Chapter 41: Strip it All Away

“So, how much of this will you tell Tommy?”

It was the first thing Muireann had said in some time, having grown progressively more reticent as I revealed my secrets to her, one by one. There were many, so it had taken a long while. But they were out, now... All of them.

“Tommy...” I murmured. “Yeah, I’m not sure.”

“He’s very fond of Lara.”

I sniffed. “I know that. You think he’ll be weirded out?”

“I can’t say for sure. And what about her?”

I frowned. “Lara? She knows all of this already!”

Muireann gave me a patient look. “But how will she feel, that you’ve told me these things?”

“Oh ... I didn’t really think of that,” I muttered, suddenly feeling rather anxious at Muireann’s salient observation.

She was quiet as we remained submerged in the pool. The high of sharing all my secrets with her was receding as the rest of the world seeped back into my thoughts. In the despair and isolation of my earlier mood, ripping off the masks had seemed a necessary and cathartic action. Now it was starting to seem mighty selfish. What else is new...

“I’m sorry, Muireann,” I said quietly.

“Sorry?”

“For putting you in this situation. Ugh ... As usual, I wasn’t thinking at all.”

She smiled at me, a warming expression. “Oh, don’t be sorry. I’m very grateful that you told me, because I understand things much better now. And I’m also glad you trust me enough to tell me. I don’t like seeing you upset.”

I nodded. “But it still doesn’t make things easier. I don’t know what to do now! Damn it ... Now I’ve put you in the position to keep things from your brother, or else make him feel strange! Here I thought that we could just be honest, but now everything is messed up again.”

“I can keep a secret, if that’s what you think is best.”

I swirled the water before me. “Is that best, though? And for who?”

More secrets ... So much for tearing off all the masks. More likely I was replacing a few old ones with even more new ones.

I quickly realized that I wasn’t going to be adding one particular mask, though ... Lara would see through it rather quickly.

“I have to tell my sister,” I muttered. “And I’ll have to deal with however she feels about it. But Tommy, I’m not sure. I mean, he can know about our dad, about Frej, and even about Heather going to live with her aunt ... But I don’t think I can tell him about Lara and Heather.”

“I understand.”

“Do you think that’s wrong?”

Muireann smiled wistfully. “We’re only here a few more months. And as you say, Heather has left for the moment. What she and Lara shared is in the past, not ongoing at present time.”

“Yeah, but Lara still feels it...” I stared at the water. “It’s like this stream ... In the end, it wants to go to the sea, even if right here it’s heading northwest; the complete opposite direction.”

“But that’s only a future, Matt. So then, in between...” she half-finished.

“Yeah, maybe it’s fine, then.”

“Which one?” she asked.

I laughed with resignation. “Shoot, I was hoping you’d tell me!”

Muireann gave me an apologetic look. “This is your choice.”

“Or ... maybe it should be Lara’s decision,” I mused. “She can decide to tell Tommy?”

“Ah, now that sounds reasonable.”

I groaned. “I feel bad, though.”

“Why?”

“Because if Tommy is left out...”

Muireann smiled at me. “I’d tell you that this is the story of his life, but it’s really the story of all of us. Even in the old tales I read and tell ... The truth is not always what people need to hear. And it’s okay. There’s some value in not telling everyone everything all the time. Things will still work out.”

I sniffed. “Work out ... I don’t even know what that means anymore.”

“Your idea is best. Tell Lara that I know, then she can tell Tommy if she feels it, for it’s between them most of all that it matters. If it matters at all.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay, then that’s settled ... Whew ... Despite everything, I do feel a little better now. Thanks, for listening. Honestly, this was all way harder than we thought.”

“I understand, and you’re very welcome. You’ve done so much for me and for Tommy, and been the best of friends to us, despite the difficulties our visit has caused.”

I shot up at her words. “Oh no, you’re not allowed to say that ever again!” I cried. “This is most definitely not because of you coming to stay with us! It’s on me, and my family, and the choices we made.”

“I stand by my words, Matt. But ... perhaps we can just let it be?”

I was about to protest, but I could tell she meant it. Chill out, man ... Give her some time to get used to everything...

I sighed. “Well, okay, let’s let it be...”

