Chapter 37: The Levers of My Heart

The post-concert went by in a rush. People came and went, to greet us, share their joy and emotions. The twins and Lara in particular were mobbed, which was fine with me.

I’ve had just about as much excitement as I can take...

After hugging the people closest to me, I slipped back up to the stage again, grateful for the banality of winding cables, collapsing mic stands, and the opportunity to help the sound and lighting crews get their work done just a little faster. They’d been amazing for us.

A small group of volunteers were out in the field picking up the odd pieces of trash left by the crowd, bathed in a white light. I realized that those reverse lights came in handy for this part of the show as well!

Soon Gwen climbed the stairs and grabbed her hardware bag. Even less inclined to schmooze than I was, she’d already packed up and now she was making a final check of her area.

I hesitated and then stepped close to her. “Good show, Gwen. You killed it.”

She grunted. “Are we done playing?”

I laughed at her little joke, looking around at the stacks of equipment ready for stowing. “Um, yeah, concert’s over? Or ... what do you mean?”

“We don’t have anything else lined up. Do you still need me?”

“Oh...” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m still cleaning up for this show! But I think we’ll probably play again somewhere. The twins don’t leave for a couple months still.”

“If you figure something out, call me.”

“All right, I’ll do that. You sure you don’t want to come over to the house for a bit?”

“Yeah, no ... I’d rather get my eyes pierced than hang out in the same room as Skinner,” she spat, as she started off.

“I won’t disagree,” I said, laughing. “He might not come over, though.”

“Whatever,” she called back. “See you around, Matt the Splat.”

The cable I was carefully winding suddenly fell to the stage in a tangle.

What the fuck?

I rushed toward her with a reddening face. “What did you just call me?” I demanded, my voice cracking.

Gwen continued down the stairs. “Oh, you heard me. Don’t worry, it’s not your nickname, though. You don’t get one, remember?”

“Where the hell did you hear that name?” I hissed.

“I made it up. But I actually don’t like it, so I’m never going to say it again. And also, I’m out, so leave me the fuck alone, okay?”

She walked off toward her car. I could only see her back, but I wondered if she was actually laughing. She deflected any admirers and as she got smaller, I vacillated on whether to follow her and demand a real answer to my question.

“What the fuck is going on,” I muttered, staring at her nervously.

Deciding that I actually did want to keep my head attached to my body, I let Gwen go and jumped down the stairs, sprinting to where Lara was talking to some people. I apologized to them as I pulled her away mid-sentence.

“Um, what the hell was that?” Lara asked, slightly miffed at my rude interruption.

“You have to answer me honestly,” I said, desperation gripping my voice. “Have you ever heard the name ‘Matt the Splat’? The truth, please!”

She gave me the strangest of looks and I knew I didn’t have to wait for her answer.

“What are you talking about?” she called after me.

I ignored her as I rushed over to the twins. But they were talking to new fans as well, and I wasn’t as comfortable intruding on them. My heart flew as I scanned the field, the stage, the lots. People were everywhere as the exodus from the concert continued. I started running like a crazy person, still hearing Lara calling my name when I raced past her area again. I made a jagged oval around the stage and then started through the parking areas. People stared at me as I blew past, weaving in and out of the rows of cars, peering into windshields. I ignored the occasional calls of “Good show!” and the like, feeling more and more desperate by the second.

This is either totally fucked up, or incredibly awesome...

As I approached the far end of the lot, I saw a somewhat familiar white car sitting apart from the others. It took me a second to place it, though.

Holy shit, Aunt Beth and Hans came to the show! Which could mean...

I was sprinting now, but then I skidded to a stop as a figure materialized in the uneven light, leaning against the pale vehicle.

“Oh god... !” I cried out, spinning around, throwing my hands to my head and laughing unsteadily. “I knew it! I fucking knew it!”

About as much excitement as I can take... ? Whatever!

She walked slowly toward me, since I couldn’t move. And she was smiling. But it wasn’t a smile of excitement, nor of surprise, but rather of deeply felt emotion. Not an uncommon look on people’s faces in the past few hours, but seeing it on her, it made me sink to my knees. I was laughing and crying as she got close and pulled my head against her tummy.

