Chapter 23: Soon I’ll Be Gone

If I hadn’t been sure that Tommy had Dr. Kendall in his back pocket, that was put to rest in study hall the following Tuesday. Carmen, Tommy, and I were walking along the outside of the school building, on our way to the fields as was our habit now, when the principal rounded the far corner and came toward us.

“Uh oh,” Carmen said. “Caught.”

“Principal alert,” I whispered, for Tommy’s benefit.

The three of us laughed quietly, all of us wearing shades as was our other habit these days.

“We are so in trouble...” she sang softly.

“Naw, lass, don’t worry. He’s a good fella.” Tommy gave a big wave as we neared our warden. “Dr. K!”

“Hello!” Dr. Kendall greeted. “Odd, I must have looked at the wrong day on the calendar. I didn’t know we had early dismissal today!”

Tommy laughed. “Aye, it was right there in the schedule. In big letters, so even I could see it!”

Dr. Kendall chuckled, and seemed about to make a joke but then thought better of it.

“Carmen has been teaching me some gymnastics,” Tommy went on. “We’re off to practice some more now, we are.”

Dr. Kendall nodded. “That’s kind of you, Carmen. How’s it going?”

Carmen giggled. “He’s ... improving.”

“Good to hear. Will we get to see some tumbling passes by the end of the year?”

“At the talent show!” Tommy quipped.

“That would be excellent. I was a gymnast once, you know,” the principal confided.

Carmen smiled appreciatively. “I didn’t know that!”

“Yes. Before I hit my growth spurt, anyway.”

“I was going to say, you seem pretty tall for it!”

Dr. Kendall chuckled. “Too tall, and too old now.” He looked around for a moment. “You’re not supposed to be wandering the grounds during class without permission, though.”

“We have study hall and we’re studying gymnastics,” Tommy explained.

“Yes, but...”

“And our room monitor is fine with it,” he added as he looked at us for support. “I’d say she gave us permission, yeah?”

We both nodded, but I could tell Tommy had already pushed our principal off the fence. For my part, I just hoped Dr. Kendall didn’t decide to check with the grumpy monitor. Tommy’s idea of ‘fine with it’ was probably way different than anyone else’s.

“Well, I’ll just have to trust in my staff. I’ll let you enjoy the day!” Dr. Kendall said cheerily, his eyes glinting. He walked on, as did we, and maybe even both parties laughed quietly. We certainly did.

“Nice one, Tommy.”

“Why didn’t you audition for the talent show with some tumbling, lass?”

Carmen shrugged. “Never thought about it.”

“People would love to see that. You could put some good music to go with it, and it would be fantastic!”

“Maybe next year, then.”

We spent a while in the field where I lounged around while Carmen demonstrated some moves. She then helped Tommy to practice handstands. He was doing remarkably well, even if it still was pretty funny-looking.

Eventually we moved on to the woods and made our way to the fallen tree that Carmen had found to practice basic balance beam moves on. Tommy wasted no time in hopping up on the apparatus, while she offered a steadying hand.

“You’re a natural,” I called out, taking a seat against a nearby trunk to watch him walk back and forth with surprising ease.

“Or I have a good teacher,” he quipped.

Carmen gave me a coy look. I just rolled my eyes. I was soon ignored, though, as she worked with him on keeping his balance while he turned in place. Feeling a bit like a chaperone, in time my thoughts wandered as usual. A slight bit of worry about the band battle had been creeping in lately. Jonah had said eleven songs... Is it okay that four of them are rather long? Maybe he wouldn’t really care, though. As Lara had pointed out, fairness seemed like it might be an arbitrary concept in the Castle, subject to the needs of the party. And he said nothing about a time limit.

“Lad, watch this!”

I snapped out of my thoughts and watched Tommy do a back-and-forth pass on his own. Carmen clapped happily at the end, even as he gave a little leap in the air.

I suddenly realized that maybe having Tommy on the beam wasn’t the best idea. If he fell off, it would be hard for him to judge a safe landing on the fly.

This was a wise realization to have, but unfortunately it came to me after Tommy slipped while landing his little jump. With ironic coincidence, my thoughts were instantly translated into reality as he fell off the log. It wasn’t that high off the ground, but the forest covering was uneven; certainly it was no gym mat.

