Chapter 16: The Last One

He remembered that it was soon to be his sixteenth birthday, and that as a present his parents would give him another DVD to add to the collection of them that had piled up in his closet. Most of them were like artifacts. They were films he had seen over and over again, as though each film was another variant of an earlier film from a forgotten era that had been pulled from a vault, only that the newer versions replaced older actors and actresses with newer ones, newer music perhaps, a newer symphony of sounds to accompany similar plot lines. And it seemed as though all the videos he had watched before had all converged into a stew of blended images where all of the stories depicted were universally the same. These stories had been told a million times over.

The books that lined his shelves were no different. Each character within literature looked the same to him, as this was the best he could imagine them. Each bit of dialogue had been culled, it seemed, from older books. His books seemed somewhat meaningless for a time, as the material within them no longer merited the same enthusiasm, as they all seemed to say the same things over and over again – just with new people in them - and every once in a while a new style had emerged that mostly influenced how these characters carried themselves.

The boy wasn’t exactly bored with the films and books that cluttered his room. They were links to what he thought existed beyond his four walls. Considering that these videos and books did deliver new faces and new people, and considering that his parents gave him new equipment, represented in the many gadgets he had used to play the DVDs and copy them, he didn’t exactly want these videos and books gone, simply because he wouldn’t be able to see what happened outside of his room otherwise.

Above all, though, he did take a certain pride in how he had arranged his room. The carpet that covered it was fire-engine red, and the sofa that he sat on while watching the television was navy blue. Posters of his favorite movie stars and music bands had been tacked to the walls, and although he had known their names when he had asked his parents for their pictures and their posters, he realized just then that these people also looked quite similar despite how differently they were marketed. These were the same faces – but exhibiting different types of people. Yet he liked how the posters on his walls, the bright red carpet, and the blue of the sofa excited the room with the same bright and organized color that could be found in the Mondrian paintings he liked so much. In fact, he had bookmarked these paintings in one of the heavy Art History books that now propped up his feet as he sat on the sofa. A combination of the posters, the colorful furnishings, and also the loud book and DVD covers that cluttered the room created a kaleidoscopic nest that at times had delivered its own form of entertainment and excitement when there was seemingly none to be had.

Even the pajamas he lounged in were colorful, and since all of the inanimate objects in his room were carefully organized into balanced squares and rectangles, all leveled and lined together properly, the chaos of spectral color was really no threat to the order that these objects exuded. The only companions that lived with him were those that flashed on his wide-screen, liquid crystal television set. His television took up the entire length of wall in front of him. The remote control in his hand made his room an automated tribute to anything he wanted to see, hear, or contemplate whenever such inclinations found him in need.

Lately, however, he had grown a bit irritated by how the others on the television screen weren’t always as walled-in as he was. He witnessed how these beautiful stars on the television were magically beamed to exotic locations and also participated in activities that he wasn’t allowed to participate in. The program he currently viewed featured a couple of scantily-clad women on a wild and exotic vacation. Their bodies were slender and tanned, and they giggled wherever they went. In this particular episode, they stayed in a five-star resort villa overlooking a breathtaking view of the ocean, and during their journey they drank cocktails with miniature bamboo umbrellas sticking out of their glasses and danced the night away with others who were also scantily-clad and unbearably happy.

He had seen these types of programs many times over and was at the age where he questioned why he couldn’t do the same things that these men and women did on the dance floor, their bodies pressed together in ways that kept him watching. But most of all, the allure of the locations they frequented caused him the most envy. The program followed the two women as they toured the castles of Germania, museums in Gaul, the jungles along the Ganges, and the monasteries of Asia Minor. Their day trips were usually followed by a visit to an exclusive club that was both dark and colorful, where male bodies pressed against theirs in what at first seemed like a ridiculous ritual, but a ritual that continued to arouse him, and so he still kept watching it.

