Chapter 36: ‘The New You’

October 6, 1981, McKinley, Ohio

I met Pete and Jason for breakfast in the dining hall. As usual, Clark was just getting out of bed when I left our room.

"You got in pretty late last night, I guess," Pete said. "We didn't break up the study group until about 11:30pm."

"I had a long talk with Jocelyn."

"How's she doing?"

"Better, but she has a long way to go, physically, emotionally, and mentally. But at least she's talking to me."

"I heard you're invited to the Wednesday biology department lunch."

"You, too?"

"Yep!" Pete replied with a grin.

"Cool."

"You got MY spot, Loucks!" Jason groused, but he was smiling. "It's cool, though. I'll still be in the honors program. My dad was doing backflips when I called to tell him."

"Oh?"

"C average in High School. I might have been a bit too concerned about cars and girls. I scraped in here by the skin of my teeth. I bet you were valedictorian."

"Nope. Third because of two B's. My friend Dale was valedictorian. Jocelyn was salutatorian. She had a single B."

"That's just sick," Jason laughed. "Three total nerds. Did you all ever go out on dates? Or just have your nose in books all the time?"

"We triple dated from Sophomore year on. Jocelyn had two long-term boyfriends. Dale had several serious girlfriends. I had one long-term girlfriend my Senior year. Before that, after a few dates they'd decide they didn't want to see me again."

"No shit!" Jason exclaimed. "I can't imagine you were a lot of fun."

"I know; I know. Jocelyn beat me up about it last night. The same as you guys did."

"You don't have to answer," Pete said, "but did any of the three of you get laid before you graduated?"

"No. Dale didn't until he got to UW Madison. It was over the Summer for me. No comment on Jocelyn, because that's ungentlemanly."

"A guy who's decent looking, friendly, and drives a sweet black Mustang doesn't get laid before graduation? Dude, you weren't trying!"

"I had my reasons," I said.

"Church?" Pete asked.

"Mostly, I guess. But also in how my mom taught me to treat girls."

"Nobody is telling you to treat them like tissues; you know, use them and throw them away."

"Larry is!" Jason laughed.

"OK," Pete acknowledged. "But Carter isn't. And neither are we. Just relax, have fun, and enjoy yourself. Expand your horizons a bit. Let down your hair."

I chuckled, "It's been very short my entire life!"

"So, let your hair grow, grow a beard, and switch to tie-dyed shirts, faded jeans, and sandals! A whole new look for a whole new you!"

"Did you guys ever see Logan's Run?"

"The Sci-Fi movie with Farrah?" Jason asked.

"That's the one," I confirmed. "She worked in a place called 'The New You' where you could get plastic surgery and change your look."

"I just want the 'Circuit'!" Jason laughed. "Press a button and a cute chick shows up for some completely no-strings-attached sex!"

"And you die at age 30, with no exceptions!" I said. "No thanks."

"Not to mention Jason would probably get the guy like Logan did at first!" Pete teased.

We all laughed, and finished our breakfast. It was Tuesday, so I had the brief biology seminar and then my chemistry lab. As usual, Kurtis and I did all the work while Zach daydreamed, doodled, or simply looked bored. While we were cleaning up, I asked the question that had been on my mind for a week.

"Zach, do you not want to be here?" I asked.

"My parents made me come to Taft."

"What did you want to do?"

"Work on cars. I had a job at a garage back home and really liked it. My parents said I was throwing away my life and basically forced me to come here. I just don't care."

"Why not tell them 'no'?" I asked.

"You do NOT know my parents. My dad is a physics professor and my mom is an English professor. Manual labor is beneath me, don't you know."

"So you're flunking out on purpose?" Kurtis asked.

"Yeah. It's the only way."

"Why not just say 'no' and keep your old job?"

"It was part-time and they didn't have any full-time openings. Eventually they would, but I couldn't get enough hours to get a place of my own and my parents would have kicked me out."

"So how is this better?" Kurtis asked.

