Chapter 57: Sorting Things Out

January 12, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

Influenza was making the rounds of the dorm, and just about everyone had it by Tuesday morning, including me. I dragged myself out of bed, realized there was no way I was going to run, and climbed back into bed. I took some decongestant tablets from the box on the shelf next to my bed and swallowed them with a gulp of water. I hoped to fight the worst symptoms and be able to make it to lab.

Angie had already said she wasn't going to run, so I stayed in bed until I had to get up for breakfast. I didn't see any of the rest of the gang, so I trudged through the cold air and light snow to the dining hall and had breakfast. I made sure to drink two tall glasses of grapefruit juice on the off chance that the conventional wisdom about Vitamin C was correct. When I left, I felt slightly better as the decongestant kicked in, so I walked back to the dorm, got my book bag, and headed to the Chemistry lab.

It was obvious that the class was going to be poorly attended, and when Viktor came in, he looked as bad as I felt. I wondered if he'd cancel the lab, and that's what he did about ten minutes after we were supposed to start when it was obvious that at least a third of the class wasn't in attendance, including my two lab partners, Kurtis and Bill. Bill had replaced Zach as our partner after Zach had dropped out at the end of the previous semester.

I went back to my room, undressed, and climbed into bed. I managed to sleep about two hours before the decongestant wore off. I decided on a very hot shower, then took some more decongestant, and got back into bed to sleep until lunch. Angie, Clark, and Jason joined me for lunch, but the rest of the gang seemed to be out of commission. On the way back from lunch, I stopped in the Music Department and canceled my guitar lesson. I also called the dojo and let Sensei Hikaru know Angie, and I wouldn't be there. Then I took more decongestant and went back to bed.

Dinner was better attended, with only Jeannette and Larry missing, and reports were they were suffering worse than the rest of us. As bad as I felt, I wondered how that was possible. I also wondered if this was going to be an annual occurrence with so many kids packed into the dorms. One 'Typhoid Mary' and we'd all be sunk once again. Unsurprisingly, we agreed to cancel our study session, and Angie and I said our prayers very early so we could both get to bed.

January 15, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

By Friday, it seemed that the epidemic had mostly run its course, and everyone was more or less back to normal. Angie and I had made it to karate on Thursday, and I'd had my guitar lesson, so, in the end, only Tuesday was a complete write-off for me, but because Viktor had canceled lab, I hadn't missed anything important. Most everyone had missed at least one or two classes, but the professors were understanding, and it was early in the semester, which made things easier.

Melody and I met at the elevator at 5:30pm and headed for Frisch's for dinner. We had to wait a couple of minutes for a booth, but it wasn't too long. We placed our drink and food orders right away, and the waitress brought our Cokes a minute later.

"May I be silly?" Melody asked.

I chuckled, "No, I don't screw on the second date, either!"

She laughed, "I suppose I do have a one-track mind."

"So it would seem! How many classes did you end up missing?"

"Just Wednesday morning," she replied. "I managed to drag myself to all the other ones. I've never seen anything like this, not even in High School."

"I think the worst year for us was '79-'80 when during one month, we averaged about 20% of the class out for about a week. I think living and eating in close proximity just makes it worse. If they ever offer a vaccine for influenza, I'd probably take it, but developing one is tough."

"Why?"

"Each strain is different," I replied, "and it's entirely possible that last year's strain and this year's strain are different enough that the vaccine wouldn't work. We talked about that this morning in biology for what I think are obvious reasons."

"Yeah."

"The US tried a large-scale vaccination program back in '76 during an outbreak of Swine Flu and the attendant panic. And the vaccine caused more problems than the disease. My biology prof called it a 'debacle'. But he also emphasized that there was insufficient testing done before the haphazard and rushed vaccination program began. The real problem is, according to Doctor Stanton, that it gave people a very wrong view of vaccination and encouraged people to refuse to vaccinate their kids against stuff like measles and polio."

"OK, I may just be pre-law, but that's DUMB."

I nodded, "And I'm just pre-med, and I agree. The government screwed up. But I'm not sure what else they could have done at the time. The key is to learn the lessons from it and not do it again. Another round of failed vaccination in rushed circumstances will lead to widespread rejection of vaccination. But you can't throw the baby out with the bathwater."

"So, what's your take on government?"

I shrugged, "I don't really have one. I'm not very political, really. I prefer to just go about my business and let somebody else worry about it."

"You don't care?"

