Chapter 45: Derailed

November 2, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"I did not come here for a lecture," I said firmly. "I did what I felt was in Liz's best interest. Again. Dad said we needed to talk, and I'm willing to talk. I am NOT willing to listen to a lecture."

"You do not decide what is best for your sister," Mom said. "That is for your father and me, as well as the professionals."

"And what is Dad's opinion on that?" I asked.

"That is not the point, Mike!"

I sighed. We'd been going around in circles on the issue of me taking Liz to McKinley for fifteen minutes and had made no progress. I was tempted to simply leave, but I didn't want to do that to my dad. I'd used extreme measures twice before, and if there was ever a time to do the same thing, it was now.

"OK," I said. "Let's try something different. Liz, did you and I do ANYTHING sexual with each other, ever in our lives, in any way, shape, or form?"

"Absolutely not."

"I agree. We absolutely never did. Dad? Do you think Liz and I did ANYTHING sexual together, ever in our lives?"

"No, you didn't."

"So, Mom, are we all liars? Or is that Orosco «сука» (suka) the REAL problem? YOU told me how innocent it was that Liz held me after Jocelyn's accident, then let that «сука» (suka) convince you that I'd raped Liz." ("bitch")

Mom recoiled at the words I'd used.

"What's the problem?" I asked in an almost snarky tone. "That IS what it would have been! I dare you to look me in the eyes and tell me you are absolutely sure that I raped Liz. Then I want you to call the Sheriff and have him come arrest me for rape. Right now. I won't run away. I'll sit here and wait calmly until they lead me away in handcuffs. And then, you can take Liz to that counselor who will continue to bully her about it, and Liz will eventually kill herself. All because you believed a lying «сука» (suka)."

"Rachel," Dad said. "Mike is right. That IS what you and Doctor Orosco are accusing him of. I honestly don't get it. He's confided in you just about every intimate detail of his life and has, to my knowledge, never lied to either of us. Do you REALLY think our son raped our daughter? Think about what you're saying! And, I'm telling you again what I told you last night: Liz is going to a new counselor who has NOTHING to do with Doctor Orosco. That is not open for discussion. Period."

"Mom," I said gently, "I remember back when this started to come out, you told me about a friend of yours in High School who was abused by her dad, and then you proceeded to quiz me about Liz. I thought you believed me. Then I guess all the stuff with the van Dorns went down, and then Liz went to the clinic, and the Orosco woman said stuff to you. Or maybe you told her of your concern. Whatever happened, it spiraled out of control. And it's destroying our family."

"Mom," Liz said. "Mikey never ever touched me except for hugs. It's true. I tried to tell Doctor Orosco, but she kept saying I wasn't being honest with her. I was, Mom! And now Doctor Zeiss is saying the same thing! That I had sex with Mikey, and I'm trying to protect him. I didn't, Mom!" She was crying now. "I didn't! Why won't you believe me?"

"That is the question, Rachel," Dad said gently. "Why you won't believe your own kids."

"You mean the two that ran off together?" Mom asked snidely.

I sighed deeply, "And except for when we were in my car, I was never alone with Liz for one second. Not one. I'll give you Mrs. Landers' phone number. I slept in Nancy's bed. I was in my pyjamas, and Nancy was in her sleep shirt, by the way. Liz slept on the couch. Either Nancy or Mrs. Landers was with me the entire time. In the dorm, either Clark or Angie was there. And when I talked to Dad this morning, he told me to bring her home, which I had promised to do when he asked. That was despite my better judgment, by the way. And given how you're acting, I believe my judgment was sound. Did you think we ran off to McKinley to have sex? Seriously?"

I took a deep breath and let it out.

"I'm going to go to my room and cool off," I said, looking at my dad. "I'm about to lose control. Call me if Mom decides to be rational."

I got up from the kitchen table and went upstairs to my room. I shut the door, turned on the radio, and slumped down against the side of the bed. No matter what happened, I'd won at least one point — Liz was going to get a new counselor. That was the most important point when it came right down to it. A new counselor would discover that Liz was telling the truth, and hopefully, THAT would convince my mom, and we could try to put things back together.

About five minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door.

"Mikey?"

I got up and went to the door and opened the door for Liz.

"What?" I asked curtly.

"Don't snap at me, please."

I took a deep breath and let it out, "Sorry. What's up?"

"They're fighting."

"Good," I said.

"Good?"

I nodded, "If Dad is fighting with her and not running to hide in his workshop, that means he really is on our side."

"Mom is insisting I keep seeing Doctor Zeiss."

"Mom is out of her mind," I sighed.

"Dad said the same thing as he said before about there being no discussion of that issue. That's when I decided to leave. Mom blew up at him."

"Good."

"You were pretty nasty with Mom."

"I had to be."

"I'm curious. You made a big point with me about saying 'no comment', and then you go and say you and Nancy didn't have sex. Why?"

I smiled, "For Dad's sake. He still has his Calvinist views on the matter. I wanted to make a point to him about my behavior while making a point about Mom being wrong. I guarantee you they both understood what I was saying."

