Chapter 10: Alizarin and Cobalt

“Welcome to darkroom class,” I announced as Muireann followed me into the darkroom the following evening.

She eyed me. “Are you going to lie on the bed again?”

I grinned broadly. “I think I might, and let you do the work. Hands-on is the best way to learn, right?”

“You’re going to give Tommy a run for the title of laziest boy.”

“Am I winning yet?”

Muireann just smirked and started blacking out the windows. “I have to admit something,” she said.

“What’s that?”

“I didn’t realize the photos would be in black and white.”

I sniffed. “Oh, I should’ve told you, sorry! If you want to do color, you have to get them developed at a shop. And it won’t count for class.”

“All those pictures of colorful objects...” she lamented.

“Don’t give up yet. Colors in black and white still can work out. They just look like different shades of gray.”

Muireann paused. “Is that what the filter is for, then?”

I smiled. She’s sharp... “Nice! You know, that took me a little while to figure out, and only after Jane was dropping hints all over the place. All right, load up the picture you want to print, like last night.”

I lounged on the bed, hands behind my head as Muireann worked the enlarger. There was a simmering excitement to her enthusiasm for the photography, and the idea of sharing the comfort of the darkroom with her was appealing. For as long as I could remember, our property was a refuge from the outside world, and in the past months the darkroom had become a sanctuary within that. A private place where by locking the door and blinding the windows, nothing could intrude...

Muffled but raucous laughter burst into my ears, as out in the main room Lara and Tommy chortled about something.

Well, almost nothing could intrude! But even that could be fixed. I excused myself and retrieved the CD from the main room. The two songwriters hardly gave me more than a grin. Shut in once again, I held the shiny disc up.

“I promised you we could listen while we printed.”

“Fantastic!” Muireann said. “I have the negative lined up. What now?”

I put the album into the small boom box on the developing table and started the music, keeping the volume low enough to still be able to talk. Then I showed Muireann the photo paper box that she’d have to manipulate in the dark, and gave her a piece of regular paper to practice loading the enlarger frame. Once she was confident in the steps, I said, “Okay, lights out.” I fell to the bed again as the dimmer faded.

“It’s strange,” Muireann commented. “I keep waiting for my eyes to adjust but they never do. It’s absolutely black in here.”

“Yeah. But luckily you don’t have to do this part in the dark. Wait another bit and then we’ll switch on the red light.”

“Why not now?”

“I think it’s easier to get adjusted to complete black first and then switch the light on. Otherwise you fade into this weird redness and it takes longer getting used to it. That’s just me, though.”

“Make sense.”

After a brief wait, I said, “Okay, switch it on.”

The alternate reality of the red room flicked to life, and Muireann let out an appreciative “Ooh...”

“Makes things a little easier.”

“Aye. But why didn’t you use it last night for the film?”

“Because the red light would ruin it. It doesn’t affect the print paper, though.”

She hummed. “Interesting. What’s next?”

“Test strip!”

I talked Muireann through the printing process, without any hurry. She was meticulous and wanted to ask all her questions before taking any action at all. The test print went smoothly, and she temporarily raised the lights to check which exposure time she should use. When she finally did work through her first print, she had no issue at all, only more questions.

Once the photo was in the rinse bath, I finally got up. “Nice work. Lights on and let’s see what you have.”

I was totally planning to play Jane’s heart-stopping joke on her, by saying that she’d left the photo paper box open. But she was much too careful for that, because before stepping to the dimmer, I watched in disappointment as she touched the box to make sure it was indeed shut.

Dang it, too sharp!

The lights faded in and we looked in the last tray. It was the picture of me lying on the edge of the stage, on the verge of sleep.

“Not bad,” I said.

“It’s rather boring, is it not?” she lamented.

“Not your fault if your subject was completely out of it,” I said. “But the print quality looks good!”

Muireann sniffed. “That much was fun, at least.”

“Clip it up on the line. Then you can print another one if you want. I now pronounce you darkroom certified!”

