Chapter 72: You Need To Grow Up

Great and Holy Friday, April 16, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

As Angie and I stood quietly waiting for the Lamentations service to begin late on Friday, I thought about the series of services which had brought us here — Bridegroom Matins on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday evenings; Holy Unction on Wednesday evening; a Vesperal Divine Liturgy on Thursday morning celebrating the Last Supper; the Twelve Gospels service Thursday evening, celebrating the passion; the Royal Hours kept all day Friday; and finally, the Vespers of Great and Holy Friday on Friday evening. All of which led up to the service which was about to start — Lamentations, celebrating the taking down of Jesus from the cross, and his burial in the tomb owned by Joseph of Arimathea.

This was, without question, my absolute favorite service of the Church year — at once mournful and hopeful. The service began as a regular Royal Matins service, which contained my favorite hymn of the year — the Third Stasis of Lamentations. It was, in my mind, the perfect hymn, rivaled only by Let My Prayer Arise, which we sang during the Pre-sanctified Liturgy on Wednesdays during Lent.

The hymn began mournfully...

but ended with great expectation...

As the priest sprinkled rose water on the congregation. At the completion of that hymn, there were additional prayers and hymns before Father Nicholas led the congregation as we carried the 'tomb', containing the Epitaphion, a cloth icon representing the burial of Christ, around the outside of the church three times. The service concluded with the Great Doxology, followed by lessons from the Old and New Testament and a Gospel reading describing the request of the Roman soldiers to guard Christ's tomb.

At the end of the service, Angie and I walked quietly out to the car.

"I was so moved by that service," Angie said quietly. "I've never seen anything like it. The Good Friday service in the Roman Catholic Church doesn't even come close."

"So you see why it's my favorite service of the entire year?"

"Absolutely. It was different being in church all day, with the services every few hours. There's a liturgy tomorrow morning, right?"

"Yes. It's interesting because you'll hear resurrectional hymns on Saturday morning. That's due to the fact we do everything 'by anticipation' — one half-cycle early. So tomorrow morning's service would have been the Vesperal Divine Liturgy on Saturday evening, with the Paschal service occurring on Sunday morning. Now, Pascha is tomorrow night at 11:00pm, though we don't sing the Paschal Troparia until after midnight."

"What was that bit about college students not needing to bring a Pascha basket?"

"Done properly, a Pascha basket has a variety of traditional foods, some of which need to be cooked, not to mention a bottle of wine, and some specific delicacies. I have a basket with a proper cloth to cover it that my mom made for me, but we'll just put some basic things in there — mostly treats. You know I'm not a huge candy eater, but I don't eat candy during Great Lent, so there will be some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in there, plus some Snickers bars. I bought some of your favorite candy, plus some of those Dolly Madison Snack Cakes you like. If I had a kitchen with a proper refrigerator and stove, I'd actually make as much as I could."

"And this party goes all night?"

"Yes. The Paschal service will end around 2:30am, and then we'll party until morning. Some people will actually stay at church for the Agape Vespers service at 11:00am, but others will go home for a nap. I've done both, so I'll leave it up to you."

"I think a nap is probably in order."

"Then that is what we'll do!"

Pascha, April 18, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"I am thoroughly beat!" Angie said when we returned to campus following Agape Vespers.

We'd stayed at church until nearly 6:00am before returning to campus to nap until 10:00am, when we'd both showered and then headed back to church for the final service of the week. We'd been in church for something like thirty-two hours during Holy Week and Pascha, and while it was exhilarating, it was also exhausting.

"I'm going to nap and go to bed early tonight," I said. "Let's say our evening prayers right after dinner."

"Deal!" Angie said.

She went to her room, and I went to mine, set my alarm, and simply collapsed on the bed. I awoke about two hours later, and after a shower, I grabbed a Coke from my fridge and put on some music.

"Hey, Stranger!" Melody laughed as she came into the room.

"You were welcome to come to church with us any time this week!"

"Let's just say that's going to have to be a point of negotiation if it goes that far!"

"There's only a very small core of people who make every service. I don't think I've missed one since I was born."

"Your parents are as fanatical as you are?" Melody said lightheartedly.

"I prefer 'zealous'. My mom is, but Dad doesn't object or complain. My sister, on the other hand..."

"What's the plan for today?" Melody asked, changing the subject.

"Just relaxing for another few hours, then dinner, then prayers with Angie, then an early bedtime. Even with two naps, I'm still beat."

"Up for a visitor later?" Melody smirked.

"I'm pretty much always 'up' for you," I said, returning her smirk.

"I like it when you can be a bit risqué. I know it's not your usual style."

I chuckled, "You should be happy I don't follow the strictest Lenten rule — complete abstinence."