Carmen let out a little cry as she saw his foot twist and roll off of a round stone. Tommy grunted and instantly crumpled into a seated position to take the pressure off his leg.

“Damn, are you okay?” I called, quickly rushing to them.

“Ohhh, I think I twisted it good,” he groaned, his voice tight.

“Shit...”

“I’m sorry, Tommy!” Carmen cried. “I shouldn’t have let go!”

“Lass, that was my fault. I got cocky and tried to be fancy at the end.”

“How bad does it hurt? A lot?”

“Naw, it’s already feeling better,” he said, though he continued to rub it.

“I think we need to get you to the nurse,” I said. “For some ice, maybe, and to check it out. Just in case.”

Surprisingly, Tommy grunted in agreement instead of protesting. This didn’t help my mood. He’d only go to the nurse if he thought it absolutely necessary, I figured. Damn it...

Carmen was certainly distraught, and she helped me get Tommy onto his good foot. He put his arms around both our shoulders, even though Carmen’s petite frame was not particularly suited for the job at hand.

A knot of anxiety swelled up in me as he tried to put a little weight on the twisted ankle, before letting out a huff.

“Muireann is going to kill me,” I muttered.

“Nonsense, lad. This was my doing.”

“You do realize that she doesn’t even know we’ve been sneaking out here into the woods?”

“She’ll survive.”

“Yeah, but will I? Didn’t you say she murdered your juggling friend?”

Tommy guffawed. “Aye, she did, twice, even! Naw, lad, don’t worry about Muireann. If she wants to be upset, it’s her business.”

Well, you might not care too much, but I do...

I left that unsaid though. Carmen and I acted as crutches as we started through the woods. It was a very slow pace. When I looked at my watch, I realized we’d never get back in time for the bell. Muireann was going to be alone in photography class, for a while at least, and wondering where we were. And Dr. Kendall... What will he say when we show up like this? We had no reasonable excuse; he knew where we’d been and what we were doing.

Tommy continued his amused and idle banter. “Funny how I can ski just fine, but I try jumping on a little log and it all goes wrong!”

I kept quiet as did Carmen for the most part, except to occasionally apologize. I focused on the repetitive movements of our awkward march, soon feeling the strain of having his weight relying on me more and more as Carmen tired out. But we pressed on, emerging from the tree line and starting across the long grassy expanse. The end-of-period bell rang faintly in the distance.

“Carmen, you want to go ahead and grab our stuff from the room and then meet us at the nurse’s office?”

“Oh, sure, if you think I should?”

“Yeah, there’s a class in there after us. If you hurry you can get in there before the start bell. I can help Tommy the rest of the way by myself.”

Carmen set off at a run across the field, soon rounding the corner and disappearing after a last glance at us.

“She’s a nice lass,” Tommy remarked. “Don’t hold this against her.”

“I won’t,” I acknowledged.

“It was an accident.”

“Yeah, but I have a bad feeling our study hall outings are over once Muireann finds out about this.”

Tommy waved the idea aside. “I was exaggerating the thing with Cathal, lad. She just gives him a hard time, that’s all.”

“Oh, great...”

The second bell rang as we approached the building. My nerves continued to grow edgier. I heard loud voices up ahead laughing and carrying on. As we rounded the corner to enter the courtyard, we walked right into a group of guys, among which was a familiar and unwelcome face. Fucking Skinner ... What the hell is he doing here?

“Oh, sorry,” I muttered as we shifted course to avoid running right through them. Not that we were anywhere near ‘running’...

Tommy and I, who were basically hugging each other, got stares from the group. Sniggers went around.

“What’s going on, guys?” one of them called to us as we passed by.

“Practicing for the spring dance?” another called.

“Para bailar la bamba!“ Skinner sang out rather loudly.

“No way, man, that looks more like the lambada!”

Tommy was laughing along with the group. His movements started to slow, but I pressed him on, unwilling to find out what he might say to them. Start a fight, or become friends? No thanks.

“He just hurt his ankle,” I called back.

“Sure he did...” came the reply, followed by a quieter word that I still was able to hear. “Gaywads...”

