Chapter 15: Back to Normal

August 7, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

The Summer was rapidly disappearing, and there were but two weeks before I moved to McKinley. Once my dad had calmed down, the Summer had returned to a semblance of normal. It was almost as if everything was in a holding pattern, where each week had followed a simple pattern. I worked at the hardware store, went to the dojo, had dinner with Tasha on Wednesday, had a date with Emmy on Friday, and the usual triple date on Saturday. Liz was still grounded, but Emmy was allowed to visit her as much as they liked. And Liz would start her job at the hardware store on Monday the 17th.

"What are we doing tonight?" Emmy asked.

"Same answer as always! Whatever you want."

"I want to see Endless Love, but it's rated 'R'."

"Which means you can't get in, and even if you could, your dad would kill me for taking you to see an R-rated movie! The only thing that's playing that I want to see and could take you to is For Your Eyes Only, the James Bond movie."

"I guess. But it sucks, you know? It's not like two years from now I can go to the theatre and see it! And they totally wreck movies when they put them on TV."

"Maybe the price of the videotape recorders will come down, and we'll be able to afford one. They started releasing movies, but those are expensive, too. I do know how you feel because I want to see all the old Bond movies and some science fiction stuff. I scan the TV Guide every week. And you're right, when they put the movies on TV, they totally mess them up."

"Let's go have some food, see the movie, then go make out at Grant Park."

"That sounds like an excellent plan to me!" I agreed.

We decided to have dinner at a new Wendy's that had opened in Rutherford. We had our burgers and fries, then went to the movie, and finally, we ended up in the park. We'd progressed from standing up to lying down, but we were careful never to do anything except kiss. I hadn't even so much as run my fingers along the side of her breast, let alone actually touch it, covered or not.

"I'm going to miss you a lot," she sighed as we cuddled just before it was time to take her home.

"I'll miss you as well. I promise to come home and see you. In fact, I'll be home almost right away. We don't have class on Labor Day, and the store where I'll be working is only open until noon that day. I'll most likely come home on Sunday evening and drive back for my first class on Tuesday morning."

"And you'll see me?"

"Of course! We can spend Monday together."

"Cool! I talked to my mom about visiting you, and she said once I get my license and she's satisfied I'm a safe driver, I can come up for a day. Obviously, she won't let me spend the night, but I could come up on a Saturday."

"I'd like that," I said.

"What about that girl from church? I mean, after we, you know?"

"She'll be a friend, just as she is now."

"Like Jocelyn?"

"Jocelyn is a pretty special friend," I said. "But sure, something like that."

"And she'll know I'm your steady girl?"

"Yes, of course."

"Good. Will you kiss me again before you take me home?"

"Absolutely!"

August 8, 1981, West Monroe, Ohio

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

I'd just arrived home from karate practice on Saturday when Jocelyn came to the door of the house.

"I have some news for you," she said. "And I didn't think I should tell you tonight or over the phone."

"Do you want to come in or go for a walk?"

"Is the basement OK? It's a bit hot and humid out today."

I let her in, and we went to the basement. I uncovered and set up the pool table, and we started playing.

"So, what's up?" I asked.

"I have an appointment to see a counselor at WHTU a week from Wednesday."

"What?! You're changing schools?"

"If only it were that easy," she sighed. "There's a waiting list for admission, so there's no way at this late stage, even though normally being salutatorian would get me a guaranteed spot. I don't have much choice except to go to Purdue this year. But next year? That's what I'm trying to work out."

"Seriously? You're going to be here next year?!"

Jocelyn smiled, "If you want me to."

"Are you kidding?! I'll mark the days off the calendar!"

"I'm not kidding, but you have to promise me one thing."

"What?"

"You won't just lock yourself in your dorm room for the next year. Keep seeing Emmy. She likes you. You like her. I'm not jealous."

"But why?"

"Because there are no guarantees in life. And honestly, I think having a girlfriend will keep you out of trouble!"

"And you?"

"I'll date. If we're meant to be, we're meant to be. We've been dating other people for four years. One more year won't make or break us."

"I guess," I said, dejectedly.

"Oh sure, I tell you I'm going to be at WHTU next year, and you look like someone stole your car!"

"You're right," I said. "But once you talk to the counselor and everything is set, I do have to tell Emmy. It wouldn't be right if I didn't."

Jocelyn smiled, "One thing I can count on with you, Mike, is you aren't going to lie to me or her."

"No way. That's a recipe for disaster. And speaking of you and me, I made the reservations today at the Netherland Plaza in Cincinnati for a week from tomorrow."

"Two nights, like we talked about?"

"Yep. Mr. and Mrs. Michael Loucks!" I grinned.

"Seriously?"

"My mom suggested it to prevent any trouble."

"I still can't believe she's OK with what we're planning!"