She nodded and smiled.

Shaking off the spell, I moved a little closer to her. “You know, there’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.”

Muireann raised a brow at me. “What’s that?”

I waded to the muddy beach and crawled out onto it. The next moment, I was rolling around in the muck, laughing at the feeling of it sticking to me.

“You’re silly!” she cried.

“Come on, you have to try it. It feels so weird!”

Muireann only hesitated slightly before taking to the section beside me. Soon she too was covered in dark brown gunk, giggling.

“Now we stay here for a bit,” I said.

We lay there, on our backs, listening to the sounds of the grotto around us. I let all complicated things be forgotten, feeling the earth rotate beneath me...

“Oh, it’s drying up,” Muireann soon said, her voice tickled. “It feels so odd!”

“Yeah, but wait a little longer.”

The stream sang to us as the minerals caked up and pulled at our skin, growing tighter. Every now and then Muireann squirmed beside me in discomforted amusement.

“Okay, now get back in,” I urged, “Under the waterfall!”

“You have some strange ideas,” she chided, even as she grinned at me.

We waded over to the cascade, pressing against the backing rock face and even against each other. The fluid quickly slaked into the earthy covering and started to wash it off. The water grew cloudy, swirling around us as the sediment broke up and floated across the pool, pulled toward the sea by the funneling suction of the little brook. The feeling was sublime, and it was impossible not to laugh at each other as Roe Creek ran through our hair, down our faces and bodies.

And why not ... Why the hell not enjoy something so simple?

We were still lying in the mud, conversing about Frej and Chris when we heard it: twin voices singing a chorus to a new song, interspersed with laughter. We couldn’t make out the words, but evidently the songwriting session had been successful.

“Oh shit,” I said, trying to sit up.

Muireann just grabbed my arm and pulled me back. She laughed as I splatted down again.

“They’ll find out in a few minutes, regardless,” she explained. “You have no clothes intact, or have you forgotten? Besides, we’re covered in mud.”

“I don’t think Lara will care ... but will Tommy be okay?” I asked.

“Unless we tell him, he won’t even notice that we’re in the nip!”

I had a good laugh at that. The singing voices became clearer as they crested the rise. Then Lara’s cut off abruptly. I crooked my neck to look at her, grinning like a fool.

“Oh my god, Pigs in Zen!” she cried out, interrupting Tommy and staring at us wide-eyed. “What the...” she breathed, more quietly as she took further stock of the scene.

“Come join us!” Muireann called.

Lara frowned at me, her eyes shooting out a hundred questions. I just smiled back calmly.

“Are they swimming without us?” Tommy bellowed as he started our way.

Lara pulled on his arm and he stopped short. “Uh, before you join them, you probably should know something,” she said softly.

“What’s that?”

“Um ... They don’t seem to be wearing much clothing. Actually, I think none at all!”

Tommy let out a funny roar. “Perhaps we should return to the cabin then!”

“Come on, man, swim with us!” I called out, trying to hide the sudden nerves I felt. “Lara, tell him. This is how we really swim around here. Time to graduate to the real Catskills way of life!”

“Is this true, lass?”

“It is,” she replied, giggling slightly.

“And you ... do you ... swim like this too?”

“I ... do.”

“And ... do you intend to swim, like this, right now?”

Lara giggled. “Sure, I will. If you will.”

Tommy groaned. “Sometimes, I fecking hate being blind!”

We all broke down in fits. Lara was unusually red, smiling but not moving any closer as she still held onto Tommy’s arm.

“Are you coming in or not?” Muireann asked. “We’re far past the prune stage and I’ll not be staying in much longer.”

“You seriously look like pigs in that stuff,” Lara said.

“It feels really good to roll in it and then get under the waterfall,” Muireann explained. “You have to try it!”

“Aye, come on, lass!”

After a last hesitation, the two of them started disrobing. Muireann and I slid back into the pool, letting the caked mud start to fall away yet again. The sensation was just as refreshing as it had been the first time. Lara took hold of Tommy, who wore only a mile-wide grin now, and they carefully stepped into the water.

“So how did this...” Lara said, waving her hand around, “come about?”

“I was tired of hiding,” I said simply, feeling renewed comfort at the four of us being together again.

