Chapter 46: Tears For Fears

November 8, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

Author's Note: This chapter has been modified to comply with site guidelines as of 2025-03-29

"Do you want me to disappear?" Angie asked as we walked into the dorm after church.

"Why? Emmy knows I'm dating you. She's not jealous. You know she's coming to visit, and she knows you know. It would be REALLY dumb to invite her here otherwise, don't you think?"

"Guys have been known to do dumb things from time to time!"

"Not ones who want you to stick around," I said firmly.

"You do remember I told you my High School boyfriend screwed a close friend of mine behind my back, right?" Angie asked.

"A clear indication he didn't want you to stick around," I replied. "No matter what he might have said to you. Somehow, I don't see a great future for us if I invite Jeannette to my bed."

"That would certainly require a re-evaluation of the situation."

"A risk I am unwilling to take," I said.

We rode the elevator up to my room, and I put on Pleasure and Pain by Dr. Hook, and Angie and I sat on the couch.

"What are you going to tell Emmy if we become a couple?"

"The truth. She's been dating. One day, she might tell ME she's decided to go steady with someone. We never were a couple in the sense of being exclusive. It worked out that way in practice over the Summer, though I did have dinners with a girl from church as well."

"The one who isn't allowed to date but is allowed to date?" Angie laughed.

"That's the one. And the one Mrs. Orlova at my old church believes I should marry right now."

"Isn't the girl only sixteen?!"

I laughed, "And I'll bet you anything you care to wager, her dad would sign the papers to make it happen."

"Crazy!" she laughed, shaking her head. "Would you mind if I borrow a few tapes?"

"Not at all! What did you want?"

"Help! and Emotional Rescue."

"Sure, just get them from the case. I actually have the vinyl for those, but I have the tapes for the car."

"I didn't look through all your records, but do you have Tattoo You and Little Deuce Coupe?"

"Yes. That's quite the range! Something released two months ago and something from 1963!"

"My taste is as eclectic as yours!" Angie declared.

"But do you taste good?" I grinned.

"You got one French kiss; what do you think?"

"Vanilla!" I chuckled.

"You'd rather it was some OTHER white creamy liquid?" she smirked.

"If you do THAT, you can be sure I'll kiss you!"

"You weren't kidding?"

"Thank Jocelyn. She made the point that if I wanted her to do that, I better not be afraid to kiss her afterwards!"

"I need to meet this woman!" Angie laughed.

The phone rang, and I answered it. It was the desk calling to say that Emmy had arrived. I asked Angie to wait and rode the elevator down to the lobby. Emmy squealed and ran to me. She threw her arms around me, and we hugged.

"I need to sign you in!" I said.

She released me, and I went to the desk and signed her in, then we got into the elevator.

"Angie wants to meet you," I said.

"Cool! I want to meet her. Can I meet Nancy, too?"

"Not this time."

"OK."

The elevator arrived at the sixth floor, and we walked down the hall to my room. I introduced the girls, who started chatting, and I flipped the album to the B-side. They chatted for about five minutes before Angie got up.

"I'll see you later, Mike. Nice meeting you, Emmy."

Angie and I hugged lightly, and she left.

"She's sweet," Emmy said. "And pretty. And I guess you do like 'Emmy-sized' girls!"

"She's even shorter than you are!" I grinned.

"She's OK with me being here?"

"Angie and I are not a couple, and I was totally up front with her about seeing you from time to time."

"Do you think you might go steady with her?"

"Eventually? Yes. We're taking things VERY slowly. She wants to make sure I'm worthy."

Emmy laughed, "You are! Speaking of which, you haven't even kissed me!"

"You know me and public displays of affection. They tend to be limited to holding hands, hugs, and very chaste kisses."

"Well, I want a GOOD kiss!" Emmy giggled. "Here!" she pointed to her lips. "Then here! She pointed..."

...

"I think I can accommodate!" I grinned.

I took her hand and led her into my bedroom. I shut and locked the door, then switched the album to Lost in Love by Air Supply, something I knew Emmy liked as much as Jocelyn.

"Oooh!" she cooed. "Air Supply!"

I pulled her into my arms...

...

"That was perfect," she sighed. "I've been wanting it again ever since you were home!"

