Chapter 42: Sense or Senselessness

October 22, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"Angie? What are you doing here?!" I asked when she sat down next to me in the lab.

She smiled, "I talked to Doctor Stanton and asked if I could be your biology lab partner because they were going to move Sally. She's with my old team, which was two girls and one guy. Now I have morning lab instead of afternoon."

"Uh, doesn't this just create a new problem?" Mark asked warily.

Angie shook her head, "No. Mike and I are friends, but that's it. We study together, but we're not a couple. We haven't even been on a date. Well, he went to the movies with my friends and me, but it wasn't a date."

"I promise no funny business, Mark," I said. "I didn't know she was going to ask, but you know me."

He laughed, "Labs before labias!"

Angie, I, and Joe, who had just walked over, laughed hard. I nearly corrected his error, as 'labia' was already plural, but I bit off the response because it would make me seem humorless, which was something I was trying to avoid.

"A good strategy for any Freshman, but one that most ignore!" Joe chuckled. "I assume you're OK with Angie as your new lab partner? She told Doctor Stanton you study together, but you're not an item."

I nodded, "Correct."

"Mark?" Joe inquired. "Any concerns?"

He grinned, "I'm going to raise my lab grade a full letter, so I'd be stupid to complain."

"Good choice!" Joe said and walked back to his lectern.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"I didn't want you to worry about it, and I know you would have. This way, it's done. And it helps you with that witch of a partner you had before and the feminist idiot Dean Parker. I'm a girl, in case you hadn't noticed!"

Mark and I both laughed hard.

"Kind of hard to miss," Mark grinned.

"An interesting strategy," I said thoughtfully. "One that helps everyone."

"Look, I'm all for equality, like I said, but I don't want anything just handed to me. It's stupid. Besides, I actually have two more points in the lab than you do!"

"That's my fault," Mark said. "Sorry."

"Eh, I still have an A+ in biology," I said with a grin. "And the redhead here only has an A- because her homework and quizzes were subpar until she started studying with me. So I'll earn the better grade in the end!"

"What are we dissecting today?" she asked.

"Some kind of snake, now that we're into vertebrates," I said.

"I thought they were serving dinner with the bivalves and crustaceans!" Mark laughed.

"Uh, I usually don't cook with formaldehyde!" Angie said, making a face.

"I hear snake tastes pretty good," I said. "Though I have to agree with Angie on the chemicals."

"Pig tastes good too, but the fetal pigs are going to totally gross me out!" Mark said.

"So, not a surgeon," I grinned. "Got it."

"How the HELL are you going to handle blood and guts and stuff all over you?" he asked.

I shrugged, "We'll find out, won't we? That's one of the make-or-break points for trauma. If I can't, although I think I can, then I end up in internal medicine or something like that. But I didn't freak out in fourth grade when I put pressure on a terrible cut from a classmate. I just took off my shirt and stopped her from bleeding to death."

"Seriously?"

I nodded, "Seriously. It made the papers. That's why I want to be a doctor."

"Wow!" he said, shaking his head. "I would have run screaming."

"Like most of the kids on the playground," I said. "Except for a couple of boys who thought it was cool she was bleeding all over the place."

"Degenerates," Angie spat.

"Nine-year-old boys," I chuckled.

"Same thing!" she retorted.

It was time to start, so we opened the packaging and removed the preserved garter snake. We took turns doing each step, and when we finished, the three of us had done a perfect dissection in the tray, with the snake's innards properly visible. Angie did the sketch for our report, saying she was very good at freehand, and when I saw the finished product, I agreed with her. My drawings were acceptable; hers were very good.

"Good job exposing Duvernoy's gland without damaging it," Joe said when he reviewed our work.

"Mike has the hot hand with the scalpel," Mark offered.

"I sure as hell hope so!" Joe said with a laugh. "Jack the Ripper is not what I look for in a doctor, and I see a lot of that kind of work here!"

We cleaned up the lab, went back to the dorms to wash up and change, and then went to lunch. After lunch, Angie walked with me to work.

"Just so we're clear, you're OK if I have dinner with Nancy on Friday to talk?" I asked.

"Sure. The last thing I want is six months or a year from now, to have invested the time and effort and have you decide you made a mistake by not talking to her. I'd rather know before we get serious. Does that make sense?"

"Perfectly."

"One more thing, Mike. When we get to THAT point, you know, the one, I mean, have it all out of your system. All of it. I won't tolerate any deviation. Are we clear?"

I chuckled, "Crystal. Threesomes with your friends BEFORE you and I move past kissing. Check!"

Angie laughed, "There are limits to what I can accept, even before then. I think you know what I mean."

I nodded, "Do you want me to say it out loud?"

"Yes. It's the only way to know if we're clear. I don't want a repeat of what happened between you and Nancy."

"Not saying it's going to happen in either case, but you're telling me if I want to be with Emmy, or I want to be with Nancy, then do it now because I give up ANY chance of such a thing happening the moment we move past those 'good night' kisses."

