Chapter 30: Jump

I think I’m half-Danish...

It took me a moment, I’ll admit. It was perhaps like seeing someone on a distant hill make an odd movement, and only realizing a long second later that it was the head-on motion of an archer having released an arrow to fly forth from her bow.

It took me a moment, yes, but then that five-word missile arrived, slamming into my heart with surgical precision.

The world seemed to spin. I only knew one Danish person, and I knew him quite well. I struggled to hold her up as I tried to find alternate meanings to her statement. I had to be misinterpreting things.

Slowly I moved us to the bench, and we sat. Well, I sat, and she collapsed into my lap. My alternate meanings kept scurrying around like rats on a sinking ship, but there was no escape hatch to be found. No, she could only be saying one thing with her pronouncement.

Strangely, I briefly felt the echoes of a distant relief as the initial shock started to recede. In some way, this changes everything, but in another way, it changes nothing ... Yes ... It is going to be okay, Heather ... I promise...

Abruptly this brief window of lucidity closed up. It was all too much to process on my own, and my heart tightened at how Heather must be feeling about it.

“Heather ... Are you a hundred percent sure?”

She was silent for a time. “Nothing is ever a hundred percent.”

“Did your parents tell you?”

“No.”

“Frej?”

“No.”

I caressed her hair. There’s some hope, then!

“Then why do you think this?”

Heather’s voice was mute. “My parents’ blood types don’t match mine.”

I reeled at this odd statement. “What does that mean?” I asked.

“We did a thing about blood and genetics in science class. I had our types from the blood donation paperwork, and I decided to look, for fun. My mom is type A. My dad is type AB. I’m type O.”

“And?”

“You can’t get O from A and AB,” she whispered hoarsely.

She was going to bed when I left her house ... But she pulled out her blood work? Just for fun?

“Heather, are you sure? Maybe there’s a small chance of things like that happening sometimes. You see people with kids that look nothing like them. Brown-eyed parents making a blue-eyed baby, right?”

“No. I went to the library and checked it in three different books. It’s impossible.”

The library? At this hour?

“Even look at Tommy and Muireann!” I cried. “He got his eye thing from his parents, and somehow she didn’t.”

“It can’t happen, Matt. No matter what other example you think of, it can’t with blood.”

My stomach tightened as the strands of information were not processing properly in my brain. What the heck is going on? Did I sleep through an entire day?

“What type is Frej?”

“I don’t know.”

“There could be a mistake,” I pressed again. “Maybe the test didn’t work right, and you just have the wrong types written down. They used the wrong, I don’t know, tester, or whatever ... Or hey, contamination! Think about it, they have blood everywhere at a donation center. They could’ve easily switched something by mistake!”

“I know. And I’ve been holding on to that for this last week.”

My heart hollowed out to empty at those words. “This week?” I gasped. “Oh my god, you’ve known about this for a week?”

“I figured it out last Wednesday.”

I was deeply stunned, almost more so at this fact than her actual revelation.

Wednesday, the same day that we found out about Carmen—Oh god, that’s why she didn’t answer the phone! And she didn’t have a cold when I called...

I squeezed her tight. Wednesday ... What a terrifying day...

“Holy shit, Heather ... I—I can’t believe this! And you’ve been worrying about this the whole time we’ve been here? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Heather took a moment to reply, as she was overwhelmed. “Because I wasn’t sure. Like you said, I thought maybe it was wrong, a mistake. I couldn’t say anything until I knew more. For all I know I read the tables in those books wrong. It’s just too crazy to say something like that, unless you’re really sure.”

Really sure... ? Oh god...

“But you’re telling me now,” I observed, my voice tight. “What the hell happened since I left your house earlier?”

Heather shivered. “I went into my parents’ file cabinet where they keep their records.”

I cringed as I listened to this transgression.

“They keep everything forever, you know,” she continued quietly. “All their old papers from Ireland, everything from the store ... I found their medical records. All our blood types were in there. Me and my mom, from the hospital when I was born, and my dad from his military papers.”

“And were they the same as the types you had?”

“The same,” she hissed.