“Hiding?”

“I just spent the afternoon telling Muireann a few things.”

Lara’s eyes widened quite a bit. “And by few things, you mean... ?”

“How we swim, obviously. And about our dad ... And Frej, too.”

I gazed at her. And even Truth, Lara. All of it...

“Did you just say ‘our dad’?” Tommy echoed, surprise heavy in his voice.

“Yeah, I did. Tommy, there’s some things about our family we never came out and told you, because we didn’t know what you and Muireann would think of it. But that’s ending today.”

“What’s the big secret?”

“Well ... Lara is really my half-sister ... Through our dad, who was in a relationship with both our moms before he died when we were very young.”

I felt some déjà vu as the reactions started replaying themselves on Tommy’s face instead of Muireann’s, while I continued ... But it was much easier this time, with Lara there to help. Despite the echo of shock that remained on her face, she joined in and soon she was even leading the telling of it.

Eventually though, as the topic veered toward Frej and Heather, I noticed that Lara grew quieter. I took over again, letting Tommy in on Heather’s secret and her decision to move away for a time.

But in the end, I didn’t spill the Truth.

“So that’s it,” I concluded simply, surprised at how light my voice felt. “Before we met you two, we didn’t know what you’d think about any of that stuff. So we all agreed not to tell you, even our moms. But it’s become more and more obvious in the last few months that it was totally the wrong thing to do.”

Lara was looking at me. What about Truth?

I just smiled back at her and gave a little shrug. I sensed Muireann watching us, but Tommy had no way to know any of this silent communication.

“It’s all very interesting, and I thank you for telling me,” he said slowly. “I just have one question though ... When can we try rolling in the mud?”

That evening, we were carrying on around a game at the dining table. The mood was raucous, since Tommy held over thirty cards in his hand and was making all manner of humorous and illegal plays.

My parents pushed through the front door, grocery sacks in arms.

“Do you need help?” I called out.

“No, that’s all of it,” Melissa replied. She then sniffed the air. “Did you make dinner?”

“We did!”

“Aw, how sweet of you all!” she sang.

“It’s in the oven,” Lara said. “We’ll eat in about twenty.”

“Thank you so much,” Sarah said, as she set about putting the food in the fridge. “Tommy...” she sang, holding up two yogurt tubs. “Guess what I have?”

“I don’t even have to guess, Mam! Thank you!”

We all laughed, and then we watched as Melissa went toward their bedroom. Our noise calmed significantly as we listened ... Then, as expected, she let out a cry from the hallway. Sarah ran to her to see what was happening.

A few seconds later, they emerged to the great room once more, wide-eyes fixated on us at the table. No one said anything for a time. I finally set my cards down and went over to them.

“We got tired of hiding,” I said.

“Matt...”

“Don’t worry, they know everything. And it’s perfectly fine.”

My parents glanced at each other, and then back at the family pictures that had been restored on the walls of the hall. They walked over to the table where Lara and the twins sat and waited there until I’d taken my seat again.

“We owe you all an apology,” Melissa said. As she looked at each of us meaningfully, I suddenly realized that she was including Lara and myself in her statement. “When we agreed—”

“No, Mam, with respect, you don’t owe us anything,” Tommy interrupted.

We all turned to him.

“But we do,” Melissa pressed. “We weren’t honest with you.”

“I know what it’s like,” he continued, “to not want to tell everything about yourself to new people. In fact, you might remember that I wasn’t honest with you or the school in our letters, regarding my being King Arthur’s descendant! So don’t apologize to us. It’s in our nature to hide, at first. I don’t blame you at all, naw ... And now that we feel part of the family, we are honored to know even more about you!”

He stood up and despite stumbling awkwardly against my chair and causing my moms to rush toward him, he managed to keep to his feet and take them into a hug. Soon the three of us joined in, a mass of arms and bodies, and I shook my head happily at Muireann.

Tommy ... One moment a child in the mud, the next making my parents cry...

It was completely anticipated when Lara asked me to come on a walk with her after dinner. The twins were accommodating as well, clearly understanding the need for us to be alone. We set off into the forest, remaining quiet until the trees grew closer while we picked our way through their endless warren.

