Chapter 8: Accidental Revelations

June 5, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"What do you want to do tonight?" I asked Emmy after she got into my Mustang on Friday evening.

"Anything," she said with a smile. "Whatever you want!"

"A new skydiving place opened in Clermont County over by Cincinnati. I saw an ad in the newspaper."

"OK," she laughed, "maybe not ANYTHING!"

"Too exciting for you?" I laughed as I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway.

"Too risky! What happens if your parachute doesn't open?"

"I'm pretty sure you have a spare."

"And if that one doesn't open?"

"Strawberry jam," I laughed.

"Yuck! That's gross!"

"You saw that stupid movie they show every year in Assembly. And those pictures were from car accidents at like 45mph. I think terminal velocity is around 200mph. Strawberry jam."

"Stop the car!" she said fiercely.

I'd clearly made a major mistake. Visions of April storming away ran through my head. At least we were only about a quarter-mile from Emmy's house. I sighed, slowed, and pulled over onto the shoulder. I stopped, put on the parking brake, took a deep breath, and let it out.

"Emmy..." I said.

I didn't get another word out because she'd unbuckled her seat belt, shifted in her seat, and moved her face towards mine. Our lips touched, and when hers parted, I gingerly moved my tongue forward until I found hers. They touched gently, and we held the kiss for about thirty seconds.

"I forgot to kiss you when you picked me up," she giggled.

"And I thought you were upset with me about the gross comments."

"I was! Did you like how I changed the subject?"

I nodded, "I most certainly did!"

"I'll give you a MUCH better kiss later. Now, where are we going?"

'The Star Light Motel!' I wanted to scream based on the reaction that kiss had caused. But that wasn't going to happen. I was uncomfortable, but I didn't want Emmy to notice, so I just had to grin and bear it until it subsided.

"Dinner at Ponderosa, for sure. Unfortunately, the movies I want to see don't open until next weekend, so we could play mini golf, go bowling, roller skating, or something else. Whatever you want."

"Jackson Lake?" she asked quietly.

"It rained hard for two hours this afternoon," I said. "The grass will probably be wet."

"So we take off our clothes!" she giggled.

Thinking about seeing Emmy naked made the problem in my lap even worse. I was SURE she'd notice if her eyes dropped from looking at my face. I cleared my throat nervously.

"Uh, er, uhm."

I was totally tongue-tied.

"Mike, relax," she said, putting her hand on my arm. "I was teasing you. Please don't be upset."

And then it hit me. I knew EXACTLY what had happened. Somehow, Liz had discovered I'd taken Carol to Jackson Lake and told Emmy. But it seemed as if what Liz intended might have backfired. I sure hoped so.

"Did Liz say something to you?" I asked.

Emmy nodded, "She told me you took your friend's friend there last Saturday."

"We just made out a bit," I said defensively.

"Mike, you aren't my steady boyfriend. And that was before we even agreed to go out on Saturday nights. Relax. I'm not upset. Liz was just trying to piss me off."

"She's really starting to annoy me," I sighed.

"Of course, going to Jackson Lake and taking our clothes off would REALLY upset her!"

There was something deeper going on, and I needed to think about it before I said anything. I released the parking brake and put the car in gear. Emmy buckled her seat belt, and I pulled back onto the pavement. A short way down the road, an idea popped into my head.

"Emmy, are you saying those things because you think I'll stop going out with you if you don't do stuff like that?"

The fact that she didn't answer immediately told me I was on to something. Liz had told Emmy that I'd gone to Jackson Lake. And probably implied that Carol and I had gone all the way, or close to it. And Emmy was afraid that I'd prefer seeing Carol to her.

"Did Liz also tell you I told Carol I didn't want to go out with her again?" I continued.

"No."

"Well, I did. On Monday. That was AFTER you asked if you could be my regular date for Saturday nights!"

"And you didn't?"

I was violating a confidence, but in the end, Carol was far, far less important than Emmy. I really liked Emmy, and if saying something inappropriate but truthful was going to help, I was going to do it. There was no way I was letting Liz or Carol win because Emmy got upset.

"We made out," I said. "But I didn't have sex with her or uh, you know."

"A blowjob?" Emmy giggled.

"Yeah. I mean, no, not that, either. I turned her down."

