Chapter 27: Red Lines

I was surprisingly alert when Tommy and I slipped into Frej’s car at a quarter of six, just as the light was starting to make itself known in the east. I let Tommy have the front so I could squeeze against Heather in the back.

“Good morning, my love,” she whispered, and immediately I wondered if I was overdressed for the warmth she caused in me. Maybe forgetting all my clothes at home would be okay after all. Damn kissing ban, though...

“Is your man coming with us today?” Tommy asked Frej.

“No, I gave Kent the day off,” he replied.

“Do you plan to retire soon?”

Frej chuckled. “No plans for that, no.”

“Is it to travel more then? You’re welcome to Inishowen any time!”

“Thank you!” Frej replied. “But yes, it is for the Valdemar not to sit in the dock when I go to visit friends. This will be happening more this year,” he added, grinning at us in the rear-view mirror. “I visited my sister last summer and I was not happy to have the boat waiting without being used in the high season. I have been looking for someone since then. Most people want their own charter, but Kent only wants to work part time. It is good for both of us.”

“Did you go back to Denmark, to visit your sister?” I asked.

“No. She has a small farm in Maine,” Frej replied. “She is older than me, by a number of years. We came over from Denmark together, long ago, but she said Montauk was too busy for her, so she left.”

I laughed. “Really? Too busy?”

“It’s all relative, I guess,” Heather said.

“Yes. She prefers to be more quiet,” Frej said. “Too many tourists here, she thought, even back then. And she does not like the beach, especially the sand.”

“I’m with her on that,” Heather said, very softly.

“Kent is retired,” Frej continued. “I can call him as I need him. He used to own his own boat some time ago, and he knows well how to handle himself out on the water. It is the fishing that he is still learning.”

“Maybe he should’ve come out then?” Tommy suggested.

“He said he has been dreaming of cod every night for weeks, so it is better if he takes the day off,” Frej joked.

We soon pulled into the dock lot, dawn coming quickly now. Frej had a large stack of coats and boots in the trunk, which Heather and I hauled to the boat. After we helped Tommy onboard, I did what I could to help make ready, even as Heather so easily went about the business of it like an old hand.

“You should just call Heather on the days you need someone,” I joked, once we were motoring slowly away from the berth.

Frej laughed, clapping me on the back. “The next time I come visit you in the mountains, I will remember that.”

“On second thought, I like Kent!” I cried. “He’s the best! Call Kent, for sure!”

Heather just rolled her eyes.

The day was starting out windy. We bundled up and added an outer layer of rubber, since the waves were choppy enough to cause sea spray to splash across the deck of the Valdemar II fairly often. Tommy clearly had no intention of riding in the cabin despite his promises to my parents, so we had to brave the elements to stay with him. Tommy and Heather were content to chat on the deck, so I joined Frej at the helm as we plowed into the choppy Atlantic, toward the brightening horizon.

“Where are we headed?”

“Coxes Ledge. The cod grounds. They are on the move, so we will see what we see today. But I think Fru Melissa will have some fresh fish tonight, if she would like.”

“Cool. Is it going to be this windy all day?”

“Yes, it seems. If you or Tommy need Dramamine, I have some in the cabin.”

“So far so good,” I said. If my stomach was queasy, I didn’t think it was from the swells, not yet anyway.

“It will get rougher further out. But no storms today, so at least we will not have rain.”

“The spray will probably be enough!” I remarked, even as a tall sail of droplets whipped across the craft.

“Yes, it will. Stay warm, and make sure Tommy does too. If you or him get sick from this, I think I will not need Kent to work for me after all.”

I sniffed. “They’re just trying to make sure nothing happens, you know ... Did they tell you?”

“About the girl in your school, yes,” Frej said, quietly. “I am sad to hear about it. So young...”