"I'm working at the local Ford dealer. I took a part-time job and I've proved myself, so they'll hire me full-time as a mechanic in January. They'll send me to training to get certified, and they'll pay for it. I already found a room to rent that will even let me save some money. Once my training and probationary period are over, the salary will be pretty good and I'll get my own place."

"You couldn't do that back in Toledo?"

"I couldn't get any of the Ford or Chevy dealers to take a chance. The head of the Service Department at the local Ford dealer here did. I guess it's the difference between a town of 35,000 like McKinley versus Toledo with ten-times as many people. I'm sorry you guys have to do extra work, but I just don't care enough to read the material."

"What will happen when your parents get the letter from the dean about failing all your classes that will be sent after mid-terms? You know about the parental warning letter, right?"

"They'll have a cow, but at that point, it'll be too late for them to do anything. I can't withdraw now; well I could, but it'll be noted as withdraw/failing, and there is no tuition refund. I can move into the room I rented on December 1st, and I'll probably do that, but come back for meals until the semester ends on December 11th."

"Sounds like you have it all planned out," I said. "It's too bad your parents wouldn't listen."

"Two college professors? They don't listen to anybody who doesn't have at least a Master's. What do your parents do?"

"My dad works as a supervisor for Harding County's property division. My mom is a secretary for a lawyer. They both went to college, but Mom prefers the flexibility she has working for the lawyer."

"My dad is an electrical engineer," Kurtis said. "My mom doesn't work. Dad went to college, but my mom didn't. She was seventeen when they got married and had me less than a year later. I have two little sisters as well."

Once we finished, I headed back to the dorm to drop off my books, then met the guys for lunch. After lunch, I walked to the Quick Mart for my afternoon shift. Paula and I completed our usual banter but after my talks with the guys and Jocelyn, I actually imagined what a 'test drive' might be like. The problem was, she was only offering the 'test drive' in exchange for a real possibility of a relationship, and that wasn't in the cards.

That made me think about both Emmy and Nancy, and whether or not I was doing the right thing. It wasn't a matter of morals, as I'd overcome what Jocelyn called my mental block about them. It was about ensuring I was treating them right and being totally straight with them. With Emmy, I was pretty sure I was, because we'd talked about it and she'd made it abundantly clear she wanted to go to bed with me without any notion of a long-term commitment.

Nancy had more or less said the same thing, but she was much more complicated because, unlike with Emmy, with Nancy there was the real possibility of a serious relationship developing. I was sure something like that COULD happen with Emmy, but that possibility was so far down the road that it wasn't something to worry about. It was with Nancy, and the last thing I wanted to do was confirm her negative opinion of men that had been created by her dad and by Chet.

The one question I had to ask myself was whether or not Nancy was expecting me to be exclusive with her once we'd made love. We'd danced around the topic, but she'd never really given me an answer because of her aversion to commitment. And that made me wonder, again, about a long-term relationship with her. My biggest fear was that we'd go down this path and three or four years from now, she'd realize she couldn't commit. I knew, intellectually, that any relationship could break down, but given her issues, there was a fairly large risk.

The problem, or perhaps challenge was a better word, was that I really liked Nancy. We had hit it off pretty easily, and I could talk to her about anything, almost as easily as I could with Jocelyn, though not quite, mostly because I'd known Jocelyn for so long and we were so close. When I looked into the future, as hazy and uncertain as it was, I could see myself with Nancy or someone very much like her. I didn't feel the same way about Emmy, but Emmy was a High School Sophomore, which I knew made a difference.

I could, of course, shortcut the entire process and simply ask Tasha to marry me, which she'd do on whatever Sunday afternoon followed my proposal and arranging the paperwork, but the more I thought about what Jocelyn said, the more I wondered if that was the future I wanted. In some ways, it would be perfect — a girl who was devoutly Orthodox, who wanted to live in the same way I did, in the same area I did, and who had expressed a clear desire to make love with me. But that was years off, no matter how much I desired in, and marrying her immediately was the epitome of impractical.

