My older sister and I have never really gotten along. I love her. But I can’t stand her. If you have siblings you probably understand what I mean. She’s only four years older but she acts like she is sooo much more worldly I am. For this story I’ll be referring to her as “Emily”. Emily was always my opposite. If we were comic book characters she would be the hero. I would be the bad guy. That’s how it’s always been. She did her homework. She brushed her teeth. She was polite to her teachers. I was the screw up. I was always in trouble. And I always felt like she was looking down her nose at me.
You could have told me that when she was only a sophomore in college she’d end up getting knocked up by her boyfriend and I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have laughed at you. In fact, when I first heard that I didn’t believe it. And I did laugh. But she eventually called me, personally, and confirmed the rumor. I was polite. I was sympathetic. But inside I was laughing. Harsh. I know. But Ms. Goodie-Goodie finally proving to our family that she was human was a breath of fresh air. Now she was down on my level. And then she had to go and do it. She announced that she and her doofus boyfriend were getting married. Of course they were. That was the only thing Ms. Squeaky-Clean could do. I’m sorry ... MRS. Squeaky-Clean.
My aunt “Shelly” was in the same boat as I was. She couldn’t stand Emily’s haughty attitude. Aunt Shelly was a lot more like me. Adventurous. Typically up to no good. Ya’ know? Fun! We decided we were going to try, one last time, to get Emily to have a little fun herself. Before it was too late. We agreed to get her friends together and give her a bachelorette party. Shelly and I hit the local “adult” stores. We bought little penis shaped straws. Foam rubber boobs to wear over your shirt. Anything silly and pervy we could think of. Marital aid gifts were something Shelly would take care of herself. She “knew a guy”. But the matter of the proper venue had to be decided on. A place we could take Emily without her suspecting anything. We didn’t want to arouse her suspicion until she was face to face with a party. We couldn’t give her time to think of an excuse as to why she couldn’t go. She was going to have a good time and that was that.
Shelly finally had a breakthrough on the venue. Her boyfriend knew a guy that owned a small building used for offices and it was currently empty. Perfect. We loaded in some chairs and a few tables. Got the music set up. We spent a good 4 hours decorating the room. We were going to invite her out “to dinner” and she would ride with Shelly who would need to make a “quick pit stop” on the way there to “pick up her boyfriend from work”. And BAM, when they opened the door the party would start. Emily was going to enjoy herself for once and that ‘s all there was to it. Flawless plan.
My aunt took care of the most important part of the party of couple of days before hand. The entertainment!You can’t have a bachelorette party without strippers! She called a few agencies and decided they were too expensive. She called up a few ads she found in seedy magazines around town. They seemed kinda sketchy. So she started hitting up friends, coworkers, neighbors, asking if they knew any good looking guys that would be interested in making a few bucks. She got a hit. Actually, she got two hits. “Dave”. A 20-something construction worker. Good looking. Well built. Abs. Looked kinda stupid. Totally Emily’s taste in guys. And “Eric”. A bit older than I was expecting. But I could see why Shelly chose him. He was ripped. I mean he was RIPPED. Great smile. A little more tan than I would have liked. A large tattoo on his chest and a couple on his arms. Silvery five o’clock shadow that betrayed the dark brown “Just For Men” he’d obviously been using on his shoulder-length hair. Total bad-boy look. Apparently he had been a “pro” wrestler on the independent circuit until a knee injury derailed his career. And he was getting older so he didn’t expect to make a decent enough recovery to continue. He’d been working an office job ever since but damn if he wasn’t keeping himself in shape. Shelly kinda second guessed her decision to hire him but I encouraged her to keep him on. She agreed.
I arrived early to meet the guests. I made sure everyone knew to park in the back. We didn’t want Emily recognizing any cars. I got all the gifts piled up on an old card table. Helped bring in the ice and set up the drinks. Roughly 90% of the invited guests showed up and everyone promised that they had kept everything secret. If this was going to work Emily couldn’t suspect a thing.
I slipped away to change clothes in one of the bathrooms. I love this dress. Shiny. Metallic looking. This kind of ... pink/magenta color. Definitely something you’d wear to a nightclub. Or as lingerie. Ties around the back. Very ... very short. There’s no way a bra could be worn with this but you’d better wear panties or you’d be exposing your lady parts. I chose a black shiny lycra thong and a pair of black patent leather platform heels. I stood in the mirror applying liquid liner to my top lids when I detected the unmistakable scent of Old Spice. Both male strippers were now standing behind me smiling.
“Gentlemen”. They looked slightly embarrassed but overcame it long enough to ask if this was the room they’d be changing in. I said “sure, let me just get out of your way” as I gathered my makeup from the sink and stuffed it in my purse. Dave started changing before I was out the door. Eric grinned at me and said “thanks” before offering “nice panties” as I slipped into the hallway. Great. They were watching me change the whole time.
It wasn’t long before I got the text. Shelly and Emily were en route and about 10 minutes away. I killed the majority of the lights, checked the front lot to make sure there were no cars parked in the wrong area and wrangled Dave and Eric, getting them into position.
I heard Shelly in the hallway, calling for her boyfriend. She called for him a few more times before opening the door to the room we were waiting in and playfully asking “what is this? Emily you have to come see this!”. Emily took the bait. “Surprise!” and there were her friends and her sister. Dressed like hookers. Cut-out penises hanging from the ceiling. Posters of half naked men tacked to the walls. “Lords of Acid” began to play on Shelly’s old fashioned CD player. Streamers. Confetti. And random voices offering congratulations. Emily feigned joy but she was mortified. And I loved it.
About 15 minutes in Dave and Eric made their appearance and the look of death Emily shot me was priceless. I wish I had taken a picture. They both wore comedically tiny cowboy hats and a pair of cowboy boots. A pair of breakaway “Daisy Dukes” for men and a little vest with a tiny badge. Shelly was in Heaven. They danced to some raunchy music I didn’t recognize and playfully asked where Emily was. Her friends laughed and pointed to her in unison. The strippers began to playfully shake their asses in her face and thrust the air around her. She tried to be a good sport. She laughed and offered “you guuuys” as a half-hearted endorsement. And every so often she would shoot me a dirty look.
Then the breakaway jorts came off. And there were dicks. And they were quite impressive. Suddenly they produced cans of whipped cream and began to spray it on their erect penises. Both offered a lick to Emily and she sternly refused to a chorus of disappointed “awww”s and “booo”s. They began to make their rounds. Offering ... whipped cream ... to the other girls at the party. Emily predictably excused herself. Shelly walked to her to the front door to apologize and wait with her as she called for a cab. Dave was on the other side of the room spraying more whipped cream on himself when I saw it. Eric’s dick. Right in front of my face. He shook the can and cocked his head, waiting for my reaction. I smiled and nodded eagerly to a small chorus of “wooo!” from Emily’s friends. I set my drink with the penis straw aside to make way for the real deal. Eric got whipped cream all over my face and I laughed, straining to fit his dick in my mouth. The other girls had just been licking the whipped cream off the strippers’ cocks. I wasn’t interested in that approach and I think I caught Eric by surprise. I got a little “whoa!” out of him and the girls laughed. Some time later Dave pranced by me and I held up a “no thanks” hand. Eric came back for another pass and I smiled and pushed his whipped cream can aside and just pushed his dick in my mouth without any whipped cream. This went over big and the girls cheered me on until Eric popped it out of my mouth and moved on.