Again I pressed Tommy forward as his laugh petered out. “Ignore them,” I grunted.

A group of girls was hanging out nearby, and I knew they’d watched and certainly heard the exchange. Gwen was among them and she eyed us with a very sour face. Great... I wondered why I hadn’t thought to go around the other side of the school. This little parade sure is awkward as hell.

Thankfully we made it to the nurse’s room without further audience, since last period was in full swing by now. Further relief came when I noted that Dr. Kendall’s office was closed. I ushered Tommy into the medical office as quickly as he could move, hoping desperately that the principal’s door didn’t click open.

Mrs. Quigley was ready for us because Carmen had already arrived and told her what had happened. Tommy took to a chair and the explanations continued. The nurse wasn’t particularly pleased to hear that we’d been out in the woods, but I knew that this disapproval was far from the worst we’d have to face today.

Just when things were clicking on all cylinders ... Damn it.

“Wilbur’s Diner, can I help you?”

I sniggered quietly despite my mood. “Yeah, I’d like to order one Heather?”

A moment of silence. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

I did so, but it was met with another pause.

“We don’t have that on the menu here,” Heather finally replied.

She’s good...

“All right, very funny. How are you doing?”

“I think you might have the wrong number.”

“Okay, Heather,” I sang.

There was a moment of muffled talking, and then a man came on the line, his voice short and to the point.

“Can I help you?”

“Oh, I think, uh ... I’m—Sorry!”

I hung up abruptly, a bit surprised; dialing Heather’s phone number was practically a reflex to me. Admittedly, I was still distracted due to Tommy’s injury earlier in the day, so it was possible I’d swapped some digits. Then again, maybe Heather was just pulling another prank on me. I figured it was fifty-fifty on those two options. I dialed very carefully this time and waited for the line to ring.

If she says ‘Wilbur’s Diner’...

She didn’t. Instead I got a song, a lick from Three Days. I laughed as she broke out into a line of the lyric.

“You’re hilarious,” I said, as she trailed off into a giggle.

“Why, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. What do you know about Wilbur’s Diner?”

“Uh, it’s a place here in town. Why?”

I strained to hear if there was any amusement in her voice. Well, besides the usual level. Always so hard to tell...

“Do you know their phone number?”

“Why the heck would I know that?”

“I don’t know. Never mind.”

“I don’t think they deliver to the Catskills, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Very funny. Forget it, though.”

“Okay. How are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m hanging in there ... Feeling a bit down, actually.”

“Oh, what’s wrong?”

“Tommy got hurt today.”

I gave her the rundown on his gymnastics lessons and our unsanctioned outings. “So anyway, today he was on this tree beam again and he fell off and hurt his ankle. Twisted it or sprained it, or something.”

“Does he have to wear a cast or anything?”

“No, just stay off it as much as possible, unless it starts getting worse.”

“So he was just trying to copy me from when I was there!” she joked.

I sniffed. “Yeah, maybe. I’m not going to be massaging his legs all day, though. That part is not going to be copied!”

“Mmm, I really miss those massages. I think when you come visit I’m going to take a bat to my ankle.”

“Stop it,” I chided. “I’ll massage your legs anytime you want.”

“Oh good. So, how is Muireann taking it?” Heather asked.

“Yeah, not well at all. Except to talk about homework, she hasn’t said a word to me or Tommy tonight.”

“Aw ... I’m sure she’ll come around, though. It’s not like you kicked his foot on purpose.”

“I know ... But I guess I was supposed to be in charge of Tommy during study hall, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” she dismissed. “Let Tommy be himself.”

“Well, tell that to Muireann.”

“I will. Put her on,” she said simply.

“I was kidding.”

“I’m not. Look, if you were on the log today, you could’ve just as easily fallen off and hurt yourself too. And if you did, no one would’ve gotten mad at Tommy, right? It’s not like he’s special that way. Stuff can happen to anyone. Part of life.”

“True ... But I still feel bad.”

“Hmm ... Does this other girl hang out with you guys a lot?”

“Carmen? Not really. I mean, just in study hall, pretty much.”

“Is she in trouble with Muireann too?”

“They don’t know each other, really. Probably Lara is mad at Carmen more than Muireann would be.”

“Why?”

