Chapter 59: Role Reversals?

January 31, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"You're STILL struggling with that issue?" Jocelyn asked during our regular Sunday afternoon call.

"Does it really surprise you?"

"No, I suppose it doesn't. I think the circumstances of the last year really caused you some serious heartache and anguish, and I'm not just talking about you and me. If you think about it, you and Emmy were ripped apart by her dad; you and Nancy were ripped apart by her difficulty with commitment; you and I were ripped apart by me lying to you. As odd as this sounds, the only successful love affair you've had was with Becky, and that wasn't about love if you know what I mean. I think that's colored your entire perspective on sex.

"I think it started with April when you made the arrangements for the motel, and she backed out. Then you had your blowup about church. After that, you went out with Carol, and that was a disaster because she was far too aggressive for you. You didn't see her again and started dating Emmy exclusively. Then I finally admitted how I felt, and we agreed to be each other's first, despite you basically having an agreement with Emmy.

"Once you and I made love, there was no way you were going to fool around with anyone else, even if I was at Purdue for a year. In your mind, I was to be your one and only. Then our relationship imploded, and you had to rethink things. Suddenly, Emmy was back on the table, and you didn't have a valid reason to turn her down. And you were OK with that, only to have her dad force you to break up.

"And there was Becky, who, as I said, was your single truly successful love affair. You each went into it with your eyes open, knew what you wanted from it, knew what it meant, and were on the exact same page. You told me she wrote you and she's dating. That tells me you did the right thing for her. And you don't have any regrets, which tells me you did the right thing for you.

"That brings us to Nancy, which was a disaster from the beginning because you two were never on the same page. I'm not assigning any blame here, but from everything you said, there were plenty of warning signs, including a very frank discussion of how you both felt. You ignored the warning signs because you cared for her and felt that perhaps doing things her way would make the relationship a success. It didn't.

"Finally, there are the girls in McKinley — Angie, Melody, Jeannette, Marie, and Katy. I don't think you're conflicted about any of them. You and Angie are, remarkably, on the same page, albeit taking things about as cautiously as possible. That's a good thing, by the way. She's right about ensuring you're both ready for an actual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and keeping things platonic for now. And that's despite the fact you're clearly in love with each other."

"I'd say that's a good summary. What's your advice?"

"Honestly? It's not all that different from before, and it's similar to what Becky told you. You have in your head the idea that N girls are OK, but N plus one girls are not. The problem is, you don't know what N is. And THAT is what has you messed up. You're scared to death you're going to exceed that magic, but unknowable, number, and it has you paralyzed."

"So you're telling me to get laid?"

"No, I'm telling you it's OK to get laid. Those are two very different things. Well, except for when you're home in two weeks!"

I laughed, "Of course, except then."

"Let me ask you something, and answer me completely honestly, please."

"Sure."

"Tell me who you'd sleep with, assuming circumstances allowed it."

"Tasha and Angie, but both are off limits for their own reasons."

"Nobody else? Not Melody? Or Katy? Or the pianist who was flirting with you?"

"My difficulty with Melody is she was pushing too hard. With Katy, she and I have only been on one date. And Milena, I don't know well enough."

"That's not an answer. WOULD you sleep with them?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Mike, as your best friend and closest confidante, I'm telling you it's OK to have sex. You did just fine when the terms were clearly defined, and you were on the same page. Becky, for sure, but also, at first, Emmy and me. There is no magic number. Becky told you that quite clearly. I'm reiterating what she said."

"And you, Jos? What's YOUR take on this?"

"I plan to leave a string of broken hearts at Taft as long as your arm," she laughed.

"Now be serious."

"There's no magic number. Maybe I have one boyfriend the entire time; maybe I have twelve. Maybe I sleep with all of them; maybe I don't. But whatever the number is, would YOU call me a slut?"

"No, of course not."

"Physician, heal thyself," she laughed. "I'll see you in less than two weeks."

"Thanks for talking, Jos. It's always helpful."

"You're welcome. Are you spending the night when you visit?"

"If your parents are OK with it, yes."

"I'll clear it with them."