She laughed gently. “That’s a bit much, but thank you for teaching me this. It is fascinating.”

“Sure thing!”

By the end of the week, the twins were already becoming quite popular in school. Well, Tommy in particular, born charmer that he was. He had no trouble holding court and making kids laugh left and right. He almost seemed disappointed when at dinner on Friday evening we had to remind him that there was no school the next day.

“We’re actually going to go down to New Paltz,” Sarah said.

“The town is cute and there are some shops and places to eat,” Melissa added.

“Sounds fun,” Muireann said.

“Any plans on Sunday?” Lara asked.

“Not particularly,” Melissa answered.

“Cool. Then let’s try and get these songs sounding even better.”

Tommy cheered this idea and Muireann didn’t complain.

“Should I call Colin, and see if he wants to jam with us?” I asked.

Lara shook her head. “Let’s wait until we have a bit more time to figure out what we’re even playing.”

I was a bit disappointed at this, as I thought adding Colin would be fun. But Lara was probably right. We were still exploring songs with Tommy. Adding another person would only make it less focused.

New Paltz was a hoot. Although any trip involving the six of us meant going in two cars, the ride down with Tommy and Melissa was lively. We’d gotten a late start, so the first stop was a tasty lunch at a café in the quaint town, after which we headed west into The Gunks for a hike. It hadn’t snowed in the week since the twins had arrived, but crunchy patches of white remained on the ground, lending the forest an interesting look. While Sarah had initially thought we might hike to Rainbow Falls, after looking at the park map she realized it was too far given the cold and the careful pace at which we had to move with Tommy. In the end, though, Awosting Falls nearer to the trailhead proved to be a beautiful conical pillar of ice.

“Kind of puts the swimming hole waterfall to shame,” I remarked to Muireann.

She laughed as she framed a shot of the frozen cascade. “They are both pretty in their own way.”

“What are you metering on?” I asked her.

“The waterfall. Is that what I should do?”

“Everything will come out dark, then.”

Muireann frowned at me. “Why?”

“Well, it’s kind of a hard scene to meter. The waterfall and sky are bright, while the woods are dark. You want to get something in between, so that both can have a chance of looking good.”

“So if I meter on the ice, it will make the forest very dark.”

“Yeah. Meter on the forest, though, and the falls will be completely overblown.”

“Can I meter both, and then pick something in between?”

“That’s what I would probably do! But maybe use something a bit closer to the waterfall reading, since you mostly want that to look good.”

Muireann nodded and toyed with the camera settings. At last she snapped one picture.

“You could also bracket, just in case.”

“Meaning?”

“Take another shot with lower exposure, and another with higher. Better chance that one will turn out that way.”

“That’s using more film, though,” she noted.

“True! But I guess that’s photography. You make one thing better, and other stuff gets worse!”

She giggled. “I’m quickly realizing that.”

“Ready to continue to the lake?” Sarah asked, after we’d spent some time exploring the falls from different perspectives.

“Sure,” I replied, after Muireann gave me a nod.

She lifted the camera strap from around her neck and handed the SLR back to me.

I waved it off. “Might as well wear it, in case you see any other shots.”

She glanced at Tommy, but he was already walking back along the trail, his arm in the crook of Lara’s elbow. After a moment, she slipped the camera strap over her head again and we followed in silence.

Lake Minnewaska offered a lovely panorama of classic upstate New York outdoor landscape. The water was mostly frozen, and the jagged cracks in the ice from early winter were still visible even as they healed up. I posed for Muireann, and then I showed her how to use the timer to take a group shot of all of us.

By the time we were driving back to town, the sun was approaching the outline of the mountains in the west. After warming up with some hot chocolates, we walked the main drag and checked out the stores. The cold temperatures and Muireann’s frequent attempts to keep warm forced us into various establishments.

The music store, which I’d been to a few times to buy strings and picks, was accommodating of our intrusion. Tommy, Lara and I soon had a little jam going with a couple of acoustic guitars. The guy on staff even gave us a compliment, though I figured it was mainly for Tommy’s playing. Or more likely it was just a suck up to get us to buy something. I did stock up on strings, so I didn’t feel so bad about how long we’d stayed there in the end.