“I hope you’re okay with what I did,” I murmured. “I was out of my head this week.”

“I know.”

“I want you to know that after you said that thing about Heather never wanting this for me ... That really got through to me. And I realized that I didn’t want to do what I did, after Julie ... It turned out that telling Muireann was the easier way then, as hard as it seemed like it would be. And it was the only way, the only thing I could do and not go crazy about everything.” I looked at her. “I know I was a mess last night, and even a jerk, but ... I hope you can forgive me, for everything.”

Lara was quiet for a time, running her fingers along any low branches that stooped to greet us with their gentle handshakes.

“No, Matt ... I don’t need to forgive you ... I need to thank you.”

I watched her carefully, but she only stared at the ground. “Why?”

She sighed heavily. “For doing what I couldn’t do,” she murmured. “For telling the truth, to the twins. I’ve been feeling so bad about our decision ... Each day, as we’ve gotten closer with them, it’s kept gnawing at me. But I didn’t think there was a way to let it out, not without hurting them so much that it would ruin the rest of their time here.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“But in the end...” She finally looked up at me. “I was wrong.”

I shivered. “You’re never wrong, Lara.”

She shook her head sadly. “I was. There was a way, and it was simple and easy. And you found it ... Just tell them...” She let out a little laugh. “Tell them ... So obvious, and they’re totally cool with it.”

“Yeah ... Then again, maybe they only can understand now because they know us enough to accept it. Maybe if we’d said all that stuff the first day, they would’ve gotten right back on the plane.”

“Yeah, but for whatever reason, things went the way they did.” Lara closed her eyes. “Do you feel a weight lifted?”

“Do I ever!”

“Me too ... I mean, I know you still have a lot of ... things to think about, and ... so do I. And don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about that now. But for the first time since they got here, I actually feel like the direction of things is becoming clear.”

“Yeah?” I glanced at her. “And where are they headed then, sis?”

“I have no idea.”

I sniggered. “So much for clarity!”

“No, that’s not what I meant...” She stopped and looked around at the dusky surroundings for a while, pensive. “Do you remember that snow globe we had when we were younger, that was so cool? The one I loved? It was a little mountain cabin with pine trees around it.”

“The crazy blizzard one,” I replied, already feeling sheepish at her topic.

She raised a brow at me. “Yeah, you could call it that. Or, you could call it the one you dropped and broke when you yanked it out of my hands.”

“You’re never going to let that go, are you? It was a long time ago ... And it took me like three hours to clean the mess, just so you know.”

“I do know, because I helped you! Even though I could barely see because I was crying so hard.”

“Yeah, you were pretty mad,” I agreed.

“Because that thing was awesome! It had so many little bits of snow in it, that when you shook it you couldn’t even see the cabin for a while.”

“I remember. It took forever to settle down.”

“Yeah ... Well, that’s like our life lately. I feel like we’ve been shaking it nonstop, ever since January.”

“Hmm ... Deep thoughts, by Lara...”

She swatted my arm. “Quit it! I’m trying to tell you something important, but obviously you don’t want to hear it.”

“Aw, come on, I was just kidding. Go on.”

She eyed me, eventually relenting. “It’s just that all these masks and stuff ... They were like more snow in the globe. But today ... you set the thing down.”

I sniggered. “At least I didn’t drop it and smash it this time!”

She gave me a warning glare. “So that’s what I meant, about things getting clearer. Maybe we won’t actually see the trees or the house for a little while, but I have hope again. Not even hope for anything in particular,” she added with a sigh. “But just hope.”

I pulled her to my side. “Maybe that’s enough for now.”

“I hope so...” she said, and we laughed a little.

“So are you going to tell Tommy?” I asked gently. “About Truth?”

“That is the question, isn’t it?”

“I kind of feel like he wouldn’t care about the idea in general,” I said, “but the fact that it’s you ... I don’t know.”

“In a way I want to tell him, but I’m not sure how. I’ll think about it.”

“Okay,” I said quietly.

“How much do Moms know?” she asked me.

“Just that Heather is up in Maine, taking a break from the stress of things.”

“Do they know you’re not talking to her?”

“I haven’t told them. But I know they’re going to find out soon,” I added with a sigh.

