Chapter 17:Theory and Practice

Fiona’s diary:

It took me a while to fall asleep. That phone conversation had wetted my appetite, but I needed Amanda with me to really satiate it. Of course I could have just touched myself, and maybe another time I would have, but I enjoyed anticipating the things I’d be doing to her today, and building up my own excitement. A little frustration never killed anyone, and I knew controlling myself then would make everything more intense for us both later.

As soon as I woke up, I looked out of the window. The sky was clear. My mind must have been making plans in my sleep, because I realised I wanted to take Amanda to play outside during the weekend. I texted her to bring appropriate clothes, and giving her an order, knowing she would obey it, gave me a twinge of pleasure. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to be much too demanding on her. Dominating someone so obviously bright and yet so submissive at the same time was an incredible rush I found almost impossible to resist.

The things she had finally admitted during that phone call, that she wanted to please me and be mine, even spontaneously asking for pet play by calling me Miss, had made it clear that I was not imagining things. She accepted, at least at some level, that I was her superior, and had the right to command her and use her for my pleasure. It was natural for her to be conflicted: everything she had been taught spoke against it. People were praised for being self-directed, independent and assertive. That often made meek girls like her feel inadequate, and the way she had been mistreated couldn’t have helped. I had been trying to show her something different, but a few weeks couldn’t overcome the weight of a lifetime.

Sometimes, even I had my doubts. How was it fair for me to be in charge and take advantage of someone like Amanda to please myself, while she bowed her head, quietly complied, and took only what I deigned to offer her? I was almost certain she was slightly ahead of me in terms of raw intelligence, but of course that wasn’t all there was to people. Someone could be good at solving problems, and still need to have her goals chosen by another. Amanda had shown me how strong she could be, but her will lacked a firm foundation. She depended on someone else to direct and support her, and why should I not derive enjoyment from it, more so when she also delighted in offering me her humble service?

I didn’t often second guess myself about things like this, but simply took what I wanted, knowing I was better at running my pets’ lives than they could ever be. Love made it different with Amanda, though. I took care of my other girls out of enlightened self-interest, my own pride, a sense of obligation, and what affection I felt for them. For Amanda I wanted to go beyond that, and do all that I could. Trying to work out what was best for her made me hesitate. Perhaps I could give her the guidance she needed without taking her over completely, but I didn’t think that was possible. Dominance had a logic of its own, and the habit of obedience would soon assert itself.

Moreover, she was drawn to such a relationship just as much as I was. Fighting against it would be a pointless waste of energy, and an obstacle to our joy. Fairness had to start from things as they really were. For us, I should balance my duty to keep her safe and happy, with my right to demand respect and adoration from her in return.

I realised I was sitting there, looking out the window, trying to solve the problem of justice all by myself, heedless of the time. It made me laugh a little at my hubris, and the way love was changing me. Still, those thoughts would probably come handy when the inevitable questions came up with Amanda. She would demand answers, and authority could only take me so far with someone of her temperament. I got ready for school, snickering as I put on my dirty socks again, had a quick breakfast, and drove myself there, thinking of a little fun game to play with my girl. I hoped I wasn’t taking things too fast, but after that call, I thought she would be receptive.

I saw Amanda waiting for me, and her open, broad smile as soon as she noticed me. It made me feel such tenderness for her. I knew how vulnerable she was to me right then. She had gone through so much, she deserved all the warmth and kindness I could give her, and yet my plan called for the opposite: complete indifference. Those impulses warred inside me. Following through with difficult decisions was something I had trained myself into, but even then, I barely held my fondness from showing as I passed her over. I would need that self-control to refrain from indulging her, and remain formidable enough to be worthy of her extraordinary capacity for submission.

Several times I had ignored her, acting as if she weren’t there, only to give her a reprieve by pretending to notice her the instant before I ran into her. She wasn’t stupid, and she had come to expect it, making her disappointment and confusion all the greater when it didn’t happen this time. At first, seeing her hurt, shocked expression had made me feel a twinge of guilt, but as I heard her steps behind me, the thrill of toying with her, of knowing how she yearned for me, how much every little gesture from me meant, overcame my qualms, transforming sympathy into arousal.

I walked to my locker, hearing her tentative greetings. Her pleas for attention made me want to put her in her place, vanishing all my doubts.

I stored my things, turned around, and gave her a condescending, insulting greeting. She predictably blushed, and I patted her hair. I went on teasing her, getting her more and more flustered. Then I proposed my game: I would ignore her for the rest of the day, no matter what she did.