“It’s still not proof,” I said feebly, though this cross-decadal match suddenly narrowed the odds significantly.

“Nothing is a hundred percent,” Heather repeated, though her tone suggested that it was pretty damn close to it now. “I still hoped that somehow this was just the one in a million coincidence. Maybe there was something in my blood that got messed up.”

“And it could be!”

Heather shook her head. “No, Matt. Because I kept looking and ... I found another set of medical records. Starting about a year before I was born.”

A chill penetrated me as Heather shuddered on my lap.

“What was it?”

“Paperwork, for my mom. Hidden away really well, too ... From a fertility clinic.”

My heart sank. “Maybe they were just having trouble getting pregnant.” The words barely got out.

“In October she had a procedure done there, something called an ICI.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know,” Heather whispered. “Why would she have a procedure done, and then I’m born nine months later?”

“It was to help them get pregnant,” I insisted.

“Matt...”

“It could be!” I pleaded.

“No! You can force what you want to believe into it, or you can see that there’s only one explanation here. Aongus is not my real dad!”

There was a certain finality to her words, and admittedly, if this evidence was indeed what she said it was, it was hard to think that some secret wasn’t hidden away. The pieces of the puzzle fit far too well to imagine that the picture they formed wasn’t the same as what was on the box cover of reality.

I took a minute to compose myself. “Let’s say for now, that this is all true,” I breathed. “Why would your parents do this?”

“I can think of a few reasons,” Heather said softly. “Maybe my dad can’t have kids, and they decided to have me this way instead.”

“Yeah, that makes sense...”

“But I think the other reason is probably the real one. Do you ... remember me ever telling you about my parents, their family?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, as the memory came to me all at once, causing another little internal landslide. Another piece of the puzzle slipped into place.

“They’re second cousins,” she said. “Maybe ... that freaked them out, when it came time to have me.”

I swallowed, feeling empty. The rain had calmed somewhat, but the fog maintained its hold on us. I felt inadequate, unable to find the right thing to say or do, to console my Heather. This was foreign land, in so many ways.

“Why do you think it’s Frej?” I finally asked, shifting to the other half of the puzzle.

“Who else would it be?”

“Random donor?”

At this, Heather jolted in my lap. “No ... I can’t believe that!” She took some deep breaths. “If it has to be someone besides Aongus...”

I pondered everything I’d ever known in the glow of this new light. Frej did have an element of her eyes, that same luminous depth that at times seemed to look far beyond this earthly sphere. They were both creatures of the sea ... He also shared her eternally good-natured resilience, a steel-strong resolve to always find the best in every moment. I’d maybe imagined, in those times when I might have noticed this similarity, that this joie de vivre had simply rubbed off on her from growing up around him. But now...

I breathed deeply, finishing her thought. “If it has to be someone else, then you want it to be Frej.”

Heather rose up and squeezed me tightly. “Yes ... And I don’t know what to do, Matt. I really don’t.”

These words made my world spin for a time, an unsteady and dizzying feeling. With some effort, I managed to get a hold of myself.

“I don’t know either,” I breathed. “But whatever happens, I’m here for you, Heather. I can help you, however you need me to.”

“Just hold me right now,” she sobbed, collapsing against me.

I did hold her as she melted down, remembering her magic from the other night. I did my best to give that back to her. But I was a novice, a baby, really. When had Heather needed me like this? When had anyone ever needed me like this? Never, really ... Not even Lara. Heather had been there for her when Pete went stupid. She’d rescued her, not me. I’d mostly just watched.

Here I was, barely a builder of toy blocks, but now I had to reconstruct the entire universe that lay broken in my arms?

I had no idea if I was helping, but I didn’t spare anything in trying. Not a single reservation held me back, not an ounce of energy was saved for myself.

Breathe, Heather ... Please...

When I came to, the fog was gone. The rain clouds were disintegrating rapidly as the winds of the morning-shift swept them up, clearing the stage for the grand ingress of the sun. His forward heralds were already splashing the horizons with a full spectrum of colors. The perpetual necklace of fishing boats was being swallowed by the emerging aura of morning. It was a stunning sight, especially after being ensconced in the misty glove of the sea’s tumult earlier. Even the waves had been tamed into submission. Exhausted from the evening’s battering, the ocean was left to sedately bob up and down, and even that description was an exaggeration of its movement.