Sometimes, though, he could think of nothing more than to throw the remote control at the television screen. Of course, he never really got around to doing that. It was more a feeling or a thought among other rebellious ideas and thoughts that had never manifested in any action on his part, because, oddly enough, as soon as such a rebelliousness entered his mind, the doorbell to his room rang.

Safe it to say that his mood had taken another turn for the worse while watching the latest episode of the girls on vacation, and when it did, the doorbell, which was more of a steady, irritating beep that led to the door to his room sliding open horizontally, revealed the woman who had taken care of him for all of his sixteen years and had attended to his every need while living in the room. He couldn’t think of anything else to call her but his mother, although lately he sensed that there was something more distant about her, as though what was once a more nurturing and steadfast love for him had gelled into a more adult relationship that was more severe than how she had loved him as a younger boy. He missed her more childhood love at times, such as the way she used to sing him the same lullaby before he fell asleep. But such displays of maternal affection on her part had ended several years ago, even though she hadn’t aged one bit. And when the door slid open with a quiet, hydraulic swoosh, the same woman stood there – her eyes the same sparkling blue and her figure a perfect hourglass, her hair bleached with the same streaks of blonde that shone in exactly the same places.

She walked straight in and stood before him. The door shut behind her, and as he sat on the sofa and tried to avoid her, as she had blocked his full view of the television.

“What’s wrong, Adam?” she asked. “Having another bad day?”

“Why are you so concerned about it,” said Adam, a little unnerved that she had arrived just when his frustration with the television program had hit its peak.

“You’re obviously down about something,” she said. “Maybe it would help if we talked about it.”

“We’ve already talked about it. We talk about it every day. It’s the same talk we had yesterday and the day before. It has no end.”

“What’s troubling you, sweetie?”

“You asked me the same thing yesterday, and I told you.”

“But you’re still upset about it, is that it?”

“Yes, mother, I’m still upset about it. I don’t want to stay here any longer.”

She smiled knowingly and said, “ I know it must be hard for you, but we’re all doing the best we can under the circumstances. Everything you need is right here. You’ll never need anything else.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, what else might you need?”

“I want to go outside,” he said.

His mother paused for a moment and then took a seat on the sofa next to him.

“We talked about this, Adam.”

“And we keep on talking about it,” he said.

“Why are you so fascinated about going outside? Why are you so adamant about it?”

“Because I want to experience things, like these people do on the television.”

“But Adam, the reason why we brought you the television and all of the books and DVDs was so that you can experience the same things that those people experience without ever having to leave your room. You’re quite lucky in that regard. You should be grateful for the room that you have. Not many people get the opportunity to travel to these wonderful places without having to move an inch.”

“I want to feel these things. I want to meet these women. Don’t you understand? I want to meet her,” as he pointed to the woman he liked the most on the vacation show. “I don’t just want to watch her, and I don’t just want to see her travel. I want to travel to the same places they do. I want to be there with them.”

“This is silly,” said his mother. “You can’t go outside. You have to deal with that fact.”

“I know, but at the same time I have to go outside.”

“Even though it would kill you? Darling, please be reasonable. You are just too sick to go outside. It will kill you if you take a single step outside this room.”

“But I feel fine, I tell you. I feel just fine, and I want to go out.”

“I’m sorry, honey,” she said, “but we just can’t take that risk.”

“I’m sick of it in here. At least let me change rooms.”

“But Darling, we’ve given you everything you’ve ever needed right here in this room. What difference would it make if you switched rooms?”

“At least a room with a view of the outside,” he said. “At least a view where I can see people. You can at least allow me that.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s just too risky. I know you’re a growing boy, but you have to live within your means. You have to live with what gifts God has given you.”

“Well, it’s not enough.”

“Please, don’t be so adamant. You’ve always been such a stubborn and determined boy.”

“Obviously it runs in the family. Listen, I just want to go places for a change. You owe me that.”

“Let me see what I can do about it, okay?”

“You said that the last time.”