I hesitated, having never told Heather about my past dysfunctional relationship. The thought of laying out that whole tale...

“Just stuff that happened a while ago with her,” I dismissed. “Long story for another day, but I know Lara isn’t super fond of her, and even less now. Anyway, we’ll see. Tommy will be fine soon enough. I’m not worried about him. It’s just that ... I feel bad about breaking Muireann’s trust.”

“I get that. But that’s what trust is, Matt. Sometimes it means things are going to happen. Tommy doesn’t want to live in a bubble, or a cushion. I’d almost guess he didn’t even care about getting hurt.”

“You might be right. Funny enough, he’s the only one who’s not down about it.”

“Not the only one!” she chirped.

“Well, yeah, there’s always you. And I’m glad for that.”

Heather giggled. “Good. So how long did you go around with the waitress at Wilbur’s?”

I jolted. “What?”

“How long until you realized it wasn’t really me?”

“Heather, what the hell?”

“What?” she asked innocently.

“It was you the whole time?”

“No! You dialed the wrong number, silly.”

I was flabbergasted for a long moment. It wasn’t her, but she knew that I—?

“You’re freaking me out a bit!”

Heather laughed freely. “Relax, Matt. I looked up Wilbur’s phone number and it’s one number different than mine. It’s kind of obvious what happened!”

I let out a breath. “Oh ... Okay. For a second there I thought I was going crazy!”

“No, not yet,” she joked.

“You never know, with you. Jeez ... Anyway, how’s your stuff going?”

“Getting another filter finished tonight.”

“Don’t stay up too late.”

“I’ll be in bed by nine.”

“That better be nine at night.”

“Of course.”

I looked at my clock, realizing that it was already after nine-thirty. “You’re going to be up all night, aren’t you?” I huffed.

“No, I’ll snooze here and there. Helps keep things calm. Don’t worry, I’ll be all right. Things have been better lately ... I’m serious.”

“Okay, but still ... Be careful. So what happens next?”

“I need to make the prints and all that. My teacher’s friend has offered to let me use her darkroom, because the one at school is just too inconvenient for this.”

I sniffed. “You think? You know, you could always come up here and make your prints,” I suggested, the hope ripe in my voice.

“Believe me, I’ve thought of that so many times.”

“Please?” I pleaded.

“I wish, Matt, but I just don’t have the time to spare. I need to get these done this weekend.”

“Fine, be that way,” I pouted. “So where are they going to be put up?”

“In the main lobby, along one wall.”

“That’s so awesome, Heather.”

“We’ll see.”

“Come on, it’ll be so cool and you know it ... All right, you better get to it. And hey, I can sleep in my room if you want me to be on the phone with you tonight.”

“Thank you, Matt. But I’ll be okay.”

“Can I at least order you some takeout from Wilbur’s? I think they really like me there!”

Heather giggled happily. I took it, glad that she was in a good space.

“Where’s Muireann at?” I asked, joining Lara and Tommy at the cabin table after having split some wood to replenish the stock in the house.

“Out taking some photos,” Lara replied.

I slumped into my chair, feeling my mood sag at the information. It had been three days since the fall, and Tommy’s injury was recovering well. But more than his ankle had become strained that day, I knew. The timing was terrible. I wanted to be working on the music with her, or even taking pictures, but obviously I was still in the doghouse. Less so than previous days, but the fact she’d gone on the hike without me was telling. She didn’t even stop by the woodpile to say hi.

At least she didn’t ask to use the camera, for a change...

It was a minimal silver lining, though. I stood up and put on my coat.

“Where are you going?” Lara asked.

“Just for a walk to clear my head.”

Lara seemed about to make a suggestion, but decided not to and turned back to her work. I stepped out into the cool early evening, glancing toward the forest. For our long exposure photography project, Muireann had been spending time at the creek to capture the swirls of eddies there. I hesitated, wondering if I dared disturb her. Heather had been urging me to talk to her, but Lara seemed to have implied the opposite with her most recent look.

After another long gaze at the woods, I instead walked around our house and down our driveway. The first signs of winter losing its grip on the mountains were apparent. There was still a good chance we’d get more snow, but there was a general feeling in the air and in the earth that hibernation was about to come to an end.