"I can't get myself worked up enough on any issue I can think of. I'm sure I'm going to run into something that really upsets me, and I'll worry about it when it happens."

"Do you vote?"

"I turned eighteen after the Presidential election. I'll vote, and mostly, I suspect I'll vote for Democrats, but really, I think finding moderate candidates is probably my best strategy. I'm OK with how things are now, in general. I wasn't during Carter, but I don't know anyone who was happy with the whole fiasco that started with Nixon. But even then, I can't really get worked up about it. Mostly, it doesn't affect my life. When it does, then I'll worry about it."

I did have a real beef with some people in Family Services, but I knew, overall, their mission was a good one, as shown by how they had helped Abby. But their handling of Liz and me, well, that certainly could have gone a lot better. I hoped it was an aberration, and if it was, I'd be thankful it hadn't caused any long-term issues for me or Liz.

"I guess I feel about the same way. Most of our family friends are union members who voted for Reagan because they were fed up with Carter but who are otherwise Democrats."

"There were a lot of people like that back home," I said. "But how about we talk about something other than politics?"

"Hmm. Can't talk about sex. Can't talk about politics. We've talked enough about religion. Baseball season is over. What's left?"

"Hockey?" I grinned. "I'm a Penguins fan."

Melody shook her head, "Never got into ice hockey. I'm a Steelers fan."

"Pro football isn't my thing. That said, I like watching Ohio State and the Army/Navy game. I prefer the amount of running in college ball to the passing in the pros."

"You sound like my dad on that. He's a HUGE Buckeye fan but hates pro ball. Car racing?"

"I watch the Indianapolis 500 every year, but that's about it. I did watch that stock car race they ran on Wide World of Sports, but it didn't interest me all that much."

"The one where they had the fight in the infield at the end? My dad loves that kind of racing."

"I'd actually watch European Grand Prix racing if I could. I've seen some partial coverage of the race in Monte Carlo on TV every year, but they never show the whole thing."

"What do you think of soccer?" she asked.

I shrugged, "I've only ever seen our High School girls' team play once, so I can't really say. I know it's super popular in Europe and South America."

"Well, sports seem out. We're quickly running out of topics!" she said with a smirk.

"Go on," I chuckled. "Say it."

"There's only one thing left to do! Finish eating, then go make out!"

"I might be convinced to kiss you," I teased.

"Don't be a jackass," she laughed.

"Hey, if you can tease, so can I. But not too much, please."

"May I ask you a serious question?"

"Of course."

"How often do you think a married couple should have sex?"

"As often as they want?" I replied, framing it as a question. "What are you getting at?"

"That if you keep your priorities the way you have them now, it could present an issue once you get married, even if you wait until you become a doctor. Your relationship will always take second place to being a doctor."

I nodded, "That is something that Doctor Hart and I have discussed."

"Who's that?"

"A counselor in Student Health Services. He's mentoring me on things like that, as well as other stuff that would affect both getting into medical school and becoming a good doctor. He's the one who advised me to warn anyone I might get seriously involved with about just how bad things will be for the next eight years. Things will only get worse from here on out until I become a Resident."

"I think what bothers me is the fear that if you keep this pattern for eight years, you'll never break it."

I nodded, "I can see that. And I think that's one of the main contributing factors to why doctors have a very high divorce rate. They also have higher than average incidences of drug and alcohol abuse."

"So the solution is simply to warn your potential girlfriends?"

"Part of the problem is I'm stuck with the system which exists. In order to get what I want, I have to follow that system to the letter, with no deviation. You'll have a similar, but not quite so arduous, path to passing the bar exam and becoming a partner in a law firm. Both of us have to achieve whatever the licensing board says is 'moral fitness' for our licenses. And get the approval of many people at each step along the way to that license. And if we buck the system, we can be kicked out of the program."

"I hadn't considered it that way," Melody said.

"In effect, my life is pre-programmed from now until I become what's called an Attending Physician, which will be around the time I turn 30. And that means you have to ask yourself if this is something you could handle. It's one thing to date casually, as we are now. It's a very different thing to date, seriously."

"I think I have a better understanding of why you're so cautious. It's not just your attitude towards sex, but also your desire not to hurt anyone or lead them on."

"Exactly," I said. "Everyone has this picture that being a doctor's wife is a life of luxury and glamour, and while that MIGHT come sometime in your 40s, it's a heck of a rocky path to get there, and it's going to be a struggle. As I've said to others when I start actually working as a doctor, a good chunk of my income will have to go towards paying student loans. So whatever financial rewards might come, they'll be delayed until those are taken care of."