“What are you doing here?” I gasped, holding tight against her waist.

“I was just driving by and heard some music. Thought I’d see what—”

“You need to stop surprising me like this, Heather!” I blurted out, unwilling to be joked with. “I don’t know how much more I can take! But damn, I can’t believe I’m holding you right now. How are you even here? You’re supposed to be at your gallery thing! Did it get changed?”

She sank down to her knees to meet me on my level.

“Coming here was way more important.”

That caused the first pang inside me. “What... ? Wait, you mean you missed the gallery opening?”

“I did. I told them a family emergency came up.”

I gaped at her, instantly crushed into deep sadness by this news. “Oh my god, no! Why? You shouldn’t have done that, Heather!” I wailed. “I can’t believe you didn’t go! Tell me you’re joking!”

She rubbed her hand on my back. “I had to, Matt. I had to. Please, it’s not important. Don’t worry about the photo thing. It’s done now, so not another word. I can’t make it back there tonight.”

I quickly gathered my wits, despite feeling like I’d been hit with a bat. I couldn’t imagine how much it had to hurt her to skip out on her show, no matter what she said ... In fact, I could see the heavy pain in her eyes far too clearly. I pulled her close. “Okay,” I breathed unsteadily. “Um ... when did you get here?”

“A few hours ago. A little before you went on.”

“This is crazy. Did you like the show?”

Heather nodded. “Carmen couldn’t have asked for a better tribute. You sounded amazing.”

“That’s a relief to hear.” I glanced at the car again, catching my breath. “Sorry, I’m still trying to see if I’m going to wake up from this, or something. So you drove up with Beth and Hans. Where are they?”

“No, I came alone.”

“Oh ... they let you borrow their car?”

“No. They just bought a new one, so I bought theirs from them.”

I pulled away from her. “You bought their car? How did you manage that? It’s a nice car!”

“It is. But I had a ton of money saved up from working at my parents’ store, you know. And, well, since you never built that bullet train, I bought the car. Plus, they gave me a really good deal, even though they didn’t have to.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t tell me you were doing that!”

“It ... was kind of a last-minute decision. All of this was. I just decided last night, to even come up.”

“Jeez, Heather... ! I’m sorry, but I’m just, like, totally overwhelmed right now. How long are you staying?”

She smiled wistfully at me. “I’m leaving early in the morning.”

“Early? No... ! Stay for part of the day, at least? It’s Sunday!”

She shook her head. “I have to get on the road early. It’s a long drive.”

“Well, okay, I guess. I’ll take tonight then, sure. Hell, I’ll take right now, even if you were leaving in five minutes!”

“Well, it’s not that soon,” she consoled. “We do have tonight.”

I gazed at her for a time and then gave her a long kiss. It was a balm, but also... unsteady. The concert had consumed much of my energy, and perhaps it had done the same to her. We drew ragged breaths as the kiss seemed to be both offered and taken with a surprising bit of desperation.

“Oh, I need to get back there and finish helping, but then we can go home,” I gasped, remembering what I’d been doing before she’d swept me into another dimension. “A bunch of people are coming over to hang in the cabin. The guys from Green Space and The Nameless, some friends ... you know. A bit of an after-party.”

“That sounds fun. Do what you need to do. I can wait.”

Suddenly, I laughed in spite of the chaos. “So I take it you met Gwen, huh?”

She issued an apologetic sigh. “Yeah, and I’m surprised she went along with it. She kind of looked at me like I was demented when I asked her to call you that name. But then I told her you’d completely wig out, and suddenly she was much more interested in doing it.”

I was still laughing. “You’re too much, Heather. Too much!”

“I thought it would be funny to see your reaction.”

I groaned. “Oh, you mean you were watching that?”

“Of course ... Before I walked back here. You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”

“Yeah, well ... Until I found you back here, I swear I was seeing ghosts.” I managed to stand and take her hand. “Wow, look at you, here ... What a way to end the night!”

“I’m glad you’re happy to see me,” she said quietly as she rose.

“Come on, let’s go.”

