Chapter 40: The Beast With Two Backs?

October 12, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"Well, THAT stinks," Nancy said on Tuesday afternoon. "What happens now?"

"I don't know yet. I spoke with Doctor Norris this morning after my chem mid-term, and he's confident nothing will happen. The problem is, I'm sure I've made an enemy of the Dean, and any minor slip-up on my part is going to become a Federal case."

"But why you?"

"I had the misfortune to draw someone who felt she could use the anti-discrimination procedure to get something she couldn't achieve academically. The thing is, the honors program is TOUGH. I'm making an A+ in biology now, and Sally has a B-, and only because her lab grades are higher because of me. She should have a C in the class. She'd never, ever make it in the honors program. And you know what comes next."

Nancy nodded, "Like they did with firefighters and police — drop the standards to get the right number of women."

"Yes, and it may well be that the standards WERE too tough, even for guys, but if that's the case, why not lower the standards for male firefighters and police officers? But this is worse. It's not like how many pull-ups I can do or how fast I can run the 100-yard dash. Heck, I bet Sally can do both of those better than I can! She works out, from what I understand. My idea of curls is 16-ounce bottles of Coke!"

Nancy laughed, "Yeah, you aren't the muscular type at all. You are in decent shape, just not that way."

"Exactly. Doctors don't need to be able to bench-press a couple of hundred pounds. I'll leave that to the guys who want to be firefighters and carry people from burning buildings! I'll fix 'em up when they get to me in the hospital."

"So the selection for honors is purely academic?"

"Yes. Grades, SAT and ACT scores, High School transcripts, and quality of your work, especially lab reports. I scored 1560 on my SAT and a 34 composite on my ACT, and I finished third in my class with a 3.975 GPA. And I have straight A's now; actually, A+'s in every course. And my lab reports are the ones they photocopy and hand out as examples."

"That's just disgusting!" Nancy laughed. "Nobody should be THAT smart!"

"It's all book learning," I said. "I think you know that!"

Nancy nodded grimly, "You can be a bit clueless in other areas. But I've seen some improvement since I first met you. So what are you going to do?"

"Wait to see if Dean Parker really presses the issue or if she was grandstanding. But I need to stay out of her way for four years."

"Can she mess things up for you?"

"Sure. In a bunch of ways."

"Well, that sucks."

"You're telling me," I sighed, shaking my head. "One thing she can't do is affect my grades, and what she's done is make absolutely sure I will do whatever it takes to have nothing less than an A+ in any course I take. That seriously limits what she can do to me. I just have to be careful about situations where I have a female lab partner. And I'm learning about stuff like that. It's just a matter of keeping my mouth shut, and I'm good at that."

"Too good, at times."

"I know," I admitted. "I'm working on it."

"I'm looking forward to Friday night," Nancy said, changing the topic.

"A nice dinner and wonderful conversation? Absolutely!"

"If that's all that happens, you're a dead man, Mike Loucks!"

I winked and went back to work.

October 13, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"Good morning, Doctor Norris. Good morning, Doctor Stanton. Hi, Joe."

"Have a seat, Mike," Doctor Norris replied.

I sat down next to Joe on the couch in Doctor Norris' office while he and Doctor Stanton sat in comfortable chairs facing the couch.

"First, let me apologize for what happened, but also for letting you walk into the buzz saw. Unfortunately, I was concerned that tipping you off would create bigger problems. I wanted you to just say what happened and not fudge anything so it would stand up if a formal inquiry was done. One has begun, but you're coming up smelling like roses.

"There were eight witnesses to what happened, five women and three men, and each of them confirmed your version of the events exactly as you told them. In addition, your grades are exactly as represented, along with your academic record from High School. We sent everything to the Chancellor's office, and he foreclosed the hearing and ordered the investigation stopped. Needless to say, Dean Parker is livid.

"As I'm sure you guessed, this battle has been going on for some time. So far, we're winning because we can prove merit in every case. That said, we can see which way the winds are blowing, and we're going to be forced to accept quotas eventually. But we're fighting tooth and nail to prevent that. And you got caught in the middle. Fortunately, Dean Parker overshot on this one. She'd never have had Miss Jones put into the honors program, but having you dismissed, she would have insisted you be replaced by a female.

"You do not have to get involved in this fight, and I would advise you not to. Just keep your head down and keep doing the strong academic work you're doing. Let us fight this out with the administration. As I said, it's a rear-guard action at this point. I've spoken to Doctor Alvis, the Chemistry department chairman, as well, and he knows the score. He's had his own run-ins with Dean Parker. I hope I've allayed your fears, at least on this issue."

I nodded, "Sure, but she's going to be gunning for me now, isn't she?"

"That's a real possibility, but both your academic and student life reports are exemplary. No violations of the dorm rules, no visits from the RA, and no complaints from your roommate. Well, the current one. Dean Parker didn't dare try to use the first one."

I chuckled, "I don't see a good Baptist, or whatever he was, toeing the feminist line very well."

"No kidding! Just keep doing what you're doing, Mike. There is, and I mean this, literally nothing she can do if you keep doing what you've been doing since you arrived here. Be your usual polite, quiet, studious self, and we'll get you into medical school with a 4.0 average and an aced MCAT."

