Chapter 55: The Holiday Season

December 21, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"Mikey!" Liz squealed when I walked into the house on Monday evening.

"Hi, Lizzy!" I said.

She ran to me, and we hugged lightly, then went into the living room where she had been sitting with my parents.

"Welcome home, Mike," Dad said. "How is Jocelyn?"

"Pretty good. She has most of her range of motion back, and they're working to see if they can get her some more. Her bones have knit well, and she's able to move around more freely."

"That's good to hear. How are things with Dale?"

"He's having a very good time in Madison," I said with a grin.

"Dinner is in the oven and will be ready in about ten minutes if you want to go unpack," Mom said.

I got up and took my bags to my room, and unpacked. I was happy to be able to come home, but I was going to miss sleeping in the same bed with someone I cared for. The past week at Nancy's had been very nice, and so had the few days at Jocelyn's. I liked the idea of having someone to snuggle close to each night. Driving to Nancy's house each night after midnight and driving back in time to run and pray just didn't make sense, and I couldn't safely have Nancy stay the night in the dorms, not to mention she had to be home in the morning to get to school. I wondered, mostly in jest, if I shouldn't take Jeannette and Marie up on their offers.

Mom called me to dinner just as I put the last of my clothes away. We had a nice family dinner, then after Liz and I cleaned up the kitchen, we played Scrabble as a family, then popped some popcorn and watched M✶A✶S✶H. When the show ended, Mom made hot chocolate.

"Emmy stopped by Jocelyn's house yesterday," I said.

"How is she?" Liz asked.

"Bummed about not being able to see either of us. But I did point out you guys could see each other at school."

"Her dad is a real prick," Liz growled.

"Elizabeth," Dad warned gently.

"YOU told me that, Dad!" she protested.

"So I did," Dad said with an ironic smile. "Let's not use that word, OK?"

"But it's true!" Liz declared. "He a racist moth ... uh, idiot."

"Yes. And there is very little any of us can do about that at this point. For now, just see Emmy at school and hope that Lenny relaxes a bit about it."

"You know there isn't much chance of that," I observed.

"His wife might be able to get him to calm down a bit," Mom said. "Just give it a bit of time."

"For Liz's sake, I hope so," I said.

"Did you hear from April again?" Mom asked.

"No. I don't expect to. Unless she shows up at Holy Transfiguration asking to be chrismated, I don't think it's worthwhile. And even if she did, I don't think she's the girl for me."

Liz smirked, "She was the only girl who would go out with you!"

"Liz," Mom warned gently.

"She's right, Mom," I said. "How many girls did I ask out before April were there who didn't even make it to the second date?! Cassie made it for about a month, and that was the longest before April."

"Things seem to be different now."

I nodded, "A bit. I suppose I've changed."

"You have. Just enough to be more interesting to the opposite sex, but not enough to lose sight of who you are."

"Speaking of the 'opposite sex'," I said, "I'm going out with Tasha after Vespers on Wednesday."

"When are you going back, Mikey?"

"Sunday afternoon. I have to work Monday morning."

"I'm glad you're home."

"Me, too."

December 23, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"Where are you two going?" Deacon Vasily asked.

"The usual place," I said. "Marie's. And then to Yellen's, if that's OK."

"It's a bit cold for ice cream, don't you think?"

"They have really good hot cocoa, but it's never too cold for ice cream!"

"OK. Please bring Tasha home straight from Yellen's."

"I will," I said.

Tasha and I left the church, and I drove to Marie's. We were quickly seated in a booth, but instead of sitting across from me, Tasha sat next to me and scooted close so that our shoulders and legs touched. I smelled her perfume or body spray, and it was intoxicating.

"I don't think this is what your dad had in mind," I grinned.

"He's not here, is he?"

"No."

"And you aren't complaining, are you?"

"No!" I grinned. "I have a very good sense of self-preservation!"

The waitress came to take our drink orders, and we ordered our food right away as well. We were still in the Nativity fast, so we each ended up ordering a salad.

"You can put your arm around me, Mishka!" Tasha said.

I shifted a bit and put my right arm around Tasha's shoulder, and she slipped her arm behind me and around my waist.

"I hope your dad doesn't have a spy in the diner!" I chuckled.

"We are not doing anything at all improper!"

"I'm not so sure he'd see it that way!"

"Then kiss me, and he can have something to complain about!" she teased.

I turned my head, and our lips met in a soft kiss, which quickly turned into a steamy French kiss. We were interrupted by the waitress bringing our drinks, and we broke the kiss. The waitress, who had worked at the diner for as long as I could remember, set our drinks on the table, then winked and smiled and left us alone. Tasha clearly wanted another kiss, so we kissed a second time.

