Chapter 2: Circle Bright

The day’s torture wasn’t over, since we still had to tell Heather about the state of things. She was supposed to be calling me that evening after dinner. Lara and I had discussed what we would say to her, but it hadn’t been easy to come up with anything. It felt cruel, now, as we remembered how inspired she’d been the past few days. Now we had to throw sand over it again and bury it away.

Before dinner we went for another walk since it was easier to talk freely that way. It was dark, so we headed for our old swimming hole, using the very faint light thrown out by the main house windows. It was just enough to see where we were going, nothing more. Not that we really needed light to follow the well-worn path.

“I need to be the one to do it,” Lara announced, when we arrived at the stream.

“Do what?”

“Talk to Heather. I owe her at least that much. Plus, it’s my thing, you know.”

“Um, not exactly.”

“You’re not changing anything with her. I am.”

“Well ... Okay, let’s say it’s that for now. What are you going to tell her?” I asked.

“I don’t know, but the right thing will come out at the time, hopefully.”

“I think she’ll totally understand. She even said as much in your bed. She knew it might be just a couple of nights of trying this out, and then we’d go back to how it used to be.”

“I guess she did say that, but it’s all so hazy. Still, it does feel a bit like I’m breaking up with her,” she added glumly.

“True.”

“Hey, did you get the impression that our moms had any suspicion?”

“Of?”

“You know ... Truth.”

I let out a little laugh, understanding her code word for our situation immediately. “Truth ... I’d say no, but it was a bit strange when I was talking to them about Dad’s pictures. I told them I understood why they were doing this, about hiding the photos and their past. And Mom said, ‘We know.’ It was almost like they were saying they know you and me have been talking about the same thing.”

“Whoa ... And when I said it was sad that we had to hide parts of ourselves, they were like, you have to be even more careful when you’re young.”

“Hmm. Do you ever wonder if...”

Lara looked at me. “If they worry that they’ve brought us up wrong?”

I chuckled. “Damn, I feel like I don’t even need to use words with you today, sis.”

“I know, right?”

“It’s ... cool. A little scary, honestly, but cool.”

“It’s like a wall used to be between us, and now it’s gone.”

I rolled my eyes. “Heh, I had the same thought a few nights ago. Except it was a camera aperture, for some reason.”

Lara laughed. “You’re such a photo geek.”

“That’s me. But anyway, do you think our moms feel that way? That they’ve messed us up?”

She pondered this. “Maybe that’s part of what this thing with Dad’s photos is about. They see us going down the same road and are trying to keep us from going there?”

I grunted. “Do you really think they could know about Truth? It just all happened.”

Lara eyed me. “Or maybe it’s really been there underneath everything, for a while.”

“Have you ever told them you like Heather?”

“No, not at all. Still, maybe they picked up on it.”

“Maybe they don’t want us to go through the pain they’ve had.”

She sniffed. “I almost think they want us to be normal.”

“Hmm, normal ... Well, it’s far too late for that. Hiding a few pictures isn’t going to do shit now.”

“Yeah, we’re fucked up beyond rescue, right?”

“Probably. I mean, right now we have a fucking code word for some weird-ass three-way relationship that probably no one else on earth would think is okay.”

Lara laughed a bit wildly. “Yeah, definitely beyond rescue, then.”

We stood in silence for a time.

“I really wish I had a joint,” I blurted out.

“I was just about to say the same. But the good news is, I have some in my room.”

I gaped at her. “Really?”

“Yeah. A pretty big bag of extra joints from Jonah’s. Heather gave them to me. I guess she cleaned out his cabin before we left.”

“Wait, why did she give them all to you?” I wailed even as I laughed.

“Because I’m clearly the more responsible one of the two of us,” she said evenly. “So do you want to get completely ripped or not?”

I guffawed at the irony. “After dinner?”

We ran back to the house.

Supper was warm and familial, like old times. Our moms were very grateful that Lara and I had ended up supporting their difficult decision. We discussed our family ‘cover story’ over the meal, and it became a humorous event as we all took turns promoting ridiculous alternate histories for ourselves. Eventually we settled on the simplest, the most obvious and closest to the truth. Our moms were a couple who simply chose to both have artificial fertilization at the same time.

“The complainers will have to deal with the lesbian aspect,” Melissa announced. “I’m not sleeping in a different room for some hateful people.”

It was good to see the fire back, though there was a slight glint of sadness in my mothers’ eyes, even as they laughed. This would never be easy, fire or not.

Decided on the story, we took some time to honor Dad, knowing he wasn’t being hidden away forever, nor forgotten.

After eating, the two of us took another walk under the pretense of visiting Alice. Once freed from the lights of the house, Lara pulled out the long-awaited joint and got it going with her lighter.

“How did it go with Heather?” I asked.

They had finished their call just as dinner was served, and there had been no chance to discuss it.

“She is, I have to say...” Lara began, before taking some time to inhale the sweet smoke, “ ... a complete joy.”