“For now, you can’t leave this room – not now, not ever. You have to get used to it. Otherwise it will be the end of you, and I certainly don’t want to see that happen.”

“Neither do I, I guess.”

He turned off the television set when his mother left the room. He thought she had acted strangely, more like one of those therapists he listened to on the sound system – always consoling him and identifying with his pain but unable to relieve it. She acted as though his fascination with escaping the room and going outside was worthy of being relieved and not the pain of being closed in.

Instead of watching more television, though, he cracked open a book. The book, however, failed to interest him since the narrative resembled that which he saw routinely on the television. And while he tried to imagine the woman who was now the main character in the novel he read, his imagining was such that he could only picture the woman who had been on vacation, the same woman who had danced on the television show that he had just watched. She inhabited his imagination, as she was also the same main character in the book that he read. And perhaps some of the scenery and the clothing they wore had been depicted by the novelist a bit differently from the television program, but the outcome of the chapter he read was basically the same. It was the same old television program but only in book form, as though there were really no difference between the books he read and the programs and DVDs he watched.

He didn’t quite know what to do about this dilemma, but he reacted to it by slamming the book shut and trying another book that had different subject matter entirely. And yet the same two girls touring the beaches of Cabo St. Lucas returned once again, as his inability to imagine any other people inhabiting the narrative he read frustrated him all the more. He had little choice but to dim the lights and sprawl his body out on the sofa until sleep overtook him. He realized that there was nothing so unique anymore about the books and programs he absorbed. He simply dreamt of one day leaving his windowless room, although even within the dream he couldn’t imagine anything that loomed beyond the hydraulic door that kept him shut in tightly.

He awoke some time later to an alarm that brought him to consciousness. The alarm had come from the small kitchenette area. His tray of food had arrived through the food processor for his evening dinner. He was hungry, although he didn’t feel much like eating. He walked to the kitchenette and out of the service door came a tray of piping hot goop in a bowl. He never knew what the goop was made of, but whatever it was, it stood the test of time as being the meal he had been served three times a day for what seemed like many, many years. While the goop tasted good in many respects, he had to admit that he was a little bored with it. But there was no choice but to accept it. He figured he was like a rat who has accepted that the same wedge of cheese will always be his reward. The meal itself and its redundancy, however, wasn’t the source of his problem just yet. He still wanted to go outside but was prohibited from doing so.

He took his bowl of goop and ate it with a spoon in front of the television set. Another episode of the program with the women appeared, only this time they were on Safari in Africana with a couple of white male studs who served as their guides. All of the various animals were shown, such as zebras, elephants, giraffes, and a couple of lions, even oversized ants from which the male guides humorously protected the girls. But interestingly enough, when the two girls returned to civilization and back to their hotel where they immediately visited the hotel’s dance club, Adam suddenly noticed how the two women now talked to a young blonde-haired boy at the bar – a new character who had suddenly made his inaugural appearance on the show. That boy, for some odd reason, looked exactly like Adam. He had the same shaggy blonde hair, the same height and build, the same blue eyes, the same voice and pattern of speech. It amazed him to see an exact replica of himself dancing with the two women, and the replica of himself certainly seemed to enjoy himself in their company.

And with newfound delight Adam watched the program for several hours straight as this new replica of himself was now traveling with the women to different locales. The replica drank as the ladies did and danced seductively as the other men in the clubs did. It calmed and soothed him to see himself doing all of these things on the television screen, and this quieted him for several days.

He noticed that other actors just like him had also been introduced on other programs, and this brought Adam a lot of joy and satisfaction that he could now finally identify with what he watched. The new replica became the new star in each program he watched. Adam was finally represented, and even a few of the books that had been sent through the delivery chute featured a main character who was just like him and who harbored the same frustrations as he did. But the main characters always dealt with these frustrations by being grateful, and the new characters never escaped but instead found contentment in the lives that they had already. Such programming kept him absorbed for several weeks straight.

