Chapter 17: Reactions

August 19, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"I can't take you to Columbus without asking your parents!" I said when we reached the car. "Phil will take you home, I'm sure."

"Mike, you need someone with you! I'm your girlfriend! Swing by my house. It's on the way to the highway. I'll ask my mom. It'll take two minutes! Please?"

I was already in the car and had started the engine, but I realized Emmy was probably right. I leaned over and unlocked the passenger door, and she ran around and hopped in. As soon as she was buckled in, I backed out of the parking spot, put the car in first gear, and floored it. For the first time I could remember, I burned rubber as I pulled away.

"Slow down," Emmy pleaded. "Having your own accident isn't going to help."

When I shifted into third, I let up on the gas a bit and let the car come back down to the speed limit. My mind was going a million miles per second, and I knew if I didn't get control of it, I'd be a danger to every car on the road, not to mention to Emmy and myself. We arrived at Emmy's house about four minutes later, and she leapt from the car and bolted inside. She bounded out of the house less than two minutes later and hopped into the car.

"Go! Mom said it was fine, but I need to call when we get there."

I backed out of the driveway and decided I needed one other person. A person who could help if I had to stay overnight. I turned left instead of right at the end of the road Emmy lived on.

"Mike?"

"We're getting Liz," I said.

"I thought she was working."

"Only until 2:00pm this week. That's how Phil found her at home."

Five minutes later, I was in the driveway, and Emmy jumped out of the car and ran to the door. She rang the bell, and when Liz answered, there was a short, animated conversation, and then both girls hurried to the car, Liz getting into the backseat.

"Oh my God, Mikey!" Liz said. "Phil didn't tell me! He just asked where to find you!"

"It's OK. We do need to tell Mom and Dad, but we'll do that from Columbus."

I headed for the highway and easily merged into the light traffic heading north. My mind wandered strangely, but I thought it was better than obsessing about something I couldn't do anything about or even find out more about until we reached Columbus. My first thoughts were of Jocelyn underneath me, asking me to enter her, and the intense pleasure that had occurred for the next day and a half. The thoughts fast-forwarded, and I saw her leaving earlier in the day, promising to be back by 3:30pm.

I saw the mileage sign and gauged we were just under an hour from Columbus at my current speed, which I was holding about three miles over the 55MPH speed limit. I was tempted to drive faster, but the last thing I needed to see was one of the silver Ohio State Highway Patrol cars in my rearview mirror. That would only delay us getting to Columbus and cost me a small fortune.

I'd been to Columbus the previous December when I'd taken Liz to see an ice skating competition. She'd loved the ice dancing, though she was disappointed that the pair she hoped would win had only finished third. I hadn't been thrilled with the ice skating, but some of the female skaters had attracted my attention. One of them was the pretty blonde whom Liz was rooting for, who the program had said was Swedish, and another was a figure skater with long, black hair that cascaded almost to her waist when she wasn't skating. I wished there had been a way to meet them, but there really hadn't been.

"Are you OK, Mikey?" Liz asked after about ten minutes of silence.

"I don't know," I replied. "My mind is wandering. I was just thinking about Jocelyn and then about taking you to see the ice skating competition last December."

"That was fun. It was a pain to have to drive up and back, but it was worth it. I really appreciated you taking me."

"I'm glad you liked it."

"You didn't?" Emmy asked.

I shrugged, "It was OK, but I didn't find it all that exciting. It's kind of like watching car racing. It's mostly boring as they go around in circles."

"What IS exciting for you, Mike?" Emmy asked.

'Sex!' I wanted to scream, but then I remembered that the only woman I'd ever made love with was in critical condition at Moore Memorial Hospital and reproved myself for thinking that way.

"Honestly? I'm pretty boring when you think about it."

"No way, Mike!" Emmy objected.

"Seriously," I said. "I'm so boring and calm. I'm following the speed limit right now. The height of excitement for me is bowling a really high score."

"Forget it, Emmy," Liz said. "He's in what I call his 'doctor' mode. Talk to him AFTER we find out how Jocelyn is doing."

"'Doctor' mode?" Emmy asked.

"He gets like this when most people totally lose their cool or freak out. He just sort of shuts down his emotions and does whatever he needs to do, almost like a machine."

"That's kind of scary."

"If you think about it," I said. "It's what has to happen in an emergency room. What would happen if I lost control or freaked out?"

"How long has he been like this?" Emmy asked.

"I think ever since he saved that little girl's life and decided to become a doctor. I can't remember him ever throwing a temper tantrum or freaking out. Usually, he shuts down instead. He gets very quiet and turns inward. Mom doesn't lose her temper, either. Dad, on the other hand, if he doesn't go hide in his workshop when he's upset, loses it."

"Or you!" I said. "You have to get control of your temper. You're a lot like Dad in that way."

"So you each take after a parent?" Emmy asked.

"Pretty much," I said. "My dad even commented that when I talk to him, he hears my mom."

"Do you ever show emotions, Mike?" Emmy asked.