“Why? From Heather’s parents or something?”

“No. We get the phone bill in a couple of weeks. I think it’s going to be really obvious...”

“Oh, shit ... You’re right. I guess you could call some random store in Maine and talk to them about what they sell,” Lara joked.

I laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think so. A whole week has already gone by without a single call.”

“She could’ve been calling you. That wouldn’t show up on the bill.”

“No, Lara. This is just another truth I’m going to have to let out to our parents. They need to know that we aren’t talking. I almost told Mom last night, but I chickened out. I will soon, though.”

Lara nodded. “Yeah, it’s the right thing to do ... What about her parents? Have you talked to them, since... ?”

I shook my head.

“You’re not tempted to find out how she’s doing?”

“I’ve thought about calling them, sure. But then they’d know I’m not in touch with her, and then what? How do I explain that? It might freak them out. I don’t even know what they know.”

Lara squeezed my hand. “Okay. I know things aren’t much better since yesterday, but I’m really glad you at least broke open this side of what was happening.”

“Me too, sis ... Then again, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it was even me who did it...”

Lara frowned at me. “Um, it was definitely you, Matt. I haven’t told the twins anything. So why do you say that?”

“It’s a dumb idea, but ... a few times tonight I’ve wondered if she left just so we could finally be honest with the twins.”

She took a few breaths. “No. That would be too crazy, even for her,” she murmured.

“She’s obviously fixing herself, but...” I huffed. “I really wish I’d been more with it the night of the concert. When we were talking, down at the old swimming hole, she said so many things ... But I was so tired and so freaked out that I hardly remember any of it now.”

Lara caressed my arm. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure it out, one way or another.”

“I hope so,” I echoed, though we both found it less funny this time. “I am glad to be feeling a bit better. But like you said, it’s not going to be easy, at all. Just easier, a little bit.”

“Well, before you know it, she’ll be back, I think. And you’ll both be in a better place. The twins will be home this summer, and we’ll see what happens.”

I shrugged. “I need to let that go of all that for now. I want to make the best of the time that’s left with them.”

“I know. Me too.”

“Come on then, let’s head back.”

As we started hiking back down through the glen, I glanced at her. “So what’s up with that song I found? Other Side, or something?”

Lara smiled sadly. “I’m really sorry about that. I threw that paper in the trash, right after you went to bed that night. Don’t worry.”

“Well, I hope you still remember what you had.”

“Huh?”

“Because I want you to write more of it.”

She frowned at me. “Why? It was depressing, as usual.”

“No, there was some hope in there. I want you to write more to it, and maybe see where it goes. Don’t let it get stuck where it started. You said you had hope, for the first time in a while. Go write the rest of the song and see what comes out.”

Lara watched me, her expression turning emotional. “I don’t know if I can do that ... What if things don’t go as hoped?”

I smiled at her. “They never do, Lara. Which is even more reason to have a song about it, then ... Something we can hang onto, while we fall. Just think about it okay? Dig those lines out of your head, and then turn the page over and take it from there. We’re going to need a couple more originals, you know.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“When in doubt, do what worked before,” I intoned mysteriously.

She sniggered. “Who’s spewing out deep thoughts?”

“I’ve never even seen that show, so it’s not me.”

“And I’ve seen it a couple of times at Alice’s, whatever!”

As we walked on, Lara kept looking at me impatiently. Finally she gave up.

“So are you going to tell me what you mean?”

“Nope,” I replied.

“So much for losing the masks,” she teased.

“Nah, this is different. You’ll find out soon. I just have something I need to do first.”

“Fine...” She nodded slowly, and then let out a breath. “I guess you can’t tell me what that is either.”

“Oh, I can tell you that much.”

“What is it?”

I grinned. “Sleep!”

It was likely the earliest I’d ever gone to bed on a Saturday night, and I woke up late on Sunday to boot. My body was refreshed, energetic, and a bunch of other things I’d forgotten about in the previous week. Melissa made up a Sunday brunch that hit the spot extremely well, after which the four of us returned to the cabin to see what music there was to be found up there.