Heather was fast asleep and stretched out along the bench of the gazebo, her head on my thigh. I’d covered her with my thick coat. It was a testament to the depth of her enervation that the hard boards hadn’t been enough to cause a shift in position for some time now. My umbrella was open and floating above her so that she was mostly tented under it. I didn’t think it would have mattered to her if the rain had showered her, but at one point I must have found it useful to set it this way. I could no longer remember.

Quietly I moved the shield away and folded it closed, since even the cupola had stopped dripping its remains onto us. Strangely, I wasn’t tired. Nor was I cold, despite being damp from the rain that had occasionally angled its way under the cover of the gazebo. I’d picked the downwind side, but shore winds were shifty in the best of times. Most likely, occasional sips from the hot cocoa had kept the worst of the chills away.

I was willing to be a pillow for as long as she needed, even as my body felt tight from the lack of movement. Still, I was glad I’d awoken first, as it gave me a little time to think.

What had her night been like before I showed up? I imagined her downstairs in her parents’ spare room, desperately riffling through old file folders at some late hour. Then the shocks of confirmation: first the blood types, then the fertility procedures...

Suddenly I remembered the note in my room! The earth seemed to whirl again, before I managed to snap it back. I swallowed hard, my insides clenching with sadness. Faced with this life-bending secret, Heather had come straight to find me, desperate. I had no idea how she’d gotten inside of my aunt’s house. The doors had both been locked, I knew.

For whatever reason, she left the cryptic note instead of waking me up. And then went to the pier, alone. Was it raining already, or was that an unintended escalation of the tension? Or was it even a natural consequence of opening this crack in her world? The night still felt like something out of a nightmare, at times anyway.

In the end it didn’t matter. My primary regret was that I hadn’t woken sooner, when she was there, even. I shivered, imagining her ghostly form passing through my room, less than a foot away from my oblivious sleeping body. And then how long had she waited on the pier, alone, her mind cycling through endless doubts? Wondering when I would come? If I’d come? It was a huge risk that she took, I realized. After all, I’d taken ten months to find her first note to me. By any reasonable measure, I should still have been sleeping under my warm covers, even right now.

Senseless, Heather...

As the sun approached, I wondered what this day would bring for her, for me, for all of us. Would she want to drag this out into the light? Would it be good or bad if she did? Or didn’t...

Heather stirred and then her eyes fluttered open.

And so the day begins...

I stroked the hair behind her temple. “Morning, love,” I murmured.

For a time, she just blinked, perhaps absorbing her location, her memories, collecting whatever pieces of her that had broken over the past six hours and had not been washed away. I tried to imagine the wreck of feelings she had to be experiencing.

“Are you warm enough?” she asked. “Did you sleep at all?”

Of all the things in the world to concern herself about right now, she chooses me... ?

“Don’t worry about me. How are you feeling?”

She stared at her sideways world.

“I’m feeling extremely grateful.”

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I swear, I never knew what this girl was going to do or say next. Not now, not ever.

“Grateful?” I repeated, incredulous. “How so?”

“To have you, Matt.”

My insides shuddered with pure warmth. “I’m happy to hear that. But ... how are you feeling otherwise?”

“That’s all I’m feeling. There’s no room for anything else right now.”

I squeezed an arm around her and continued to caress her hair.

“The sunrise is beautiful,” she murmured. “The sea is calm again. I can’t see it, but I know it’s doing that thing, where it just shimmers and vibrates like a billion-bead curtain.”

I turned my head to look and had to acknowledge the truth of it.

“It’s in the stage between the push and the pull ... Matt, you always wish that you could pause the world for a little bit, and you say it’s impossible ... But it’s not. The sea can do it.”

I stared at the waters, seeing for the first time the truly static yet moving state of it. It seemed a giant field of energy, and the light illuminated every molecule of water as it held a pose. And everything was silent. No waves lapped against the pier pillars, nothing crashed onto the shoreline.