I figured Frej was probably approaching fifty, although his constant exposure to the sea elements made it hard to tell. But I knew from the inflection in his voice he was suddenly much younger now, thinking of another time, likely when his wife Elise would sail with him. A swell of feeling coursed through me. She died long ago, also young... Or perhaps Frej felt old, rather than young, as he reminisced silently.

“It is sad,” I agreed. “So random.”

“That is life, like the waves ... random. Especially today.”

“It’s still hard to believe it really happened. I keep thinking she’ll be in school when we go back next week ... But I guess people always say when it’s your time, then it’s your time.”

Frej looked at me and smiled. “People say that, yes. They say it too much, and it has no meaning. They say the same in Skagen, ‘Døden blæser ikke i lur’... Death does not announce itself when it comes. But do those words make you feel better about your friend?”

“I don’t know ... Not really.”

“And what does it mean, ‘her time’?” he continued, his voice surprisingly animated. “It is a sad thing, whether it was her time or not. So do not be afraid to feel for your friend. It is easy to dismiss death as something that has to happen, and then put it aside. No ... It is a powerful change in the world. For worse, but for good also. Things die, but they can live on in death. Do not ignore it or hide it into a phrase of a few simple words.”

“I see what you mean,” I sighed, wondering about the Dramamine now. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like her death didn’t mean anything ... In fact, can I ask you something?”

“Yes, always.”

“Have you ... Well, I don’t know. Maybe this is inappropriate.”

Frej grunted. “Why?”

“I mean ... It’s a personal question.”

“Are you thinking about my feelings for Elise?”

I swallowed. “Yeah, in a way.”

“Then ask, and I will say if I cannot answer you.”

“Okay ... What I was going to ask is if you’ve ever regretted not ... doing something while the person was alive. Doing something or saying something.”

“I can answer that.” Frej took a long breath as he scanned the sea before us. “The answer is yes.”

“And what did you do about it?” I asked.

Again he stared out. “I held it inside me. That is how I fix problems, because I am alone much of my life. Alone, or with strangers that I will not see again.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, that makes sense. And I guess over time you realize that things just happen, and there’s nothing you can—”

“Matt, one moment.”

I glanced at him, wondering if he needed to do something related to our navigation, but he was looking at me with a sympathetic expression, something I hadn’t quite ever seen on his face before.

“You asked me what I did about the regrets,” he continued.

“Yeah?”

“I kept it in. But that is not my advice for you. Or for anyone, since maybe you are talking about someone else and not yourself.”

“Well, maybe it’s advice for many people,” I evaded.

He gave me a knowing look, though.

“But it is me, at least partly,” I admitted.

“My advice is that you tell someone. Anyone you can trust. Get it outside of you. Your mothers, or Lara, Heather...”

I shivered as a gust of cold found a gap in the raincoat. “Or you?”

He laughed gently. “If you trust me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Matt, thank you. But you should not tell me. I do not know you well enough yet. You have two good mothers, and they listen very well and can help you talk about it. I say this because I know it for myself.”

I wondered how much Frej and my parents had shared. Certainly the experience of losing a dear partner, of course, and perhaps there was more pain associated with that than I even knew. From the sound of it, Frej had probably confided in them about whatever regret he was speaking of. Did it have to do with Elise? I wondered if my parents had regrets related to my dad. Had they been on good terms the day he’d had his accident? Had their last phone conversation been as good as it could be?

It didn’t matter too much, though. All their hidden history was overwhelming to think about, with so much going on in my own little circle. It was long ago and had little impact on the present. Besides, Frej wasn’t forthcoming about whatever his particular regret was. His advice was what I was really interested in, and he was wise enough to focus on that and not his own personal details.

Then again ... Tell someone? I shivered.

For a while we motored through the swells, unspeaking and listening to the elements whip up around us. It definitely was getting rougher.

Tell someone... The idea quickly became paralyzing. I liked his first idea better ... Fix it myself.

“Thanks for the advice,” I finally said.

“Yes ... It can be difficult. It depends on how large is the regret.”