It wasn’t until the travel show had progressed to the point where they showed his look-alike kissing one of the girls, the girl that Adam liked, that he sensed something was wrong about the things he was now watching and reading. His replica had toured the lunar-like craters of the volcanoes in the Canary Islands and followed this up by having cocktails with the girls in their hotel room overlooking a breezy beach at evening. The replica of himself went up to the girl, who happened to be in a bikini, and kissed her squarely on the lips. The two of them fell into an extended kiss where their tongues and mouths were locked together and their hands wandered all over each other’s bodies. And after the scene had ended, Adam was ready to throw the remote at the television again, as his angst and rebelliousness had suddenly returned. He believed that this time he wouldn’t fail at hurling the heavy remote at the people on the screen, but then again the thought and the analysis of doing the deed delayed the actual deed from being done, as though his mind had to go through all sorts of red tape and permissions in order to carry out the act. But by God he would do it this time, because somehow his replica had the real-life privilege of kissing the bikini-clad women without suffering as Adam had been suffering being confined to his room. He wondered why he couldn’t do the same things as his replica did. The only option that remained now was to destroy the television set and the women who let this fake version of himself kiss and fondle them. It was downright unfair, he thought.

At the exact time when he thought that he just might throw the remote and see if he could get away with it, the doorbell’s extended beep rang again. The door swooshed open. His mother, wearing a kind smile, walked in and sat next to him, hoping to diffuse whatever angered the troubled teenager.

His mother looked as radiant as ever, as she hadn’t changed at all in the several weeks since he had seen her last. She had the same twinkle in her sea-blue eyes, and her hair fell in a wave to her shoulders. Her presence made him suddenly forget about why he had wanted to throw the remote in the first place. Her presence calmed him. There was no one but she with whom he could discuss his attitudinal problems and his developing cynicism about the pressures of being confined to a room.

“Adam, my darling, why are you in such a terrible mood?” she asked.

“Funny how you always visit me when I’m in a bad mood. I hope you’re not too disappointed by it.”

“Nonsense. Not in the least. It just so happens that I always come down here when you’re in a bad mood. It’s a mother’s sense of knowing, you could say.”

“Well, mom, I am in a bad mood,” he confessed. “I’m not sure why.”

“Maybe you’ve been watching too much television. Maybe you’re even reading too much. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, everything’s fine. It’s just that – well, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” she said. “Have you been eating properly?”

“It’s not the food.”

“Then what can it be?”

“It’s just that I really want to go outside, and I know that I can’t. And this feeling of wanting to go out just hit me a few hours ago, and I really can’t stand being in here for much longer, especially when there’s so much fun to be had.”

“But aren’t you having fun already?”

“I was, but there’s something missing in all of this. I mean, I really do relate to the guy on the travel show, but there’s something missing.”

“Like what? Isn’t the television show everything you’ve always wanted? I’ve been watching the show too, and it’s wonderful how a boy just like you is having so much fun. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yes, mother, it is, but there’s something that’s missing.”

“First of all, you should always be grateful for the things you have, not what you don’t have. God has already given you everything you need, and I’d certainly thank my lucky stars that you can now see yourself doing all of that traveling and having so much fun with your friends. It must feel wonderful. You’re a very fortunate and lucky boy.”

“But that’s the thing. I mean, it’s me who’s having fun, but it’s not really me. That guy is me, but he isn’t really me.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she said. “How can someone be you and not be you?”

“I’m not the one on the television doing all of those things. I’m still stuck in my room.”

“But that’s nonsense, Adam. It is clearly you who are having all that fun. Didn’t you just go to Amsterdam? And then a week before you visited the Great Pyramids of Egypt? That was you who went, not anyone else. I saw it myself.”

“Mother,” he said angrily, “I haven’t been anywhere. I’ve been here, and all the while I’ve been watching myself do all of these things, but I was not the one doing them. Can’t you understand that?”

“I see,” she said resignedly. “You want to be inside the television yourself doing all of those things with your friends. I can see your point.”