"You are a smart man, Mr. Loucks. Look, I have no weird idea that we have to come into this relationship as virgins or anything, but I do believe in strict fidelity. You can have friends like Jocelyn, but step across that line even once, and you'll find out just how good I am with a scalpel. Understood?"

"Absolutely. Do you know where the word testify comes from?"

"No, but I think I can guess now that you ask that question."

"Exactly. Swearing by what you just threatened to cut off."

"Nice! I'm not, by the way, giving you license to go crazy. Just a chance to sort out and end those relationships in the way you think best. If you want to, that is."

"That's why I articulated the exact things I felt you were thinking about. Well, minus the silly fantasy."

Angie laughed, "Oh, it's not silly at all! They'd go for it. But it would mean you decided you didn't want to be with me."

"Fair enough. The clarity is refreshing."

It was, especially given what had happened with Nancy but also with what had happened with Jocelyn. I'd actually learned several things from being with Emmy and Becky, and the most important was that everything was MUCH easier if everyone was just honest about the situation. Even the 'one-night stand' with Becky was sitting reasonably well with me because we talked it out and explained ourselves. Angie seemed to grasp that in the same way Becky and Emmy had. And in a slightly different way, Tasha had.

We reached the door of the Quick Mart, and I stopped.

"Have a good day at work," Angie said. "See you tonight at dinner."

We exchanged a chaste kiss and a hug.

"You're really serious about making this work," I observed.

"Deadly. The game of life is for keeps, Mike. We can't mess around now. Well, we could, but neither of us wants to."

"True."

I went into the store and got my smock, then checked with Paula for anything that needed to be done.

"That was fast," she said sourly.

"What?"

"You broke up with Nancy last Friday, and you have a girlfriend already?"

I shook my head, "That chaste kiss you saw was the absolute limit. Angie and I are friends, close friends, but she's not my girlfriend. I'm going to talk to Nancy when she comes in, and if she's willing, take her out on a date on Friday."

"And tell her about the redhead?"

"Sure. There's nothing to hide. Angie and I study and run together. We're in a few classes together. But what you saw is it. I could kiss you that way, and it wouldn't mean you're my girlfriend, would it?"

"No, I suppose not."

"And because I'm fairly certain Nancy told you what happened, Angie is NOT the reason. It was a girl back home who would have more claim to me being her boyfriend if she wanted because we dated all Summer. But we never became a couple, just like Nancy and I never became a couple. And I'll point out you offered me a 'test drive' to try to entice me away from Nancy. Did you think I was going to cheat? Or?"

"I didn't think you were a couple."

"Then there was nothing wrong with it. Look, I don't cheat. I never have, and I never will. Integrity is important. So is fidelity. But fidelity has degrees between a first date and a marriage. I know the line and I won't cross it."

"You feel pretty strongly about that, obviously."

"Yes, and about having sex with someone on what amounts to false pretenses. I could have taken you up on your offer, had fun for a few weeks or months, and then broken up with you. And I could simply claim it wasn't working. Would you have preferred that to an outright 'no'?"

Paula shook her head, "No. Will you answer a question?"

"I'll try."

"If I had just asked you to have some no-strings-attached fun, would you have?"

"Maybe; maybe not. It would have depended on the situation. But I would have strongly suspected you had an ulterior motive, given your circumstances, so most likely, I would have said 'no'. As much fun as it might be, one, or both, of us would be hurt."

"Nancy was dumber than I thought," she sighed.

I shook my head, "No, she has demons she has to fight. They're the problem."

"Demons? Like honest-to-goodness evil beings?"

I shrugged, "They exist, at least in our minds, when we're tormented by things. Assigning a personal being to that torment can help, as it gives you something tangible to fight rather than just an idea."

"Interesting."

"I need to get to work," I said.

My last Thursday shift was busy, and I didn't have any time to talk to Paula or to Nancy when she first came in. I did, finally, have time just before her break.

"Will you go out with me on Friday? Dinner, ice cream, and some time to talk?"

"Yes!" Nancy gushed. "Oh, yes! I thought you would tell me you didn't ever want to see me again today!"

"I wouldn't do that without talking to you."

Her excitement deflated somewhat, "That could happen after we talk on Friday?"

I nodded, "Yes, but I'm keeping an open mind. I promise."

She smiled, "Thanks."

When my shift ended I headed straight to the dining hall for dinner, and then back to the dorm for study group. Afterwards, I let Angie know I'd be out with Nancy on Friday but that I was 'all hers' after my Saturday shift at work until Monday morning. After our evening prayers, I walked her to the border, we exchanged a chaste 'good night' kiss, and then both headed to bed.

October 23, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"What are we going to do when it gets cold next month?" Angie asked as we walked into the dorm after jogging Friday morning.

"We'll run on the indoor track at the gym. It's behind the upper bleachers. But in January, I plan to go back to karate lessons. They'll be 11:30am to 12:30pm every weekday. That's the only time that really works."

"I wonder if my mom and dad would pay for that. How much does it cost?"