“So where is this piercing parlor,” Tommy asked, as we worked our way back to the car along the other side of the street. My parents, thankfully, were out of earshot, having remained behind in a bookstore.

“I actually think I saw one as we drove in,” Lara remarked. “Though it looks more like a tattoo shop. And no, I’m not getting one!”

Tommy guffawed. “Not yet!”

“Was there a castle of sorts on the mountain over that direction?” Muireann asked.

“Oh, yeah, that’s part of the Mohonk Mountain park,” I replied. “It’s like a stone lookout tower. Cool place.”

“Mohonk,” Tommy honked, an exaggerated sound. “And The Gunks ... Some funny names around here.”

“Says the guy who has friends with unspellable names,” Lara deadpanned.

“Aye, but they sound nice. The Gunks, though ... One needs a shower just on hearing the name!”

“I’m going to write a whole song about them, just for you,” Lara teased. “And make you sing it!”

“Thank you lass, but I won’t. But that does remind me, I had an idea about Four Days, after our hike there...”

An interestingly lit storefront caught my eye as we passed, flashes of silver hanging from polished tree branches. For a few seconds I walked on, but then I slowed.

“Hey, I’m going to look in here,” I called out.

The others shrugged and soon returned to follow me inside. An older man sat at a workbench in the back of the space, and he turned and eyed us over his glasses, even as a second pair rested on the crown of his head. I nodded self-consciously, figuring that the intrusion of four teenagers into his domain was probably a rare occurrence, and a suspicious one at that. It didn’t help that Lara made Tommy guffaw by whispering to him, “The guy is wearing two pairs of glasses. You should give him your shades!”

The man rose and calmly came to the counter to greet us. “If you’d like to look at anything, please let me know.”

“Thanks, but we’re just walking through town and looking at stores,” I explained.

He nodded kindly and went back to his work.

Tommy and Lara had remained huddled near the entrance, still discussing her song, so I joined Muireann who was examining the jewelry in one cabinet.

“These are quite nice,” she said appreciatively.

“Yeah, really cool,” I agreed, scanning the silver collection. There was a natural feel to the pieces, and I was thinking that the man likely made these by hand. This was confirmed when I spotted a short news article pinned to the wall, about the silversmith.

“Oh, this one’s really nice,” Muireann called out.

“Are you thinking about a souvenir from Ulster County?” I suggested as I moved back to her side. It was a joke, though, because I could see the price as well as she could.

She sniffed. “Not likely. Mam didn’t give us that much spending money! I might go back for that scarf we saw earlier, though,” she said more quietly.

“It’ll keep you warmer, that’s for sure!”

That was enough of a reminder for her, so it wasn’t long before we’d walked back up the main street and Muireann had a second piece of neckwear wrapped around her. It wasn’t a bad idea, as the wind had picked up and even Sarah was pulling her coat a little tighter to her.

“I think it’s time for dinner,” my mom announced. “Unless you want to keep walking around?”

No one argued against warm food!

That night, we got home late and stayed up later playing games and generally having a good time. Tommy wasn’t much of a card player, obviously, but he was more than happy to hang out and entertain us with whatever happened to cross his mind. During the game of Rummy, he even asked to be dealt in for one round and made a great show of participating with all seriousness. It was clear he was playing at random, since he wasn’t holding his hand in a way that he’d ever see what cards he had. But when Lara went out, he actually had a better score than both Sarah and me. Admittedly I was holding out for a card that Lara never put down, but it was a humorous moment nonetheless, and Tommy was nothing if not one to milk an unexpected victory.

After my moms said goodnight, we switched to War. This time, Tommy could play, since there was no strategy involved. Muireann cleared cards for him as we used the game as an excuse to stay up and have a good time talking.

Once we got ready for bed and the twins took to their rooms, I followed Lara to our side of the house.

“Goodnight, sis.”