"We have plenty of time to do it again a few times before you have to go home."

"Oh God, yes!" she sighed. "As many times as you can! I need to save up!"

I laughed softly, "I'll be home in a few weeks."

"And I'll be ready to attack you again!" she giggled.

...

"When will you be home?"

"The Saturday before Thanksgiving, around 3:00pm. Just come over, and we'll go out."

"Is it OK if I ask my cousin about her apartment?"

I chuckled, "I think I've created an Emmy-monster!"

"Are you complaining?"

"Oh no, not at all!" I grinned and kissed her.

"I was wondering what it would feel like if you shot in me, but I'm afraid to get the Pill because if my dad found out, he'd kill us both!"

"Let's try to avoid that outcome, shall we! I'll use rubbers, and we'll stay alive!"

"Do you want to hear something funny?" Emmy asked.

"Sure."

"When I saw Angie, I actually felt good because I believed you think I'm pretty despite having small boobs."

"Emmy, your bra size has NOTHING to do with anything other than morons who can't see a gorgeous girl when she's right in front of them!"

"But I see the guys drool over girls like Shawna Dawson!"

"The complete airhead with the chest that needs its own zip code?" I asked. "She couldn't carry on an intelligent conversation with a two-year-old! I'd take you over here any day of the week! And twice on Sundays!"

"How about three or four times on Sunday!" she giggled.

"Is that ALL I'm good for?" I smirked.

"No, you can buy me dinner, too!" she teased.

"I think I can manage that!" I smiled, then turned a bit serious. "Emmy, there's a good chance Angie and I might go steady sometime after Christmas."

"I know," Emmy sighed. "I totally expected something like that. Will you promise one thing?"

"What?" I asked gently.

"That before you ask her, can we spend the night together? I want to know what it's like to sleep in your arms."

"Sure. You'll need to figure something out with your parents."

"I will. And one more thing?"

"What?"

"If you guys break up, you'll come see me?"

"I'll always want to see you," I said. "If you aren't dating anyone seriously, and I'm not, I'll always want to take you out. OK?"

"Cool! Does it work if I'm on top?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Can we try that?" she asked.

"Yes. Will you make it really good?" I asked with a grin.

...

"That was wild!" she giggled. "There were guys in the hall! And I was naked under the towel!"

"Oh! Sorry! I didn't even think about it."

"It's OK. Everything was covered. If you think about it, you're naked under your clothes!"

I laughed, "That's true. Let's get dressed, and we can get dinner."

We dressed, went downstairs, and I drove to A&W so we could have root beer floats with our meal. When we finished, we went back to my room, made love once more, took another shower, and then I walked Emmy out to her mom's car.

"I'm glad you came to visit me today," I said.

"I'm glad I could come!" she giggled, then added. "Lots!"

I laughed and pulled her into my arms. We hugged, exchanged a quick kiss, and then she got into the car. I watched as she drove off, then went back inside, changed the sheets on my bed, and took everything to the laundry room to start a load.

"You do like 'em small!" Clark laughed when I came back to the room.

"Emmy? She's cute as a button!"

"I saw you leaving for dinner before. Is Nancy small, too?"

"Nah, she's only a couple of inches shorter than me and is a bit curvy. A bit smaller than Amy, but about the same shape!"

"Now see, that's a woman!" Clark laughed. "Or that chick at the Quick Mart with the bodacious chest! I thought maybe I'd ask her out."

"She has a kid."

"Shit. Forget that, man; I have enough problems! Angie isn't pissed at you for getting laid?"

"She knew about Emmy right from the start. If Angie and I become a couple, I'll end things with Emmy. Emmy knows. She came here to have sex. Well, and dinner."

"You must be something special for a white boy if some cute chick drives an hour to get it from you!"

I shrugged, "She's had a crush on me for years. She's my little sister's best friend."

"And Mike is robbing the cradle!"

"Yeah, yeah. She's sixteen. What are you doing tonight?"

"Missy is coming by. She needs her dose of Clark!"

I laughed, "Did you get to a dozen yet?"

"Nah, seven!"

"OK. I'm going to go find Angie."

"In the common room with her friends."

"Cool. Mind if we chill in here to music?"

