Chapter 51: Life Can Be Very Strange

November 24, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"You really know how to make a girl feel loved," Jocelyn teased at breakfast.

I grinned, "For the fourth time, I'm sorry I went right back to sleep!"

"Which is exactly what you SHOULD have done!" Mrs. Mills said, coming into the kitchen. "Jocelyn, you know what your doctor said."

"Mom, I just wanted to cuddle!" she protested.

"Uh-huh," I grinned.

"Oh, YOU are no help!" Jocelyn huffed.

"Jocelyn, honey, you need to follow your doctor's instructions. And the house rules. You two aren't even dating!"

"Mrs. Mills, I can assure you nothing happened, and nothing will happen!" I said firmly.

"Mom? I think we should change our minds about Mike staying here," Jocelyn said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"I believe there is no better boy to have in this house than Mike. I can trust HIM to follow the doctor's orders!"

"Why do I feel like I'm being ganged up on?" Jocelyn huffed.

"Because you are, Jos!" I grinned.

Jocelyn and I finished our breakfasts, and I took a shower, for which I made sure I locked the bathroom door, despite Jocelyn not being allowed to come upstairs again. I dressed and headed to hang out with Dale. We played chess and talked all morning.

"Bag your cheerleader yet?" I teased.

"Nah, but dude, she has a friend who's going to Northwestern that you just won't believe. A smoking-hot redhead. Another former cheerleader! I could certainly agree to a 'Dale Sandwich' with those two!"

I chuckled, "Managed a threesome yet?"

"In my dreams! The only girl I've been out with who might be adventurous enough for that was that first chick, the cheerleader's roommate. Now there's another pair I wouldn't mind! Have you managed to get laid?"

"Yes, but it's pretty far down my priority list."

"So once you did it the first time, it wasn't a big deal?"

"Oh, it was a big deal, just not a top priority."

"You have your priorities totally backwards!"

"I need straight A's to get into medical school. And I need to ace my MCAT. I can't take any risks, and I already have some serious stuff going down that could eighty-six everything."

"That dean? Screw her!"

"No thanks!" I chuckled. "Remember what you used to say about the 'Pro-Choice' marches in Columbus?"

Dale laughed, "Yeah, that those were the girls least likely to need abortions. The hot chicks were all 'Pro-Life'!"

"She fits the former. Rumor is she's a lesbian, too. Basically, it just means I have to watch the rules carefully, but I would do that anyway."

"True."

"The bigger problem is when I leave here, I'm going to talk to some psychologists. I've been accused of having sex with Liz."

"What?! Oh, come on! What moron made THAT stupid accusation?"

"The psychiatrists who evaluated Liz. They even convinced my mom for a time. Now there's a bunch of crap going on."

"Damn. Are you OK?"

"So far," I said. "I'm hanging in there."

"Jocelyn can help."

"I know. I'm staying in their guest room until everything is sorted out."

"Well, that sucks, especially given how you feel about Jocelyn. Talk about frustrating! I'm sure my cousins wouldn't mind a male houseguest! They thought you were 'cute'," Dale laughed.

"I have enough troubles right now without adding any new ones."

"Troubles? I'm only talking about getting laid! Just sex. They'd go for it, I'm sure. Heck, if they weren't my cousins, I'd go for it!"

"I actually think Ohio allows that," I teased.

"My mom and her sister would KILL me!"

"I seriously don't need the complications. April basically asked me to get back together last night."

"Seriously? She's willing to go to church with you now?"

"No. She seems to think we can just worry about that later. But I sure don't."

"She's cute and all, but that's a headache you don't need."

"Agreed."

After we ate lunch at A&W, I headed to Mr. Winston's office to meet the two psychologists. When I arrived, I greeted Mom, and she took me to the conference room. About five minutes later, two women came in, one who looked to be in her 60s and one who looked to be in her mid-to-late 30s. I stood, as my dad always insisted I should, when adults came into the room.

"Michael? I'm Doctor Laura Paulus," the older one said. "And this is my colleague, Doctor Fran Mercer."

"Pleased to meet you both," I said.

"Have a seat, Michael," Doctor Paulus said. "Doctor Mercer and I are each going to speak with you separately. You'll likely find we ask similar questions, but please bear with us. We want to find out the truth."

"I want you to find out the truth, Doctor," I said firmly.

"Good. Fran, go ahead. When you're finished, come find me."

"I will, Laura. Thanks."

Doctor Paulus left, and Doctor Mercer and I sat down on opposite sides of the conference table.

"Tell me about yourself," she said.

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

She smiled, "Just tell me about yourself. Start wherever you like, and just tell me who you are. I'll ask questions along the way."

I nodded, "I'm eighteen and go to William Howard Taft in McKinley. I'm majoring in biochemistry with a plan to go to medical school. I hope to work in an emergency room specializing in trauma. I'm a straight-A student, and I'm in the honors program. I was a straight-A student in High School; well, minus two B's in Geometry, and I was nominated for the National Honor Society. I attend church regularly, love music, play chess, have a purple belt in Shōtōkan karate, and drive a black '76 Mustang."