I fought off the turmoil that competed with the elation as we made our way back to the stage. I didn’t get there, though, because every few dozen yards someone spotted Heather and rushed over to greet her. Shannon and Colin first, and then the twins: they exclaimed, hugged, and then glommed on to our moving group. Finally Lara was in sight, returning from taking some gear to the cars. Her eyes widened when she saw the surprise. And this time, from the expression on her face, I knew she wasn’t in on the secret. No one was in on it...

“Heather... ? Holy shit!” Lara screamed, as she covered the short distance like lightning.

I grinned as my sister practically tackled Heather to the ground ... and then she actually did manage to do so. They hugged on the grass for a while.

“What is this?” Lara cried. “Matt said you weren’t coming!”

I couldn’t really see much in the shadowy light, and I figured my eyes were playing tricks on me anyway, because we were all emotionally spent. But it also seemed that Lara’s face took on a strange expression, as she realized what happened. The gallery opening...

“I made a last second decision to come up and see you play,” Heather explained.

Clearly Lara was as puzzled as I was by her decision, but she shook it off and the joy returned as the two girls managed to stand again. Everyone pressed in and we all talked about the show, and the surprise, and the evening ahead back home with everyone.

“Come on, let’s wrap this up so we can head out,” I finally suggested. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m ready to chill on a couch!”

“Couch?” Colin protested. “I say we go for a swim!”

Cheers of agreement followed us as we split up to finish putting things away.

Lara came close to me. “Hey, I’m going to go home and get things set up.”

I glanced at her. “Set up what?”

“The cabin. People are already heading that way. One of us should be there. I mean, Moms just left, but maybe they don’t want to deal with a bunch of kids invading on their own, right?”

“Yeah, good point.” I eyed the stage where some of our equipment still waited. “Um, maybe Heather can drive you? I still have to load a few things into Shannon’s and Colin’s cars. They already pulled up to the stage, so it shouldn’t take long. Plus I should thank Dr. Kendall, the crew guys, you know. Wrap things up.”

“I can go with Lara,” Heather said. “Do you need to put anything in my car?”

“No, we’re good on space.”

Heather came close and gave me a hug.

“See you in a bit, okay?” I murmured.

She squeezed my hand and then the two of them headed off into the night, toward the dark corner of the lot. I smiled, glad that they could have a few minutes to themselves.

Enjoy her while you can, sis!

I wondered if I’d be sleeping at all this evening. I was grinning large as I returned to the stage, imagining the possibilities. I felt a pang of remorse, realizing that most likely I was going to be yet again sneaking away from the band with a blue-eyed girl after a big gig. And hopefully even to see stars... !

It didn’t take long to finish what cleanup we still could. Soon Dr. Kendall caught up with us and said that we’d done more than enough. He shook all our hands vigorously and promised to see us in school the following week. I checked in with the sound and light techs, and they said they had their part under control. After thanking them, we did a last scan of the stage and then piled into the vehicles. I rode with Colin, while Shannon took the twins in her Camaro.

I glanced back as we drove away. The reverse lights still lit up the field, but the gig was already fading into memory.

“That was something else, huh?” Colin said, his voice enthused even more than usual.

“Yeah, man. We could’ve done a lot worse.”

“That’s for sure,” he laughed. “But the good time’s not over yet!”

I faced forward again and put my hand out. Colin gripped it and gave it an enthusiastic shake.

“The good time’s just getting started,” I agreed, as excitement built up in me. “And damn, I’m ready to book a gig for every weekend from now until the twins leave!”

“I’m up for that!” Colin agreed.

I laughed, even as I stifled a bit of a yawn. “Well, ask me again tomorrow, and I might say every other week. But still, we can’t let this end here, not tonight. We have to do at least one more good show, somehow. I mean, tonight will be impossible to beat, but...”

“Dude, we’ll figure something out. We can play my backyard, or yours even.”

“Hell yeah, that’s a great idea,” I mused. “But let’s worry about that later. Right now I just want to get in the pool and hang out, our girls beside us.”

Colin whooped as he turned onto the main road. “Damn right! Now we’re talking.”