It was so cute when she asked me what happened if she lost. She thought she was a player, when in fact she was only a game counter. Still, I had planned some consequences when the inevitable happened and she couldn’t resist approaching me. Every time she did, I would give her a little humiliating task to perform, though whether it was a punishment or a reward might depend on perspective. I agreed that, if she managed to hold out, I would never let Eve play with her, a promise I was certain I wouldn’t need to fulfil.

She nodded, as if she had any say in the matter, and I left, pushing her away. This was going to be so much fun.

On my way to class, I met Megan and Kira.

“So how was Amanda’s date?” said Kira.

“Who cares?” said Megan. Kira sighed and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

“Fine, fine”, I said. “But listen. I’m playing a little game with her today.” I went on to explain my plans.

“Ok”, said Kira. “So you want us to ignore her and cover her so nobody sees, right?”

I nodded.

“Well, at least that will be fun”, said Megan. “Mind if Rose eats with us?” She sounded a little hesitant, and it was rather cute. I liked the thought of Megan melted by Rose’s affections.

“Sure, why not?” I said.

I went into class just as the bell rang, and set personal issues aside to focus on my notes. Every now and then I thought about Amanda, and wondered how she was doing under the pressure of our little game. I suspected she wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it for a moment. Anticipation would stoke her excitement. It was such an easy way for me to tease her, involving so little effort on my part. Just knowing she had to confront her confusion and decide would make her feel incapable and lost. It was another step towards the realisation that the burden of choice was not for her, and she needed me to carry it instead.

Going to my second class, I saw Sylvia walking ahead of me. I sped up and touched her back, making her jump and squeak. I chuckled.

“Nervous, are we?” I said.

Sylvia turned around and tried to glare at me. It was not a bad attempt for someone who had crawled and grovelled at my feet, but no pet of mine, past or present, was going to make me feel guilty or afraid. I smirked, and she sighed, resigning to the inevitable.

“Next time you could call my name first”, she said.

“And miss those cute mousy noises you make when you’re scared?”

“Very funny”, she said, sarcastically.

“Hilarious”, I agreed, annoying her even more.

“Anyway, what is it?” she said. “You’re always on a mission.”

“Not this time”, I said. “I wanted to thank you for yesterday. Amanda was really worried, and you managed to make her look good and calm her down at the same time. She got to have fun, and that matters to me. So, that went quite well, and I owe you a favour.”

“I did it for her. She’s my friend.”

“I know”, I said. “Still, she might not remember to thank you herself. She’s not very good with things like that, and she’ll probably be quite distracted. At any rate, whatever she does about it, you know you can call on me.”

Sylvia did deserve my thanks, and that little mention about Amanda being distracted would stick in her mind. She’d keep an eye on her and look after her if she needed it. The game I was playing could be pretty overwhelming. Being ignored and humiliated wasn’t easy on an insecure and sensitive girl like her, and Sylvia’s support might help her through it. I didn’t want my little Mandy to break, after all; only to give her a hard time. Moreover, I wasn’t at all pleased with Stacy’s interest in Amanda. Ignoring her for the day might convince her that she didn’t mean anything to me, but if it didn’t, Sylvia’s presence might protect her. Unity makes strength, as they said.

“At the moment, all I want from you is to stop spooking me like that”, she said.

“Sure you want to spend your favour on that, considering what’s about to happen next weekend?”

She sighed.

“Let me think about it”, she said. “I’d better go before I’m late. I’m not the track team captain, after all.”

I chuckled. Most teachers tried to be fair, but it was hard not to play favourites, especially when I got trophies for the school, and was more or less a model student anyway. Not that I could get away with murder, but the rules were not the same for me as for everyone else.

“Run along, then”, I said, waving good-bye as I left.

At last class ended and everyone ran out to the yard, impatient for the break. Fridays made people restless, and most teachers made some allowances for it, trying to make things more interesting and fun. That said, nothing was going to stop students from looking forward to the weekend. Even I found it difficult to stay in the present, though I supposed I had a lot more to look forward than most. So many plans for my little Mandy, and now was the time to set things in motion.

I went to the toilet and loosened my left shoe. I was convinced Amanda wouldn’t be able to hold out through the break, but even if I was wrong, it was simple enough to fix.

Kira, Megan and I chose a corner of the yard to stand and talk, and I quickly found out I had nothing to worry about. I hadn’t misread Amanda in the least. It may have been interesting if she had been strong enough to resist me today. I would have been quite impressed, but still certain I could get my way in the end. As it was, however, as soon as she came out, she looked around and started walking towards me.

She was probably fighting herself all the way through. I noticed she slowed down every step she took, and kept scanning with her eyes from side to side, as if trying to find something that would save her. Kira and Megan were looking forward to helping me this time, and went on giggling as Amanda approached us.

