Chapter 47: The Point of Taking

We arrived at Jonah’s in the early afternoon as arranged. He emerged from the side door of the Castle, grinning broadly.

“What’s up, motherfuckers!”

“Fella’s in a better mood than usual,” Tommy quipped.

“Aye, probably this is his highest form of greeting,” Muireann added.

We exchanged fist bumps, handshakes, and shit-eating grins.

“This event is going to be the jewel in the Castle’s crown, I’m fucking telling you!” he gushed.

“You’ve been busy,” Lara said, looking around at the yard that was sectioned off with yellow caution tape.

I had to grin, even if it was wistful. I wonder if he borrowed Heather’s roll...

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it!” Jonah sang. “Let’s get your stuff inside and I’ll introduce you to Rusty and Jack, who’ll be running sound and recording this whole thing for you. Then we can go over a few things that’ll be happening during the night, so you know what’s going on.”

I raised a brow at Jonah. I was still slightly wary of his ability to keep his word, even though his enthusiasm for the event had long since paid off any debt he may have owed us.

“Don’t give me the Alana look, dude!” he protested, upon seeing my face. “This is all legit stuff I’ve come up with, just to make sure you and me are good. But shit, let’s go in and scope things out. Then I’ll show you my plans and you can say no if you don’t like it!”

Lara leaned close to me. “This is either going to be the worst or the best show we’ve ever done.”

I laughed. “You never know with Jonah, do you?”

Once inside, I was expecting to find a couple of guys with an old Peavey board and a cassette recorder. In the words of a girl I used to know, expectations sure are a bitch, though. My fault, for forgetting who our insane host is.

Off to the side of the raised stage – yes, Jonah had brought in an actual platform this time – Jack was sitting behind a very nice mixing board. After meeting him, Jonah led us up the curved staircase and there against the balcony rail we found Rusty, messing with an even larger mixer. I suppose we were all in complete awe, but I nevertheless managed to greet the two sound guys.

“Rusty will make the show sound good for the crowd. Jack down there will focus on the recording, and also keep your monitors sounding the way you want them.”

“Damn, Jonah ... When I said I wanted to record, I didn’t think you were going to do this!”

I saw Rusty grin at us as he looked at me over his shoulder.

“Paying back the debt, bro,” Jonah said. “Now that I’m thinking about it, let’s tour the situation outside a little later on. Why don’t you all get with these guys and start working out the setup. Right Rusty? Better to get some sounds now, before people start getting in here?”

“That’s right, chief.”

Jonah smirked. “Chief ... These guys are hilarious. All right, sweet. I’m going to take care of a few things so I’ll catch up with you in an hour or two!”

Then he left us there, raising his hands as he apparently spotted a familiar face entering the great hall down below. He hurried down the stairs.

“There she is!” he called out.

I peered over the railing to spot Hayley. She was looking around the giant room and spotted me. The original Miss Ellie gave me a coy grin and a happy wave. I returned the greeting, but a moment later I realized Rusty was already talking to the band.

Pay attention, fool!

People were starting to gather on the enormous front lawn, cordoned within the large holding pens that Jonah had outlined with posts and plastic caution tape. Apparently, the concert-goers would be hanging out in the field when they weren’t inside for their chosen set. Jonah was completely manic as he explained all this to us, but mostly I was extremely glad that the skies had chosen to be clear that night, for his sake.

“So people park, then they go through here,” he said, indicating a gap in the tape where Miss Ellie and...

“Alana!” I cried, and then I rushed over to hug her. “I didn’t know if you’d be here!”

“Surprise!” she said, laughing. “You’re not supposed to hug the help, though,” she teased in a low voice.

“Fuck that. This is my show too. Besides, I heard Jonah is petrified of you now,” I said, rather loudly.

Jonah guffawed as he neared. “Did I say that? I don’t remember saying that!”

Alana gave him a stare. I was sure it was just the toy version of the look, but it still made Jonah hesitate for an instant, before we all burst out laughing.

Jonah gestured to the entrance. “So yeah, this is the first gate, where they pay up. Miss Ellie, you want to explain?”