But that just made my frustration increase even more. Muireann hadn’t quite turned into a merrow after I threw her into the pool, but she’d certainly warmed up to going in intentionally and we’d half-planned to swim on the weekend. ‘Music in the woods’ was also a success so far; we’d come up with a cool backing line for Time Between that we’d both been looking forward to trying at our next band rehearsal. Which is tomorrow ... I’m running out of time to fix this...

That was all before Tommy wiped out. Damn it... Now I just had to hope that we could hold it together for the band battle. Even Tommy and Lara were not quite the same. They were working together to get their Latin homework finished in order to keep the weekend free, but Lara seemed distant. I was somewhat surprised she hadn’t cornered Carmen for another ‘talk’, like she’d done for me last year. Or maybe she did ... Carmen was very quiet in study hall yesterday.

I reached the road and contemplated which direction to head. Friday night ... There’s probably a party at Brian’s house. A most ridiculous thought, of course, but suddenly the simplicity of hanging out with my old friends and getting trashed seemed rather appealing. Even if it would be strange as hell if I showed up there. Then again, it’ll be all people I don’t really know that well ... Brian wouldn’t give a shit, just call out a loud greeting as usual ... But then what... ?

I paced around the entrance to our driveway for a time, feeling as if the entire world was uncertain. The ankle issue wasn’t a big deal, all told. Kids get hurt all the time ... Muireann’s just overreacting because it’s Tommy.

I heard what at first sounded like a bird call. Then I realized it was Lara yelling from the bend in our driveway. In the fading light I could see her waving me back home. I started back up the slope, picking up my pace as I realized she didn’t have a coat on.

“What’s up?” I called out as I neared.

“Come back to the cabin,” she said.

I could tell from her face that something had happened. “What’s wrong?”

“Just come back,” she repeated, hurrying off.

I caught up. “Something with Tommy? Is his ankle getting worse?”

“No, he’s fine. It’s Muireann.”

“What? Lara, come on, tell me!”

“Don’t be too mad at her, all right?”

Mad at her?

“What are you talking about?” I pressed, but she didn’t answer.

We soon reached the cabin, my heart pounding from the jog and the bad feeling in my body. As I entered, Muireann was standing near the table, her face red and streaked. She melted into sobs upon seeing me.

“Muireann, what’s—”

Then my gaze fell on the 35mm lens. It sat on the table as if it was a piece of evidence presented at a trial. As I neared, my heart tightened on seeing the cracked front element and bent filter ring.

“What happened?” I said quietly.

“I was changing lenses, and it slipped out of my hand, and I didn’t have the lens cap on, and I should have put the bag down, and—I’m sorry, Matt! I will buy you another one, I promise, and I feel terrible that I’ve broken it!”

Tommy reached over and squeezed Muireann’s hand.

I swallowed and stared at the lens. Finally I looked up. “Tommy, Lara, do you mind giving us a few minutes?”

“Of course, lad.”

“We’ll be in the house,” Lara murmured.

In another moment, Tommy hooked his arm into my sister’s and they left the cabin.

“I am so sorry,” Muireann continued as I closed the door, her voice rough and raw. She wiped at her face.

I sat at the table and examined the lens. “Did it fall onto a rock?”

She nodded into her hands.

“Bad luck, that it hit just right,” I remarked.

“I should never have touched your camera.”

I closed my eyes. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I should have used my little camera this term ... Or taken Latin. I can’t believe I broke it!”

I set the lens down. “I think you and Tommy need to stop copying Heather so much.”

Muireann let her hands drop a bit and she looked at me in anguish. “Copying Heather?”

“Yeah, you know ... First Tommy goes and hurts his ankle ... Then you go and start trying to make your own weird photography equipment.”

She seemed horrified. “It was an accident! I wasn’t trying to—”

“I think it’s a really cool idea, Muireann. Does the lens still work?”

She stared at me blankly, frozen. I glanced around and found the camera bag on the couch. Retrieving my Nikon, I carefully twisted the broken lens onto the body and clicked it into place. Muireann just looked on in confusion. I moved to the windows and looked though the viewfinder, almost laughing at the distorted image that was more than a little reminiscent of Heather’s MD filter.