"I don't know. Maybe that's a better question for Liz than for me."

"He does, but you have to know what to look for. I can usually tell when he's happy or sad or frustrated, or whatever. But I've lived with him for fifteen years. My mom is the same way, really. My dad wears his emotions on his sleeve; you always know what kind of mood he's in."

"The same is true for you, Liz," I said.

"It's weird that you guys are so different," Emmy said. "You grew up in the same house! With the same parents!"

"And you like both of us."

"True."

Liz and Emmy chatted while I navigated through Columbus to the hospital. I feared what I'd find there but knew that doing anything other than staying calm would probably hurt, not help. I pulled into a parking spot outside the 'Emergency' entrance for the hospital, and after locking the car, the three of us hurried inside. I went to a desk where I saw a woman sitting.

"Hi. My friend Jocelyn Mills was brought here by helicopter."

The woman tapped some keys on her keyboard, "She's in surgery. Go down that hall; take the elevator to the third floor. That's the surgical waiting room. There's a clerk there you can ask for more information."

"Thanks," I said.

We hurried down the hall into a waiting elevator and rode up to the third floor. I immediately saw Mr. and Mrs. Mills, and rather than go to the clerk at the desk, I walked over to where they were. They both looked as if they had been crying, which didn't fill me with confidence.

"Hi, Mr. Mills. Deputy Sheriff Phil Kessel told me Jocelyn was in an accident."

"Hi, Mike. Yes. On her way to McKinley this morning. I'm not sure what she was up to, but about ten minutes outside of McKinley, she was in an accident. She's in surgery now and has been for three hours. They stabilized her in McKinley, then sent her here by helicopter."

"What's wrong?"

"A lot, Mike. I don't even know everything."

"What do you know?"

"Broken bones, internal injuries, and some bad cuts. It was a bad wreck. She has the best doctors in the city working on her, but she's in really bad shape."

"Is she going to make it?" I asked with apprehension.

"I honestly don't know."

"OK. I'm going to call my parents," I said.

I walked over to the payphone and dropped in a dime, then dialed my mom's work number. The automated voice asked for money for three minutes, and I dropped in some quarters to pay for the long-distance call. When the call was answered, I asked for my mom, and she was on the line a moment later.

"Mike? What's wrong?"

"Jocelyn was in a bad accident. She was brought by helicopter to Ohio State University Hospital in Columbus. I'm here with her parents. And Mom, I brought Emmy and Liz with me."

"We'll worry about that later. How is Jocelyn?"

"Hurt pretty badly, according to her dad. She's in surgery."

"What injuries?"

"Her dad doesn't know all the details, or if he does, he's not saying. Broken bones, internal injuries, and bad cuts."

"Oh my gosh! Are you OK?"

"I guess. Liz said I'm in 'doctor' mode."

"OK. Make sure you eat and drink. Don't fixate. Where are you?"

"The surgical waiting room. I'm with Jocelyn's parents, Liz, and Emmy."

"I hope you got permission to take Emmy with you."

"I did. I'm sorry if you're upset about Liz, but I just felt like I needed her here with me."

"How can we reach you?"

"I think you could just call the hospital and ask for the surgical waiting room. I'll call as soon as Mr. Mills tells me anything."

"OK. I'll call your dad."

"Thanks."

"Does Dale know?"

"I doubt it," I said. "I should call him."

"Yes, you should."

"Thanks, Mom," I said.

"Hang in there, Mike. Make sure you pray for her."

"I will," I said.

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up. I repeated the process with the phone, calling Dale's house. He wasn't home, so I explained what had happened to his mom, then hung up and went to sit with Liz and Emmy. I uttered several silent prayers for my friend, for the doctors, and for her parents.

"What do we do now?" Emmy asked after a few minutes.

"We wait," I replied. "Eventually, a doctor will come and talk to Mr. and Mrs. Mills, and they'll tell me what's going on."

"I don't see how you can be so calm! I'm ready to freak out!"

I shrugged, "Is it going to help?"

"No, but Jeez, Mike, you're like cold-hearted."

"No, he's not," Liz said. "He's just calm. He really cares about her. He'd DIE for her. But he's just not going to let his emotions out right now."

No, I wasn't, but they were bubbling up inside me, and I wondered how long I could contain them. I remembered when I was in fourth grade and how all the other kids had been screaming and crying, and I'd just done what I needed to do without thinking about it. It was afterwards, when I realized what I'd done, that I'd had the shakes, and one of the teachers had to call my mom to come to get me.

"Emmy, did you learn to drive stick shift?" I asked.

"Of course! My dad made sure I knew how to drive his manual transmission. Why?"

"Just in case you need to drive my car for any reason."

"I only have my learner's permit."

"I'm eighteen, so as long as I'm in the passenger seat, it's OK. And it's an emergency, so I'm sure they'll cut you slack otherwise."

"What are we doing if it gets late, Mikey?" Liz asked.

"I don't know. I'll talk to Mom later."

