Chapter 7: Cloud 9

June 1, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

On Monday afternoon, just before quitting time, Mr. Orlov called me to his office.

"Your grandfather and I worked out an arrangement with our friend Alexey Ivanovich in McKinley. He will hire you as a clerk in his convenience store. It's only two blocks from the university."

"What do I need to do?"

"Call him and make arrangements to see him. He'll explain the job to you, and you can ask any questions you have. It is not a formal interview because I spoke for you."

He handed me a sheet of paper with the name, address, and phone number written in neat script.

"Thank you, Mr. Orlov."

He smiled, "I have heard from my wife you have a date with Natalya Vasilyevna."

I nodded, "On Wednesday, after Vespers."

"Good luck. She is a very lovely girl!"

I nodded, "Thank you."

"Now, run along home for dinner and karate!"

"Yes, Sir!" I said.

I left his office, kissed the icon of the Theotokos, and headed home. Dinner was ready a few minutes after I arrived, and after I finished eating, I dressed in my gi and purple belt, then headed out to my car for the short drive to the dojo. I was happy that we weren't sparring because I was preoccupied thinking about my call to Carol. As much as I didn't want to give up the 'fun Summer' she'd promised, I just didn't see how I could juggle three girls.

When I arrived home from karate, I showered, changed into shorts and a T-shirt, and went to the basement to have a bit of privacy for my call. I dialed Carol's number from the little red notebook I carried in my pocket, and a moment later, she answered the phone.

"Hi, Mike!" she gushed.

"Hi, Carol. How was your day?"

"The usual. I work part-time at Kroger's as a checker. What's up?"

"I, uh, kind of met someone."

"Between Saturday night and now?"

"Uh, no, sorry. Let me start over. I went out on a date last Friday after I had already asked Stacey to set us up. I'm going to keep seeing the girl I went out with."

Carol laughed, "Oh, is THAT all? It's not like we're going steady! We're just having fun! I can go out any night. It doesn't have to be Saturday, and maybe it'll be more fun just you and me! Remember what we did?"

"I don't think I could forget!"

"There are way better things to use than tissues in my hand," she said saucily. "If you get my drift!"

Oh, I got her drift. I got her drift so well I had an instant raging erection as I thought about the possibilities. Maybe I COULD juggle three girls, at least long enough to finally be rid of the curse of my virginity! And then, reality hit back with a vengeance. Liz. There was no doubt in my mind that Liz would tell Emmy if I went out with Carol. I could probably finesse the situation with Tasha because I expected any future dates to be few and far between if she even wanted to go out with me again.

Why did Liz have to be such a pain in the butt?! I almost laughed out loud but stopped myself. In all honesty, I was dating her best friend, which kind of changed the whole 'relationship dynamic' as a guest speaker at an assembly had said in her presentation on 'Friendship, Dating, and Marriage'. One thing she'd said had generated an interesting discussion with Dale and Jocelyn, and that was that relationships based on sex almost always failed.

Relationship? What the heck was I thinking? I didn't want a relationship with Carol; I wanted to GET LAID! That thought might as well have been accompanied by a flashing neon sign in my brain. All I could think about now was Carol's lips on what she'd said was a long and thick dick. I didn't have anything to compare it to, as I'd never in my life seen an erection other than my own and had less than zero desire to!

"I, uh, yeah, uh, think I do."

She giggled, "Mike Loucks! You can't be that innocent!"

Well, it depended on what she meant. I KNEW what she was talking about, but before her hand on my shaft, nobody but me had touched it that way. Ever. Heck, she was the first person to see it that way besides me! And certainly, the first person to ever give me relief that wasn't by my own hand!

"Sorry," I replied, barely suppressing a sigh. "I do know what you meant."

"Wait!" she gasped. "You're a virgin?! Oh my God!"

Yeah, I thought, I am. And thanks for rubbing salt and lemon juice in an open wound and making me feel about two inches tall. I was tempted to hang up the phone out of sheer embarrassment.

"Yeah," I said dully.

"Mike, I'm an idiot. I am SO sorry that came out that way. I was just totally surprised. Ask me out tomorrow night, and we can take care of that! I wanted to on Saturday, but I don't put out on the first date!"

