Chapter 16: Once

I tried delaying our hike for a day. I really did. Although Heather’s ankle was sore after she removed the ski boots in the lodge, by the time we got home it was already feeling a little better. She could certainly get around, since it mostly hurt only when putting sideward pressure on it. Skiing was probably out for a few days, at least, but a walk through the woods was not worth postponing.

Or so she said. I was of two minds. Twenty-four hours of extra rest would allow more time for her to heal and let us to do a longer hike. And of course waiting would delay the inevitable revelation. I couldn’t decide if this was good or bad, though. I dared not peek at the necklace anymore, because it made me nervous as hell. No, best to let it shrink in my mind until it became a little plastic trinket from the gumball machines that lined the supermarket exits.

I prepared our lunches that night, carefully making the sandwiches. I had to make sure they weren’t too thick. Especially hers, since it would be sharing her tin with another item. If we even go...

The evening demanded another music session, given the fun we’d had. Heather reclined on the end of the couch, propped up on cushions, her legs stretched across my lap, her lips wearing a happy smile at being pampered. I kept an icepack on her ankle and gave her the occasional leg massage. Tough job, but I had to do it ... Luckily everyone was too interested in the tunes to be concerned with where my hands occasionally wandered.

Lara was fully involved in the music on the bodhrán. Whenever Aongus borrowed it for a song he didn’t know on the guitar, I realized she had a long way to go, but when she did play, she was adding something to the music nonetheless. I was glad to see her smiling so much, and even sometimes at me.

It was bittersweet, though, to be on the couch with Heather and not also with Lara, considering what could’ve been. But every time I thought that, I glanced over to where my moms and Frej sat on the other couch. There was no indication that anything was happening there. We were all wearing our own masks, I knew. Still, I wondered if Frej had snuck across the hallway late last night.

The session was just as entertaining, though it was shorter with everyone being more tired from the day’s skiing efforts. Even Heather fell asleep, possibly from the ongoing bodywork. She’d certainly been giving me content looks all evening. After the musicians went to bed, she and I finished on a quiet note, a sleepy but tasty kiss in the hallway before we slipped into our rooms.

As I slid under the covers, Tommy was already asleep. A part of me wished that he was still back in his room across the house. It was a selfish thought, since it was more fun for five kids to have a sleep out than be scattered around. But it was also less fun for two kids who could’ve had a room to fool around in.

I should sleep ... Big day tomorrow...

Something continued to gnaw at me, though. Why was Lara so intent about having the twins move to our rooms? Perhaps it was simply her desire to be closer as a group, but she had to have thought of the possibilities for Heather and me – or even for the three of us – had the twins not moved over. She’d even given me a knowing look during the discussion ... And yet she’d argued for having, well, chaperones in our rooms, as far as Heather went.

Abruptly, a thought occurred to me.

She doesn’t want to unbox Truth right now...

I couldn’t know, of course, if this was true. But it was a possibility. She certainly seemed to have buried those feelings quite deeply over the past weeks. She and Heather were as friendly and happy together as ever, but I didn’t see the slightest hint of anything beyond that during the visit so far.

So perhaps the room shift was a bit of easy protection, a way to prevent an awkward situation ... No ... More likely, it was to thwart the temptation of repeating our December nights, because we both knew how hard it could be to let go of that.

I sniffed. Lara was always right. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. The possibility of the three of us in a room together for nights on end ... It was far too dangerous right now.

The fact that Heather couldn’t be in my room at night because of Tommy was just collateral disappointment, a necessary byproduct of protecting ourselves from Truth. And maybe it was the safest thing, in the end. Who knew what would happen if I was still sleeping alone, Heather sneaking in every night...

I should sleep ... Big day tomorrow...

This time, I listened to my own advice.

“This is amazing,” Heather breathed, as the trail wound its way onto the first section of palisades that overlooked the valley below the Shawangunk Ridge.

“It is an awesome view,” I agreed. “In the summer there are hawks flying around over the trees, and it’s really cool to watch them ride the breeze.”

Heather murmured in pleasure. “I think we may have to come here more often when I visit.”

“Oh, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” I sang.

She gave me a grin.

“How’s the ankle?”

Her grin straightened. “Are you really going to ask me that every five minutes?”

“Pretty much.”

“It’s fine, Matt. The driving was harder than the walking!”

I winced at all the clutch pushing that our mountains demanded on her left foot. “I can drive home,” I joked.

She giggled. “We’ll worry about that later. If it turns out we have to live here for the rest of the week until my ankle heals up, I won’t be too upset about that.”

“Well, there is a little castle thing we could take over, at the far end of the ridge! I brought my musket,” I said, patting my sack. “But it’s pretty far, so we’ll see if we get there today.”

“I know I’m moving slow. But even if this is all I get to see today,” she said, sweeping a hand out at the vista, “I’ll be happy we came.”

All you get to see today ... Funny girl.

