“Matty, stop!”

“Are you bringing them to Buffalo with you?”

“Probably not ... I’m actually not sure what to do with them.”

“Maybe best to get rid of them,” I suggested. “Just in case.”

“Maybe. Do you want to hang on to them?”

“Not really. As cool as they are...”

“Yeah, that was a dumb question ... Shoot, I’m sorry, Matt, I just realized. I’m still trying to get used to the idea of her being gone.”

“Same here, Shan. But don’t feel bad. I’m doing much better now.”

“You do sound better.”

“I’ll tell you more about it some other time. As for the photos, do whatever you think is best. Probably don’t leave them out on your desk when you take off, though.”

“You’re silly ... Do you still have your copies?”

“Yeah, they’re buried around here somewhere,” I replied, feeling rather bad at this sly truth. But I was unable to get myself to clarify the statement. Let things happen as they might...

“Anyway, I didn’t really call you about those pictures.”

“Oh ... What’s up then?”

“I told you I needed a favor.”

“Sure, name it. I owe you like a thousand of them.”

“So Colin, he really liked the pics.”

“That’s a relief. But I thought this wasn’t about the pictures.”

“It isn’t about those pictures. I want to take some new ones!”

“Oh, right on. Like, of Colin? I can help with lights if you want. Though he might feel more comfortable if Lara—”

“Not pictures of him. Of me,” she said quietly.

What...

“Of you?” I echoed.

The...

“Yeah ... He’s always like, ‘I’m going out with a photographer, but I have no pictures of her... ‘“

Hell... ?

I was grinning now. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my friend Shannon?”

“Matty!”

“Shan ... What are you trying to tell me?” I teased suggestively.

“Not what you’re thinking!” she chided. “Because if you think I’m going to pose nude, then you really don’t know me!”

I guffawed. “Oh, phew ... Now I definitely know it is you after all... ! But what do you want to do, then?”

“Well, not anything like what you did, but something a little ... I don’t know...”

“Something Colin would really, really like?” I hinted.

“Yeah,” she breathed.

“Sure, Shan. I’ll help with lights.”

“Matty, stop it. You need to take the pictures.”

I chuckled. “Ah ... Now I’m following you: it’s a surprise. Sure ... Well, actually ... There’s a bit of a problem with this.”

“Colin knows I’m asking you. He won’t feel weird!”

“Oh, it’s not that, Shan.”

“What then?”

“I don’t have my camera anymore.”

There was a long period of silence. “I think I misheard you.”

“No, you didn’t. Muireann took my SLR to Ireland with her.”

Another pause. “She stole it?”

“Oh my god, Shan, no! I gave it to her!”

I could hear Shannon’s brain flailing on the other end of the line as I grinned.

“Wow, Matt ... I don’t know what to say.”

“How about we make a deal,” I suggested.

“What?”

“You help me figure out how to use my dad’s medium format system, and I’ll take the pictures of you. Nude or not.”

It took a while for Shannon to decide which one to give, of the many replies that came to her head.

The next morning, Lara, Frej, and my moms took off to the motor vehicle department so she could test for her driver’s license. I had planned on going for support, but after discussion it the night before, it seemed I’d just be sitting there for a few hours twiddling my thumbs. Lara suggested that I use the time to take care of Shannon’s favor and spend what time I could with her. Lara was always right, so I’d called Shannon and set the time. Not much longer until she leaves for Canada, and then college...

I shook aside the mental calendar and retrieved the large box of photographic gear from our closet. With some quiet excitement, I started laying out the various elements of a boxy camera that looked very unlike my erstwhile Nikon.

I sure hope Shannon can figure this thing out!

I soon heard a familiar rumble, so I stepped outside. Shannon gave a wave as she unbuckled and hopped down to the ground, grabbing a large duffel bag from the back.

“Still practicing driving that beast?” I called.

She made a face and glanced back at the Jeep. “Um, sure? That’s what I tell Colin anyway!”

“It does seem like a good trade for you both,” I said with a laugh. “But who’s going to drive when you start plowing again?”

She raised a brow at me as she neared. “You know, Matty,” she reproached, “You might think I don’t know what you mean by that little line, but...”

“What?” I started laughing. “I’m just asking about winter, when it snows again!” I protested innocently. “I mean, you’re going all the way ... to Buffalo!”

“Yeah, sure ... I know you too well,” she said, and swept past me into the house.

As it turned out, Shannon knew exactly what to do with the camera. Jane had let her use one a few months back, and once she showed me what was going on, it wasn’t too difficult to operate. As promised, she’d stopped by Murph’s to get some special sized film which she loaded into the film back.