“No, you still don’t see my point. My point is that you’re going to have to let me outside, so that I can actually experience these things for myself instead of being locked up in here.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that you’re locked up in here.”

“Yes, I can safely say that I am locked up in here, because I myself have never experienced these things but can only relate to another version of myself doing these things on the television. I don’t do anything but watch him doing the things that I would really like to do. I actually don’t do anything – not a damn thing!”

“I never knew you felt this way about yourself,” she said. “Haven’t we provided you with everything you need? If you ask me, you’re being a little too ungrateful.”

“I’m being ungrateful? Mom, you have to let me outside. That’s the only way I’ll have any gratitude at all for what you’ve given me.”

“I’m sorry, but I just can’t do that. You’re too sick to step one foot out of this room. I thought I had made myself clear the last time we discussed it.”

“I just can’t live this way anymore. I don’t care if I die out there, but you’re going to have to let me out – not next month, not tomorrow, but right now! I don’t care if I die!”

“Just calm down, sweetheart, okay? I know you’re frustrated, but I can’t allow you to do it. I care so much about you.”

“Damnit, let me out!” he yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her away from him.

His mother fell back on the sofa, her eyes wide in bewilderment and shock at the way her son was behaving. Adam then ran towards the door, which was shut tight, but he searched frantically for something to open it - any switch or button or even a blunt object in the room to cleave the door open. He spotted the chair by his reading table, and he was about to throw it full force at the door, but just as he clutched it, the door swooshed open, revealing a handsome, middle-aged man with a square jaw who towered above him.

The man wore what seemed to be a uniform of some kind. It was a tan khaki uniform with shining gold medals pinned to his chest, a gold clip that held his tie in place, and on his head he wore a tan officer’s cap. When Adam judged that the man was too much too strong and tall to pass, he let go of the chair and fell to his knees in anguish. He let out a cry, but as the hot tears that blurred his vision cleared, he knew the man in the doorway was his father, a man he hadn’t seen for several years. Ironically, the last time he had seen the likes of him was when, as a younger boy, he had erupted at his mother in quite the same way, threatening to kill her if she didn’t change the meal of goop he was regularly being served. And now his father, a handsome and resolute man, appeared before him and smiled a little. He offered him his hand and hoisted Adam up off the floor.

“Hello, son,” said his father. “It’s good to see you after all this time.”

Adam embraced his father. Strangely enough his appearance hadn’t changed one bit. His hair was the same yellowish color, and his skin hadn’t aged. He actually seemed taller and more muscular than before.

“God, I’m lucky I got here when I did,” said his father. “Adam, you really should behave yourself when you’re with your mother. Maybe I’ve been absent for far too long.”

“Yes you have,” said his mother who joined them near the doorway.

They all hugged each other, as they hadn’t been together in quite some time. And since kisses and hugs were exchanged, Adam forgot about his need to escape the room. Instead, the three of them sat on the sofa, and the father told them of his adventures fighting the Mesopotamians who were ligving a thousand miles away. He had returned from the war untouched and unscathed, and he carefully explained the medals he won for his bravery in battle.

Adam had almost forgotten all about his father, but he suddenly remembered how he held him in his arms as a younger boy and said that he would some day return. Apparently the military had discharged him suddenly – at the exact time Adam wanted to leave the room, as this is how it has always been. But Adam drew a great deal of comfort from the sight of him and how certain patterns and cycles that typified his return were still very much embedded within the confined life that he led. The three of them drowned themselves in their own familial mirth from that point forward, and his father continued to explain how the President had honored him for his bravery on the vast wastelands of Mesopotamia where he fought the enemy and how the war was almost won because of his heroism. Just a few years longer and they would have captured the land, making the world safer for all human kind.

Yet after his father informed them of the coming victory overseas, the conversation soon returned to Adam’s rebellious behavior. His father apologized for being absent for so long.

“You mean you’re here to stay, father?” asked Adam.