“Unpause...” she exhaled. Just after she spoke, I heard a faint wave tickle the distant sand, the smallest break of a miniature crest.

At the same instant, the sun pierced into view and day was reborn. I let out my own held breath as the world moved again. A couple appeared down at the foot of the pier, out for a chill morning stroll, likely drawn by the spectrally exquisite daybreak. They were followed by some happy kids with fishing poles.

Heather didn’t move, except to slide her arm out from under my coat. Her fingers found mine, and she squeezed me tight.

“Will you help me today?” she asked.

“I’ll do anything with you, Heather. Name it, I’ll do it.”

“I want to go to the library and find out for sure what an ICI is. Then, I want to know if it’s Frej.”

I swallowed, my stomach fluttering. “How? Are you going to ask him, or your parents?”

She was silent for a long time. “No. I’m not ready for them to know that I know. I’m just going to trust that it’ll make itself known.”

“Okay.”

It’s been over sixteen years... Somehow it seemed unlikely to emerge today. But I didn’t voice that. Heather often trusted in things that I had no idea of.

“Hey, I just remembered something,” I murmured.

Heather turned to look up at me for the first time. My throat grew tight as I found the life there in her eyes, as present as ever, but so, so complicated now.

“What’s wrong?” she finally asked, when I didn’t go on.

“I ... You just look so beautiful,” I murmured.

“It’s only because I’m looking at you, Matt.”

I shuddered, unable to reply.

“What were you going to tell me?” she asked gently.

Finally I was able to gather my wits again. “Clara once told me a story.”

Heather’s eyes scanned the corners for a moment. “You mean Shannon’s dance teacher?”

“Yeah, her. She found out that her dad wasn’t her real father when she was young. The guy was living in some foreign country, and I guess she went there and found him. I can’t remember exactly, but it all sounded crazy.”

“Poor thing ... That sounds like an ordeal.”

“Yeah, she said it was rough. Sorry, but that just popped into my head ... Anyway, we can definitely go to the library.”

“I think it doesn’t open for a while yet, but maybe we can be there when it does.”

“For sure. I have nothing planned today, obviously, so I’m with you.”

“Thank you, Matt.”

At last, Heather raised herself up to take stock of the regular world. She drew an exceptionally long and even breath. Then she turned to look at me. Her expression was not downtrodden. In fact, she looked rather vibrant, if still serious.

“Can I ask you something?” I ventured. “Do you have, like, magic powers?”

Heather laughed gently, a free sound that immediately cleared a great deal of tension from my own body. Magic, indeed...

“You think way too much of me, Matt. Why would you ask such a silly thing?”

“I know that note wasn’t in my room last night when I went to bed. And I also know all the doors were locked.”

She smiled coyly, looking down at the floor of our shelter. “There’s no magic to that. I have a key to your aunt’s place, since I check on their house when they go away. They just have me keep the key, in case of anything.”

“Oh. So you were in the house last night...”

“Of course.”

I shivered. “Why the heck didn’t you wake me up, then?”

As Heather stared off into the horizon, her hand reached up and absently touched the necklace that still hung at her chest. “I saw you sleeping there, so calmly, and you haven’t slept much this trip, because of me ... And I just knew it would’ve been the most selfish thing in the world to wake you up right then.”

Abruptly, I squeezed this absurd creature to me. “Oh, Heather, don’t ever think that! I would’ve woken up to help without a second thought!”

She pulled away and took my face in her palms as she held my gaze.

“But Matt, you did. You woke yourself, not me. You chose to come find me, even with the weather and the water. You did it. Not me.”

For a second, my mind reeled as I reimagined last night happening a hundred different ways. Heather waking me and scaring the life out of me, and then likely rousing the whole house, and then the explanations ... Or me not finding the note at all, rising late in the morning and oblivious to her plight ... The wide spectrum of possibilities was overwhelming... And yet...

Suddenly I was filled with overwhelming feeling for this girl I had before me. I let myself fall into those eyes, swimming in the enigma therein, glimpsing things I’d never even thought to think of.