We sat quietly, and about an hour later, two doctors came through a door and walked over to Mr. and Mrs. Mills. I really wanted to go over and listen, but I fought the urge and waited. Mrs. Mills started crying and buried her face in her husband's chest, and Mr. Mills looked grim. It had to be bad. I waited until the doctors walked away and then went over to Jocelyn's parents.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Alive. She lost a lot of blood, and she has a badly fractured pelvis. Her right arm is broken, and she has a couple of bad cuts on her head and her left leg."

"Now what?" I asked.

"More surgery, I guess," he said. "They did what was necessary to fix her internal injuries and stop the bleeding, but she's going to need major reconstructive surgery on her pelvis."

I blew out a long breath, "But she'll live?"

"They think so, but the kind of injury she has could have serious complications."

"When will they know?"

"A few days. They'll have an orthopedic consultation tomorrow and take a bunch of x-rays to figure out what they need to do."

"No head injury?"

"Just the cuts. They said she didn't have a skull fracture or internal bleeding in her head."

"Thanks, Mr. Mills. When can we see her?"

"The earliest anyone can see her is tomorrow, and then only her mom and me. I'm sorry, Mike. They have rules."

I nodded and went back to sit with my sister and Emmy. I collapsed in the chair and finally lost it. I started sobbing softly.

"Mikey?" Liz said. "Is she..."

I shook my head and whispered, "It's really bad, though."

Liz moved to sit on my left, and she and Emmy put their arms around me while I cried. Emmy took some tissues from a box on the table and dabbed my cheeks. It took about ten minutes before I could compose myself. I blew my nose and took a few deep breaths.

"What's wrong?"

"She lost a lot of blood and has a badly fractured pelvis. They said she had some internal injuries but didn't tell me what. But other than a few cuts, her head is OK. And she has a broken arm. But I can't see her anytime soon. Her mom and dad can see her tomorrow, maybe, but nobody else."

"Mike?" I heard Dale call out and looked up to see him hurrying across the room to me.

"Hey, man," I said, standing up.

We hugged, which we'd been doing since we were little, and then he put his arm around my shoulders.

"How is she?"

"Alive but hurt pretty badly. She had surgery, but I guess she's going to need a bunch more."

"Damn," he said.

"Yeah."

"Your mom and dad are on their way. I called your mom at work once my mom told me what happened. I guess they'll be here in about fifteen minutes."

"OK. Would you tell Jocelyn's parents? I don't know what they're going to do right now."

"Sure. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm going to wait to talk to my mom and see what she thinks."

I sat back down, and Dale went to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Mills. He came back to sit with us, and my parents arrived about twenty minutes later. My dad went to talk to Mr. Mills, and my mom came to where I was sitting. I stood up, we hugged, and she held me for a few minutes.

"How is she?"

"Bad," I sighed. "Really bad. She'll need more surgery. But she's alive."

"Will you be able to see her?"

"Not for a while, I guess. Only her mom and dad can see her."

"Then, after we talk to them, we'll take you kids for dinner, and then we'll all go home. I know your inclination is to stay here, Mike, but if you can't see her, there's no point."

"But Mom, what if she needs me?"

"She's going to need your support for her recovery, Mike. You can't do anything now except pray for her and her doctors."

"I feel helpless, Mom," I sighed.

"I know. Learn from this. When you're a doctor, you're going to have to deal with people who are just like you are right now."

"Why her?" I said, starting to sob again.

"Mike, we don't know why things like this happen, and I can't explain it to you. We live in an imperfect world. Right now, you need to rest so you can be there for her when you CAN do something."

"But I'm going to be in McKinley!" I protested.

Mom grabbed me by both shoulders and held me so she could look into my eyes, "And will messing up your education make Jocelyn happy or sad?"

"Sad," I sighed.

"What would SHE want you to do?"

"Go to class, get good grades, and be a great doctor."

"So..."

"I know," I sobbed. "But it's Jocelyn, Mom!"

"I think we'll skip dinner here. I'll have your dad drive your car home; you and the girls come with me."

"I don't want to leave her!" I protested.

"Mike," my mom said sternly. "Stop it. Right now. Get a GRIP!"

I heard Emmy gasp.

I took a deep breath and let it out. Then, a second one. And a third.

"You win," I sighed.

"It's not about winning, Mike; it's about being smart. As soon as she can have visitors, you can come back and see her. I'm sure her parents will tell her you were here. Girls, come on."

The four of us walked over to where my dad was. Mom had me give him my key, and after a brief conversation, we left the surgical waiting room and took the elevator downstairs. We walked out to the car, and I got into the front passenger seat while the girls got in the back seat. Mom started the car, backed out of the parking spot, and headed home.

August 20, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"Liz?!" I hissed. "What are you doing?"

"Last night, you were crying, and I couldn't stand it, so I put on my long pyjamas and held you while you fell asleep. I thought you knew I was here!"

I shook my head, "I was so out of it I don't remember a thing. You should get out of here before Mom comes!"