I turned my attention to Hayley ... but it was Alana who spoke. Miss Ellie? I thought Jonah was particular about seniority!

“Ten bucks each,” Alana announced, as she and Hayley each held up a large roll of raffle-style tickets – one red, one blue – with serial numbers on them. “Red for the first show, blue for the second. You need two tickets to get in to the set of your choice. Buy two of each, and you can go to both.”

“Nice,” Lara said.

“Go on!” Jonah urged Miss Ellie, his voice Christmas-childlike now.

Dude’s going to have a cow by show time, at this rate!

“Right before each set,” Miss Ellie continued, “we’re going to draw a raffle on stage.”

A raff—?

“Fucking brilliant!” Tommy exclaimed, seeing the value an instant before I did.

“The more tickets you buy, the better your chances!” Miss Emmie agreed.

“Damn. What’s the prize?” I asked.

But that was yet another stupid question. The Misses slid into poses and smiled sweetly at us.

Fucking Jonah...

“People are always saying how jealous they are of the bands,” he explained grandly, “with how the Misses wait on them. Well, tonight’s their chance to be famous! Two winners will get their booze and extras served to them for two hours. Then we draw again before the second set, and same thing.” Jonah turned to us. “Sorry, but you’ll have to help yourselves tonight!”

I held out my palm and Jonah high-fived it. “It’s a benefit, man! I don’t mind getting my own stuff.”

He laughed. “You always were one of them good guys ... But you do get the Misses after the show! You can all stay in the cabin tonight, of course.”

“This is amazing,” Lara gushed. “I hope people buy lots of tickets!”

“Oh, I’m sure they will!” Jonah chimed, as he set off toward the house entrance.

“Coming?” I asked the Misses, but they shook their heads.

“We have to get ready! See you in there.”

I gave them a wave and then caught up to everyone.

“Listen, I wanted to pitch something to you,” Jonah was saying.

“What’s that?” Lara asked.

“The recording. What are you going to do with it?”

“Sell it,” I replied. “And give the money to the fund.”

“Yeah, but how are you going to make the copies?”

I considered. Well, rather I’d not considered it too carefully yet. Dubbing on our tape deck?

“It’s probably going to be a home operation,” I said. “A bootleg thing.”

“Eh, forget that. Let me get it done right. If you all agree, I’ll produce the album.”

We looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“Rusty can get the tapes made. With the songs printed on them, the inserts, plastic wrap, whole nine yards. He knows a guy in Albany.”

“But that must cost a fortune!” Muireann exclaimed.

Jonah grinned at her. “It’s not that bad, actually. And if I tell them it’s for a good cause, maybe I can get them made at cost, or even less. Let me handle that part of it though. All you have to do is give me the go-ahead, and I’ll make it happen.”

“Dude, hold up,” I said, stopping our march. “You’ve already done so much. What do you get out of it?”

He turned to look at me, dead serious for once. “Someday if you guys get big, I can say I was a little part of that.”

Tommy clapped our host on the arm. “Lad, we’re leaving in two weeks. When exactly do you see us getting big? On Wednesday morning?”

Jonah grinned broadly. “You never know what can happen! And besides, I’ve never been part of making an album. Never thought about it, really. So let me do this, please?”

After no one had any objection – and why would we, really? – we gave him our blessing.

“So do you guys have a band picture?” he asked.

We glanced at each other.

“No. Never thought to get one done,” I said.

“And we don’t know any photographers,” Lara joked, gaining a snigger.

“Well, we definitely need a cover of some kind,” he explained.

“I have my camera,” Shannon chimed in.

“Sweet! It doesn’t have to be anything crazy,” he said. “Can you take a few shots of them before the show?”

We all gave our agreement.

“Except Gwen’s not here yet,” Muireann said.

“Whenever she gets here is fine. You can go outside somewhere,” Jonah suggested.

“How are you going to get this all done?” I asked.

“Not sure yet, but I’m sure Rusty knows people. I’ll just need to get this photo from you soon. Like, probably tomorrow, so I can find someone to make a cover out of it.”

“Gwen,” Muireann suddenly repeated.

“It’s fine, we can take the shot when—”

She shook her head as she interrupted. “The flyers!”