"A nice summary. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I'm dating, but I don't have a steady girlfriend."

"Have you had one?"

"One, basically my entire Senior year."

"So it lasted about nine months?"

"Yes. We started going out right after school started and broke up right after graduation."

"And before her?"

"I dated, but nobody seriously."

"How serious was your girlfriend during your Senior year?"

"She had my class ring."

"You broke up because you were leaving for college?"

"We broke up right after graduation, as I said. Though it wasn't because I was leaving, it was because of church. Church is very important to me, and she flat-out refused to even visit my church because it was 'too Catholic'. I want to marry and to raise my kids in the Russian Orthodox Church."

"Michael, or is it OK to call you Mike?"

"Mike is fine."

"Mike, some of these questions are going to be very personal."

I smiled, "I assumed that would be the case."

She nodded, "What caused the breakup?"

"It was just what I told you."

"I'm sorry, yes, I'm sure it was. But how did the breakup develop?"

"We were supposed to spend Prom night at a motel together. She decided, right after the dance, she didn't want to. So we hung out in the park overnight instead. I wasn't upset or anything, just disappointed and a bit frustrated."

"How far had you gone with her before that?"

"Kissing, and she let me touch her breast over her clothes a couple of times."

"You were both virgins at that point?"

"Yes."

"Go on."

"I talked to my mom about the situation, and the topic of church came up, and then I talked to my best friend about it. In the end, I knew if April, that's her name, and I went to bed together, she'd take it as a promise to buy her an engagement ring in the near future. But if she wouldn't go to church, I couldn't do that. So I asked her about church again, and she said she'd never go, ever. I told her I wanted to break up. She offered to go to bed with me at that point, but I refused."

"Are you still a virgin?"

"No."

"So that happened, obviously, after you broke up with your girlfriend. Did you start dating someone new right away?"

"My little sister's best friend asked me to take her out, and I did. I had one other date, but I liked Emmy, that's my sister's friend, so we started dating. She knew I'd be leaving for school at the end of the Summer, so we decided not to go steady."

"Was she the first girl you were with?"

I shook my head, "No. The first girl was Jocelyn, my best friend ever since kindergarten. We finally managed to tell each other how we felt during the Summer. I guess we both were afraid to say it out loud because of our close friendship. We both were afraid we'd wreck things. I tried to tell her, but she wasn't receptive. I know now it's because she was afraid.

"Anyway, once we'd admitted our feelings, we went to Cincinnati for a couple of days. She had planned to go to Purdue but decided she'd join me at Taft after a year so we could be together and work on our relationship. She was in a bad car accident not long after that and was severely injured. She's recovering, but we've more or less wrecked the romantic part of our relationship. We're still best friends, though."

"Who was the first girl you ever saw naked?"

I grinned, "Jocelyn. My best friend. When we were in Cincinnati."

"And she was the first one to see you naked?"

"Yes."

"How did you feel at the time?"

"Scared out of my mind."

"Scared? Not nervous?"

"Both."

"And how did it go?"

"Great, once Jocelyn got me calmed down."

"So before Jocelyn, you'd never seen a girl naked or touched a girl except over her clothes?"

"I had a heavy make-out session with that girl I went out with once after I broke up with April. We messed around, I guess what you might call second base, but our clothes were on."

"You only saw her once?"

"Yes. I just felt, well, almost dirty."

"Why is that?"

"Because I barely knew her, and I was struggling with what my church teaches about sex. She was way too aggressive, and it really bothered me. So I told her I didn't want to see her again. That's when I started dating Emmy."

"You were dating Emmy when you and Jocelyn went to Cincinnati?"

"Yes. As I said, Emmy and I weren't steady because I was going to college."

"You only had that one encounter with Jocelyn?"

"Yes."

"What did you do with her?"

"The normal stuff, I guess. Oral sex plus intercourse. And we cuddled a lot, plus we used the whirlpool together. And showered together."

"And she was injured just after that."

"Not long."

"Have you had sex with other girls?"

"Yes."

"Just the 'normal stuff', as you called it?"

"That's right."

"How many other girls?"

"Three."

"After you went to college?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Do you use birth control?"

"Absolutely. Rubbers or the girl was on the Pill."

"And you trust the girls who were on the Pill?"

"Sure. I wouldn't go to bed with someone I didn't trust. Why?"

"I've counseled young men who believed girls were on the Pill, and it turned out not to be the case."

"You mean the girl lied? And deliberately got pregnant?"

"It's been known to happen. I'm not saying the girls you were with would do anything like that, but it's something to be aware of."

"Wonderful," I sighed.

"Do you drink?"

"Only at the party my church has after Pascha, which is what we call Easter. The men drink vodka, and I've been allowed to hang out with them since I turned fifteen. Occasionally, I'll have a glass of wine at home with a meal. That said, I haven't had any alcohol since last Spring at that party at church."

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you use drugs of any kind?"

"I've never taken anything but aspirin that I can remember. And no illegal drugs. Ever."