"I love you, Jos," I said.

"I love you too, Mik!"

We said 'goodbye', I hung up and then went to find the gang who were in the common room.

"Anyone have any ideas for something fun we can do today?" Marie asked.

"Strip poker?" Clark teased.

"In your DREAMS!" Marie laughed. "Where are your ladies?"

"I have a date later," he grinned.

"Yeah, and then he can strip her and poke her!" Jeannette teased, causing everyone to laugh.

"Well, if THAT is off the table, the gym is open," Jason said. "We could play basketball or volleyball."

"Boys against the girls?" Carter asked.

"So long as it's shirts and skins, and we get the shirts!" Larry said, causing more laughter.

"Why don't I just get naked here, you can ogle me, and then we can be serious!" Jeannette said.

"No objection!" Clark leered.

"You first!" she teased.

"No!" came a chorus from all the guys.

"You all are just jealous!" Clark said smugly.

"Oh, here we go," Pete laughed. "But I saw a black kid in my graduating class cry when he actually got into a 'dick size' war with the white offensive guard on our football team!"

"What measurements?" Marie smirked.

"The white guy was, and I kid you not, nine-and-three-quarter inches. And thick. Just sick."

"Damn," Carter said, shaking his head.

"On THAT note, I think we need to change the subject!" Kurtis laughed.

"Feeling inadequate?" Jeannette teased.

"Anytime you care to check..." he grinned.

We ended up going to the gym and playing volleyball for the afternoon, then having dinner together. After dinner, Angie and I hung out and listened to music while most everyone else hung out with boyfriends or girlfriends.

February 2, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"Happy birthday, Mike!" Angie, Jeannette, and Marie exclaimed on Tuesday morning.

"Thanks," I replied happily.

"Tonight, we're taking you to dinner," Marie said. "No arguments! We already cleared it with your study group."

"I won't argue!"

Angie and I ran together, showered separately, prayed together, and then joined the gang for breakfast, where I received more birthday wishes from the guys.

The rest of the day was normal — chemistry lab, guitar lessons, and karate. The girls took me to dinner at our favorite diner, and then the four of us went back to my room, where they each gave me a small gift. We hung out listening to music instead of studying. My parents and Liz called to wish me 'Happy birthday', and just after I hung up with them, Jocelyn called for the same reason. Later on, Dale called, and then Nancy, and last of all, Katy.

At one point, Angie excused herself to use the bathroom, and Marie and Jeannette came to sit very close on either side of me.

"Marie and I could make this the best birthday you ever had," Jeannette teased.

"A very tempting offer," I chuckled, putting my arms around them. "But you know I don't want to mess anything up with Angie."

"We know," Marie said. "And if you're patient, I think she'll come around. Just be there for her the way you are. Once she works through her problems, I think you'll be where you want to be."

"I'm not pushing at all," I said.

"If you change your mind, we could sneak back after midnight," Marie smirked.

"I really do appreciate the offer, but no."

They moved back to where they'd been sitting, and when Angie came back, we hung out until it was time for our prayers. Jeannette and Marie each gave me a very sexy birthday kiss before they left, and then Angie and I went into my bedroom to pray. When we finished, I walked her to the border. She stopped, turned, and gave me a quick peck on the lips instead of on the cheek, then turned and headed to her room. That quick kiss was the best present I received.

February 4, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"How about Yesterday by the Beatles?" Milena suggested.

"Sure. I know that one."

"Sit next to me," she said, patting the piano bench.

"I'm curious; do you only play pop tunes?" I asked.

"I play classical as well, but all through High School, I did accompaniment for just about every musical or choir concert or talent show."

"So what's your career plan?" I asked.

"I want to teach. I write songs, and I play for the local theatre company. I did Music Man and Carousel last year."

"When did you start playing?"

"When I was five. But we're burning time. I'll stay, and we can talk after your lesson. For now, sing!"

We ended up going through three Beatles songs — Yesterday, Ticket to Ride, and Nowhere Man.

"Mike, you've missed your true calling," Doctor Blahnik said when we finished the third song.