“Well, they’ve moved me back to the mainland, yes, so I’ll be around much more. This I can promise you.”

“Oh what a relief,” sighed his mother.

“But Dad, now that you’re back, maybe you can let me go outside. Mother here won’t allow it.”

His father looked a bit concerned by the question, and he then asked his wife to leave them alone for a few moments to discuss their son’s radical idea.

“You two, I’m sure, have a lot to talk about,” said his mother. “Honey, it’s so good to finally have you home.”

“Thanks, hon. I’ll be up in a little bit.”

The father and son discussed the details of the war in Mesopotamia first, and while Adam didn’t have too many questions about what had happened over in that part of the world, since he was more concerned with the women he saw on the screen and the fun they were having, his father still went on about how he was captured by the enemy and was tortured for some time in a cave in the desert. His father even thought that he was going to die at one point.

Adam looked up at him in awe, not necessarily because of his heroism in battle or the tortures he endured in Mesopotamia but mainly because his father’s body had been perfectly preserved. Because even though he had endured such hardships being a prisoner of war, he didn’t have a single scratch on him. In fact, his father looked no different from when Adam had seen him several years ago.

“So what I’m saying, son, is that you have to be grateful and thankful for what you have today. I know you want to go out. I know sometimes it’s not so easy being in your room all the time, but son, your mother and I have gone through many, many sacrifices to keep you safe and sound. So you shouldn’t get so upset with her. It’s the circumstances that are upsetting you. Be grateful is what I’m saying.”

“I am grateful,” said Adam. “It’s just that I don’t feel connected to anything anymore, as though everything that happens happens only on the outside. Not in here.”

“But you have everything that you could possibly want in here. Is there something that’s missing?”

“I guess I’m feeling kind of lonely. There’s no one to talk to besides Mom.”

“Oh, now I see,” he smiled. “I can’t believe we didn’t see this coming.”

“What?”

“Maybe we should have you meet someone. Maybe you need a companion. I mean, after all, you’re sixteen now, going on seventeen. No wonder you’re getting so angry, son. You’re a growing young man, and maybe we’ve overlooked a few things.”

“Like what?”

“Just leave it to me,” said his father with a wink. “Now for a few weeks I have to be away. I’ll be in the nation’s capitol to receive an award –”

“Another award? But you just got here.”

“Yeah. They just don’t seem to want to stop giving me those awards. Y’know how it is – ‘an example for my country’ and all. So I’ll be away for a little while, but in the meantime sit tight, okay? Remember to have gratitude, and you should thank the dear Lord that you have food and shelter, all the entertainment that you need, and two loving parents who support you. Always remember that we love you and that God works in mysterious ways to help you. Don’t forsake the gifts that you have already been given.”

His father hugged him then, and his warm embrace comforted him. His father then donned his officer’s cap and walked gallantly through the swooshing door, leaving Adam to wonder when he would return. But what was important now was that he no longer felt the same urges to go outside. Being with his father had reminded him to be thankful and grateful. In fact, he was grateful to be indoors where he was safe from the enemy and the terrible things in life, like war and bloodshed. He should at least be thankful for that.

He turned on the television, since there was nothing much to do after his father left. He continued watching the drama that unfolded between the actor who looked exactly like him and the two women who traveled the world with him. Apparently, all three of these scantily-clad party-goers had fallen in love with one another, and so the new drama concerned whom the boy would pick out of the two girls to spend the rest of his life with, as he was clearly in love with both women. And after it had been resolved that the actor would delay such a decision and, for now, take both women as his girlfriends, the party on an exotic resort island in Europa continued. There were even bigger dance parties, more kissing, hugging, and giggling – everything a sixteen year-old boy could ever want. These fantasies manifested themselves on the television screen like odd witchcraft. He watched the program for several days straight, and he decided, finally, that if he were to change his own life, he would have to marry the woman he had originally liked, the same woman that the actor on the screen fooled around with. And together they would live in his room happily-ever-after.