"We'll have to check what Sensei Hikaru charges new students. I transferred from a dojo in West Monroe, so things are a bit different. We could go to Dojo Kobayashi Hikaru tomorrow afternoon if you want. I need to let Sensei know I'm going to start up again in January."

"Let's do that. That sounds a lot more fun than running!"

I grinned, "I can think of other exercises that are even more fun!"

"I don't think you can do that long enough to burn calories like running or karate!"

"Care to help me test that theory?" I asked with a smirk.

"Ask me that question seriously when you think I'm ready."

"Another test, Miss Stephens?"

"You haven't failed any yet. I think you'll know."

I nodded, "OK. Showers, then prayers. Join me?"

"I'll see you in your room for morning prayers in fifteen minutes!" Angie laughed. "The other will have to wait!"

We showered individually then met for morning prayers. When we finished, we went to breakfast and then to class. After my last class for the day, I did homework in my room until it was time to head to the Quick Mart to pick up Nancy.

"Will you let me cook for you?" Nancy asked. "We have ice cream at home, too."

I considered the positives and negatives, and in the end, I felt I could accept the gesture.

"Sure," I said. "Do we need to stop at the store?"

"No. I bought what I might need last night. It wouldn't go to waste if you had said 'no'."

"Then let's walk back to campus and get my car."

We did, and about twenty-five minutes after leaving the Quick Mart, we were at the Landers' house. I parked in the driveway, and we went inside.

"Where's your mom?" I asked.

"Out with some friends."

"Does she ever date?"

"No. My parents are still legally married. She'll file for divorce at some point, but I think she was really hoping deep in her heart he would come back if only to explain things."

"Won't he have to respond to the divorce?"

"She has no idea where to serve him. According to the lawyer she talked to, she has to file based on abandonment, and then there are things she has to do to try to find him."

"Shouldn't that be easy? If he's working, he's paying taxes. Surely the government knows where he is."

"Mom thinks he's using a phony name. You know, get a birth certificate from a kid who died and never had a social security number, or at least never worked if they had one. Supposedly, you can pull it off if you're smart and have never been fingerprinted."

"Wild. Would you like some help with dinner?"

"Sure. Come on. I'm making sautéed chicken breasts with white wine and corn on the cob. You can shuck and clean the corn while I make the chicken."

I did as she asked, then put the corn into a pot of boiling water, to which Nancy had me add milk and sugar. She cooked the boneless chicken breasts, and when everything was done, we sat down to eat. The chicken was very good, and the corn was some of the best I'd ever had, though I used enough butter and salt that it probably killed some of the flavor. We didn't talk much, and when we finished eating, I offered to help with the dishes.

"You seem to have done this before," Nancy observed.

"My sister and I had chores, which included cleaning up the kitchen and doing dishes after meals. I'd MUCH rather do that than vacuum, dust, mop, or scrub floors!"

Nancy laughed, "I can understand that. Did you do your own laundry?"

"Since about age thirteen, I guess, though Mom still irons my shirts."

"And here at college?"

"I don't wear dress shirts. I had to, back home, when I was serving regularly in the altar."

"That's right, you were an altar boy."

"We call them acolytes, but yes. The requirement was a white or black dress shirt and a tie. If I'm not serving, I just wear a polo shirt in the Summer or a rugby shirt like the one I have on now when it gets colder."

"Shall we get some ice cream and go in the other room?" Nancy asked.

"Sure."

She went to the freezer, got a carton of Neapolitan ice cream, and scooped some into two small bowls. She put the carton away, got two spoons from the drawer, and we went into the living room. She turned on the stereo to an 'easy listening' station, and we sat down to eat our ice cream.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I accepted your apology."

"You did. So, where are we?" she asked.

"Sitting in your living room, eating ice cream," I grinned.

She laughed, "That might be a bit too literal of an answer."

"Actually, it's not, now that I think about it. It is where we are. When you made me leave last Friday, I assumed it was over, and that kind of reset everything in my mind. So we ARE sitting in your living room eating ice cream, both literally and figuratively."

"Did I blow it?"

I chuckled, "No. I think I'd remember if you had!"

Nancy laughed, "See, that sense of humor IS in there."

"And the serious answer is you certainly created big problems. Whether or not they're insurmountable, I don't know."

"How do we find out?"

"I think you need to tell me what you need and what you can give and work on your commitment issues."

"I figured you would say something like that," Nancy said with a smirk. "I thought of a smart-ass answer, but I figured it was a bad idea."

"It depends on how funny it is!" I grinned.

"It wasn't funny, just totally out of line."

"You won't offend me if you say it."

"I was going to say what I needed was a good hard fucking, and what I could give was hopefully a very good blowjob."

"You're right; giving that as your answer would have been a bad idea, given where we are right now. What's the non-smart-ass answer?"

"One of them is easy, and that's what I want. Someone to spend time with, to get to know, and who loves me. And I mean both emotionally and physically. The other two, well, you know the problem. I couldn't even get dating you right. I lost it because you went out with another girl when I had no right to complain because I couldn't figure things out. I'm a mess."