A colossal sense of relief flooded through me. “She was okay?”

“I think she was even more understanding of it than you and me were. It sure seemed like it, anyway.”

I took the joint from her hand and filled my lungs. This brought an even deeper feeling of release. “I am so glad to hear that.”

“And guess what? We do have the same winter break!”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She’s working on her parents, trying to get them to come up and ski. We should do the same with our folks, she said. You know, get them to invite them up.”

“Wait, was this before or after you broke up with her?”

Lara chuckled. “After, Matt. She’s totally cool.”

“I’ll get on it then! It could be a blast, Heather here with the twins...”

“Yeah. Then again, will Heather be able to wear the mask and keep our secrets hidden?”

“Wear it, yeah,” I replied. “Keep it on? Who knows!”

We walked aimlessly around the deserted roads. There was much laughter and odd talk as the joint quickly disappeared. Eventually we landed at a small park and took to the lone picnic table there, after swishing the snow off the top. I was flying high.

“We should’ve brought some food,” Lara mused.

“Tell me about it. You should just start storing your joints inside bags of chips or something.”

She guffawed. “Like that would be subtle.”

“Better than starving to death. I’m about to start eating the snow.”

“Fine, but stay away from the yellow stuff.”

“Ugh, Lara.”

“Damn, Jonah’s weed is something else. I’m feeling totally baked.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m not cold anymore either. Not sure if that’s good, but whatever.”

“Whoa, you know what I just realized?” Lara blurted out.

“Uh ... No, I don’t, sorry.”

“Are we even related now?”

I gaped at her. “Say what?”

“Well, think about it. Our moms get some sperm donors, then have us.”

At first, I didn’t see her point. Then the information managed to slip through a crack in the stone. “Shit, you’re right!”

“What if they used different donors?”

“Then we’re just stepsiblings.”

“Exactly ... I wonder which we should be,” she mused.

“It’s just a front, Lara.”

“I know that, silly! But someone might ask. I wouldn’t be surprised if the twins actually do ask, since they’re, well, twins. It means something to them. So, are we actually related? In the fake life?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, do you want to be?” Lara asked me pointedly.

I eyed her, laughing. “You do know that no matter what we pick, we still are related, right?”

“Of course. Jeez, Matt, I’m not that dumb!”

“I know. But for a second it seemed like we were really deciding.”

“Just for the cover story!” she said, exasperation in her voice.

We were silent for while.

“Not related,” I finally said. “It would be more normal that way. I think so, anyway. Right? It would be weird for two women to get the same sperm donor.”

Lara murmured in agreement. “Yeah. The other way is more normal. So, not related.”

“Maybe our moms won’t like that, though.”

“That’s too bad. We get some say in our story, I think.” Lara hopped up. “Come on, let’s go back and get warm again. I’m actually starting to feel the cold.”

“Told you to wear ski pants.”

She eyed me but said nothing.

“Are we smoking another one for the way home?” I asked.

“Easy there, bro. We do have school tomorrow.”

“Oh shit, I totally forgot about that!”

“And this,” Lara proclaimed, “is why Heather gave me the joints.”

I only could laugh as we made our way home, the world passing by us weirdly.

“What are we going to do about the band?” Lara asked, after a time.

“I have no idea,” I muttered. “It kind of depends on you mostly.”

“I guess you guys can go back to the way it was.”

I laughed. “Yeah, right.”

“Well, I’m not going to play in a band with Pete in it.”

“I get that.”

“I’m not upset at him like I was last week, but I also can’t play music with him again.”

“Seems like it would be super awkward.”

“Yeah, but also, it’s too ... intimate, you know? I can’t let him in like that again. I thought we had something. I did stuff with him that I’ve never done with anyone.”

“Like what?”

“Like, a lot. Told him stuff no one else knows. Let him ... do stuff to me no one else has ever done.”

“You mean like sex stuff?” I asked delicately, sensing that change in tone in her voice.

“Yes, Matt, like sex stuff,” she answered patiently.

“I kind of figured with what you’ve told me about James, you pretty much had it all covered.”

“Uh, no? Not at all.”

“What are you talking about? Did he, like, tie you up or something?”

Lara started laughing and it was contagious.

“No way!” she eventually managed. “I don’t think Pete would ever be able to do that.”

“Yeah, I can’t picture him doing that either. So what did you do, then?”

“Nothing, just forget I said it.”

“Why?”

“You never want to hear details.”

“Well, it’s fine. I’m stoned so I don’t seem to care right now!”

“Yeah, but when you remember this tomorrow, you will care.”

“Just tell me,” I pleaded.

“No.”

Now I was intrigued. Lara was never one to shy away from sexual talk. That was my job! I went through my mental Rolodex of Lara’s known sexual acts. Outdoors with James; blowjobs, even with me watching a bit that one night; fingering herself in the tent ... She let James come in her mouth, I knew... Did James ever lick her down there?

“He gave you oral sex?” I asked.