"Remember what I said? She said we've been headed towards that destination since we were five. It just took you a bit longer to figure it out!"

"She expects us to get married, doesn't she?"

"Yes. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, she's thought it was very likely for years. After what she saw between us that night I told her about Liz, she was sure."

"And you?"

"I'm waiting on you, Jos. But no pressure. You know I've loved you since kindergarten. But I also don't plan to get married before we graduate. Agreed?"

"We're on the same page," she said with a smile. "One step at a time. I don't want to mess things up any more than you do. We have to make sure that no matter what happens, we're still friends. I realized just how empty my life would be without you around."

"Same here. And honestly, if there's ANY question, I'd rather we stay friends than make a mess of things."

"And Cincinnati?" she asked.

"As you said when you made the offer, I think we'll both regret it if we don't. There's no other person on this entire planet I'd rather have as my first."

"I feel the same way," Jocelyn said. "Can I ask you something, I mean, hypothetically?"

"Sure."

"Would you refuse to marry me if I had another lover? I mean, besides you? I'm not planning to, but how would you feel?"

I took a deep breath and let it out, "I don't know how I'd feel, but I know I could never love you any less. We're going to be apart for a year, and that's going to be the real test. I guess my answer is that if you had been with Carl, it wouldn't have changed how I felt about you, and it wouldn't have really been any of my business. I told Liz that she's not spoiled or ruined or damaged goods because she had sex. I really believe that."

"That's about as good an answer as I think I could come up with. I feel the same about you and Emmy just so you know. I'm curious about something, though. It seems as if you don't think being a virgin has any particular value."

I shrugged, "How could I, if I'm going to have sex with you without being married to you? Wouldn't that be kind of scummy? What am I going to do? Have sex with you but then insist I have to marry a virgin when I'm not one myself? That's the rub, isn't it? If you want to insist on a virgin partner, then you have to be one, too. Otherwise, you're just a big hypocrite. And you know my feelings about THAT."

She nodded, "I do. And that's what makes you special. Well, one of the things."

"When do you plan to tell Carl it's over?"

"Tomorrow. I'm pretty sure he suspects. I mean, he's going away, too, after all. What are you going to tell Emmy?"

"She and I aren't steady at this point, so it's not really any of her business. Liz won't say anything. She and I are even closer than we were before."

"Do you know what Dale plans to do about Stacey?"

"Not break up with her until the last second in case she decides to let him."

Jocelyn shook her head, "No chance. He leaves on the 21st, right?"

"Yep. We have his going-away party at his house next Saturday and yours on Sunday."

"I wonder if I should still have it. I'm coming back in a year."

"Have the party! Why pass that up?"

"True!"

"What are you going to tell your parents?"

"About Carl? They already know. About Cincinnati? I told them we wanted to go to a couple of Reds games before I left for college. They know there is absolutely nothing romantic between us. Heck, you've never even kissed me except on the cheek."

"What did you say about switching schools next year?"

"Nothing. I didn't need to tell them. I'll tell them once everything is set. THEY wanted me to go to Taft."

"Some day, I want to hear what you were thinking."

"How about right now? I suppose it's time to admit it."

"Admit what?"

"I was afraid of us. You and me."

"You've lost me."

"About the middle of our Junior year, I started thinking about you in what I have to assume is the way you thought about me. But it scared me because of the risk. What if we dated and it didn't work out? I could lose my best guy friend, who I'm actually closer to than my best female friend. If I went to school somewhere else, I'd meet the right guy, and you would meet the right girl, and our families would live happily together like we discussed. If I went to Taft, we'd end up dating. And if things went wrong, then what?"

As much as that hurt, it made PERFECT sense to me. It was the same thing that had been in the back of my mind after she'd confessed that she wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her. And her protests about feeling like I was her brother were self-defense. As I thought about it, I didn't see how she could have done anything else. If I was worried now, when it was all out in the open, I couldn't blame her for being worried when it wasn't.

"Mike, say something."

"Sorry, I was just thinking that as much as it pains me, you made the right decision."

"You and your calm, cool, collected logic! You're going to make a great doctor, but we're going to have to work on that in other aspects of your life!"

I chuckled, "Did you just imply I'm going to be boring in bed?"

"Maybe!" she giggled.

"Jocelyn Theresa Mills! When did YOU start giggling?"

She laughed properly, "It's a nervous thing and usually only about sex."

I nodded, "You know, I remember you giggling about Uther Pendragon taking Igrayne in a full set of armor when we saw Excalibur. I remember because it's so rare."

"Promise me one thing, please."

"Sure."

"In Cincinnati, you'll let your emotions out and show off a bit of that fiery attitude your sister has, which your dad also has but tries his best to hide."

"I'll do my best to provide M'lady with maximum pleasure," I said with a bow and sweep of my hand.