"No way!"

"It's on the books, so to speak, but I've yet to meet a priest who believes it's appropriate for any married couple. The fear is that by abstaining, you'll fall into temptation. I'm sure there are some couples somewhere with the discipline to do that, but that's not something I intend to follow."

"Good! Otherwise, we'd have a serious problem!"

April 23, 1982, Circleville, Ohio

The week had gone by quickly, and I'd made up the work I'd missed on Thursday and Friday of the previous week without any difficulty. The semester was quickly winding down, and there was just over a month before Summer break. I hadn't had a lot of time to think about the situation with Katy, and as I headed towards Circleville, I wasn't sure how I should handle things with her. If I let things progress naturally, we'd certainly end up sleeping together, and I was reasonably sure that would be a commitment to an exclusive relationship, if not more. And that wasn't something for which I was prepared.

"Hi, Mike!" Katy gushed when she greeted me at the door.

We exchanged a soft kiss, then went into the house so I could say 'hello' to her parents before Katy and I went out to dinner. I felt somewhat relieved when it was mentioned that they were going to be home when we returned, which meant there was a limit to what could happen between me and Katy.

"Where are we going tonight?" I asked when we walked out to the car.

"Steaks! We haven't had one in nine weeks!"

Katy gave me directions, and I drove to a restaurant named Steak and Ale. We had to wait about ten minutes before we were seated. We ordered soft drinks, and by the time the waiter brought those back to the table, we were ready to place our food order.

"I'm sorry about my parents being home. I thought they were going out, but they decided to stay in this weekend because last weekend was so busy with church."

"It's OK," I said.

"We could go to Salmon P. Chase Park, if you wanted."

"What's there?"

"The local make-out spot!" Katy laughed.

"My car isn't exactly suited for that, in case you hadn't noticed! And it's already in the low 50s, so it's a bit chilly to sit outside."

"We should have taken Dad's Mercedes. It has plenty of room!" she said, then sighed, "I suppose we can cuddle and kiss on the sofa in my room."

"Don't sound like it's such torture!" I said with a silly grin to show I was teasing.

Katy dropped her voice to a whisper, "I've been thinking about your lips and tongue 'down there' for weeks! It's driving me nuts!"

"I certainly enjoyed doing that!" I said in a low voice.

"And what I did?" she asked with a smirk and an arched eyebrow.

"Very much so."

The waiter brought our salads, interrupting the conversation, and we started eating. I wanted to broach the subject that had been on my mind but wasn't sure how to do it. I didn't want to upset Katy, but the last thing I wanted to do was be in a position where I had to try to decide what to do at the last moment, as it were.

"Katy," I said carefully when I finished my salad. "We should probably talk about where this is leading."

"You mean, like us as a couple? Or..."

"Or..." I replied. "Which definitely has implications for being a couple."

"Because you aren't ready to make what you think would be a long-term commitment to anyone?"

"I think that's the main reason. One thing I've figured out in the past few weeks is I don't know myself well enough to make that kind of decision. And you're still in High School."

Katy frowned, so I quickly continued.

"I don't mean that in the sense I think you're too young for me — we're only two years apart. But you can't really think about a long-term commitment until you graduate and decide on college. I mean, I suppose you could, but I don't think it would be wise."

Katy nodded thoughtfully, "I think that's true. Can I be totally honest with you? You won't freak out?"

"I promise not to freak out."

Our meals arrived, and we began eating before she continued.

"Sometimes, I daydream about what it would be like to be married. It used to be this imaginary guy who kind of looked like Shaun Cassidy. But lately, he's looked like you."

"That doesn't surprise me," I said. "And it doesn't freak me out."

"And if I told you I saw us with four kids!" she said, laughing softly.

"I want kids, for sure, but I am NOT ready to even contemplate actually having them!"

"I also daydream about MAKING them," Katy whispered. "Well, practicing, anyway."

"I hope I'm good at it in your daydream!"

Katy laughed, "Yes, of course, you silly boy! Well, as much as I can imagine what it would be like. But after what we did, I have an idea! Can I ask another question?"

"You don't have to ask if you can ask!"

"Do you think about doing it with me?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"And you think if we do it together, I'll expect you to marry me?"

"Maybe. I dated a girl like that in High School. I think you certainly would expect me to only go out with you and not see any other girls."

"You're worried about Angie?"

"Some girls might be jealous of her because she's my friend, but she's only a friend. A close one, but only a friend."

"It sure seems like she wants to be your girlfriend."

"She's told me, several times, she's not interested in any kind of romantic relationship."

"Does she have a boyfriend?"

"No. She hangs out with our group most of the time, and she and I say our morning and evening prayers together."

"That's a bit strange; it's almost like a married couple."