“Matt, really? You’re going to start guessing?”

“If I have to! Did he?”

“It’s not that. I’ve done that before.”

“I couldn’t remember.”

“Julie was the best at it.”

“Oh, shit, I forgot about her!” I burst out, as my mental list got longer. “But come on, Lara, just tell me!”

“Aren’t you Mr. Pushy?”

“We always shared stuff like this before, remember?”

Lara was quiet for a short time. “I remember.”

“And it was kind of fun, wasn’t it?” I continued.

“It was ... But it does feel a bit different now.”

“Why? If we’re ever going to make Truth happen, we have to be able to be comfortable with each other in this way,” I said pointedly.

Lara turned abruptly. “I know that!” she huffed, her tone serious.

“Well then, out with it!” I cried, keeping my voice humorous.

For a moment we were both still.

“The thing is,” she said quietly, “you’ve never really been okay with that kind of talk. I always thought I was forcing it on you, in the end.”

I paced around. “I know. That was before the wall came down, I guess.”

Lara stared at me. Eventually she started walking again. “Some other time, Matt. I have to think about it, first.”

I caught up with her. “Okay, fine.”

“But really, why do you want to hear about me and him in that way? Do you realize what you’re asking me?”

It hit me abruptly, and I felt like a jerk.

“Oh, damn, I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously that’s not a happy subject. I’m so sorry, Lara.”

She stopped again, so I turned to look at her, bracing for the reprimand.

“No, Matt, I don’t care about that. No matter what he did the other night, I’ll remember the good times with him as good times, thank you. So I don’t mind telling you. But why do you not mind hearing it?”

“Me? Well, I’m stoned,” I ventured, flailing at her unexpected turnaround. “Not my usual grumpy self?”

Lara got closer to me. “Matt, come on. It’s not because you’re stoned. Why do you really want to know?”

A hollow feeling in my stomach was creeping up on me, and it wasn’t hunger from the pot smoking. No, it was a feeling I’d not felt for a little while. An old pang of pain, easily forgotten in the elation of recent events.

Lara was gazing at me, less that a foot away from my face.

“You’re right, it’s none of my business,” I finally said, breaking away from her observation. “I’m sorry. I just got a little worked up with the weed and all the stuff that happened today.”

“Okay. That’s fine.”

“Anyway, maybe we should call it a night,” I suggested, suddenly feeling spent. “I keep hoping for a snow day tomorrow, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. The roads are all clear.”

“Yeah, we’re not going to get lucky,” Lara lamented. “Back to the grind.”

“Ugh, the bus ride...” I groaned. “Where am I going to sit?”

Lara laughed, far too happily. “Decisions, decisions.”

“I know, right? What should I do? You want me to sit with you?”

“They’re still your friends, Matt. Just because me and Pete are done, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hang out with them anymore.”

“I know, but ... It’s going to be fucking weird in the back seats,” I moped.

“Well, maybe you’ll get lucky.”

“Lucky? How? They’ll all be sick tomorrow or something?”

“Maybe. Don’t worry about it. Things will be fine.”

“Oh, and then the twins are here,” I continued with added drama. “Where the heck will they sit?”

Lara patted my arm. “Matt, trust me, and forget about it. It will be fine. You’ll see.”

“Okay, if you say so.” I pulled her close to my side as we walked on. “Thanks, for talking today. We’ll get through all this.”

“We always do, Matt. We always do. And we still have a few days to figure out who exactly we’ll be when the twins are here.”

Lara, that little imp! She knew the whole time that the bus ride wouldn’t be a problem and didn’t let me in on the secret. The first sign was the appearance of an older but serviceable Corolla in the clearing that fronted our house.

“Mom, someone’s here,” I called out to Melissa, as I put on my coat.

Lara bounced past me, far more excited at this early hour than she’d ever been. “Come on, or we’re going to miss the bus, bro!”

Before I could ask what had gotten into her, Lara had whipped the front door open and bounded out. I followed slowly, watching as she ran right for the car. I did a double take as she slipped into the passenger side.

I couldn’t make out the driver from the glare on the windshield, but as I got closer I could finally see Alice grinning at me through the side window.

With a surge of relief, I jumped into the back seat. The car was warm, and Lara turned to me with glee.

“Welcome to the new bus!” Lara cried.

“Jeez, Alice, what’s this?” I asked.

“Christmas present!” she exclaimed, as she started off down our driveway.

“Damn! That’s awesome!”

“It’s my brother’s old car, so it’s been around the town a few times.”

“But it’s a set of wheels!” Lara squealed. “This is so cool!”

Soon after turning out of our drive, we passed the bus going in the opposite direction. We cheered at it. As I looked up at the rear end, I could see Brian’s shirt back leaning against the rearmost window, his usual spot. Later on, suckers!

“Alice said she’d drive us to school now, and by the way I’m calling shotgun for the year,” Lara announced.

“I don’t care. I’ll ride on the fucking roof if I have to! Are we really never taking the bus again?”