As I looked at her, standing there, looking up at me, begging me with her gaze, I wanted to cuddle the pretty little thing, stroke her hair, and keep her safe from all harm. At the same time, I wanted to pounce on her, drive her to her knees, and make her gasp and pout. I longed to lay her down on the ground and walk all over her, making her whimper. I yearned to hear her sobs and see her tears falling on her red cheeks, as she looked up at me, in confusion and despair, wondering how she had displeased me and what she must do to atone for it. It wasn’t only submissives who had incompatible desires. Any caring dominant would sometimes find herself split between being soft and comforting, or hard and demanding. The difference was, the choice was ours, and we had to get it right.

Kira and Megan did their part, placing themselves so that no-one could see what we were doing. Kira gave me the cue about my shoe, as we had arranged, and I gave Amanda a use, a reason for being, suggesting she tie it on for me, but denying her a direct word or glance. She took the chance with both hands, falling on her knees, as I knew she would. Once she had given in to searching me out, there was no way back for her. I looked away from her, and twisted in the knife by reminding her to do the job right.

She was as meek as I could wish, kneeling on the floor, tying my shoe as we all laughed at her. She must have wanted to disappear from sight, but also to very much be seen. That unusual mixture, having a task to do but being ignored while doing it, was a pretty hard thing for most of my pets. I was getting excited, and Amanda’s blushing face betrayed a little of it too, badly hidden underneath the shame. I wondered if she would find it easier to wait for my attention doing nothing, or to be made to serve without being acknowledged. As selfless as she was, she might find meaning in her obedience, even unrecognised.

After she was done, I ate a piece of candy, and dropped the plastic wrapper, knowing she would get down on the ground and pick it up for me, like a good slave. She didn’t disappoint. I enjoyed her obvious signs of embarrassment as we all showed our amusement with her subservience. I didn’t even need to say a word to have her take care of my garbage. Such a little sweetie, and so hard not to get carried away and go much further than I should, even as my friends made sure it was not really public. She was so nervous she hadn’t noticed we screened her off from everyone.

I dismissed Amanda, and she walked away, with her head bowed. If Stacy was looking at her then, I hoped she drew all the wrong conclusions. She trudged her way to Sylvia and her friends, as I followed her with my eyes, full of desire. What I wouldn’t give for an opportunity to ravage her then and there, in front of the entire school. I wanted to make her yield, scream my name and acknowledge me as her rightful mistress. I couldn’t help imagining the expressions on everyone’s faces as they beheld my slave, and my rough, exacting use of her. Goodness, I may have worked myself up too much. How was I going to stand it until the evening?

“So, what did she do?” asked Megan.

The three of us had found it impossible not to laugh as we saw dejected little Mandy make her slow way back to her group of nerdy friends. Every time someone tried to say something, one of us remembered her down on her knees, eager and docile, and it set us off again. It took us a minute or two to stop ourselves. Doing this to my little one in front of my friends, knowing that they’d always see her that way, as my obedient plaything, fed my arousal even further.

At first, I couldn’t work out what Megan meant, but it came to me.

“Oh, Amanda?” I said.

“Sure”, she said. “What were you punishing her for?”

I chuckled.

“I’m surprised you care”, I said. “Anyway, is that what you thought was going on?” I looked at both in turn, and smiled as they both nodded.

“Looked that way to me”, said Kira.

I shook my head.

“Nothing”, I said. “This wasn’t a punishment.”

Megan gasped, and Kira looked confused.

“Wait, you just did that out of nowhere?” said Kira. “Doesn’t seem like you, somehow.” Megan nodded in agreement.

“Of course I did it for a reason”, I said. “It just wasn’t to punish Amanda. She’s only done two things I might consider wrong, and she suffered in both cases, without me having to act.”

“What were they?” asked Megan.

“Private”, I said, closing that topic. “What I was doing was ... I’m surprised you didn’t get this one right, Kira.”

Kira glared at me. She didn’t like it when I assumed the role of a teacher with her. I had to be sure my friends were ready for the coming weekend, though, and I realised Kira’s experiences dominating Jimmy might not serve her too well.

Enslaving someone as a punishment, relying on fear and pain, was very different from seducing and convincing them to submit of their own will. I didn’t mind others using more force than I liked, though to me, the highest form of conquest took place in the mind. My victories lay in making my pets want to please me, no matter what I asked of them, knowing they were rightfully mine, and feeling genuine regret in disappointing or disobeying me. I demanded heartfelt, servile adoration, no mere outward compliance.