She yawned. “Yeah, long day. And fun.”

“It was. Hey, what did you think of that jewelry?” I asked her.

She frowned at me. “Huh?”

“That place with the guy who made those silver pieces.”

“Oh...” She shrugged. “I guess it was all right...”

“They were really cool.”

“Since when are you into jewelry?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really, I just liked his stuff.”

“Okay. I wasn’t looking that closely, sorry. Tommy and I were working out some more words.”

Lara moved into her room, so I stood leaning against the doorframe.

“Tomorrow, we’ll try it,” I suggested.

“Yeah, I’m excited about where it’s going.”

“You and Tommy seem to be hitting it off.”

“Sure,” she said casually.

“You’re not falling for him, are you?” I teased.

She gave me a funny look. “Come on, Matt. They’ve barely been here a week.”

“Hasn’t stopped you before!”

Lara smirked knowingly. “True, true. But no. He’s interesting and kind of hilarious, that’s all. We like some of the same types of stories, poems, whatever. And writing lyrics, obviously. He has some really neat ideas.”

“Has he convinced you to stop believing in reality yet?” I asked, still keeping my voice humorous, though for some reason I had to make more of an effort to do so.

“Ha-ha, very funny. No, he hasn’t.”

“And what about ... Truth?”

Lara eyed me for a long moment and I had to look down at the rug. It was an unfair question, and I knew it as soon as I voiced it.

“Sorry,” I murmured. “That came out wrong.”

“Matt, I know what you’re thinking. But we put that away, remember? We both know I can’t do that.”

I glanced behind me, and then stepped into her room, closing the door.

“Heather will be visiting next month,” I reminded her.

“No shit. And she’s your girlfriend, remember? Not mine. I can’t play in that game anymore.”

“Your lyrics say otherwise.”

“They’re just songs.”

“I saw the name of your new one the other day, before you crossed it out. Masks?”

Lara sighed and sat on her bed. “I’m not saying it’s easy, Matt. But it is what it is. I’m just trying to get back to normal, whatever that means, even if it means not being exactly who I want to be. But then again, maybe it is who I am. I don’t know. And why can’t I use my feelings in my songs?”

“You can. I was just saying—” I waved my hands vaguely. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m not making sense.” I joined her on the bed. “Look, I know we hid it away. But I thought that it was still real. Still there, underneath.”

“It is still there, Matt, it is. But whether things are real or pretend, whatever actually happens these next six months ... That is my real life ... That much is real. Or fake, or ... Huh...”

“What?”

Lara was silent for a while. At last she took a breath. “I think you might’ve just convinced me that Tommy is actually right.”

“I convinced you?” I said, surprised.

“Yeah.”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

“I’m not either. I have to think about it. But anyway, who knows what’ll happen in the future? Maybe we’re pretending, maybe we’re not. For now, go and love Heather with everything you have. Please! And I’ll see where I end up going. There’s nothing wrong with the way things are. Don’t ruin your thing with Heather because I can’t be part of it now, all right?”

“I would never do that, but...”

She slid closer and put an arm around me. “Just go with it, Matt. Six months is a long time.”

I nodded slowly. “It’s just hard, you know. After everything.”

“I know,” she murmured. “But we went there that night in the cabin before the twins came. We tried it out, as much as we could. And we knew we had to let it all go for now. You saw it. Hell, you were the one who said we had to give it up. You convinced me. So trust in that, okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess I need to embrace the lie,” I said, laughing gently.

“Oh, it’s not a lie, Matt. Don’t say that. What you and Heather have, that’s the least lie ever.”

I gave Lara a squeeze. “I’m just trying to get used to all this. The masks and shit. Sorry for being a weirdo about it.

“Stop. It’s fine.”

“Okay ... Oh, I have an idea for your song, by the way.”

“What’s that?”

“For the new one. Masks.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that one,” she lamented. “I’m tempted to throw it out.”

“No, I think it’s good, really. What I read of it, anyway. Sounded like you were, like, a mask-maker in the song?”