"It was about honesty and exercising good judgment, wasn't it?"

"Yes. I strongly advise you to make use of both of those in the future."

"It didn't work for you."

"It did with Dad. And, in the end, it will be with Mom. I saw her reaction to me calling it 'rape', and to my demand she call the Sheriff. You saw her recoil, right? That tells me that she has at least SOME doubt. Let Dad work on her. I think it's safe for me to leave. I need to get back to school."

"OK. I'll walk you to your car. Thanks, Mikey."

"Make sure you talk to Dad. He's the one who'll keep you away from this Zeiss clown and that «сука» (suka), Orosco. Dad loves you, Liz, even if he hasn't been strong enough to show it before today."

"Will you come back if I call?"

"Absolutely. Spend time with Emmy. You might learn a thing or two from her about how to deal with guys."

Liz smiled, "Only fuck the nice ones who actually care for you?"

"I'm not sure I'd put it quite that way, but it's a start. I need to make a quick call to Nancy and let her know we're not coming back tonight."

We went to the basement, I made the call, and then we walked out to my car.

"Aren't you going to say 'goodbye' to Mom and Dad?"

"No. Let them fight. Ask Dad to call me, please."

"I will."

"Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?"

"I'm not sure yet. Probably, but I'll need to talk to Dad first."

"OK."

We hugged, then I got into my Mustang and headed back to McKinley.

November 2, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"Back to study with us?" Pete inquired.

"Yeah, sorry about being ninety minutes late. I had some stuff I had to take care of at home."

"That was your little sister?" Kurtis asked.

"Yes," I replied with a smile. "And I'm her over-protective Big Brother!"

He laughed, "She's really cute."

"She's fifteen. She'll be sixteen in March."

"Uh, never mind! No jail time for me! I thought she looked about seventeen. Sorry, man."

"Don't sweat it."

We studied for about an hour before Angie came to see if I was back. She smiled when she saw me and said she'd see me at 11:00pm. When our study group broke up, I went to my room to find Clark sitting on the couch reading an Economics textbook.

"Trying to put yourself to sleep?" I laughed.

"This is WAY more interesting than that biology and chemistry shit YOU have to read. How's your sister?"

"OK. She said she thought you guys were really nice."

He laughed, "You know what they say ... once you go black, you never go back!"

"She's underage," I replied.

"I mean, she's a lovely young girl, and I totally had no interest in her in that way!"

I chuckled, "I thought so."

"Where's your smoking-hot redhead?"

"She should be along any moment."

True to what I said, Angie showed up a minute later, we studied, then did our evening prayers.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"Sure," I said, sitting down on the bed.

I patted the spot next to me, and she sat down. I told her, in broad outlines, what had happened, though I was careful with the details I revealed. I'd told Nancy more, but that had been because I had expected to need her help, which had turned out to be the case.

"That's just crazy stuff," Angie said. "So that therapist really believed stuff happened between you and your sister?"

"Yeah. I do understand why, given everything else that went down, but it was my mom that really threw me for a loop."

"At least your dad is helping. And I think you did the right thing. You had to get your sister out of there."

"What sucks is I've had such a good relationship with my mom for years, and she's always been totally cool. Then she just loses her mind over this."

"Mike, I'm not defending anyone, but put yourself in her shoes. She has a psychiatrist telling her this stuff happened, plus some circumstantial evidence. As a mom, I think you would have to worry. And you would have to expect to be lied to. If you add in the fact that it happened to one of her friends when she was young, plus what went on with your neighbors, I could see it. Let her calm down and talk to her.

"I also think you might have overreacted a bit. You didn't really give her a chance to talk to you on Saturday. She accused you, and in your own words, you lost it. And then you were worried you were going to lose it tonight. Again, in your own words. I'm not sure I could have kept my cool in your shoes, but you probably should have stayed to talk to her more on Saturday."

I took a couple of deep breaths and let them out. Angie had a point, and truth be told, I didn't like being angry with my mom, nor was I happy at being estranged from her. And I HAD basically 'gone off' on my mom on Saturday without talking to her.

"You're right. Once my dad and mom work things out, I'll go talk to her."

"Good. May I ask a completely out-of-line question?"

"I suppose."

"Where did you sleep last night?"

"Normally, I'd answer 'no comment' to that, but we're at a point where I think you're entitled to an answer in this specific instance. Because Nancy's house doesn't have a guest room, and Liz was on the couch, I slept in Nancy's bed. We were both fully clothed and other than cuddling, nothing happened."

"I'm actually doubly surprised. I expected you to say you couldn't say, and I expected you to have done it."

"I did what I thought was best in each instance, both then and right now. Would you be OK if I ask her out on Friday?"

"I don't control your social calendar. Let's say our prayers on Friday before you go so you don't have to be back at a certain time."

"Thanks."

"You work tomorrow, so prayers need to be at 6:00am, right?"

"Yes, 6:00am. Shall I walk you home?"

"Yes, please!" she laughed. "All fifty feet to the border!"

November 6, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"I was surprised when you called last night to ask me out," Nancy said as I drove towards Frisch's.