“What... ? Oh, yeah!” I said, catching on. “She knows a guy that made us some cool posters for the last show. Maybe he can whip up a cover? Her dad uses them for his albums, I think she said.”

Jonah was quite pleased. “Killer, I’ll ask her later then! I totally want to have this done before you two go back to Ireland, you know,” he added, gesturing to the twins.

“Hold on, though. The picture would be in black and white,” Shannon said. “That’s the only film I have with me.”

“Sure, that’s cool. And hey, it’s probably cheaper that way, I think, since you guys are so worried about the price!” he quipped. “So we’re agreed?”

“Yeah, of course,” I said. “If you really want to do this, then that would be amazing.”

Jonah took Muireann and me in each of his arms, since he’d been standing between us. “This is going to be fucking awesome, I’m telling you! Now come on, check this shit out!” he called as he walked on.

He soon let go of me but I noticed that he was rather less inclined to do so with Muireann’s shoulders. I wasn’t worried though. Jonah had more reason to fear Miss Miri than Miss Ellie; he just didn’t know it yet!

He slowed near the entrance to the Castle, where the caution tape led into a narrow gauntlet of sorts. His friend Adam manned a table on which sat a strange machine that looked a bit like an old computer.

At last letting go of Muireann, he stepped back against the tape and spread his hands. “I call this section here, ‘The Moment of Truth’! First you give your tickets to get in. Then you step down here and face the test!”

“Test?” we asked, dubious.

“You said you didn’t want crazy screaming drunks all over the recording. But we don’t want boring old sober people in there either, right?”

He eyed us like a child concealing a surprise.

“And?” I pressed.

He swept his hand toward the machine. “Behold ... the Lion Intoximeter 2000!”

“3000!” Adam yelled out from where he sat.

“3000?” Jonah echoed. “Wow, 3000 then! It’s even better than I thought!”

We still stared at him. “And?”

“Come on, really? You don’t know what that is... ? It’s a Breathalyzer! It tells Adam how drunk you are. If it’s too low, you get kicked back out to the holding area to have another shot at getting into the sweet spot. Too high, and you get put in the drunk tank over there, where you can rethink your life choices!”

Well, now we were all laughing at the complete absurdity.

Man, am I glad I didn’t invite my folks after all...

“Jonah, that’s the craziest thing ever!” Lara blurted out.

“No, no, no, don’t look at me like that! This is not my idea, not at all,” he protested, raising his hands innocently, before extending a finger in my direction. “Blame Matt! Yeah, blame him, because he was very specific on what he wanted for this show. I just followed orders and made it happen!”

“Um ... I didn’t quite have this in mind, man!” I exclaimed.

Jonah guffawed. “Well, maybe not, maybe not exactly. But come on, it’ll be totally fun! Gives people something to do while they wait. Thread the needle. You know, hit the kegs, but not too hard!”

“You are insane, dude,” I said, shaking my head in amusement.

“So are there any other tests they have to pass?” Shannon asked, mirth still in her eyes.

“Well, originally this part was going to be a bit different,” Jonah replied, grinning. “First I was thinking they’d have to pass a good old sobriety test. You know, walk the line and say the alphabet backward in Russian and shit. And then I was going to have them do a limbo, and they’d have to make it through without falling on their asses! But Adam, well, he convinced me to go with the scientific method. And I think he has a point! He’s a fucking brilliant math man, you know?”

“Yeah, but I would’ve watched the limbo thing all night long,” Colin joked, even as Shannon swatted his arm.

“Me too, me too!” Jonah agreed. “But it’s all for the best! The line of people would’ve gotten huge, and everyone would miss your show because they’d all be out here watching people going down, you know? So here we are, keeping it straight and simple. Even though it wasn’t easy, this machine, I tell you.”

“Getting hold of it?” Colin asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, how did you even get that thing?”

Jonah smirked. “Have you ever seen police come to the Castle?”

“No,” I admitted.

“There’s a reason for that. Same reason I can get my hands on a Breathalyzer!”

“I don’t think I want to know any more, but okay!”