"Very nice," I sighed when we broke the second kiss.

"I enjoy kissing you, Mishka," Tasha said softly. "Very much!"

And if she were ANY other girl, I'd do my best to take her someplace where we could kiss a lot and do a lot more. But not Tasha Antonova. It had nothing to do with lack of desire and everything to do with respecting her wishes. She'd once told me it was, in effect, my job to keep us on the correct side of the line, and I was determined to do it, even if she seemed to want to edge across it. Or leap across it. Or simply forget it existed.

"And I, you," I said.

We sat quietly with our arms around each other and waited for our food to be brought to the table. Once it was, we moved our arms and scooted slightly apart so I could use my right hand to eat. As I ate, I wondered if I was up to the challenge of keeping things proper with Tasha or not. And if I wasn't, THEN what?

If I thought being with April that way was a commitment, being with Tasha that way was as good as being married. And I was NOT ready for that, and neither was she, despite her protestations to the contrary. Getting married so we could have sex was probably the worst possible reason I could think of. Fortunately, her parents had the same fears and put strict limits on where we could be together and what we could do together.

When we finished eating, I put a tip on the table, then we went to the register to pay the bill. After I paid, we bundled up, walked out into the frosty air, and got into my Mustang.

"Dad said we had to come straight home from Yellen's, but he didn't say we had to go straight there!" she said as I started the car.

"That's asking for serious trouble, and you know it," I said. "You know we're only allowed to do what we asked about."

"Did you ask about kissing me?"

"No."

"But you did anyway!"

"I believe that's different. Tasha, I don't want to get into trouble with your dad. What if he says we can't see each other?"

"I wish I was eighteen," she sighed as I pulled out of the parking lot.

"We'd still have the problem of being able to support ourselves."

"Life isn't fair," she sighed.

We rode the rest of the way in silence, and at Yellen's, each got a turtle sundae. When we finished our dessert, I took Tasha home. I walked her to the door, and we exchanged a soft kiss before she went inside.

December 25, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

Christmas began as it always did, with Matins and the Divine Liturgy for the Nativity. We'd been to Vespers the night before, and this would complete the cycle of services for the Nativity fast. Once we left church, we'd have no more fasting until the feast of Theophany, which was celebrated the same day as my non-Orthodox friends celebrated Epiphany. I made sure to take the small gift I'd purchased for Tasha with me so I could give it to her at the end of the service.

I was happy that Liz was going to church with us despite the fact that she didn't usually go. Dad had asked her nicely if she'd please join us so we could be together as a family, and she'd agreed. I didn't expect her to receive the Eucharist, but just being in church was a big step. Perhaps she could find some peace there, as I always had. The services were beautiful, as they always were, and I was comforted by the familiarity of the hymns and prayers which I had prayed from the time I was little. The Orthodox calendar provided a nice touchstone in my life, the endless cycle of services providing a framework for every other important event in my life.

When the Divine Liturgy ended, I walked over to Tasha and handed her a small box, and after ensuring it was OK to open it, she tore off the paper and opened the box to find a necklace with a stylized 'T' and a diamond chip in the center.

"Mishka!" she gushed. "It's beautiful! Thank you!"

"You're welcome," I said.

She grabbed my hand and led me out of the nave into the narthex, where she gave me a chaste kiss. Kissing inside the nave would offend quite a few people. I helped her put on the necklace, and she gave me another quick kiss. She asked me to wait and went to the cloakroom and returned with a gift, which was obviously a record album. I tore off the paper to reveal a double-record set of Handel's Messiah, something I didn't have in my small classical music collection.

"Thank you!" I said, then kissed her softly.

"Have a blessed Nativity, Mishka. When will you be home again?"

"I'm not sure; probably during Spring Break, which is the week before Western Easter. But I might work that week because all the other students who work usually take it off. I will come home some weekends to see you, I promise. And I'll call you."

"I miss you when you're away."

"I miss you too, Tasha. I promise I'll call you and come see you."

"Thanks!"

She kissed me once more, and then we both went to join our families to head home for our family Christmas celebrations. Ours was always focused on family rather than on gift-giving. We were hosting this year, which meant that once we exchanged our gifts, we'd be busy preparing for having both sets of grandparents, my mom's brother and his family and my dad's brother and his family, at the house.

Our gifts were always simple — I'd bought the new ABBA album, The Visitors, for Liz, and she bought me a new shirt. Gifts from our parents were almost always clothes, and our gifts to them were similar, though once or twice, I'd bought them a small item for the house. If we got any 'loot' as such, it came from our grandparents, but even that wasn't over the top.