"Wait! She offered to give you a blowjob or have sex and you said 'no'? Because of me?"

"Mostly, yes, but also because I didn't think it was right to do it with her."

"Why? I mean, if it's OK to ask."

"It just felt like it would be wrong. I mean, could you go out with a random person, someone you barely knew, and just have sex with them?"

"No way! I mean, I'm only fifteen, but even if I was older, I can't ever see myself doing that! I'm not one of those girls who has to wait for her wedding night, but to just do it to do it? No, I don't think so."

"And if I'd agreed to go to Jackson Park? And take off our clothes?"

"Are you asking?" she asked quietly.

I had to get control of this. I'd expected her to protest that she'd only been teasing.

"Emmy, I think a third date, which only just started, is probably too soon to talk about this, don't you?"

"But you want to, don't you? Tell the truth, please."

I sighed deeply, "Yes, I do. But, and I may regret saying this, there HAS to be more to it than just a physical desire."

Emmy giggled, "Isn't the girl supposed to be the one who insists on being in love?"

"I guess we're going to talk about this now that the cat's out of the bag, so to speak. I don't think it's even that simple. Do you really want to hear all this?"

"Yes. I feel comfortable talking to you about it."

"Then I guess I could see doing that with someone I was close to but not in love with if they felt the same way. And I think that's the bottom line — if both people want to do it, and both feel the same way about each other, then I don't think it's wrong. I agree with you about the wedding night thing, but I know other people who don't."

"My dad!" she said.

"My parents, my priest, and a bunch of other people, too! But it has to be up to the person. I can't think of a more personal, intimate decision than that. Can you?"

"No. It's kind of scary when you think about it."

I nodded, "I know. Honesty, right?"

"Yes."

"I WANT to do it. I really do. In fact, I've tried to get someone to do it. But that didn't mean I wasn't scared. Heck, even TALKING about it with you makes me nervous."

"When I teased you before, I felt weird; kind of tingly, like when you kiss me, but I also felt really scared. Do you think everyone feels that way?"

"The first time? Maybe not scared, but I would think it's normal to be nervous."

"Did April break up with you because you wanted to have sex?"

Liz and I were going to have serious words; there was no doubt about it. Liz telling Emmy things that weren't true meant I had to talk in more detail about something that should have stayed entirely private.

"No. Liz thinks that's what happened, but she's wrong; I broke up with April. And April is wrong thinking I broke up with her because she wouldn't have sex with me. I am being completely truthful when I say I broke up with April because of how she feels about church. When she said she could never go, that kind of put an end to any future we might have had."

"What Liz was saying just didn't sound like you. She really is upset by this whole thing."

"I know," I said. "But what are our options?"

"None, really, unless you don't want to go out with me."

"I do want to keep going out with you! I told Carol I didn't want to see her again because of you!"

"But we're not steady," Emmy said.

"I'd much rather be with you than her, no matter what," I replied.

Emmy smiled broadly as I pulled into the parking lot of Ponderosa and shut off the engine. I didn't move to get out because the conversation wasn't finished, and I didn't want to have it in public.

"I wish Liz would grow up," Emmy sighed. "I can be her friend and your girlfriend at the same time!"

"I know, but she doesn't think so. Do you want to stop seeing me?"

Emmy shook her head, "No! I like you, Mike! A lot!"

"And I like you, too. I told Dale that."

"Your best friend?"

"Yes."

"Then it IS serious!" Emmy giggled. "Truth now, promise?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to? I mean, with me?"

"Will you accept something other than a 'yes' or 'no' answer? Please?"

"Sure."

"Physically? Yes. You're really cute, and I really like you. A lot. Emotionally? I don't know. I don't want to hurt you or take advantage of you or do something you'll regret."

"You think I'm cute?"

She stood 5′5″ tall and had long, dark hair, deep brown eyes, and a trim figure. I'd called her 'cute' because she just had that look. I couldn't describe it, really. I'd call Jocelyn pretty and Emmy cute, but I couldn't actually explain why.

"I do," I said.

"But I'm so small, you know, compared to other girls."

"I think you're 'Emmy-sized', and that's all that matters!"

"'Emmy-sized'? You're so silly!"

"But it's true. You're made up of lots of things, one of which is your physique. I happen to like it!"

"Happen to?"

"Do you and Liz agree on which guys are good-looking?"