I chuckled, "I'm hoping my medical skills are better than my singing skills."

"I'm leaving so you can have your lesson," Milena said. "Thanks for singing with me."

"You're welcome."

We both got up, and while I got out my guitar and sheet music, she packed up her sheet music and left the room.

"Let's review your chord transitions, and then we'll start on advanced strumming techniques."

We spent the next forty-five minutes doing as she said, then we worked on playing Yesterday.

"Practice that one. You could play and sing with the piano accompanying you."

I chuckled, "So it's a mother-daughter tag team, is it?"

"She has someone filling in, but you're better. If you don't mind me asking, what do you do in your spare time?"

"There isn't much spare time because I study or do homework for about five hours a day. I work on Saturdays, have karate practice three days a week, hang out with my friends, and occasionally play chess. Well, and take guitar lessons and practice."

"Just our luck that the best voice we've found this year is in the sciences, not Fine Arts. But I'm thinking the cost of your lessons has to be more than you're making at work if you only work one day a week. If you sing with Milena three hours a week, I'll provide your lessons for free. You should come out ahead then."

"That might make sense. I'm curious, is there nobody in the choir who can do this?"

"I believe Milena told you her opinion of the best voice in the choir."

I nodded, "She did."

"He's better than you are, but then again, he's been singing since he was little and had voice lessons. You never had any, did you?"

"No. Everything I learned I learned from the choir director and chanters at church."

"Your weakness, if I can call it that, is breathing control. You sing, and don't take this the wrong way, like an amateur. That's to be expected with no formal training. The thing is, that's actually a good thing for informal singing of pop music. You can just have fun and sing how you feel. It'll serve you well with your guitar. Do you plan to arrive early next Thursday?"

"If Milena asks, I could."

"I'd like to hear you sing a duet."

"I'll try," I said.

"OK. See you on Tuesday. Work on the strumming techniques along with the chords."

"Thanks."

I packed up my things and walked out into the hall where Milena was waiting.

"Duet?" she said, slipping her arm through mine.

"What did you have in mind?"

She laughed, "How about I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher?"

"My music tastes are eclectic, but that's pushing the edge of the envelope!"

"But you know the song?"

"Sure. We can try."

"Sing with me, Mike. You'll get free guitar lessons and some VERY nice fringe benefits."

She used her arm to squeeze mine, reinforcing the ideas I'd had the previous Thursday.

"That could be interesting," I said, keeping my voice light.

"Could be?" she asked.

I shrugged, "An older woman? I suppose!" I teased.

Milena smirked, "That would be my mom! She's divorced, and I heard you ask about a mother-daughter tag team!"

I blushed deep red and hastily protested, "That is NOT what I meant!"

Milena laughed, "Look how red you turned! And no thanks. The LAST thing I want to see is my mom getting it on! Besides, school policy prohibits relationships between students and teachers."

"But not students and teacher's daughters?" I grinned.

"I'm just another student. What time is your karate lesson?"

"4:00pm, but I have homework I need to do before then."

"Next Thursday, could you keep the afternoon free?"

"Probably."

"Good. Do that."

She slipped her arm from mine, and I headed back to the dorms to study.

February 5, 1982, Circleville, Ohio

"Hi!" Katy said when I arrived at her house on Friday evening.

"Hi. Ready to go?"

"Yep!" she replied, then called over her shoulder, "Bye, Mom!"

I didn't hear a reply before she was out the door. We walked over to the Mustang, and I opened the door for her. Once she was seated, I walked around to the other side and got in.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Port Columbus? We could go to Vegas!"

"That might be a bit out of my price range," I chuckled. "Not to mention, I have to work tomorrow."

"That does put a damper on that idea. Let's go to the buffet again. You seemed to like that."

"I did," I said.

"Do you remember how to get there?"

"I believe so."

I started the car and pulled around the circle and then down the driveway. I easily navigated to the buffet, and five minutes after we walked inside, we were eating salads.

"How was your week?" I asked.

"About like it usually is for a High School Junior, I guess. Class, band practice, homework, and hanging out with my friends. You?"