Jocelyn's point about being a good doctor had struck a chord, but I was wondering how to go about broadening my world view without creating potential problems for myself. I recalled seeing posters for a group called «Médecins Sans Frontières» in the medical school looking for volunteers to work in Africa providing medical assistance. I certainly wasn't trained in any way, shape, or form, but I could probably do all kind of menial tasks.

I wondered if a stint with them some Summer might be a good idea. Perhaps after graduation but before medical school? But that was nearly four years away. I was sure there were options closer to home that could provide at least some exposure, though I was sure my response to that exposure would be confirmation that I wanted to stay in Harding County or McKinley. It was something to ask Doctor Hart about, and perhaps get some ideas.

One thing I had done was make friends with people from very different backgrounds. At home my circle of friends had basically been limited to Jocelyn and Dale, and whoever they were dating. I realized, now, that April and I were never very close, at least from my perspective. I was sure Nancy knew more about me than April ever had, and I'd known Nancy for just six weeks. And the same was likely true for Emmy compared to April, given Emmy had been my little sister's friend for years.

The other question that had been on my mind since I'd left Jocelyn the previous evening, was whether or not I could have truly meaningless sex. I had no idea, and I wasn't sure I wanted to test the theory. It was an interesting consideration. Could I step outside my comfort zone, perhaps once, and see? And could I live with myself afterwards? And if so, was someone like Angie, or even Becky, the right choice? I'd promised the guys that I'd talk to Angie, and I would. Beyond that, I had no clue what I'd do.

Normally, I trusted Jocelyn, but the past few months, combined with her altered mental state, called her advice into question. That said, by the end of our conversation, she'd sounded much more like her old self than she had at the beginning, enough to make a joke about tying her up. I wondered what Doctor Henderson thought, and decided it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to call her sometime on Wednesday to ask.

"You're quiet again," Nancy said about an hour after she'd come into work.

"I went to see Jocelyn last night."

"Oh," Nancy said, sounding defeated.

"No!" I exclaimed immediately. "Exactly the opposite. She asked if we were 'done' and I said 'yes'. We're friends, close friends, and that's all it will ever be."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then why are you brooding?"

"Not brooding, just lost in thought about some things she challenged me on."

"Such as?"

"I suppose one thing she said sums it up, and that was I wasn't yet a man she would marry, but she had hoped I would grow into a man she could marry. And that wasn't meant to mean we might get together in the future; we won't. It was meant to convey what she felt before everything went down the tubes. She thinks I need to grow, and that my world view is too narrow and my experiences are too limited."

"Do you think she's right?"

"Probably. She's not the only one to have said that. My roommate and my other friends at Taft had said the same thing."

"I suppose from everything you've said, that makes sense. You've barely been out of Ohio. But that does raise a concern. I like you. What happens if I don't like who you become?"

"Isn't that always a risk?" I asked. "People change over time."

"True, but you're talking about potentially profound changes."

"Which is all the more reason to take our time and let our relationship develop."

A customer came to the counter and while Nancy was waiting on her, the Frito-Lay man arrived, and then we were both busy until my shift ended.

"Sorry about that," she said. "We were right in the middle of the conversation."

"I know. We can talk Friday. I want to make sure we're on the same page, or at least very close, before next weekend."

"A point of no return?" she asked.

"No, but something that will change the character of the relationship and make it way more serious."

"The same 'playing' versus 'making love' issue?"

I nodded, "I just want to do my best to make sure neither of us gets hurt."

Nancy smiled, "I understand. Let's talk Friday night."

I went to hang up my smock and headed for the campus dining hall where I got my dinner and then sat down with the guys to eat. When we finished eating we headed back to the dorm for our study group. Zach didn't show up, which didn't surprise me now that he'd told Kurtis and me the truth about his situation. It wouldn't really change anything for us, but to me it seemed better if he wasn't a distraction.

And speaking of distractions, when Angie came into the room, Jason nudged my foot under the table. I rolled my eyes at him, but when Angie said 'Hi' I not only said 'Hi' back, but asked her how she was doing.