When we turned into our driveway, it was quite late. I had no idea what the rest of the evening would hold, but I knew I needed to find some time to be with Heather, alone, and soon. Such a weight had been lifted from me at concert’s end, and it was in no small part due to her advice in Montauk a month earlier, the seed that had grown into this amazing event. If only Dr. K knew who really planted the seed... I needed to thank her, and be with her, and ... The distance between us had never felt greater this past month, in a way, despite how much we shared with each other. But now she was here, even if just for the night. This was, of course, the tidal cycle of being with Heather. She always returned, bathing me in her sweetness once more.

Two things remained as heavy thoughts, though, tempering the excitement. She’d skipped her event, which still concerned me a good deal; and she was here for so short a time.

But all that can wait...

As the Jeep’s light bar illuminated our clearing, I was reminded of the stage floods that had bathed the valley at the end of our set. Seeing the crowd out there, so caught up in the moment ... But this time, I only saw one person. She was standing on the front deck, alone, waiting for me. Colin quickly shut off the lights as he saw her.

“I’ll meet up with you all in a bit,” I said, the image of Heather still imprinted in my retinas in the sudden darkness.

“Sure thing man,” he replied happily. “I figure you have some things to catch up on!”

I laughed and jumped out of the Jeep, giving the twins and Shannon a wave as they pulled into the clearing as well. I made my way toward Heather, much more slowly than I really wanted to, given the audience. At last I climbed the steps and she met me for an embrace, which we held for a long time.

I pulled back and gave her a kiss. “Are you really here?”

“I am.”

“Wow ... I’m still in a daze about it. Did you ... really skip your opening?”

“I did.”

I shook my head and took a few breaths. “And did you finish the photos?”

“All of them.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, at least. I’m sure they’re amazing. Was Leila disappointed that you couldn’t be there?”

“She...” Heather was silent for a time. “No. She wasn’t.”

“Oh ... Did something happen?” I asked gently.

She sighed. “I ... Can we talk about something else? I just can’t—not right now.”

“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry. I just feel really bad about it, and it seems like it’s on your mind. But sure, we can talk later.”

“We should go be with your friends. I don’t want to pull you away from them. I know how much you regretted leaving them after Jonah’s.”

I sighed. “I know, I know ... But a little time to catch up with you would be nice. I’ve been with them all month, you know ... They’ll understand if we take a little time for ourselves. Is everyone swimming?”

“Some. Most people are up in the cabin. Your parents got a bunch of food for everyone.”

“Aw... ! That was nice of them.”

“Yeah. They are the best,” Heather said meaningfully.

“I’m actually starving, now that I think of it,” I remarked.

Wordlessly she pulled me down the stairs and we set off around the house, toward the backyard.

“It’s hard to believe it’s all over,” I said, still trying to process the night. “We’ve been living and breathing this concert since we got back from Montauk.”

“And it really showed tonight, Matt. It sounded and looked amazing.”

“Thanks, Heather, that means a lot to me. I’m thinking we pulled in a decent amount of money to kick start the fund.”

“I’m sure you did,” she agreed quietly.

“The twins were joking around that me and Lara could apply for some of it to try to go to Ireland next spring. It is an exchange program, after all!”

“That would be so cool. You should do it.”

“Well, if we did, we definitely wouldn’t use the fund. That would be really ... I don’t know, shady. So ... does your school have a program like that?” I asked, trying not to sound too obvious, or too hopeful.

She glanced at me. “I don’t know, Matt. And that feels so far off...”

“I know. But then again, we’d have to start applying for it soon. Probably by the start of next school year. I mean, you’d be a senior, and if Shannon is any guide, it seems that by next spring school won’t be a big deal for you anymore.”

Heather didn’t laugh or reply, and I got the feeling all this talk about the past and the future wasn’t settling well with her. Admittedly, these were big topics, and perhaps the night had been oversaturated with emotion already.

It was probably fortunate, then, that as we approached the cabin, we encountered groups of people; our private conversation was ended for now. Carl, Bruno and a number of others who tagged along at the possibility of a party were scattered throughout the back yard. The Green Space boys were there as well, along with some of their friends. Jake was pushing his girlfriend on the old swing and he called out to me as we passed. After introductions went around, we all gabbed about the show a bit. My grumbling stomach eventually pulled us away.