He laughed heartily. “Yeah, you’re definitely one of them good guys. So I won’t tell you more! But no, getting it was the easy part. The hard part was figuring out the right numbers to use to let people in! A lot of testing went on here, I tell you. Drink, breathe, drink, breathe, wait, drink, breathe ... All week me and Adam have been at it! Like I said, he’s a brilliant math man. He came up with this system that takes into account the amount of time left until the show, the person’s size, and the alcohol desentif—depensi—Aw, fuck...” He turned to Adam. “What the hell is it, dude, ‘depissification rate’?”

All of us guffawed as Adam grinned back at us.

“Dissipation rate!” he yelled back.

Jonah gave him a thumbs up. “Thanks, chief,” he called, his eyes glinting as he turned to us again. “Yeah, that. Anyway, the bottom line is that we have a system so that we can let in just the right crowd!”

Fucking Jonah ... The guy has flair, in his own crazy way...

“So, do we have to take the test before we can go in?” Tommy asked, taking a long sip of his beer.

“Of course!” Jonah joked.

“And does it by chance have an Irish mode? Otherwise, I fear we’ll be a five-piece tonight, because—”

Tommy was drowned out by our raucous laughing.

“Ooh, how about this?” Shannon asked, pausing on the trail that led back to Jonah’s house, down from a picturesque plateau where we’d just taken some band shots.

I pulled up next to her and set my guitar case down. The sun was streaming into a small clearing, casting interesting shadows from the tree trunks. We only had time for one more photo, realistically, and most likely we already had some decent shots from the top of the rise.

“It’s going to be a pretty hard backlight,” I remarked.

“Did you bring flashes?” Muireann asked.

“I have a couple in my bag,” Shannon replied. “But I’m thinking to try more of a silhouette shot.”

“Sure, let’s give it a shot then.”

“All right. Get your instruments out and then line up in that open area there, while I set up.”

We joked around as we picked out spots. I took to a slight knoll, Muireann next to me.

“This is the hat section,” I joked.

“Yeah, no crossing this line unless you’re wearing a hat!” Muireann called out to the others, indicating the long shadow of a tree trunk with a swish of her bow tip.

We grinned at each other from under our fedoras.

“So Shannon will have to develop these in the morning?” Muireann asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I’m not exactly sure how it’s all going to work out. But Jonah seems determined.”

“It’s pretty fantastic. And crazy, of course.”

“Yeah, it always is with him. Don’t worry; if we don’t get the tapes back in time, we’ll send you a box through the mail.”

Shannon came near and moved us around. “It’s a silhouette thing, so make sure you open yourselves up, okay? If you hold your arms or instrument in front of you, it won’t be easy to see it.”

Lara and Tommy took the center, with Colin and Gwen standing on the far side from Muireann and me. Shannon returned to the tripod and made some adjustments, and then took a couple of shots.

“A good start. But we need more interest, more action. Colin, try playing? Um, let’s see...”

Muireann pushed her violin out in my direction and held her bow up over her head, like a fencer might.

“Yeah, that’s cool, Muireann!” Shannon called out.

I wouldn’t have pegged Ireland to be the one to lead with the silliness. Then again, I didn’t figure that I’d be the one to follow her, and yet I suddenly found myself standing on the slight rise with my guitar stretched out before me, in a half-lunge toward Muireann. As if our instruments were dancing, we held the pose. Meanwhile, I heard Shannon slowly but steadily snapping frames.

“Should I try jumping?” Lara asked.

“Sure,” Shannon replied. “On three? Wait, Gwen, hold your sticks so they’re not right in front of you. Tommy, looking cool, yeah. Okay, ready Lara?”

She counted down and clicked a couple of shots. “Ooh ... I think this is great!” she gushed. She issued a few more adjustments and then took another handful of frames.

“That’s a wrap!” Shannon cried. “Now everyone get off because I want to take a picture of just the trees.”

We gave out a cheer as we rejoined her near the trail and packed our instruments back into cases.

“Do you think we have something?” I asked her.

“We’ll find out tomorrow, but I think we just might!”

“What was that last tree shot for?” Muireann asked.