"What kind of music do you listen to?"

"Pretty much everything from Mozart to AC/DC."

"Do you watch much television?"

"Some. Mostly science fiction, but I like old movies, too."

"Do you go to the movies?"

"Yes."

"R-rated?"

"Rarely. We couldn't get in before we were seventeen, and April was too young to go, so that kind of limited things."

"Have you ever watched a pornographic movie?"

"No. I wouldn't even know where to get one! And I can't imagine the theatre in Rutherford showing a movie like that!"

"OK. Changing subjects. How do you usually dress?"

"Pretty much what you see here. Jeans or slacks, a polo, a T-shirt, or a rugby shirt."

"Do you wear shorts?"

"In the Summer, when I'm around the house or working in the yard."

"Do you swim?"

"Yes."

"What kind of bathing suit do you have?"

"It's like a pair of boxers."

"What do you usually wear when you sleep?"

"Nothing, most of the time, though last night I stayed at a friend's house and slept in my pyjamas. Usually, if I'm someplace besides home or in my dorm bed, I wear pyjamas."

"How long have you been sleeping naked?"

"A couple of years."

"What do you do when you get out of bed?"

"Put on my robe, or sometimes briefs and a robe."

"What's the difference?"

"If I'm going to shower, I just put on the robe. If I'm going to go anywhere except right across the hall to the bathroom, I put on briefs as well."

"Changing subjects again. Do you talk with your dad or mom about sex?"

"My mom. We talk about just about everything. My dad calls us 'two peas in a pod' because we see eye-to-eye on most things."

"You didn't talk about sex with your dad?"

"Not really. He was raised Calvinist, and even though he converted, he still has his Calvinist views on sex. He's not comfortable discussing it. Mom never had that problem, so I talked with her."

"Did you ever talk about sex with your sister?"

"Not really. She teased me a bit about girls, but it was kind of the normal stuff, I guess. We never talked about sex, though."

"Were you two close?"

"She was my sister. We did family stuff together but never really hung out."

"How often were you alone with her?"

"Not very. When we were younger, my grandmother watched us in the afternoons when we arrived home from school. When I got older, I was in the chess club, so I usually didn't get home until about the same time my parents did. I worked, hung out with my friends, and dated, and practiced karate, so I wasn't home all that much. Pretty much the only things Liz and I ever did together were when I had to give her and Emmy rides to school or take them to the pool, or whatever."

"Was it ever just you and Liz?"

"I'm sure there were a few times we were in the car together alone, but not very often."

"Did you two hug or kiss?"

"I guess like any family, you know, special occasions, or whatever."

"How did you kiss her?"

"On the cheek. She did the same thing."

"And the hugs? How long did they last?"

"A couple of seconds, I guess. And usually, it was because it was expected, like at Church after Pascha. We aren't a real 'huggy' family."

"What about your mom?"

"Kisses on the cheek ever since I can remember. We've hugged occasionally since I was a teenager, but not a lot. Until yesterday, I hadn't hugged or kissed my dad since I was six or so."

"Did you and Liz ever sleep in the same room?"

"There are two specific times that come to mind. When she was three, her best friend moved away, and she cried and cried. I was six, and I cuddled her, and we fell asleep together. The same thing happened, in reverse, when Jocelyn had her accident, and we broke up."

"Were you under the covers together?"

"No. Not either time. The second time, I was under the covers, and Liz was on top of them. The first time, when I was six, we just fell asleep on the floor of her room."

"Did you ever accidentally walk in on her in the bathroom?"

"No."

"Do you know when she got her first period?"

"Sure. As I told Doctor Hart in McKinley, a box of pads showed up one day in the bathroom we shared. I'm a guy, but I could guess why."

"Did you ever touch the box?"

I laughed, "No. I had some weird fear of touching it. Like, it was, I don't know, something no guy should ever do."

"Not an uncommon reaction. The more interesting one is when a wife asks a husband to pick some up at the store."

"At this point, I'd die of embarrassment!" I laughed. "And yes, I know, I'm going to be a doctor, but still!"

"A common reaction amongst young men. And older ones, too! Did you do your own laundry?"

"Since I was thirteen or so."

"Did you ever do Liz's laundry?"

"No. Why would I?"

"It's just a question, Mike. Don't worry. Tell me what you know about the assaults on your sister."

I spent fifteen minutes going over the events, with Doctor Mercer asking questions to clarify things. Then we got to what I felt was the important point.

"So, that was when she offered to have sex with you?"

"No; that was when she tried to shock me by saying something outrageous."

"She'd never said anything like that before?"

"No."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Upset. Grossed out. Disgusted. I told her I wouldn't even answer and walked away. She called me a coward and said I always ran away. That part she was right about."

"She called you a coward? Because you wouldn't have sex with her?"

I shook my head, "No, because I wouldn't confront her over her behavior. She wanted me to help her, and that was her way of trying to shock me into action. It didn't work. Not then, nor the second time she implied the same thing, But that second time, she was really focused on my running away from conflict."