“No rush,” I said softly.

We climbed along the ridge and the panoramas became even more impressive. The wintery trees below made a spindly carpet punctuated by tufts of pines. The sense of peace was enormous. Even the sight of miniscule cars moving on a road wasn’t enough to dispel the idea that we were far from everything.

“Hey,” Heather murmured as she slowed and turned to me.

“What’s up?”

“I need a kiss.”

I was glad to oblige. The tip of her nose was cold from the air, even as the rest of her was warm. We pulled tight and forgot the surroundings, grateful for the feeling of each other. When we finally continued on, I felt a little calmer in some ways, and less so in another.

We were taking a break on a stone ledge that made for a nice bench. I had Heather’s leg set over my thigh and I was gently massaging her ankle. She said it wasn’t necessary, but I still took any excuse I could to touch her.

“Do you think we’ll have music sessions every night?” I asked.

“Unless someone locks my parents in the cabin, I think that’s pretty likely. They are so into it. It’s like a little bit of Ireland has taken over your living room at night.”

“Feels that way for the twins, too. They play differently than when we do our stuff. Not, like, better, but it’s definitely a different energy. Especially Muireann. And hey,” I sniffed, “you need to play at least a little, before you go.”

“Only if you do,” she teased. “Plus there’s still the matter of the Band-Aid,” she added, wiggling her finger.

“You’re falling apart on me, Heather!”

She laughed freely. “Why are you surprised? You’re the one who said I was getting old yesterday!”

I sniffed. “Well, maybe I’ll steal the drum from Lara and give it a shot.”

“At this point, you might have to wrestle her for it.”

“I know, right? Well, whatever. I have to say there’s worse things I could do than sit on the couch cuddled up with you, listening to awesome music.”

Heather grinned at me. “I’m glad, because I’ve really liked it too.”

“It’s not too calm for you?”

She eyed me. “Calm?”

“I don’t know. Feels like this visit has been a bit ... tame so far?”

“Oh, I see. The cuddling isn’t enough for you?” she teased.

“It is, it is. And I know the house is kind of full,” I lamented.

“We’re alone now,” she remarked, her eyes sparkling.

I hesitated... “I know. But we should walk on ... and have lunch.”

“Rejected,” she pouted.

“Yup.”

“Who’s getting old?” she quipped.

I slid her leg off and gently lowered it to the ground. Far too gently, apparently.

“Oh come on, Matt!” she protested, stamping her foot on the ground roughly a few times. “I’m okay!”

I groaned and stood, pulling her up to me. “Fine. I just don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“Get used to it. It happens.”

We started along the trail again. I checked my watch, finding that it was indeed getting close to lunch time. That brought up the anxiety yet again, but I squashed it down. I looked out into the valley, trying to gauge how far we’d come. It was doubtful that we’d reach the old tower, but really, any little spot along this part of the cliffs would be an incredible place for a bite, I knew.

“Jonah called me the other day,” I said, reminded of a different castle. “He wants us to play in a battle of the bands thing he’s putting on.”

“Ooh, that sounds cool!”

“Yeah, except guess who it’s against.”

“Jane’s Addiction?”

I laughed. “I wish! No ... it’s against The Nameless.”

Heather let out a grunt. “Whose idea was that? Jonah’s?”

“Of course.”

“Figures. Are you going to do it?”

“Not sure.”

She eyed me. “You totally should. You were looking for a show to play.”

“I know, but after what happened at the auditions, I’m not too excited about it. Their new guitar guy is really good. Skinner.”

“Skinner? That’s really his name?”

“It’s his last name. His first name is Fucking. As in ‘Fucking Skinner... ‘“

Heather sniggered. “I see that you’re a big fan of his.”

“He seems like a total jerk, even though I don’t really know him.”

“Then go kick his ass at this thing.”

“I wish. But I don’t think we’re crazy enough for Jonah’s. We don’t even have a drummer. Then again, look at the last few nights. If that stuff doesn’t have rhythm, then nothing does.”

“I know what you’re saying,” Heather said. “Jonah’s crowd probably does want a harder-hitting sound than what you have going on now. At least, I think so, since you haven’t played for me yet!”

“We will, don’t worry. But anyway, to go down there and get voted on by a bunch of drunks ... I don’t know.”

“Then get a drummer,” she said simply.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that, but who?”

“That kid from English class who sits in the front,” Heather replied without missing a beat.

I smirked at her. “Funny.”

“When is this thing at Jonah’s?”

“In about a month or so.”

“That’s enough time to find someone, right?”

“I don’t know any drummers besides Carl and the guy from Green Space, who I’ve talked to once, for like, thirteen seconds.”

“Sounds like you made a true friend.”

“Whatever.”

“Come on, you’ll figure something out.”