“Yeah, something like that. It’s dumb.”

“I hear an upbeat, edgy kind of thing. Kind of pushy, like you’re trying to sell them to people, a cocky street vendor, you know?”

Lara turned her head and stared across the room. “Hmm ... Like making people buy something they don’t want...”

“Exactly. Or buy something that’ll even hurt them,” I murmured.

She turned to me, her eyes suddenly flashing. “Yeah ... Yeah, I see what you’re saying!”

“And the short lines you had, it would work with a punchy kind of sound, like some of the Jane’s stuff, you know. Like you’re screaming out at a market or something, getting people to buy the masks.”

“Oh, that’s fucking cool! I’m already hearing new words for it ... Like maybe a call and response thing. That’s awesome ... Ooh, I need to redo the words with this idea before I lose this!”

She hopped up and grabbed her lyric sheets from the desk, pulling out the relevant one. She searched for a pencil.

“Well, I’ll let you get to it,” I said, rising. “I’m going to sleep.”

“All right. Thanks, Matt. And hey, I know things will be different for now. But deep down, we have each other no matter what, right?”

“Of course, sis. I’ll be okay. I’m already feeling better, now that we talked. And I’m sorry for being stupid about Tommy. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad for spending time with him on the lyrics. He’s cool, and I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

Lara nodded and gave me a smile.

“Hey, don’t stay up too late, all right?” I admonished.

“You neither.”

I sniffed. “I’ll be out in minutes, guaranteed.”

We shared a hug and then I left her to her lyric writing. After peeing, I saw that Lara had closed her door. I glanced at the sliver of light beneath the wood slab, imagining the song taking shape ... I was glad that I’d been able to give her a useful idea.

I fell into bed, somehow both tired and energetic in the dark. For a time, I played guitar in my head, hearing various riffs and rhythms that could go with Lara’s song. However, without much more than a vague recollection of her words from my brief look at them the other day, it wasn’t easy to settle on anything specific. Plus she was now changing them all.

The song wouldn’t let me get to sleep, so I finally got out of bed and peeked into the hallway to find out what progress she’d made. I was too late, though; her light had gone out.

With a sigh, I returned to bed. We’d have most of the day tomorrow to figure this out. Tommy would surely have something to add, once he heard the idea. It was exciting, the process of creation. If only Muireann would get involved. Unfortunately, I could imagine a fiddle in this new song even less than I could in Four Days. I made it a point to make sure that I took her out for some photography practice tomorrow. Well, maybe not ‘outside’ out, but...

The scraps of songs eventually faded away as I relived the day for a bit, the warmth of the family outing and seeing the twins enjoying the town and surrounds. Tommy in the music store, retuning all the guitars ... Muireann taking twenty minutes to decide on what she wanted for dinner...

My mind slipped back to the silversmith and the cool pieces he had in his shop. As Lara pointed out, I was never one for jewelry, likely because my parents weren’t into it themselves. They wore the occasional bauble, but I couldn’t remember ever seeing them wearing rings, necklaces, or earrings of any consequence. But the organic nature of the smith’s designs did speak to me, for whatever reason.

It didn’t take long for me to start thinking about something that had been nagging at the back of my mind for a couple of weeks now: the exchange of Christmas gifts with Heather. I’d gotten her a photography book, and I’d selected it with care. It was appreciated by her, I knew. But it felt ... minimal, compared to the effort she’d gone to, what with the treasure hunt and the concert tickets. The book was forgettable, not even worth mentioning, even.

Not that it was a competition or anything of the sort, but in the rush of preparations for the talent show and Jonah’s party back then, I’d not been able to put as much thought into her gift as I’d wanted. However, there was another opportunity approaching in the middle of February to perhaps get her something of lasting meaning.

But what? I was already having trouble remembering the selection the jeweler had in his various glass cabinets. They were as elusive as Lara’s new lyrics, flashes of brilliant light here and there in the corners of my brain. I shuffled through indistinct rings and necklaces in my mind’s eye, letting an imaginary Heather model them for me.