“Damn...” I finally breathed, shaking my head. “I don’t know that I’ll ever understand even one percent of how you see things, but trying to hang on to the edge of life with you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I mean that. You’re just incredible. I’m sorry to say this right now, with everything else you must be thinking about, but I just can’t help it.”

In response, Heather kissed me gently but passionately. I took her in my arms, and we allowed more of the weight of the day to slip off us. The couple might have walked by, the kids’ chatter likely turned into quiet laughter as they passed this couple ... I didn’t notice or care.

Sometime later, the last remnants of the night were clinging to their final wisps. The sun blazed bright and true in the east, and the sparkling waves were low but active again, ever seeking to overcome the limitations of surrounding sand.

“Can you grab my stuff?” Heather asked.

“Sure,” I replied, even as I looked around in puzzlement. She didn’t have that much stuff to grab. Well, the flashlight’s there ... And her shoes ... She must still be exhausted.

I started gathering our items as she set my coat aside and stood. She retrieved a ring of keys from the gazebo railing where she must have placed them the previous night and put them on the bench next to the light.

Without further ado, she stepped onto the nearby bench and immediately up onto the railing of the gazebo that curved out over the ocean. Her toes curled around the high edge. I was now immobile, watching her as she stared out at the water, her body swelling with each deep breath. The wind played with her damp hair and the sunlight seemed to focus on her. The dress did its very best to regain its finesse despite the dampness, but it could only cling tightly to her.

The last pieces of the storm fell away. After a while, she turned around to face me. She looked down at her chest, at the necklace that hung there by the fine chain, shining brightly in the morning sun.

Then she turned her sapphire eyes up to me. Her infinite gaze held me transfixed.

“Come here,” she whispered.

I set down the forgotten items and stepped up onto the bench beneath where she remained standing on the rail. She spoke softly as I looked up into her eyes.

“I love you, Matt ... Like nothing else in this world.”

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled my head against her chest, the cold pendant burning into my cheek.

She whispered once more, the words seemingly coming from inside my head.

“And just like you ... I know what I have to do.”

Before I could reply, she let go of me and leapt backward, out into the air.

I stared in stunned silence. She fell for what seemed like an hour, slowly rotating away from me in a reverse swan dive. I felt only one thing as I watched her fly. Complete gratitude...

Her body slowly stretched out until she was arrow straight, a perfect line. She sliced head first through the surface.

I watched her blue dress billow open in the depths as it suddenly found its perfect flow again in the sweet currents of the sea. For a time she remained submerged. The waters held her, filled her, even. The ocean swelled from all directions.

Breathe...

I was broken out of my trance by the sound of stomping feet. I glanced over to my left, finding the earlier couple coming at a run, the husband in the lead.

“What happened! Did she fall off?” the man asked urgently.

“No,” I murmured, still entranced.

She just had to go back home...

“Goddamn it, she’s not moving!” he said, kicking his shoes off and throwing his wallet to the boards as he gripped the railing.

It was admirable, really. This stranger was going to jump after her. I would’ve hated for him to get wet for no reason. The muted blue dress was now becoming brighter and brighter, and a cobalt flash kept blinking at me through the reflection of the sky, a pilot light impossibly leading her back to the surface.

“Don’t—” I started.

“Stop!” his wife called out as she caught up.

The man looked at me strangely. Finally he relented and stepped down off the lowest rail. Down in the water, Heather had surfaced and was floating on her back.

“So she jumped then? That was really dangerous!” he scolded, pointing back toward the shore. “The sign says no jumping!”

“That was more of a dive than a jump,” the wife remarked softly.

I narrowed my eyes at her, surprised by her odd comment. She was looking down at Heather with a thoughtful look and a slight smile.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Betty. She might be hurt—”

“Shush, Bob. She’s going to be fine. Any fool can see that. Come away from there.”

“But the water is freezing!” he persisted, although he’d already picked up his belongings and was following his wife back to where they’d run from.