The words that came out of my mouth surprised me.

"No, I don't think so," I said. "Saturday was fun, but no."

"What?! Why?"

"I don't know," I replied. "Maybe I'll see you around, but I need to go."

"Mike! Wait!"

I shook my head even though she couldn't see it, "No. Bye, Carol."

I didn't wait for her to reply and put the handset back in the cradle. I went back up to my room, walking past the rest of the family in the living room without acknowledging them, and went to my room. I closed and locked the door and sagged down onto the bed, stretching out. I pulled a pillow over my face and screamed into it. I moved the pillow and took a couple of deep breaths.

Perhaps fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at my door.

"Mike?" my dad said. "Dale is on the phone."

I knew what it had to be about and simply didn't want to talk about it.

"Tell him I'll call him back," I said.

"Is everything OK, Mike?"

"Yeah, Dad, it's fine. I'm just relaxing."

"OK."

He left, and I shut my eyes, trying to clear my mind but failing. All I could hear was Carol's voice saying 'You're a virgin? Oh my God!'. And every time I heard it, I grew angrier. Angrier at myself. Angrier at her. Angrier at the world; a world I was sure was laughing at me for being eighteen and a virgin. But it was really myself I was angry with because I'd just thrown away a chance to actually fix the problem. For the second time! What was wrong with me?

There was another knock at the door about fifteen minutes later.

"I'm trying to relax," I called out.

"Mike, open up!"

It was Dale, and I knew there was no way I was going to get rid of him without talking to him. I sighed deeply and got out of bed. I unlocked the door to see him standing there.

"Come on," he said. "We're going to get milkshakes at Marie's. I'd say root beer floats, but it's too far to go to Rutherford."

If I was going to talk to him about this, the last place I wanted to do that was in the house. I nodded, changed into a pair of blue jeans, grabbed my baseball cap, and left with him. Nothing was said until we had our milkshakes in front of us — chocolate for me, strawberry for Dale.

"What happened?" he asked. "Stacey called me all freaked out about you and Carol."

"I told Carol I didn't want to go out with her. You know, like we discussed."

"Stacey told me Carol said you were really upset, but she wouldn't say why."

I shook my head, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Mike, this makes no sense. I could see if Carol was upset because you were blowing her off, but why are you upset. Come on, it's me, Dale. The guy you can tell anything."

"She laughed at me," I sighed.

"Laughed at you? Why?"

"Because I've never had sex," I said in a barely audible whisper.

"No way!"

"Yeah."

"Tell me what happened."

I repeated the conversation to him, word for word, in a hushed voice.

"I'm missing something," Dale said. "It sounds more like she was surprised. What happened on Saturday night?"

"We went to Jackson Lake."

"She thought you were experienced! Come on, Mike! She wasn't laughing. She was just surprised."

I shook my head, "You didn't hear her voice."

"Now it all makes sense," Dale said. "Stacey said to tell you Carol was really sorry, and it was just a misunderstanding."

"My whole life is a misunderstanding when it comes to girls. April. Cassie. Jocelyn. Carol. Tasha."

"Dude, nobody understands girls. My dad told me that he doesn't understand women, and he's been married to my mom for twenty-two years! And besides, who cares about understanding!"

"Me," I said thoughtfully. "I think I'm just going to see Emmy for the rest of the Summer like she wants."

"What? Why? And what about Tasha?"

"I'll have dinner with Tasha on Wednesday and probably ask her again, but she's not allowed to officially date. Emmy will be cool with that."

"What's so special about Emmy?"

"I don't know. I just like being with her."

"If that's what makes you happy, I guess that's what you should do."

"You know what would make me happy? Really happy?"

"Actually, no, I don't. I thought I did, but I guess not."

"Exactly," I sighed. "I thought I did, too, but now I have no idea."

June 3, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"What's bugging you, Mike?" my mom asked on Wednesday morning.

"Girls," I said.

"Did you have another run-in with your sister?"

"No. But I don't like her not talking to me. It feels weird."

"She'll get over it. But that's not what's bothering you, is it?"

"I just don't understand girls," I said. "At all."