"You'd better!" she said fiercely.

"Is somebody horny?" I teased.

"Oh, like YOU aren't?"

"We KNOW that!" I laughed. "I mean, seriously, you've known that since we were fourteen!"

"True! But you weren't as obnoxious as Dale is about it. And you know the funny thing?"

"That if he wasn't so obnoxious, Stacey would have screwed his brains out by now?" I asked with a grin.

"Maybe you aren't so ignorant about women after all!"

"Oh, I am, but I figured out what was going on there when she and I skated. Right after you told me what you wanted, and my head was still spinning, she asked me for advice. It dawned on me later she wanted it as much as Dale did, but because of the full-court press, she was reluctant. I tried to explain it to Dale a few times, but he wasn't getting it."

"She asked me flat out if she should sleep with him. I told her 'no'."

"That was more or less what I said as well. I told her if she just wanted to do it to scratch an itch, then sure, go for it. But he was going to break it off when he left for Madison, and doing it wasn't going to prevent that. I know she was kind of testing the waters, but she pulled back. He's my best friend, but he's not the right one for her."

"She'd have you in a heartbeat," Jocelyn smirked.

"That makes NO sense to me! We have zero in common other than Dale. I even said that to her."

"Think it through, Mike. Even you aren't THAT dense about girls."

I cocked my head a bit and looked at Jocelyn, and thought about what she was saying. Then I thought about the conversation with Stacey. I couldn't quite put the pieces together. There was something I was missing. After a minute, I shook my head in defeat.

"I'm not seeing it. I mean, I can't quite put my finger on it."

"She likes you. You're a nice guy. You're handsome and in good shape. You're gentle and caring. And you don't think of her as a convenient warm body or piece of meat. For a girl who WANTS to have sex, you're perfect."

"Mike's Stud Services?" I chuckled. "I think my lack of experience might lead to severe disappointment!"

Jocelyn shook her head, "You're patient, and you listen."

"Are you suggesting I take Stacey up on that?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

Jocelyn laughed, "No way! I can't see you having a casual fling any more than I could. You dumped Carol after one date because you couldn't deal with casual sex."

"And you and me?"

"Are about as far from 'casual' as I think we could get. We're making a commitment, but not the one most people would see."

"To try," I said.

"Exactly. I talked to Julie's mom, my Aunt Bev, who said the most difficult thing in the world is to move from being close friends to being romantically involved. Things change in ways you don't expect, and it can destroy a great friendship if you aren't ready to deal with those changes."

I nodded, "The very thing we're both worried about. But I don't see how we can't at least try."

"I agree, obviously. It's why I said what I did that night at the skating rink."

"You know, there's one thing we never talked about," I said.

Jocelyn smiled, "You do know we can read each other's minds, right?"

I chuckled, "Since about third grade. Well, except for how you felt about me."

"I struggled mightily to hide that from you. I'm sorry."

"It's OK. So, what was I going to ask you about, 'Kreskin'?"

She laughed, "He was always fun when Johnny Carson had him on The Tonight Show!"

"You're stalling, Miss Mills."

"What is this? Perry Mason?"

"Would the court direct the witness to answer the question, please?"

Jocelyn laughed, "Birth control, of course."

I actually had a box of rubbers. I'd bought a box of twelve for Liz and a smaller box of three for myself, just in case. But we needed to discuss it either way.

"Unless you're ready to have Ivan Mikhailovich or Ivanka Mikhailovna!"

"You plan to use the Russian naming style?"

"Probably like my parents did. The birth certificates would be John Michael or Johanna Michelle, but I'd use the Russian names at home or church, just like we do at home."

"That's actually pretty cool. But not after your dad?"

"Maybe. But that's for the future. In the here and now, you're still stalling!"

"The Monday after that night at the skating rink, I went to the clinic and got a prescription for birth control pills. I thought it made the most sense. That way, we don't have to mess with rubbers, and we can just relax and not worry about it. It's going to be stressful enough as it is."

I nodded, "A practical solution. I had actually bought some rubbers, just in case."

"I'm not surprised. But I think going on the Pill goes right along with your mom's suggestion about getting out of West Monroe. No distractions. Just you and me."

"It's strange, but it almost feels like we're planning a honeymoon."

Jocelyn laughed, "And we're getting it backwards ... honeymoon, THEN dating, engagement, and marriage!"

"In a sense, we've been dating for thirteen years," I said.

"I hadn't thought of it that way, but I saw you every day at school and on Saturday nights, which was more than I saw Carl or any of my other boyfriends. We did projects together, that science fair thing in eighth grade, and a ton of other stuff. We just never did anything physical."

"We held hands skating, and until we turned fourteen, we had those 'little kid' kisses. Heck, we kept holding hands skating after that."