I swallowed, pulling my coat tighter. “Yeah, I get that.”

“You will feel different after you tell someone.”

“Better?”

Frej didn’t answer right away. He gestured for me to take the wheel, almost without thinking. I did, glad for his trust as we cut through the sizeable waves.

“It can be better, after a time,” he said. “But different, always.”

I nodded. “Good to know.”

“Now, I will tell you about the swells, for there is much to learn from the sea today. When they are coming toward you like so...”

We arrived at the Ledge without incident. A few times it got pretty bumpy, but it was frighteningly thrilling to steer the powerful boat through the rough waters. Down below, I’d hear Tommy’s whoops and Heather’s giggles every time the waves dropped them a little faster than expected.

Even the discomfort of wind and sea spray diminished over the course of those few hours, by simply blending into the overall experience. It took me most of the ride to realize that with no one else on the boat having any negative feelings about the elements, I didn’t have to either. Had Muireann or Lara or anyone else been there to worry, then I might have done so as well, but on this outing, I could simply enjoy the action.

Still, we better not get sick!

Once we reached a spot that Frej thought held promise, I hopped down to the deck to join Heather and Tommy. The Dane remained at the helm to keep the boat as steady as possible.

Since the experience was mostly for Tommy’s benefit, I let Heather give him her full attention, only helping out when it was not an interference. Tommy asked endless questions about what everything was for, and how the fish behaved.

“And for bait?”

“Skimmer clams,” Heather replied.

“The cod eat them?”

“Love them,” she said. “Are you good with a knife?”

“Of course, lass!”

I let out a snort, but apparently, she was serious. In another moment, Tommy was very carefully prying open clamshells with the dull blade. I joined him after Heather unexpectedly tossed me another little knife.

“Good catch,” she said, grinning at me.

Sure thing, Cathal...

Tommy handled it with aplomb. While we worked, Heather dropped anchor. After we had a bunch shucked, she slid the bucket of empty shells against his leg.

“Tommy, can you tell which way the current is coming from?”

“I’m not sure, lass.”

“See if you can feel it.”

He shrugged and stilled himself for a while. At last, he pointed to the bow.

“Nice one!” Heather chirped. “Take the shells and toss them as far as you can in that direction.”

He considered for a moment. “Will they not just come back to the boat?”

“Exactly what we want!” she chirped. “They’ll sink though, and hopefully land right under us. So throw as far as you can!”

Oddly, Frej said nothing, content to watch Heather run the show. I did note his proud grin. While Heather led Tommy to the bow and he started chucking the shells out into the water, I climbed the ladder partway and took a look at the rigs Frej was assembling.

“How does this work?” I asked.

“It is a high-low rig. Do you want to tie one? I did not have time last night to prepare them.”

“Sure, I’ll try.” I climbed up the rest of the way.

“Do you know how to make a surgeon’s loop?” he asked.

“Not especially.”

It was neat to watch the captain work. Despite his thick and weathered fingers, his tying was very precise and tight. My own efforts were almost depressing, but Frej laughed it off.

“I thought I’d be better at this!” I exclaimed as the dangling droppers constantly tried to get tangled with each other. “I do fish enough to know how to tie lines.”

“These are a little more intricate than the standard hook ties you might be used to. But after you do a few, you see that it is not difficult.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s like changing guitar strings.”

Frej chuckled. “Yes, and I would have a difficult time with that! So do not worry.”

Soon it was time to see what luck we would encounter, so Tommy dropped the first clam-baited rig down into the depths. A minute later I climbed down and joined him with my own line.

“All the way to the bottom, until you feel the sinker hit,” Heather advised.

“It did just now, lass.”

“Ok, reel in to take in the slack. You can feel it with your finger.”

Tommy followed the instructions and soon had a taut line.

“Something pulled!” he exclaimed.