"Thank you, Doctor Stanton, Doctor Norris. Thanks, Joe."

"We'll see you at lunch."

I shook hands with the three of them and left the office. Angie and Pete were waiting for me.

"Well?" Pete asked.

"The Chancellor put a stop to it, at least this time. But I have to keep my nose completely clean."

"You don't even have to TRY to do that," Pete laughed. "Just be yourself!"

"Weren't you one of the ones who said I should expand my horizons?"

"I did, but conditions have changed. Just be careful how you expand them until that so-and-so chills out."

"A radical feminist chilling out?" Angie asked, shaking her head. "It'll never happen. I mean, I'm all for equality, but giving me something just because I'm a girl? That just makes the problem WORSE. Idiots!"

"No comment," I said.

"Understood," Pete said. "Let's go get some coffee before lunch."

That evening, after the study group prepared for our chemistry final, Angie and I hung out for an hour as she didn't need to study for anything for the next day. We listened to music and drank Sprite before I walked her to the border.

"I'm going to be away Friday evening through Monday morning," I said.

"OK," Angie replied. "We don't usually hang out on the weekends. Yet. Will you be here in time to run on Monday?"

"Probably not. Sorry about that."

"It's OK. You don't have my name tattooed on your bicep!"

She stood on her tip-toes and kissed my cheek, and we both went to our rooms.

October 16, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

"Good evening, Miss Landers," I grinned when she walked out of the Quick Mart at the end of her shift.

"Good evening, Mr. Loucks!" she replied. "But when did we get formal?"

"It is a special day," I said.

"So, where are you taking me to eat before we do the dirty deed?"

"If you think it's dirty, then we're making a BIG mistake," I said flatly.

"Whoa! It was a joke!"

I chuckled, "I know. But I thought I'd try for a bit of dry humor!"

She laughed, "Well, you're trying. I'll give you credit for that. Do you have a preferred euphemism?"

"Hmm, let me think. Knock boots? Roll in the hay? Hanky Panky? Afternoon delight? Carnal knowledge? Make the beast with two backs?"

Nancy laughed, "Shakespeare did have a way with words, didn't he?"

"Believe it or not, I know a bunch of sex scenes in Shakespeare that most people don't!"

"You? How?"

"My teacher for both Senior English and Current Events liked to tell us stuff that we, for obvious reasons, didn't learn in other classes. He did a thing on Shakespeare and sex scenes almost nobody recognizes."

"Such as?"

"In Hamlet, when he's talking to Ophelia, he asks about putting his head in her lap, and he mentions 'country matters'. Think about that for a second."

Nancy was quiet for about five seconds, then burst out laughing, "No way!"

"Absolutely. And it gets better. She replies she thinks 'nothing'. Back then, 'zero' or 'nothing' was slang for a vagina."

"You're joking!"

"Nope. Think about what comes next. He says it's a nice thought to lie between a girl's legs!"

"I have the Collected Works at home. Where is that?"

"Act 3, Scene 2, I believe."

"We're so looking that up! What else?"

"Before that, the steakhouse for dinner?"

They served shellfish as well, which I'd have because it was Friday.

"Yes. What else?"

We started walking towards the restaurant.

"In Romeo and Juliet, it's a bit more obvious, but Sampson says that after he's fought with the men, he'll be cruel to the maids and cut off their heads. The sentence structure is such that it could be the men's heads or the maid's heads. Gregory asks if he means the maid's heads, and Sampson says 'yes', the heads of the maids or their maidenheads, whichever way Gregory wants to take it."

"That's a bit more obvious. What else?"

"In Antony and Cleopatra, Iras says something about being an inch of fortune better than someone. Charmain asks her if she was an inch of fortune better than he, where would she want it. Iras says not for her husband's nose!"

Nancy cracked up laughing, "I can just see all the people in the cheap seats in The Globe losing it!"

"Exactly."

"How big is it?"

"You'll have to find that out for yourself!"

"Any more?"

"One I suspect you probably do know from The Taming of the Shrew where Petruchio offers to put his tongue in Katerina's tail, and she says she'll try that!"

Nancy laughed, "Yes, I know that one. I'll absolutely try that!"

"I am M'lady's humble servant," I said with a grin.

"That teacher sounds like a lot of fun. What other stuff did he tell you?"

I chuckled, "About Freud and masturbation therapy for hysterical females!"

"OK, now you're pulling my leg!"

"Nope. I even went to the public library to confirm it was true because I didn't believe it. It was true."

"Somehow, they missed that in my Intro to Psychology class last year."

"Mine, too! Did you know Shakespeare had the first 'your mom' joke we know of?"

"No, but I'm sure you do!"

"In Titus Andronicus, Chiron says, 'thou hast undone our mother,' and Aaron replies, 'Villain, I have done thy mother!'."

Nancy laughed again, "Wow!"

"One last thing that will forever change your view of Shakespeare."

"What?"

"Remember what I said about 'nothing' earlier? What is, then, Much Ado About Nothing?"