"No, not always."

"So..." I grinned, using my mom's tactic.

"Not everyone likes the same thing. And you like me."

"Yes. Does anyone else's opinion matter right now?"

She smiled, "No, it doesn't. Mike? Look at me, please."

I turned to look directly into her deep brown eyes and waited. She took both my hands in hers.

"It might not be for a long time," she said quietly, "but when I'm ready, will you?"

"Yes."

June 6, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"You need to stop spying on me and butt out of my life," I said to Liz on Saturday morning.

"You started it! You asked my best friend on a date!"

"Try again, Lizzy! Your best friend asked ME on a date. And then asked me on a picnic. And wanted to go out with me again."

'And wants me to make love with her!' I wanted to add, but there was no way I could say that, even though watching Liz's head explode would be very enjoyable, given my issues with how she was handling my relationship with Emmy.

"I'll tell Tasha about all your conquests!"

I laughed so hard I thought I'd hurt myself.

"WHAT conquests?" I finally asked about a minute later. "Nobody will believe you because they didn't happen! Emmy doesn't believe the lies you told her after you spied on my call with Carol!"

"But you went to Jackson Lake with her to have sex!"

"I did NOT! And even if I HAD done that, it was between me and Carol, and potentially me and Emmy. I told Carol I didn't want to see her again because I like Emmy and want to see her regularly! And before you run off to tell Tasha, she knows Emmy is my regular date for Saturdays, but we're not going steady. The entire church knows Tasha isn't allowed to date! We're allowed to have dinner. That's it. If she COULD date, THEN it might be a problem. And, Miss Smarty Pants Spy, Emmy knows about Tasha, too! So, BACK OFF!"

"You're ruining my life!"

"Liz, YOU are ruining your life. You can have Emmy as your best friend even if she and I are dating. I'm not going to complain; in fact, I kind of think it would be cool to have my sister and my girlfriend get along. Emmy wants to be your best friend. You just need to grow up!"

"Grow up? What a laugh! I had sex before you did!"

Her hand flew to her mouth, and she turned bright red. I was surprised Liz had said that, but I wasn't her biggest problem. No, her biggest problem had just turned the corner.

"Mike, I think you should go to work," my mom said evenly.

"I think you're right," I hastily agreed. "Bye, Mom. Bye, Liz."

I kissed Mom on the cheek and beat an even hastier retreat. I heard my mom's very firm voice as I left the house.

"Elizaveta Petrovna, go to your room. I'll be there shortly."

I got into my car, started it, put in gear, and got the hell out of the driveway. The LAST place I wanted to be right now was anywhere in the blast radius. Mom and I had talked about the issue of having sex. I was eighteen, and she had more or less agreed that I had to make my own decisions. But Liz had only turned fifteen in March, and THAT was going to be a big concern for Mom. I thanked my lucky stars I was leaving from work to go straight to McKinley for my job interview. And I'd only be home for a few minutes to shower and change for Vespers and my usual Saturday triple date. Assuming I had a home to come back to and didn't find a smoking crater and rubble from the explosion that was about to occur.

The revelation, oddly, hadn't shocked me. And even more surprisingly, didn't faze me or make me jealous. I'd realized, the previous night, that waiting for Emmy would be worth it, no matter HOW frustrated I got. Cold showers and my right hand would suffice until then. There were only two girls who could change my mind, and both were utterly impossible for one reason or another — Jocelyn because she viewed me as a brother and Tasha because there was no chance I was getting engaged, let alone married before I finished college, and probably not until I finished medical school.

As I pulled into the parking lot at the hardware store, I hoped Liz would be OK. I really didn't wish her ill, and I felt a little guilty about her secret getting out. And it should have stayed between Liz and whichever boy she'd been with. At one point, I might have cared and wanted to protect her. I still did, but as I'd said to Emmy, it was such a personal decision nobody could make it for anyone else.

And that made me wonder about Emmy. She HAD to know Liz was sexually active, well, at least once, anyway. And that was it! Liz's nightmare scenario was that Emmy would tell me, and I would tell Mom! And Liz had, in the end, done it herself! But that raised ANOTHER question. Had Liz and Emmy talked about it, and had Emmy asked me out because she'd picked me for her first guy? And did Liz know THAT? And was THAT what was really freaking her out? That had to be it.