"About the same, though it's guitar practice. And I have karate practice three times a week."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure?"

"Why aren't you and Angie dating? She obviously really likes you, and I'm pretty sure you really like her."

"Her choice," I said, not wanting to say anything about her issue.

"The dreaded 'I just want to be friends' response. Well, I suppose that's good for me. Things can just progress naturally."

"So you want me to ask you out again?" I grinned.

"Duh!" she laughed. "I don't usually French kiss guys I don't like!"

"Usually?" I asked.

"'Spin the Bottle' when I was thirteen. My first French kiss. And it had to be the biggest, dumbest jock in school. First AND last time I ever played that game. I prefer to decide for myself who I kiss and do other stuff with. The last thing I want to have happen is to have some idiot pawing me because a Coke bottle pointed to me when he spun it."

"I hadn't thought of it that way. I never played, so I didn't have the experience, but I could see how that could be uncomfortable."

"My friends quit playing about a year later when things escalated, and one of them had to let a guy she detested grope her inside her blouse."

"Had to? Why not say 'no'?" I asked.

"Peer pressure. I figured that out with the French kiss. I sort of knew things would escalate, and I wasn't signing up for that. I really like kissing, but only if I choose the guy I kiss!"

"I'd be just as uncomfortable as you were."

"Seriously? I thought guys loved that stuff. You get a chance to do stuff with girls who otherwise wouldn't give you the time of day."

"And why would I want that?" I asked. "If a girl didn't want to be with me, I wouldn't want to be with her."

"And if she DID?" she asked with an arched eyebrow.

"I believe I responded the way you hoped I would two weeks ago."

She smiled and nodded, "You did!"

We finished our salads and went to the buffet to fill plates for our main course, then went back to the table to eat.

"If you're interested, I'm free next Friday," I said.

"I'm interested. I'm curious about something."

"Ask away."

"Are you looking for a steady girlfriend? And if you were, what qualities would she have?"

"Patience would be the primary quality. I've explained what my life will be like in the future. Right now, it's just busy. It'll be insane later. She'd also have to tolerate me studying pretty much every chance I had and being a pauper for a long time. I'd also want someone who was fun to be with but who would also be happy just relaxing and listening to music. As for am I looking for one? I think the answer is I wouldn't be opposed to having one. Right now, I'm just dating casually. If the right girl comes along, then sure. And you?"

"Well, the usual reason to have a steady boyfriend is someone to go to all the school dances with and hang out with a lot. But you'll be nineteen soon, so you can't come to any dances, and you live too far away to hang out regularly. But for the right guy, I could forego those things."

"And you're trying to decide if I'm the right guy."

"Just as you're trying to decide if I'm the right girl. And I don't mean like 'Mr. Right' and 'Miss Right', so don't freak out about that."

I grinned, "The prospect of marriage does not freak me out. It's just going to be complicated."

Katy laughed, "I think it's complicated for everyone, don't you? Sure, you probably have more challenges than most, but in the end, I don't have the silly, doe-eyed view of 'true love' conquering all. It helps, obviously, but Mom and Dad keep reminding me marriage is hard work, even if you're madly in love."

"My parents have said the same thing. Are you madly in love?"

Katy laughed, "Not yet. I like you a lot, but 'love at first sight' is only for fairy tales. One of my friends ended up pregnant and dumped because she fell for that trap."

"Ouch," I said.

"He said he loved her, so she did. Well, they did. And the result was pretty obvious a few months later."

"You know, I could see that in 1950 when the Pill wasn't available, and you couldn't just walk into a drug store and buy condoms as a teenager. But now?"

Katy smiled ruefully, "You would think, right? But we had several pregnant girls last year across the grades."

"That almost never happened in Harding County High. I only remember one girl being pregnant, and she and the guy had been dating forever. They got married as soon as they graduated. She had her baby a week later, I think."

There was also Liz, but I didn't want to get into that, and she'd had her abortion before anyone knew she was pregnant. I'd have never known if she hadn't told me. I suspected there could have been other girls who got pregnant and had abortions or left school, but I didn't know any of them.