“Maybe. It’s not even really the drummer thing, though. The whole audition just felt stupid. I mean, talk about being gypped with Colin being dragged off the stage. And the results are even worse now, in a way, after finding out that Muireann is like one of the best fiddle players in Ireland, for her age anyway, and she comes all the way to our tiny little school in the sticks and we can’t even get into the fucking talent show? What the hell is that?”

“It is a bit anticlimactic, when you put it that way!” Heather agreed, chuckling.

“Now I kind of wish she and Tommy had gotten up there by themselves to play a set of Irish tunes. They would’ve gotten in, guaranteed. Then again, you couldn’t hear Muireann at the audition at all, so who the hell knows.”

“Didn’t they plug her in?”

“I don’t think it works that way for a violin. They had a microphone for her, but if it was on, I sure as hell couldn’t tell.”

“Well, I’m no expert,” Heather said, stopping and facing me, “but at the coffee shop down the row from the market, there’s this duo that plays on Sundays, and one of the guys plays a violin. And it sure looks like he has it plugged in.”

“Really? Like he has a ... pickup on it or something?”

“I guess so,” she replied.

“Hmm ... Maybe I should look into that.”

“Know of any music stores?”

“Yeah, there’s actually one in New Paltz, the town near here.”

“We could swing by there on the way home, if you want.”

I nodded slowly. “Wouldn’t hurt, I guess. Just to see if there’s something that she could use. Wow ... Good idea, Heather!”

She smiled sweetly at me and we hiked on.

Talk of New Paltz yet again reminded me that I was just postponing the inevitable. I followed behind her for a time as we wound through the trees. Eventually the trail returned to skirt along the edge of the bluff once more. I glanced at my watch yet again, despite knowing the exact time. Abruptly the nerves jumped to my throat. Doubts resurfaced, sawing away in my brain. I tripped on a root, barely staying upright. My heart pounded...

Then some humorous devil in there made a funny. If she hates it, I can sell it back to the silversmith for a fraction ... And then use the money for Muireann’s pickup, since I’m broke!

I laughed to myself.

See? It’ll work out either way!

“What’s so funny?” Heather asked, giving me a happy smile over her shoulder.

“Oh, nothing. Just laughing for no reason.”

“Okay! It’s good to be randomly happy!”

“Are you hungry?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.

“Starved. What did you bring?”

Before I could stop myself, I said, “Chinese food.” Apparently that funny devil was taking over my mouth too.

“Mm, sounds good!”

“No, I was kidding. It’s sandwiches.”

Heather giggled. “All right. What about dessert?”

“Um, blueberry pie?”

She stopped and turned to face me. “Somehow I doubt that one too. Or is that some weird code word for something else?”

I laughed uneasily. “No, it was a dumb joke. It’s just a couple of oranges. Sorry. Sandwiches and oranges, for real.”

“You’re silly today ... Where do you want to eat?”

“Pick anywhere that looks good to you.”

Heather nodded and hiked on. In a bit, she stopped near a section of the cliff that jutted out from the main scarp in the form of an eroded flat-topped pillar.

“How’s this?”

I looked out at the valley below us. The view never became old, but part of me wanted to walk on, indefinitely. I was getting more and more nervous about the upcoming surprise.

She’s going to think it’s too much ... She’ll never wear something like this...

“This is fine,” I murmured.

“Are you okay?” she asked, stepping close to me. “You seem out of sorts all of a sudden.”

I took her into an embrace so that she couldn’t pry anything out of me. “Yeah, just a little lightheaded.”

“You’re not afraid of heights, are you?” she teased.

“No. I’m fine, don’t worry.”

She gave me a kiss and then pulled me onto the perch. We sat facing each other, cross-legged. I pulled out the sandwich tins and noted the one that I’d marked as hers. This is it... I handed it to her carefully ... but not too carefully that it would seem suspicious. As she grabbed the metal container, I tried to act nonchalant. Her fingers were less than an inch from the piece now! So close! She smiled at me as she set the tin down. After a longing glance at it, I unpacked the rest of the food. I wondered if my hands were shaking. Hard to tell when your brain is trembling!

“You sure you’re okay?” she asked again, her eyes narrowing.

“Why do you keep asking that?”

She gave me a victorious smile. “See, now you know how it feels!”

I glanced at her ankle and rolled my eyes. “All right, fair enough...”

“But it does seem like ... something’s up,” she said, an impish look creeping onto her face.

I was usually pretty good about keeping my thoughts to myself, but Heather was nothing if not perceptive. Plus the situation was all-consuming now, easily tearing down any defenses I owned.

“I just need some food, you know,” I managed to say through a cottony mouth.

“Let’s eat then!”

I grabbed my tin and opened it, waiting for her to do the same.

Here we go ... Ten, nine...

Of course, Heather decided to open the bag with the fruit in it! I reset my mental counter, unsure if the extra minute or two was a blessing or a curse.

“You really want your orange first?” I asked.

She eyed me oddly. “Is that ... okay?”

No it’s not, damn it! Who the hell eats their orange before their sandwich?