“In case you want some background behind the song list inside the cover, or whatever. I’m not quite sure how they do this whole printing thing, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt.”

Reminded of the process, I called out to Gwen. “Do you know the phone number of the guy who did the posters?”

Gwen grimaced at me. “Seriously?”

“Well, I don’t know, you might!”

“Yeah, I get posters made a couple of times a day, so you know...” she deadpanned.

“All right, all right, sorry. But Jonah wants to see if the guy can make the cover for the album.”

“I can’t ask him for another favor.”

“It’s not a favor. Jonah will pay him, I’m sure.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I have the number at home,” Gwen said, and then marched off down the trail.

I laughed quietly and then nudged Shannon. “Well, it’ll work out one way or another. Thanks for doing this. And hey, I hate to ask another favor, but we might have to drive the prints to this guy, and—”

Shannon patted my arm. “Of course I’ll help, Matty!”

Pure light...

Jonah stepped up onto his beautiful stage and approached the microphone. The crowd started making more noise, as the anticipation grew to its fullest. It was, thankfully, not the usual drunken roar that always seemed so uncontrollable. But in some ways, it was even more powerful. We’re here with a purpose...

“Who’s ready to kick this thing off!” he yelled.

Yeah, they’re ready... I was finding it hard not to get overly excited at the energy in the room myself.

“This is fucking amazing, I tell ya! You guys packed the Castle out for a benefit concert! If I’d known this sooner, I would’ve been charging you guys left and right to get in!”

The audience broke into laughter.

“All right, I’m gonna have to get a little heavy now. Just a little, but I want you to know what great things you’re doing by being here. Matt, where are you... ? Get up here, man!”

Oh great... I shared a look with Muireann and then reluctantly climbed to the stage. This always seemed a dangerous moment to be around Jonah. I decided to trust him, though. He put his arm around my shoulder when I neared.

“Who was here for the battle of the bands back in March?”

A significant roar...

“And who thought Quiet Mile should’ve fucking won?”

Deafening roar ... It lasted some time, and I was glad the lights shining on stage were cycling through green just then, or I would’ve looked like a damn tomato.

“This guy here, he called me about a month ago, and he’s all like, ‘Jonah... ‘“

The crowd started laughing as the impresario glanced at me, his eyes impish. I was probably squirming a bit, too.

“Hah, this guy’s worried as fuck right now, let me tell you...” he joked to the crowd.

I had to roll my eyes. Off to the side, Lara was laughing her head off. Yeah, yeah, sis...

“He’s thinking, ‘What the fuck is Jonah going to say about me... ‘ Anyway, he calls me up and he’s like, ‘Jonah ... You owe me, man. You owe me for fucking up the battle of the bands... ‘“

A cheer went up.

“Hey,” he cried, gesturing to the crowd. “Who here knows Skinner?”

A large cheer went up, even as my band mates booed.

“Skinner, man ... He’s like ... What did you call him, Matt?”

I took a second to recall it. “The new Hendrix of Woodstock,” I muttered, even as he put the mic to my mouth.

The people laughed and Jonah gave me a clap on the back.

“This guy, man ... He’s so nice. Way too fucking nice. He calls his competition Hendrix. I would’ve said something completely different, if I was him ... Yeah, you know. Fucking Skinner and I go way back, but still, I would’ve called him something else, if I was Matt...”

I shook my head, my smiling face warm again.

“Anyway, so I owed them one for that night,” Jonah went on. “I owed Quiet Mile a good show. So I said okay, anything you want, Matt. You name it, you got it. Anything ... And let me tell you, this guy goes to fucking town on me!”

Laughter rippled through the room.

“He’s like, I want to play two shows, I want you to record them, I want a big-ass cover charge, and I want people a little drunk ... but not too drunk, because otherwise they’ll ruin the fucking recording with their screaming and shit ... He’s like, Jonah, they can have between two and two-and-a-quarter beers, otherwise you kick their asses out the door!”

The amusement continue to mount as Jonah hammed it up.

“So if you hated that little breath test out there, don’t take it out on me! Find this guy after the set and show him your appreciation! Just don’t hurt his hands, all right? Anything but the hands, because he still has another set to play later!”