Heather laughed. “That’s your sinker coming off the bottom. It’s really wavy today, so your job is to keep it on the seafloor, but just barely. Don’t let the swell of the boat lift it, and don’t let the tension on the line fall off, either. Otherwise the clams won’t ride above the bottom.”

“So you mean hold the rod still in the air, as if the boat wasn’t moving?”

“Exactly!” she chimed. “You’ll get the feel of it. Are you good, Matt?”

“Perfect!”

“How will I know when it’s a fish?” Tommy asked.

Heather reached over and grabbed his monofilament. She gave it a few plucks. “If you feel little pulses like that, they are probably biting.”

“So I start reeling?”

“No. You want to wait for this.” She grabbed the line and pulled it a few feet.

“Aye, so a big pull.”

“Yeah, if you feel that, give a sharp lift on the rod.”

We fished in silence for a bit, getting used to the rolling of the boat. The waves felt a bit bigger now that we were stopped, and again I started wondering if I should take up Frej’s offer of the stomach-settler.

“Frej, there’s a bunch of boats over there,” I remarked, eyeing the vessels that were congregating a half-mile off in the distance.

“Yes, many charters run this way for cod now, before the fancy fish come into season next month.”

“Fancy fish?” Tommy asked.

Frej laughed. “Cod are not beautiful. Bottom feeders, and they are not the best fighters. People prefer the stripers. Or the offshore game fish.”

“Are there sharks here?” Tommy asked, causing Heather and I to start laughing.

“Don’t get him started,” I replied.

“You’ll have to hear the shark story this week over dinner,” Heather said.

“Your mom will be thrilled,” I remarked.

“I know. That’s the best part!”

“Her mom has banned the story a few times,” I explained. “But Tommy, if you bring it up, then they’ll have to tell it. They can’t deny a special guest!”

“Aye, lad, then I surely will!”

Frej just grinned at the exchange.

“Do you think those boats found a group of fish?” I asked him.

“Yes, it seems so. But there is little use to go there and join them. When the cod get onto one boat, many times the rest of the boats can be out of luck. Since we came late, we will work around this area instead.”

“Aye, and it’s a good area!” Tommy abruptly called out. His rod was quickly bending into an arc as something pulled on it.

“Snap the rod upward, Tommy,” Heather said, stepping near to him.

He gave a tug and then a “Whoa!” as the weight of the fish pulled him off balance. Heather offered a steady hand, and in another moment, he had control of the line again.

“Pull and then reel in as you follow the weight!” Frej called.

With not a little effort he slowly raised the bent rod as high as he could, and then Heather showed him how to reel as he let it come back down. She remained nearby, ready to steady him should he be thrown off balance by the rise and fall of the boat.

“Not bad, Tommy,” Frej said. A spotted creamy gray fish had come into view, lethargically trying to swim away. Heather soon had the gaff in hand and slung the catch over the transom.

“Nice one!”

“We’ll not starve tonight!” he cried happily.

That was the start of a decent run of fish, which thrilled Tommy to no end. Even the rough seas that caressed us ever more frequently with salty spray didn’t dampen the enthusiasm of catching each successive cod. Surprisingly, Heather didn’t drop a line in, preferring to be the acting deck captain. My earlier retracted suggestion of her commandeering the Valdemar II when Frej was away was certainly a realistic proposition, in principle at least.

I hooked into a few cod myself, and we swapped out fish when any larger one came over the side, keeping only two at any given moment.

“Why not keep them all and sell them in Aongus’s shop?” Tommy asked.

“For many reasons. But the cod populations are not doing well,” Frej explained. “I think we will not be fishing for them much longer around here.”

“Are they endangered?”

“I do not know,” Frej replied somberly. “But they are heavily fished, and the trawlers are a terrible thing for them. It is not what it used to be, even from five years ago. And further north it is even worse. I hear people say the entire fishery may disappear in the next few years. But who can say? They study it, but the recommendations are made by people who have much pressure on them from all sides, and so it may be too little that they can do about it now. The rest of us on small boats can only watch as the sea is abused.”