Mom came over, put her hands on my shoulders, and squeezed.

"And do you think girls your age understand boys any better?"

"I have no idea! Answering that would require me to understand girls!"

Mom laughed, "Trust me, they don't. That's the whole thing about friendships and dating. To learn about other people."

"Do YOU understand Dad?"

"After twenty years of marriage? I think so."

"And does Dad understand you?"

Mom laughed again, "I think he does. He thinks he doesn't. Remember, Mike, men and women are different, and we approach things differently. The reason you say you don't understand is because you expect us to think and react the same way you do. Dale doesn't react and think exactly the same way you do, so why do you think girls would be any different?"

"I can usually predict how Dale is going to react."

"But not always. How about Jocelyn?"

"Sometimes, I guess."

"More often than not?"

"I suppose."

"Why do you think that is?"

I smiled, "Because we've known each other since kindergarten."

"So, what's the lesson?"

I thought about it for a moment, then smiled, "Marry Jocelyn!"

"If you're serious, ask her!" Mom teased.

"Yeah, right! I already know her answer."

"So, cross her off the list!"

I laughed, "Nice, Mom."

"My point is, don't get upset when things don't go exactly right with a girl. Learn from it. And learn the lesson I just taught you. The real one."

"That I shouldn't complain about not understanding someone if I don't get to know them first."

"And don't take things too seriously now, Mike. Even with your joke about Jocelyn, you aren't ready to marry and won't be for quite a few years. You've said so yourself. And it makes a lot of sense. Just enjoy life, meet girls, get to know them, and see where things are in four or five years.

"You'll meet a whole host of people in McKinley. Maybe you've met the person you're going to marry, but the odds are you haven't. I met your dad in college, and I bet that's where most of your friends' parents met. Adult relationships are different, too. So just hang in there."

"Thanks, Mom," I said.

"You're welcome. The last thing you needed to be on your date with Tasha tonight was a Gloomy Gus!"

"Thanks again!" I grinned.

"Oh, and Mike. Remember one important thing. People change. And they change their minds."

"Gee, thanks," I said grumpily, but I didn't mean it.

"Finish your breakfast and get to work. We'll see you at church for Vespers."

I finished my bacon and eggs, happy we were still in the Paschal feasting period. Another eleven days, and we'd be back to the cycle of fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays. I kissed my mom goodbye and headed to the hardware store. Something about talking to my mom always seemed to help, but I still had that unanswered question from my talk with Dale. What exactly was it that would make me truly happy?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized there were two timeframes — long and short. In the long term, it was being Doctor Mike Loucks with a wife and kids. In the short term, a steady girlfriend and some close friends. And in both timeframes, church and karate.

But would that make me truly happy? Or was there still something missing? I could be totally crass and add getting laid to the list, but I wondered if that would make me happy if I just did it to get it over with. And maybe, I thought, that was what really bothered me about Carol — that sex was supposed to mean something. It was one thing to have asked April, who I'd loved, to have gone to the motel after Prom. It was a very different thing to just do it with what amounted to a random person.

Dale and I had talked about this for nearly three years. His perspective was always that getting laid, at least the first time, took precedence over any other consideration. I'd agreed with him at the time, but now I was reasonably sure that wasn't the right thing to do. He'd urged me on Sunday night to go out with Carol at least once more, but to me, it seemed like I'd be using Carol, and even though she wanted it, I couldn't do it.

Being ethical sucked. Majorly. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind as I pulled into the parking lot of Orlov's Hardware. I parked, went inside, and reported to Mr. Orlov.

"Did you speak to Alexey Ivanovich?"

"I called him last night. I'm going to drive over to McKinley after work on Saturday to see him."

"Good! Today, I need you to wash the front windows and then restock the paint, please. See you for lunch."

"See you then," I said, leaving his office.

Surprisingly, the work day passed quickly, and after a trip home to change, I went to church to prepare for the service, which seemed to drag, most likely because I could see Tasha through the Royal Doors when we were singing O Gladsome Light. When the service finally ended, I quickly snuffed the oil lamps, hung the cassock in the vestry, and went to find Tasha, who was standing with her mom.