"You aren't the first one to say that, but there is nothing romantic going on there. I asked her out a few times when I first met her, but I'm firmly in the 'friend' camp. It's Melody that would be the main concern."

"And you don't want to stop seeing her?"

"See, I don't KNOW what I want at this point. That's why I'm confused and why I wanted to talk about us before we did something that could make a complete mess of things."

"So, like, if it was just, you know, doing it, it would be OK? But if I said, like, 'I love you', then it wouldn't?"

"As weird as that sounds, that more or less explains my mindset. But it's not only what I think or want; it's what you think and want. And if we aren't on the same page, it'll end up in a total mess."

"Because you think I might be upset afterwards?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "It kind of depends on what you think. You know, do you want to be a virgin on your wedding night? Or is it OK so long as the guy you do it with is the one you marry? Or is pre-marital sex OK without a plan to get engaged and married? Those can be tough questions. Heck, I've asked them of myself!"

"But you did it already with someone, right?"

"Yes. But I also didn't do it with someone because they had that view that it was OK so long as you got married at some point. And I couldn't make that commitment."

"Because you were in High School?"

"No. Because she refused to ever go to church, and you know my take on that. I think we talked about her, sort of."

"You did say something about that girl during your Senior year," Katy said. "I guess I see your point. And it's not like you can take it back or get a do-over."

"Exactly. And, one other thing: we'd need to talk about birth control, too."

"Why does this have to be so complicated?" she sighed. "It's like my body says one thing, my heart says another thing, and my mind says a third thing. And they're all arguing with each other."

"Which is a good reason not to do it, don't you think?"

"I guess. But if I decided to, you would?"

"If we both agreed on what it would mean, probably, yes."

"I want to think about it some more."

I nodded, "I think that's a good thing."

April 24, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"How was church last weekend?" Nancy asked when I walked into the Quick Mart on Saturday morning.

"Awesome," I said.

"And home?"

"Good. I got to spend a lot of time with my friends Dale and Jocelyn, which made me happy. Unfortunately, Dale is going to stay in Madison over the Summer, so I won't get to see him. How were things here the past couple of weeks?"

"Quiet for Spring Break, and last Saturday wasn't too busy — just the regular flow of customers who aren't students. Kind of typical. Are you still planning to work in the Fall?"

"If I get one of the three grants I'm a finalist for, probably not. I'll know in the next two weeks, and then I'll let Mr. Sokolov know."

"Would you like to come to dinner one night before Summer Break? I'd like to have you over, and Mom would love to see you again."

I wondered if she was thinking about trying to restart our romantic relationship. If she was, I didn't think it would be a good idea. We'd tried twice and failed both times. And I already had enough issues in that arena. But she'd mentioned her mom, and it sounded like it was an invitation for a friend.

"Sure. Did you have a suggested night?"

"Pretty much any night would work. A week from today? You usually hang out with your friends on Saturday, right? You don't have a date?"

"Right," I replied. "That should be fine. How is your mom doing?"

"She's fine."

"How is school going for you?"

"All A's right now; I think I can hold that. Of course, I'm already accepted to Taft, so it's not as important as it was before. I'd have to flunk all my classes to lose my place."

"True," I replied. "I need to get my smock and get to work!"

I went about my usual routine, stocking the shelves, checking the paperwork, and refilling the coolers as they were emptied by the steady stream of customers, who were mostly McKinley students. When my shift finished, Nancy and I agreed I'd be at their house at 6:00pm the following Saturday to have dinner with her and her mom.

I headed back to campus for a quick bite to eat, and then Angie and I went to karate class. I was making slow progress, as was Angie, but I was less worried about achieving my next belt than I was the exercise and self-discipline. Angie and I were still running every weekday morning, but that only really exercised our legs, whereas karate involved arms, legs, and torso.

"What's the plan for this evening?" I asked Jason after I'd had my post-karate shower.

"Are you and Angie going to church?"

"No. We agreed we'd take tonight off. We'll go in the morning."

"OK. There's nothing good at the movies, at least according to Jeannette. We were thinking of going bowling. Or we could hit an off-campus party. I know that's not your thing, but this is a relatively tame one. Some professor's daughter is having an early 'May Day' party."

"Mayday?" I said, teasing but sounding serious. "Like a call for help?"

"No," he laughed, "May Day, like the first day in May. It's some socialist holiday like Labor Day."

"I know," I grinned. "It's a huge Communist thing in Russia. Do you know who's hosting the party?"

"I think it's the daughter of the professor who teaches you guitar."

"Milena? She's pretty cool, so I can't imagine it'll be out of control. Is that what everyone wants to do?"

"We haven't asked. If you and Angie don't want to go, we'll go bowling."