I chuckled to myself as I scooped up the coats, umbrella, flashlight, keys, thermos, and Heather’s shoes: quite a bit to carry after all. I walked slowly along the pier rail, following Heather as she gently propelled herself through the waters with her arms, her legs gently moving up and down. At last she stood up in the shallows and walked out of the water, the low waves seeming to grasp for her.

We met right by the ‘No Jumping Allowed’ sign. I glanced back toward the gazebo. Betty had thankfully convinced Bob to let it go, since he wasn’t coming toward us to deliver a lecture on pier safety. That was probably a good thing, too, because right next to the prohibitory words on the sign there was a stick figure drawing of Heather, doing what she had just done. And there was a red interdictory symbol painted over her form.

Too bad I don’t have a box of paints... I very much wanted to add a tiny blue dot under the head.

Heather looked down at her dress, once again a mess.

“Ugh. The sand, my eternal penance...” she grumbled.

I laughed as I pulled her into a tight hug, wrapping my coat around her again.

Somehow, everything is going to be all right.

“I don’t know if I can go inside,” I said, as Heather started opening her front door.

“Why not?”

“If your folks are there. I mean ... I don’t want to act strange around them.” I swallowed. “Then again, I feel dumb saying that, since you’re going in ... I don’t know, I’m still shook up about it all.”

Heather came close to me. “I understand. But just put that away for now. They haven’t changed since last night, right?”

I nodded slowly. “I know, but...”

“My dad is already at the shop, I bet.”

I sighed. “Okay, I’ll come in. And I guess I should call home and let Lara know we’ll be busy for a little while ... Again.”

I followed Heather inside and she called out to see who was home.

Mairead answered from upstairs. “Oh, there you are!”

I winced, as her mom’s tone carried an edge of exasperation. I gave Heather a look, but she went about the business of removing my coat from her shoulders without concern.

“Let me guess, I have to work?” Heather called up the stairs.

I stared with some trepidation as she slipped the dress off and shimmied out of it.

“Heather!” I hissed. “Your mom could—”

“Jimmy and Carol are both ill,” Mairead’s voice explained, a little louder. “I’m so sorry, but we may need you to help out for a few hours this afternoon.”

“Of course,” she replied so normally, despite standing there completely nude. She came close to me and spoke quietly. “I’m going to rinse off. You know where the phone is.”

“At least tell her I’m here!” I whispered urgently.

Heather rolled her eyes and then called up the stairs. “Matt wants you to know that he’s here, so don’t come down naked or anything!”

I groaned quietly.

Mairead blurted out something in Irish, and then added, “I’ll be right down!”

Heather sighed and then pressed her lips to mine. “When I get out, we can head to the library.”

I wanted to kiss her so much more but given her state of undress and Mairead’s imminent descent, instead I pushed her toward the bathroom. Once she was safely within, I went into the kitchen and filled the tea kettle with water, setting it on the burner. Then I called home. Sarah answered.

“Hi Mom. Is Lara up yet?”

“No, just Tommy so far. Where are you?”

“At Heather’s.”

“Is everything okay? Tommy said you were gone very early.”

“No, he probably just couldn’t see me in bed.”

“Matt ... That’s not funny.”

I winced. “Sorry. But it is something he would’ve said.”

“Yes, in fact he already did say it this morning. But you shouldn’t joke like that. So what exactly have you been up to, out in the middle of the night?”

“Oh, Heather and me were just hanging out, you know ... fishing and stuff.”

“In the rain?”

I mentally slapped myself. Fishing? I’d forgotten the weather already.

“Mostly talking, really.”

“Okay,” she answered slowly. “I’m a little worried about your sleeping habits. Are you getting enough rest?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just running out of time with Heather, so I’m trying to make the most of it.”

“I understand,” she said, her voice softening a bit. “But still...”

“We’re not doing anything bad or weird, believe me.”

“I’m just making sure everything’s okay, given what ... Well, let’s leave it alone for now. We’ll talk later. What are your plans today?”

“It looks like Heather has to work this afternoon. She’s showering right now and I’m about to have tea with Mrs. Martin. I’ll probably be home in a couple of hours or so. Can you let the twins and Lara know?”