Tommy nodded slowly. “Then maybe we should throw all of ours back.”

Frej laughed gently. “No, there is no need for that. Those of us fishing on lines are nothing, a drop in the ocean. We can keep two and enjoy them for dinner this week, do not worry.”

“But what if these two are the tipping point?” he pressed.

“They may be,” Frej agreed. “But that is no way to live life, wondering if every action you make will cause the breaking of something else that you cannot see. It is never simple like that, even when it may seem so. Time does not always move in the order that it seems.”

Tommy turned to look at Frej with a glint in his eyes. “What do you mean by that? About time moving out of order?”

Frej laughed. “Only that out here on the ocean, things may look like they come together at one moment, but it is only because of other things that happened long ago, in different times and different places, but traveled here to meet today, without any intention of it being so.”

“That’s an interesting view, Frej. It sounds like a book I read.”

“I did not read this in a book, I am sure. But it is the only way to survive out here. It is of no use to only look at one part and draw conclusions. Our two fish may be the tipping point ... But if that will cause better protections to be placed on the fisheries at last ... You cannot know how your fishing today will impact the future, with so many other actions in motion. Even some actions that started before you were born.”

I’d sidled up to Heather during the Danishman’s philosophizing. “I have a feeling the topic for the rest of the boat trip is set.”

“We’ll see how long Frej stays with him!”

It wasn’t long, but not because Frej lost interest. Rather, Tommy’s tackle practically snapped in half as it curled up once again.

“Whoa!” he cried, as he struggled to maintain his grip. Heather was beside him in a flash, lowering the drag on his reel.

“Is it snagged?” I asked.

She held a hand on the pole and line, her eyes narrowed in concentration. At last she grinned. “Nope!”

“What is it then?” Tommy asked, his voice full of childlike excitement. “A shark?”

We all laughed, me a bit nervously. After all, Tommy may not have heard the shark story yet, but I sure had! I glanced uneasily at the darkened waters, shivering at the idea of something hidden suddenly surging up from the depths to leap out and cause terror and destruction.

Ugh ... Don’t even think about it, idiot!

“No. Probably a really fat cod,” Heather said, still testing the line. “You’re going to have to put some muscle to it, lad!”

Excitement mounted as it became clear that Tommy had a monster on the line. Heather pulled anchor and Frej took the helm again to keep the fish behind the boat. Tommy pulled and reeled as best he could. Heather hovered, offering a steadying hand whenever the deck lurched. But the help was being offered less often, since Tommy was finding his sea legs by now.

“How big do you think?” I asked.

Heather shrugged. “Not sure. It can be hard to tell sometimes. Feels big, though.”

“Don’t you mean ... meaty?” I asked, causing her to give me a very bright grin.

I decided to reel in my own line so that I could watch the unfolding event without distraction. Maybe Tommy will even let me work the reel for a bit!

“How large are the ones we have now?” Tommy asked.

“Probably around twenty pounds each,” Heather replied. “If the one you have on hook is less than forty, I’d be surprised.”

Tommy gave a pleased whistle. “That is close to twenty kilos!”

“Yes,” Frej agreed, now that he’d watched the twin struggle for a time. “Maybe even fifty pounds! Just keep on it as you are.”

“It feels enormous.”

“A once in a lifetime catch for most people,” Frej agreed.

“Or maybe it’s a bag full of gold coins,” I joked.

“Aye, lad, I’d take that as well!”

At times we got sideways against the wind, and that meant a lot of salty spray slashing across the deck as the hull of the Valdemar II continued to cut the waters in half. I felt moisture trickling down into my inner layers, despite everything being buttoned up as best as could be. But even Frej wasn’t heeding my moms’ wishes anymore, all of us being caught up in the anticipation of what would eventually surface.

“Lad, can you take over? My arms feel about to fall off!”