The means Kira had used with Jimmy were not acceptable for our games, though. I could not let things get that far out of hand. We could use some intimidation and roughness, but Kira and Sylvia would need to get Anna to want to play along at some level, and Megan would have to do the same with Rose. That last part shouldn’t be that hard, even if Megan had no experience. Rose was easy.

“Look, I proposed this little game to Amanda first thing in the morning, and she didn’t refuse”, I said. “Any guesses why?”

“Huh”, said Kira, pondering for a moment. “Because ... Jesus, what a doormat. The little freak likes it.”

“What?” said Megan. “She was blushing all the way through! No way she wanted that.”

“Parts of it”, I said. “Kira got it. She liked being toyed with, begging for attention, pleasing me and humbling herself. She’d have liked me responding to her, but this way it was more degrading. Of course, the humiliation wasn’t easy, or the shame of doing it in front of you. Still--”

“Damn, that girl’s messed up some”, said Megan.

Kira shook her head.

“Nah, I see it”, she said. “Those things made it more intense, I bet. Going so low for you, just to obey you...” I nodded. “Wanting what she couldn’t get. Don’t you like giving your boyfriends pleasure, Megan?”

I laughed.

“She must like it”, I said. “Otherwise they’d never get any.”

“Hey!” said Megan, shoving me playfully. “I’m not really that much of a bitch, deep down.” I looked at her sceptically. “Ok, way, way deep down.”

We giggled.

“Fine, sure”, said Megan. “It can be a rush to know what you’re doing is turning them--holy crap! You got off on that? I thought you were just having fun, but--”

I clapped my hands, slowly. “At last!” I said.

“And then you say I’m a bitch”, said Megan, tossing her head. “I can’t believe this shit.”

I patted Megan’s shoulder.

“Listen, imagine Rose were here”, I said. “Think of her cute face, looking up at you, demanding your attention. Think of her whimpering, begging you to notice her, to look at her, to touch her ... Now think of you having this power over her. You can make her smile or cry with a single word. You can crush her with doubt, or fill her with confidence; make her kneel down and tremble, or stand up tall and proud to be yours; and it’s all, entirely, up to you.”

Megan gulped.

“Ok, that’s ... kind of hot”, she said.

“Good”, I said. “Because that’s the sort of thing she seeks from you.”

“Is that why she--” said Megan.

“She looks up to you”, said Kira. “She wants you to like her, of course, but she really enjoys doing what you tell her to. It just takes a bit of attention to notice.”

Megan looked at Kira, then at me. She lowered her face for a moment, a little embarrassed.

“I ... kind of like that”, said Megan. “I’m sorry.” She coughed. “I know I’ve been giving you shit for, well, being into all this kinky stuff ... Especially you, Fiona...” She blushed, looking at my feet. “I make fun of you about your nerdy girl thing, but ... I feel sort of warm inside when she does that. Like, I don’t know ... she will, for real, put me first; and I just want to use that. Feel kind of bad about it, too.”

That was a pleasant surprise. Two, in fact. It was good to see Megan was responding to Rose that way, enjoying it and wanting to take advantage of it. There was some desire to dominate there, beyond the mean girl she could be just to assert her status. Feeling some qualms about doing that to Rose was an even better sign. I wouldn’t have to rescue her from an uncaring owner.

I smiled, hugged Megan, and patted her back. Admitting that to us couldn’t have been easy. She knew Kira and I were closer to each other than to her, and it made it hard for her to open up. It made her feel vulnerable. That was the only way we could actually overcome it, though, and I was glad she had got over her discomfort.

Kira joined the hug, and whispered in my ear, “So, your plan to turn us all into lesbian goddesses seems to be working.”

I quietly chuckled, shaking a little.

“You naughty girl”, I replied, also in a whisper. “I’ll have to punish you for that when I win my side of the bet.”

Kira laughed, but I was pleased to feel her body squirm with a little shudder.

Having a chat with Megan and Kira didn’t stop me from keeping a discreet eye on Amanda. It looked like Syl was taking care of her, as I hoped. I saw them go in together, probably to the toilet, and come back a little later.

Going back to class from the break, Sylvia glared at me in passing. It was good to see they were getting close enough they’d stand up for each other. I smiled back at her. There was no way I’d let her influence my decisions, but my plans required her to become more assertive. I remembered the way she’d played with Amanda, toying with her and tickling her. Though she’d done so under my guidance, I’d noticed how much she liked tormenting my little Mandy. I was convinced she’d do very well taking charge of Anna under Kira’s control. It was harder to say if she’d eventually break off that tether and exercise dominance independently, but there was only one way to find out.