"Damn," Melody said. "That's a pretty bleak picture you're painting."

I nodded, "I know. Whichever woman becomes my partner will have to shoulder nearly the same burden as I will. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Well, that's not exactly a great marketing job, but I'm not sure you have much material to work with."

I grinned, "Just my charm and good looks."

Melody laughed, "Well, one out of two!"

"Which one?"

"I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader," she said with a laugh. "Just like our textbooks."

"So, the question is, what do you want to do?"

"I'll accept a request for a third date."

January 16, 1982, McKinley, Ohio

"Are you going to talk to me, or am I just wasting my breath?" I asked Nancy on Saturday morning during a lull in the store.

"What's to talk about?" she asked.

I shook my head, "If you don't know the answer to that question, I am wasting my breath. I just don't get it."

Nancy shrugged, "No, I guess you don't."

I simply walked away and kept myself busy with my tasks, only interacting with Nancy when she needed her breaks or when she called me to run the second register when a line built up. When my shift ended, I walked back to campus, had a quick lunch, and went back to my room. I decided to try one last-ditch effort and dialed the Landers' house. Nancy's mom answered.

"Hi, it's Mike," I said.

"Hi, Mike. Nancy is at work."

"I know. I was at work this morning. I wondered if we could talk."

"I don't see what harm it could do. She's not talking to you?"

"No. I tried. I didn't push her, though. I just don't understand her. Did she tell you what happened?"

"I'm not sure I trust her version of events. Why don't you tell me your side, and I'll figure the truth is somewhere in between."

"Basically, I asked her to go steady, and she said she couldn't handle that and made it clear she wasn't ready to go steady anytime soon. She's jealous of all the other girls I have as friends or am dating casually. Nancy was the ONLY one I was dating seriously, but given her commitment issues, I did continue to date casually after she refused to go steady. The cause of the breakup was the fact that I stayed at Jocelyn's house at Thanksgiving and a few days during Christmas break."

"She's just a friend, right?"

"Yes. My closest friend, really. My other really close friend from back home, Dale, is in Wisconsin for school. And obviously, I've made some new friends here. Mostly, it's just a big group, but one of the girls goes to church with me on Sundays. I guess I don't understand how Nancy can both be jealous AND not want me to commit to her."

"She's very conflicted, and she's been hurt pretty badly. You know she's seeing a counselor."

"Yes, I do. And that's a good thing. My problem is that I'm getting totally contradictory messages, and she seems to want me to stay away from my female friends. In effect, she's saying 'you first', and then MAYBE she'll commit to me at some point. That just doesn't seem right to me. But even THAT doesn't quite describe it because I said I'd stop dating others if she wanted, and she said not to do that. But then got jealous. I just don't get it."

"I think the only thing I can say right now is give her some time. You're a really nice young man, and I was very happy she met you, but my opinion on the matter doesn't matter all that much."

I sighed, "I was afraid you would say something like that. I guess at this point, there isn't anything left to do except wait for her to talk to me. But honestly, the longer she waits, the more difficult it will be for me to even go out with her because this is the second time she's chased me away and for the same reason."

"Mike, do what you think is best for you," Mrs. Landers said. "I don't know what else to tell you."

"Thanks, Mrs. Landers. For everything."

"I hope we'll see you again someday, Mike."

"I hope so, too."

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up the phone. There really wasn't anything else I could do. When I'd talked to Jocelyn on Thursday night for our weekly call, she'd commented that I had a more 'feminine' approach to relationships, pointing to how tentative I was with her when we went to Cincinnati, how I rejected Carol's aggressiveness, and how I'd turned down both Jeannette and Marie. I'd countered with Emmy and Becky, but she'd pointed out my approach in both cases wasn't exactly 'dominant male', and I'd laughed because that was the LAST thing I thought I'd ever be.

Jocelyn pointed out that I'd actually acted more dominant on a few occasions — when I'd helped the little girl when I was in fourth grade when Liz had her troubles, and when Jocelyn herself had been hospitalized after her suicide attempt. She'd also reminded me I'd need to at least adapt to acting that way in a trauma situation if I wanted to succeed. That was something that Doctor Hart had pointed out to me as well. In the end, Jocelyn's advice had been to try once more to talk to Nancy, and if that failed, then simply to assume the relationship couldn't be repaired and move on.