As it turned out, it was on a different level. I’d thought that Muireann and I had connected on our playing together leading up to and during Carmen’s show, but that morning... Wow ... we can do no wrong! Maybe it was the product of unburdening so many things, or the fact that she understood me so much better after the revelations in the pool. It didn’t seem that the unmasking should affect how we picked and bowed the strings, and yet it did, and deeply so.

We wandered through stripped down versions of our songs, an opportunity to revisit them in new light and without the pressures of perfection we’d demanded and then set in stone for the big stage. Lara substituted for Gwen and Colin by keeping the beat on the bass-heavy bodhrán, and Muireann seemed to add new vocal harmonies to far more lines than I’d ever imagined she’d learned by heart.

It was early afternoon when we broke to take a walk through the woods on what was truly a fantastic day. We ambled freely through the trees, alternately filling in little details of our past and contemplating what the coming weeks held for us. It was an invigorating outing and I almost felt buoyant despite the weight that still hung to me at all times.

As we neared our house again, I decided to set my next idea in motion, since the talk of doing another show was still simmering in all of our minds.

“What do you all think about making a recording?” I asked.

I received stares from the two girls.

“Of our original songs,” I added. “Like, an album.”

“Really?” Lara replied.

“Yeah ... I’m still blown away by the park concert,” I explained, “and how much people gave. But I think we can do even better.”

“That seems impossible,” Muireann said. “And how would we do this? It would cost a great deal of money, surely.”

“Let’s hear him out,” Tommy said.

I spent a few minutes laying out my plan. By the end, I saw that the questioning looks had turned into excited glances.

“We’ll just need a couple more songs if we’re going to go all original,” I finished.

Lara pulled her ever-present lyric sheets out of her pocket. “Working on it!”

Tommy laughed. “And I have the one we were working on yesterday. I wrote it for Gwen,” he added conspiratorially.

“Aw, isn’t that sweet!” I teased. “Is it called Bite Your Head Off?”

He guffawed. “I like that, lad. I may have to change the title!”

“All right, so if you’re all in,” I said, “I’m going to go make some calls.”

Enthusiastic agreement ushered us home. We split up in the backyard, with me heading to the house as they went back to the cabin. After letting my moms know my idea and then excusing myself from their smiles, I picked up the phone in my room. Colin was all for it, of course. So was our drummer, after delivering some obligatory disinterested and dismissive responses. Good chat, Gwen... After I collected their available dates, I finally called in the owed favor, hoping that this would work.

The line rang four times, then five ... I was about to hang up when I heard a familiar voice.

“Mr. Fucking Matt... ! Are you ready to come play at the Castle for your adoring fans again?”

I was speechless. I wondered if some magic had already transmitted my idea into the future.

“What the... ?” I sputtered. “How did... ?”

Jonah laughed richly on the other end of the line.

Oh my god, is she there at Jonah’s... ?

But, as usual, there was an ordinary explanation for things.

“Some newfangled thing we just got. When someone calls, it shows you their phone number.”

“Whoa, that’s ... weird. And it’s a bit freaky, too!”

Then again, I should be used to it ... Even if that’s over now...

“I know,” Jonah agreed with a laugh, “but when I saw the 589, I was like, I know who this is! So I got a little too into it when I answered, you know?”

“All right, I get it now. Where do you even get something like that?”

“Rent it from the phone company.”

“Crazy... ! Anyway, do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure, what’s up? I was serious, though. Are you ready to bring Quiet Mile back here?”

“I am, actually.”

“Aw, sweet! I was starting to think you’d never forgive me.”

“Forgive you?” I echoed.

“I figured you were mad at me. I guess you didn’t hear that Alana ripped me a new one after the battle?”

“Ouch. I don’t think I even want to know. Apparently, she has a look. Did you get the look?”

“Oh, I got a lot of looks! None of them good, trust me.”

I chuckled. “Well, I’m not mad at you, man. Not anymore, anyway. That was a rough night, and I kind of wish you’d told me fucking Skinner was the new Hendrix of Woodstock before I signed up, but...”

Jonah laughed heartily at my description. “Dude, if it’s anything to you, I put my chip in your side of the box. Wish I’d put a few more in there, especially after, well you know, the ‘look’ ... But that’s life. Can’t go back, can we?”