"Why?"

"I figured you and Angie would be going out. Isn't your friend from home visiting Sunday?"

"Angie doesn't control my social calendar; I do. If Angie and I were a couple, that would be different. The same is true with you and me if we were a couple."

"Is that a real possibility?"

"At this point, I'd say anything is possible. I'm not ruling anything in or out."

"Are you going to need a place to stay during Thanksgiving break?"

"Probably not. I talked to my dad last night, and he said things are better. I'll know more when I talk to my mom tomorrow afternoon."

"So what are we doing tonight after dinner?"

"I'd say it was up to you, but I know what you'll suggest!" I grinned.

"Do you have a BETTER idea?"

"Better? How about different?"

"A safe answer!"

"Let me ask you a purely hypothetical question, OK?"

"Sure."

"I am NOT saying any of this is going to happen, but let's say we do what you want, then Sunday Emmy and I have sex, and on Monday, I ask Angie to go steady with me. How are you going to feel?"

"That I really messed up last month. Which is how I already feel, anyway. It's strange because you've made a point of taking me out and spending time with me, and you asked for my help and even slept in my bed with me, but I feel like I lost you to Angie by chasing you away."

"Do you think going to bed together is a way to fix things between us?"

"No. The school psychologist and I talked about just how bad an idea using sex to try to get you back would be. I'm sure she's right. She made a good point that if it DID work, then you're probably not the kind of guy I want to be with long-term, and I'd be setting myself up for exactly the situation I fear. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter because I think you'll choose Angie."

"Why?"

"She hasn't hurt you the way I have."

"You've helped me, too."

"You didn't deny it."

"Nance, I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. Maybe that happens. Maybe it doesn't. What I don't want to do is hurt you by doing something that seems to advance our relationship but doesn't pan out."

"But nobody can be sure, can they? We could have done it a month ago and might have broken up. Is there ever a guarantee?"

"I suppose, given your experience, you think the answer to that is 'no'. And I'd also suppose, in your shoes, I would say the same thing. It's a risk no matter what."

"But you don't think so?"

What did I think about that? I'd just said I had no idea what would happen tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. And if the situation with Jocelyn didn't prove that point, I didn't know what would. Truth be told, there WERE no guarantees, and all we could do was take one day at a time. But that didn't justify throwing caution to the wind and simply living only for the day. If I believed that, I wouldn't have the next fifteen years of my life carefully mapped out.

Other things were not so carefully mapped out. Emmy asking me out; Jocelyn asking me to make love and her subsequent accident; Becky and everything that had happened with her; meeting Nancy and Angie; changing roommates; all the troubles that Liz had and was having; the problems between my mom and me. None of those had been expected, nor did I see how they could have been. In each case, it was simply a matter of taking what life dished out and finding a way through it. And so far, I'd found in just about every case, the direct approach had yielded the best approach.

"Actually, I think I do. I suppose I just have a somewhat less cynical view about relationships, at least compared to you."

"It would be difficult to have a view of relationships more cynical than mine unless maybe you were my mom!"

"And I'm your first real experiment, aren't I?"

"The jocks don't count. Those weren't relationships. Those were guys who thought I'd get it on with them."

"Uhm..." I chuckled.

Nancy laughed, "That's the opposite of you if you think about it. You never thought I would. But now you know I would."

"And you believe hands-on experimentation is required?"

"Somebody has to be first, and I'm willing to take the chance. You know, If you change your mind, I'm the next in line... "

"Please kill me now!" I laughed. "My sister loves ABBA. I really don't like them very much."

"Have you heard their song Rock Me?"

I nodded, "Sure. Liz played that song often enough."

"It's pretty blatant, don't you think?"

"Yeah. So is Does Your Mother Know?, but in your case, I think your mother DOES know."

"My question is, «Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?»" ("Do you want to sleep with me tonight?")

Just as she asked the question, I pulled into a parking spot at Frisch's. We got out of the car, which gave me a moment to think it through. It wasn't a matter of desire but a matter of trying to figure out what my standards were. If things with Angie went the way I expected them to, and I went to bed with Nancy, that would be five. Where would it stop? Did it really matter at this point? Could I pick an arbitrary number? The conversation with Becky came to mind, as did the one with Liz and the ones with Jocelyn. I had NO idea. That left only one question — would I feel guilty about going to bed with Nancy? I didn't think I would, but I wanted a bit more time to think about it.

"Let's eat, and then I'll answer," I said.

"Well, that's better than 'no'!" she laughed.

We went into the restaurant and were seated fairly quickly in a booth. The nice thing about not going out until after 8:00pm was that we usually didn't have trouble getting seated right away. We ordered our drinks and meals as soon as we sat down, both of us being creatures of habit. Our food was up quickly, as was the norm, and we ate and talked about our week. School for both of us was in a routine, though Nancy was finishing up her college applications.

"If you get into both Ohio State and Taft, where are you going?" I asked.

"There are good reasons to go to both, and I qualify for grants, but not having to pay room and board and being able to keep my hours at the Quick Mart are pretty much the deciding factor."