Once we'd opened our presents, everyone pitched in to begin preparing the house and the food for our guests, who would arrive later in the day. I did take a short time out to drive over to Jocelyn's house so she, Dale, and I could exchange gifts, which we'd done since second grade. Our gifts were always simple and inexpensive, hearkening back to when we were all so much younger. I couldn't stay long, and once we'd done our exchange, I shook hands with Dale, hugged Jocelyn, and headed home for the meal with my extended family.

December 27, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"How was your Christmas?" Nancy asked when I arrived at her house on Sunday evening.

"Good, especially being able to celebrate at home and see my sister. How was yours?"

"Pretty good. We went to visit my aunt and uncle in Wheeling, West Virginia. Are you interested in going to see Ghost Story tonight after dinner? We could take Mom with us."

"Sure. What are we doing for dinner?"

"Mom is making pizza. Don't let our last name fool you! She's really good with Italian food. This won't be Pizza Hut!"

Nancy and I set the table and made a salad to go with the pizza. I'd never had a pizza quite like the one that Mrs. Landers served — freshly made crust, with diced tomatoes, fresh basil, thickly sliced pepperoni, and a modest amount of cheese.

"This is awesome!" I said, taking my third bite of the crispy crust and toppings.

"Told ya'!" Nancy laughed.

"Thank Luisa Carboni! She's been my best friend since we were twelve when she was Luisa Segreti."

"Well, tell her thanks! Have you taught Nancy how to make this?"

"I've taught her how to cook most everything!"

"Cool!" I grinned.

When we finished eating, we all pitched in to clean up, then headed to the theatre to see Ghost Story. I found the movie entertaining and the acting superb, but, in the end, I didn't particularly like it. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was probably related to a big build-up leading to what I felt was a very anti-climactic ending. I also wasn't big on movies about the supernatural, preferring science fiction, though, at times, those two genres mixed nicely.

When the movie finished, we headed home and had some hot chocolate before Nancy and I went to bed. I was a bit surprised when she left her panties on and climbed into bed with me. She snuggled close, and I put my arm around her.

"My period started yesterday," she sighed.

Which explained why she was wearing panties.

"I enjoy sleeping in the same bed with you whether we have sex or not."

"I could give you one of my fantastic blowjobs!" she said saucily.

"You could, but I'm content just to cuddle you."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

She turned and rolled a bit so she could switch off the lamp on the bedside table, then we cuddled again, falling asleep in each other's arms.

December 31, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I asked Nancy, probably for the fifth time.

We were on our way to her friend Beverly's house for a New Year's Eve party.

"There won't be any drugs or any booze, and you're with me."

"I know, but going to a New Year's Eve party with a bunch of kids who are still in High School, including 'Miss Delicious' who's only fifteen, concerns me."

"It'll be fine, Mike! We'll listen to music, dance, and have a good time. At midnight, we'll drink carbonated grape juice. And Beverly's parents will be there the whole time. What's really bugging you, Mike?"

"I'm not sure. Six months ago, it wasn't a big deal to hang around with kids who were fifteen and sixteen; now, it just seems a bit strange. Maybe it's just being in college and having a different perspective than kids who are Freshmen, Sophomores, or Juniors."

"Didn't you date a Sophomore? And isn't your friend Emmy a Sophomore? And your friend Tasha?"

"Yes," I said. "But I knew them before I started college. I guess that's the big dividing line. Life suddenly became much more serious. Add in the situation with Liz, and I just feel like I'm in a completely different world than I was in May. A whole lot has happened since then, including basically living with you for a few weeks. Does that make sense?"

"I think what you're trying to say is that you've grown up in these last six months. Or are you trying to say something about me?"

"No way! This isn't about you. I didn't mean to imply that, and if I did, I'm sorry. It's about me and my reaction to being around younger kids, that's all. You're eighteen, a Senior, and you had to grow up a few years ago, long before I did."

"I suppose we do live in something of a different world, don't we?"

"Yes, we do. I don't think there's a real problem, just one in my mind, that's all."

"You're changing," she said evenly.

"I think that's pretty normal when you leave home for college, even though I only moved about thirty-five miles. And it'll happen again when I get into the REAL 'real world' and start working in a hospital. The way you said that seems like it might bother you a bit."

"It's the unknown, I guess. I do like the fact you can joke and tease more, but if you won't be the same person, then what?"

"Isn't that always going to be a problem?" I asked. "Nobody stays the same forever. Everyone changes."

"So what happens if one day you change and decide you don't want to be with me?" she asked softly.

"I think normally I'd say that's what making an 'until death do us part' pledge is all about, but your experience in that area calls out just how hollow that claim would be, at least in your mind."