Nancy laughed so hard she had to stop and put her hand on the building we were passing. After a minute, we continued walking, reaching the restaurant a few minutes later. We were seated after a short wait and placed our orders right away.

"So what other stuff did this teacher tell you? Was it all about sex?"

"A good bit of it was. Want to hear one I found myself but bet you've never heard and won't believe without looking it up?"

"Sure."

"In Song of Songs, Chapter 7, the lover says, 'Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist's hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle.'"

"OK. So?"

"You know your own anatomy," I grinned, "so you know the lover isn't talking about her belly button because that's ABOVE her waist!"

"Oh my God!" Nancy laughed. "My priest would have a heart attack and die!"

"I bet he knows. My priest did. He laughed when I asked him about it. I guess it's a well-known thing amongst people who study the Bible and seminarians. One more, that's even MORE explicit — in Ezekiel, it compares the people of Israel turning away from Yahweh to a loose woman who wanted lovers who were hung like donkeys and who ejaculated like horses!"

"I'd say that was bull, but at this point..."

"Exactly! Ezekiel 23:20 says 'There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.'"

"And you?"

"As I said, you'll have to find out for yourself!"

We had a nice meal with a much tamer conversation before walking back to campus to get my car. I'd already put my bag containing clean clothes, my toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant in the car. I let Nancy in and then got in, started the engine, and headed for her house.

"Is your mom home?" I asked as I drove past the university.

"Yes, why?"

"We shouldn't just go straight to your room. We should spend some time with her."

"She's not expecting that!"

Perhaps not, I thought, but I'd learned a lesson from my talk with my dad. Mrs. Landers was allowing me to sleep in her daughter's bed, and the least I could do was be polite and act like a gentleman towards her.

"All the more reason to do it," I said. "Why not be pleasant and respectful? We have all weekend to fool around."

"You're serious?" Nancy asked.

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

"No, I just expected you to want to do it right away!"

"I DO want to do it right away! But I also know on which side my bread is buttered! If I upset your mom, do you think I'll be invited back?"

"Probably not."

"And it's against the rules for you to stay overnight in my dorm. So..."

"Pretty smart there, Mr. Loucks."

"Thank you, Miss Landers. I do try."

"So what is it you want to do?" Nancy asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know, tonight?"

"Please you as best I know how! Tongue, fingers, penis."

Nancy laughed, "Will you do something for me, please?"

"I'll try my best."

"Drop the medical terms. It sounds so, well, medical!"

I nodded, recalling what I'd said to Jocelyn or she'd said to me. I leaned close to whisper in her ear.

"I want to put my big dick in your little pussy and fuck your brains out! I want to stick my tongue in you and make you cum repeatedly. I want you to suck my dick and make me cum and for you to swallow it."

Nancy turned bright red, "Uhm, wow!"

I chuckled, "I do know the words; I just never liked to use them. But if you want, I will."

Nancy smiled, "I do. And I want your big dick in my little pussy, your tongue in my pussy, and your dick in my mouth! And I'll swallow! I've been ready to do all that with you for a month!"

"And yet, tonight was the correct night," I said. "It'll be worth the wait."

"You do realize I'm going to soak my panties before we get back to the car! And then I have to sit and talk with my mom!"

"An-ti-ci-paaa-tion is making me wait..." I sang, mimicking the Heinz Catsup commercial.

"Yes, you can stay over tomorrow, too!" Nancy laughed, referring to the same commercial which had run a few years ago.

"'Wait until you taste it' takes on a new meaning," I chuckled, referring again to the commercial.

"Mike, you've been sillier tonight than any time since I've known you! What got into you?"

"I thought I was supposed to get into YOU! Repeatedly!" I teased.

"OK; who are you, and what did you do with my boyfriend?"

"Sorry. I just felt silly tonight."

"Have you ever felt that way before?"

I shook my head, "Not really. The sober Mike is the real Mike. Or maybe 'was' is the case now."

"I like it, Mike. You seem more real."

"Can I be totally frank with you?"

"Sure."

"It's still forced," I said. "This isn't really me, at least not just yet. It's a work in progress."

"But you CAN do it. That's a start. You can actually be fun!"

"Uh, thanks?"

"Sorry, that sure came out wrong, didn't it?"

"It's OK; I know what you meant."

"So what happened? You don't just wake up one day and decide to be 'fun'. I mean, you made the odd joke before, but it was rare."

"I learned to let my hair down," I said. "At least a bit."

"But how? I didn't get much chance to talk to you after last Friday. What happened?"

"I told you about the Dean and that foolishness. And we had midterms, which you knew. Last weekend, I was home and took Emmy on her birthday date, talked with Becky before she left, had a good long talk with my mom, went to Church, and talked to Tasha. Pretty much the same stuff I do at home all the time. I didn't get to see Jocelyn, though."

Nancy was silent for most of the rest of the drive until I turned into her subdivision.

"You slept with Emmy, didn't you?" she said flatly.

I willed myself not to overreact and to not reveal anything. I took a couple of breaths before I answered, doing my best to keep my breathing even.

"There is no way I can answer that question either way," I replied.

"You did. Otherwise, you would deny it."