"Good. You're in my biology class. You sit in the front, but I sit way in the back."

"I've seen you come into class a few times," I said. "What's your major?"

"Primary education. I need two semesters of hard sciences, and biology is my first one. I'll take an introductory chemistry course next semester. You're pre-med, right?"

"I am. How did you know?"

"I asked your friend, Jason."

That was an interesting revelation, and something Jason had neglected to tell me. But it certainly fit what he'd said about Angie being interested in me. And that had me confused. In High School, I'd had to go after the girls and had very little success, except with April. But once I'd graduated, something had changed. Becky, Jody, Nancy, Paula, and now Angie had all expressed interest in me without me making any effort, and I didn't get it.

Being a 'nice guy' hadn't really made a difference in High School, and I didn't think I was that good looking. Not that I thought I was ugly; just that I was average. I didn't think I'd changed much, if at all, since graduation, but then something dawned on me. None of the girls knew me whereas just about every girl in the High School had known me from about fifth grade on. Had, as the saying went, familiarity bred contempt?

I smiled, "You have me at a disadvantage! What else did you ask my friend Jason?"

"Where you were from."

"Where are you from?"

"Anderson Township, near Cincinnati. I went to Turpin. You're from a town between here and Cincinnati, right?"

"West Monroe. The High School is in Rutherford. Harding County High."

"Were you in any clubs or did you play sports?"

"Chess. I'm not really athletically inclined, but I took karate lessons. What about you?"

"Volleyball through eighth grade, but then I stopped growing, so I ran for student council. I did fundraisers, organized dances, that kind of thing. I never played chess, but my best friend was on the Turpin chess team. Her boyfriend ran this computer dating service for High Schools."

"No way!" I laughed. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. He started it in Milford and then other schools were interested. It was fun to see who I matched with, but I didn't really like any of the guys. My friend ended up breaking up with the guy when he went to school in Chicago and she went to Ohio University. You played chess, so maybe you heard about the guy? He invented a game called 'Strip Chess'!"

I laughed, "I heard that rumor and thought it was just that — a rumor. The rumor also said the guy moved overseas."

"He was an exchange student, but he came back. Anyway, do you guys study every night?"

"Monday through Thursday. We study, help each other with homework, work on lab reports, that kind of thing."

"I see the Junior and Senior girls doing that, but not Freshmen."

"We had a bunch of classes together so it just kind of made sense. We're all pretty much science majors."

"Think you could help me with biology?"

"Probably, but my time is really limited because I work twenty hours a week and our study group is from 7:00pm to 11:00pm."

"I stay up late, so I could meet you after your study group. I mean, if that's OK."

"Sure. Come by at 11:00pm. As long as I'm in bed by midnight or so, it's not an issue. I get up early and jog three days a week because I don't have time for karate this semester."

"I need to exercise or I'm going to gain the 'Freshman Thirty', instead of the 'Freshman Fifteen'! Would you mind if I run with you?"

I shrugged, "No, I don't mind. We can talk about it later. I need to get back to my group so I can finish a lab report."

She smiled, "See you at 11:00pm!"

I went back to the table and sat down. I kicked Jason hard in the shin under the table, and he just laughed.

"She told you she talked to me?" he asked, reaching down to rub his shin.

"Yes. You could have given me a heads up on that!"

"She only asked me a few questions because you clammed up after saying 'Hi' for the last two weeks."

"She asked me to help her with her biology," I said.

"More like anatomy!" Pete laughed. "The 'can we study together' line?"

"I missed all of this in High School," I said. "My two best friends were the only better students in the school and we pretty much studied together and hung out together."

"Which explains a lot," Jason said.

"Do you guys mind?" Kurtis asked with a grin. "I get it that sex is important, but so is the lab report Mike and I need to finish."

"Sorry," I said. "Let's get on it."

We finished the chemistry lab report, and I put the finishing touches on my biology lab report. I dreaded Thursday because the rumor mill had Mark and Sally not even speaking to each other. That was not going to be fun.