"Nah, it's cool. In that massive collection, you got any R&B or Jazz?"

"Fit the stereotype much?"

"You think I want to listen to that white 'easy listening' shit I hear from you sometimes?"

"You weren't here when I was playing AC/DC and Blondie!"

"True. What do you have?"

"As Falls Wichita, so Falls Wichita Falls and 80/81 by Pat Metheny. Rainbow Gladiator by Billy Bang. Go All the Way by The Isley Brothers. That's the recent stuff. There's some older stuff, too."

"Cool. Mind if I check it out? I was thinking of getting a mini stereo like yours."

"Gonna nick it from the Steinberg's back home?"

"Man, you white boys are dumb! Do you know how easy it is to trace a hot stereo? I'll knock over the gas station, THEN go buy the stereo with cash like a regular white boy would! Then I own it all legal and stuff."

"Minus the armed robbery, of course."

"Of course."

We both cracked up laughing.

"I'm going to find my main squeeze," I said.

"God help us, the White Boy thinks he's all cool and shit. Do you claim to speak jive, too?"

I laughed, "'Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady ... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know?'"

"You saw Airplane? Excellent movie. I about bust a gut at that shit, 'cause nobody I ever met talks like that, and before you, all my friends were brothers!"

"So you finally admit I'm your friend?"

"Yeah, but don't be spreadin' that 'round. I gots a rep'tation t' uphold!"

We both laughed again, and I went to find Angie, Jeannette, and Marie.

"Does that little girl even know HOW to fuck?" Jeannette teased.

"I bet she spits it out if she even dares to put it in her mouth at all!" Marie teased.

"Ignore them!" Angie sighed. "They're just jealous!"

"Angie, you aren't taking care of him, and he has to bring in a little High School girl!" Jeannette said. "Let me at least borrow him once a week!"

Angie smiled, "Ask him."

"Mike? How about it?"

"Tempting; very tempting. But no."

Angie beamed, stood up, and hugged me. I took her hand, and we went to my room, where I put on Faith by The Cure. We sat on the couch, side-by-side.

"Got it out of your system?" Angie asked, her mood suddenly changing.

"Is that what you think this was?"

"You don't love her, do you?"

"Not the way you mean, no."

"And you aren't steady?"

"No."

"So it was just to get it out of your system."

I shook my head, "I think you have it backwards. She invited herself here. She wanted today. I could wait."

"And you didn't want to?"

"Yes, of course, I wanted to. Was this a test, Angie? Are you upset? Did I make a mistake?"

She sighed, "It was easy until I actually saw you with her. Then it became very difficult. And Jeannette and Marie didn't make it any easier."

"Don't listen to them. They're taunting you to get you to do something you aren't ready to do."

"I know," Angie sighed again. "Before you came out, they were saying how great she was and the things she was doing for you. Then, when you came to talk to us, it was all that she was just a little girl."

"I think you need a new class of friends," I said.

"No, it's only about me being a virgin."

"So? Was that your choice?"

"Yes, of course."

I shrugged, "Then there's no problem. If you want to be a virgin on your wedding day, that's your business and only your business. It only becomes my business if I'm your boyfriend or fiancé, and only then so I understand the limits. YOU decide when you have sex, Angie. Nobody else."

"And you'd wait five years, or whatever?"

"If I think you're the woman I want to be with, yes."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. But, I will point out something very important. If that's the case, and I'm fine with it if it is, then you misled me. And THAT creates a potentially significant problem. It's not about sex; it's about honesty. Without that, we have nothing."

"I'll stay tonight if you want."

I shook my head, "No. It's not about what I want. It's about what you want. And you don't really want that. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time. If you stay tonight, it will ruin everything."

"Do you want Jeannette?" Angie asked quietly.

"Why? So you can punish yourself? So I can hurt you even more than I unintentionally did today? So you can have a reason to break up with me? Because you think I'm only interested in sex? Angie, what's going on here?"

She didn't reply, so I waited. After perhaps a minute, she jumped up and bolted from the room. I went after her, calling her name, but she crossed the border into the girls' side of the dorm. I debated going after her, as it was still early enough, but all I'd be able to do was knock on her door. I contemplated asking Jeannette or Marie to talk to her but decided that might make things even worse.